Stickman Readers' Submissions November 8th, 2007

Love Conquers All?

Get involved in a relationship with a Thai girl and inevitably it won’t be long before she is accessing your ability to provide for her, or to put it more crudely, how much money you have. It often doesn’t matter if you are handsome or ugly, divorced or are even married – money will ultimately play the decisive factor in many Thai-Farang relationships.

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The typical Thai woman who gets involved with a Farang comes from Isaan, growing up living a very basic lifestyle. But as this young girl grows older and moves to the city she is introduced to a lifestyle beyond her imagination – the expensive apartments, the trendy clothes, and the department stores. For many of these girls they can only window shop and the reality of actually ever experiencing a lifestyle like this is only a dream. The average girl from Isaan is usually lucky to have a high school education and they know only too well there is little hope of them ever having this lifestyle. It is this factor that often attracts Thai ladies to farangs in the first place.

While it can be argued that many Thai men have money, the Thai / Farang approach to women differs considerably. The Thai man is highly concerned with his social status so nearly every decision he makes is based on his perceived gain / loss of social status amongst his peers. He realizes that if he marries a poor Thai girl he will be taking on a financial burden, and are very rarely prepared to do it, even if she potentially is a “trophy wife”. As well as weighing up a girls financial situation, a Thai man will put huge emphasis on her perceived class status. <Agree that he may not accept the status situation, but to say that Thai men might not take on a woman because he will be accepting a financial burden is just wrong. Thai men generally accept this willinglyStick>

But why are farang different? We are meant to be well educated, intelligent, yet we come over here, fall head over heals in love with a girl, and then disregard completely her financial situation. The main thing for us farang is so called “love”. But while the butterflies are jumping around in our stomach, you can guarantee that this poor, uneducated Thai girl, is working out how “much” love you can give her.

Now – let me clarify. I am not saying she does not love her farang – she may really have feelings for her farang (and I would argue that most Thai women do not get into a relationship solely on money) it’s a case of her needing more than just love. She needs to know you can take care of her. For you love is enough. Ok she has no job or makes 5,000 baht a month, not educated – no problem. I would argue that many farang don’t really look past how they feel – they don’t take into account all factors, whereas a Thai girl is immediately accessing these factors. Ultimately, she is on to a winner if she marries a farang and even if it does end badly (for who will be a matter of debate), she is still likely to come out with more from the relationship than she went in with from a financial point of view.

You may really love your girl but what exactly is she bringing to the table. An article was written a couple of months back about this so I won’t go into this in detail, but often they are more on the side of taking from the table. There appears to be a bit of stigma attached in Farangland when a man considers his potential wife’s financial ability, and maybe that’s why so little farang appear to do so.

I am now asking myself all these questions because I am now in this precise situation. Myself and my Thai girlfriend have been together for some time and now after just returning home after spending the last five months in Thailand together things have gotten very serious. I’m in love – but whether this is enough to warrant turning my life upside down is open to debate.

My girlfriend works in a low paid job – I’m a qualified professional and making a good salary here in the West. If I make the choice to be with her long term, I will inevitably be expected to support her, and if the Stickman submissions are anything to go by, maybe her family too. And where one partner is the sole breadwinner, a question will inevitably always arise about what a girls love really lays – with you or with your ability to provide for her. A relationship with a western lady does not really bring these types of problems.

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Maybe love is just not enough. Certainly the Thai girls don’t think so, so why do us so called “educated” men think it is? It is said that men coming to Thailand often leave the brain at the airport when it comes to Thai women. I would take this one step farther – when it comes to women full stop, men often leave their brain behind and ultimately follow their heart.

“Love conquers all”……I think the Thai girls would disagree.

Stickman's thoughts:

I think we have to accept that while Thai women may outshine their Western sisters in some areas, they fail miserably in others. One has to determine what sort of relationship they want and choose accordingly.

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