Readers' Submissions

I Can’t Stand it Anymore!!!

  • Written by BKKSteve
  • November 17th, 2007
  • 10 min read


This is a rant. If you don’t like rants hit your back button and save yourself the aggravation. If you’re feeling adventurous and want to take some emotional risks please step this way. The topic of my rant is western women. No, that’s not exactly right, scratch western women. How many times have we been over that topic? Some of this site’s most gifted writers have been fixated on the shortcomings of western women and have shared with us in detail after excruciating detail every perceived shortcoming of the species “western women.” Instead, let’s be different, let’s challenge ourselves to think outside of the box. Let’s make the topic “Men who denigrate western women and why..”

Now, I don’t know about you guys.. but my mother, my sisters, my 94 year old nana, and some of the most respected figures in my life are western women. Since when did they turn to the dark side? What made them so bad? Are they so bad? Or is this mindset only a perception based on one’s own inadequacies? Inadequacies you ask? Yes, if a man isn’t adequate then he won’t find suitable companionship and marriage material in any country. Suitable you ask? What exactly is “suitable?” A lady 20 – 30 years your junior and ten times better looking than yourself? 1/3 your weight? Willing to pick up after you and care for you like your dear old mum used to? Someone ignorant of your country’s divorce and community property laws?

I ask these questions because of all the guys I’ve heard or whose stories I’ve read, who carp on about getting their toenails cut, toothpaste put on their toothbrush, and their backsides wiped for them. My God gentlemen! I’ve been wiping my own backside and clipping my own nails since I became a bi-ped. If I wanted a woman to “mother” me I’d hire a personal caregiver, but I sure as shat wouldn’t marry a young girl half my age and expect her to put toothpaste on my toothbrush and clip my nails! No wonder western women don’t want this kind of man, because he’s not a man at all. This kind of man has multiple insecurities, an unrealistic expectation of the opposite gender, and probably some pretty weird fetishes. You say you want a “real wife” that you can count on and who will be there through the hard times? Then be a real man, and find a partner with enough shared commonalities and mutual respect and admiration to sustain a lifetime of happiness and hardships.

A simple Google search reveals western men are coming to Thailand, China, and other Asian countries in record numbers to find a “wife.” I love Google, you can learn so many things. For instance, in almost all societies in the east and west women outnumber men. What, there are more men than women? So guys, why the hard time finding a woman in your own country? Google knows.. Another search reveals that while the income level of western men remains stagnant, that of western women has been climbing at record pace. The number of men completing university education is on the decline whereas the number of women completing university education is on the rise. In other words, on the whole, western women are improving themselves and western men are on the decline. Western women can now afford to be much more selective about their men and base their decisions on much more than a man’s ability to generate income and provide quality sperm. And why not, western women are now perfectly capable of earning their own income. Instead of looking exclusively at your pay check and sperm, they’re now looking at your habits, education, grooming, fashion sense, willingness to share with household chores, and heaven forbid.. the ability to engage in meaningful conversation.

It could be argued that most of these men getting off the planes in record numbers to find Asian wives are here simply because they’ve failed to keep pace with the improvement of western women. What, you’re going to try and tell me that these things aren’t improvements? Why is increased education, independence, income levels, and more discrimination when it comes to grooming and appearance ok for men, but the devil’s work for women? Perhaps you’re afraid they can better see you for what you really are? That you’ve lost your main bargaining chip which is income disparity?

If you’re so pathetic a man that western women aren’t paying attention to you, stop blaming it on western women. Would you feel sorry for a woman who said “men just don’t notice me, why am I invisible to men?” I know I’d never feel sorry for a woman saying that, so I certainly don’t feel any empathy for a man whining about the same thing. Instead, I’d tell her to get off her lazy ass, get to a gym, a hairdresser, buy some clothes that look good on her, and work on self improvement projects from more education to sports to whatever makes you more of an interesting person to the opposite sex. So why wouldn’t that be good advice for western men? In truth it’s excellent advice for everyone, you must love yourself before anyone else is really going to love you.. for you. If you’re finding that women in your own country aren’t paying attention to you then take a good hard look in the mirror and then do something about it. Do you think that somehow Asian women find you more attractive? Not a chance, they simply find the prospects of a better life in a western country attractive and you’re their ticket to paradise. Some will find love along the way, most won’t. This site is a major testament to the failures of east / west relationships.

My own brother once told me “I need a good Asian woman” and when I asked him why he said “You know, you’ve been married to Asian women for the last 18 years!” So I ask exactly why he thinks Asian women are different than western women. He tells me “They’re more family orientated, they listen to men more, they’re happy to take care of you. You know, why did you marry two of them?” My answer was simple. Both times I got married I had been living in an Asian country for a number of years and Asian women made up 99.9% of the dating pool. The women I dated were held to the same criteria as any woman I’d date in the west. The mythical “demure” and “obedient” Asian women who will take care of her man like she was an indentured servant is 90% myth and 10% them being great actresses. At the core, Asian women are very much the same as western women and eventually they’ll demand the same things from you as western women do. If they don’t get it the relationship fails (as most do) and they move on.

Come to Jesus time. When you denigrate western women everyone around you, even those nodding their heads in agreement, knows the truth. They know you’re really telling them that you’ve failed to keep pace, that you’ve failed to look after your health and appearance, and that you’ve failed to grow as a person into something increasingly smart and successful western women are looking for. Western women are beautiful, smart, know our culture, know how to cook the foods we most love and make our homes the way we’re most comfortable. They come in all shapes and sizes and there’s more than enough for every man in the country. They outnumber men. So when you denigrate them and say you’ve come to Asia to ‘find a wife because western women are the pits” then we all know what you’re really saying. Very few are genuinely in love with Asian culture, foods and lifestyle, but most simply tolerate it because it’s easier to tolerate a different culture than it is to change / improve yourself into someone western women feel are worth the trouble. Come to Jesus now, be honest about this.

I’ll tell you the secret to making any woman happy. Be their friend. I’ve said before that I love women, and most of my friends are women and I prefer it that way. I have women friends in the west and in the east, and they’re my friends because I do for them what they do for me, what all friends do for each other. We make each other feel good about ourselves, comfortable, and secure in who we are. There’s no need to look like Brad Pitt or to be as rich as Bill Gates, but there is a need to learn how to relate to women and give them the closeness and friendship they desire. Have you ever seen the short balding fat guy with the beautiful model for a girlfriend? Most will assume it’s all about money, but it usually has a lot more to do with making the woman feel good about herself, comfortable, and convincing her you’re worth her time and effort. If you can’t do that with a western woman who you share a common culture and language with, what makes you think you’ve got a prayer in hell of doing it with a woman from a different culture who doesn’t speak your language?

Gentlemen, I’m not trying to tell you that Asian women don’t have their charms and aren’t worth making your wife. I’m only trying to tell you to be honest with yourself why you’re here in Asia looking for what you can’t find in the west. This self-realization can only serve you in a positive way. Any time, and I mean EVERY TIME you feel the need to put down or criticize another human being.. it’s saying more about you than you could ever hope to say about them. Every time you tell us that the only women who pay you any mind are fat and desperate, then you’re telling us that you’ve failed to keep pace and improve yourself and stay competitive in the dating market. In other words gentlemen, you’ve become the male counterpart to the western woman you’re denigrating. Please, please do not make the mistake of thinking that your income advantage over Asian women will be enough to sustain a successful marriage. The only thing that will do that for you, is to become the sort of person you want your wife to be.

Until next time..

Stickman's thoughts:

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I agree all the way – great sub! Too many guys coming to Asia wife hunting are taking the easy way out. As I wrote in last week’s column, if you struggle in the West, is there any reason to think you won’t struggle in the East?