Readers' Submissions

Why So Many Relationships Between Farang And Thai Girls Are Doomed

  • Written by Anonymous
  • October 23rd, 2007
  • 15 min read

Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

I have been reading the submissions for quite some years now and I have recognised several “themes” in many submissions. Themes that often come back are the lack of femininity, bitchiness and bad attitude of Western women. Many submissions deal with the hardships Western guys face in their relationships with Thai women. Many writers openly wonder why seemingly well educated Western guys are often so gullible, fall in love so easily with Thai women and are easily fooled / burned by those same Thai women. Many writers also ponder about the reasons why Thai girls so easily and seemingly heartless take advantage of farangs often with such devastating effects, yes often even to the girls own disadvantage. Some keen observers (Chang Mai Kelly springs to mind) even observe that Thai girls often prefer poor Thai guys over farang. I think part of the answer to these and other questions can be explained by some (important) changes in the culture and the mindset of the Western society which took place after WW II.

In my opinion the advent of the feminist movement in the West is the main cause of the so called emasculation of the western male. In this piece I will try to reply the following questions: Why has the feminist movement so quickly and so effectively integrated into most western societies? What have been the consequences and effects for the western male and female role models and how has it affected the male and female psyche? How does this all relate to Western guys dealings and failures with Asian (Thai) women? Lastly I will try to explain the reasons why so many (poor) Thai girls seem to prefer and love (poor) Thai guys over the rich, nice and generous knights in shining armour from the West.

Just prior to the take-off of the feminist movement (F.M), another phenomena started to penetrate most Western- European and to a lesser degree the North American societies, namely the awareness of the political correctness (P.C). The start of the P.C. mindset can be explained as a reaction to the terrible things that happened during World War II.

Encouraged by the governments and spread around by mass media this new awareness / mindset became very quickly engrained into Western European societies. The ideas of P.C. which actually came to life after WW II and who were first and foremost aimed at fighting discrimination and racism, are much more widespread and prevalent nowadays in Western Europe where they affect many aspects of the society and have caused a so called effeminacy of the culture / society opposed to the US, where for instance the criminals and racial minorities / people who take advantage of the system are still dealt with harshly. In most of Western Europe these groups are nowadays pampered and treated better than hardworking and honest people. Anything negative said about or done with racial minorities and social misfits in Western Europe is quickly seen as racist or discriminatory and therefore mostly avoided, at the cost of many individuals of these groups taking advantage of the system. The form of political correctness that has been accepted in the USA is much more selective and the F.M. in the US is one of the main beneficiaries.

For the F.M. the new P.C. awareness was of tremendous importance. Because of this new wind the feminist ideas slowly became accepted from the 60’s onwards and later embraced, especially because governments encouraged their ideas to be accepted and embraced as P.C. (more about that later)

So the first condition for the F.M. to be able to take root was a change in mindset of the western societies. The advent of the P.C. provided the (fertile) soil for the F.M., but that still doesn’t explain why the F.M. could spread so fast and become so completely ingrained, into Western societies. For that to be able to happen three other conditions were necessary, the needed nutrients and water and a provider of these nutrients, being the mass media combined with educational system, the economic growth and a willing and encouraging government. The same conditions and powers have been responsible for the P.C. The mass media and educational system took care of the quick spread and acceptance of the P.C. values and the ideas of the F.M. of course with the help of the respective governments. Adults (through mass media) and children (through education) were effectively brainwashed and in only a few years political correctness and also the ideas of the F.M. were engrained in most Western minds as if things had never been different.

Had it not been for the governments, the F.M. would never have been able to penetrate so deeply and so quickly. Why were the governments of the western European and USA so accommodating and encouraging and did they allow the movement to use the P.C. awareness as a vehicle? This can be explained by the fact that governments quickly realized and recognized that equal rights for man and woman would result in many more women joining the work force, which in turn would make families economically stronger (more income thus more spending power resulting in more consumption) which would drive up the economies of the countries and bring in more taxes for the governments.

What have been the results of the engraining and acceptance of the feminist ideas in the Western culture? In the olden days the man would be the provider and the woman would be at least partly dependent on the man as the breadwinner, both sexes would be brought up with this notion and would respect each other in their respective roles, and would act therein. Men felt strong secure, and in charge. Women were however normally not treated nor perceived less then men in those days (unlike what the feminists want us to believe) but they would have their own and different but equally important roles that were recognised and highly valued amongst Western European societies. As a general view the man was regarded as head (patriarch) of the (hierarchical) family. If there was a perceived dominance of the man as opposed to the woman in those days Western cultures, it would be a functional dominance stemming from the position / function of the man in the family as the breadwinner. If we compare this to the dominance of the man in most S.E. Asian cultures we see a big difference. There we observe a form of sexual dominance, meaning the man is seen as dominant over the female because of the simple fact that he is male (a.k.a. his sex) and not because of his accomplishments / function in the family (more about this later).

The F.M. has completely and utterly turned around the traditional male and female role models in Western European societies and all this happened in only the span of one generation!!! Starting as an equal rights movement, which in itself was not a bad thing it has quickly evolved into a post movement, a.k.a. a mere caricature of its former self where women demand to be put on pedestals and are brought up with the notion that they are more important than men and that men should cater to their every whim, that males are abusive misfits who are good for nothing and should be used where and when they can. The society (taught by the F.M.) also makes women believe that the average male is a chauvinist pig who hates the new feminist role model and who wants nothing more to turn back the clock (turn the woman into a household slave again). Women are effectively brainwashed and have therefore become completely different beings (mentally) than they were a generation ago. One symptom of the F.M. is that females in the west adopt more and more masculine traits, and characteristics which even start to affect them physically in such a way that many Western women start to look more and more like males. Most women in Western Europe are now working which in itself is a revolution if you compare it to the situation of say 50 years ago when maybe only a few women would be working. This has made most women economically independent from men. Men are no longer needed and can therefore easily be discharged. There are more single males and females in the West nowadays then ever before and the divorce rate in western countries has skyrocketed.

Men on the other hand are brought up (by family and media and school) with the notion that they are not worthy, that they should be soft and tender and sweet, that women should be treated as (more than) equals, that women are better in most things, that men must be good to women and do what women want them to do, that women must be free to do what they want in order to be able to develop themselves even if it comes to the cost of the marriage, that men should do as many household tasks (preferably more) than women etc. etc. Men are told that if they don’t abject to these roles, they are not P.C. and not attractive to the opposite sex and would therefore never find a girlfriend let alone a wife.

A consequence of this is that many Western men no longer know where they stand with women, they feel they are no longer in charge, have gotten scared of women, are scared to insult them or to make them angry (sexual harassment). Many Western men now feel inferior towards women often resulting in feelings of insecurity or lack of self-confidence when dealing with women. All of this has resulted in an emasculation of many western males. Male behaviour we now see as alpha male traits when dealing with women, (being in charge, confident relaxed) are no longer normal for men in Western Europe, they have been and are still being bred out.

So there are less and less alpha males, but strangely enough a female equivalent of the alpha Mmale has made its appearance as a product of the F.M, and this alpha female group is growing rapidly in the West, especially the last 10 years. We can recognise two subclasses here. The Pradas and the SBs. The Pradas are career women who don’t want a guy to take care of them and who often don’t wanna marry. They prefer strong and handsome and tall guys preferably younger than themselves. The SBs (sex bombs) are women who take the women of the sex industry or movie stars / models as role models / examples. If these women lack the boobs and looks of their idols they go to the clinic to get them. These women (not surprisingly) will also only take guys who look like models / movie stars. The Pradas and SBs should not easily be discharged as a small group in Western societies. In the USA for instance they make out 20% of the young female population nowadays!

I think we now start to get the picture. Before I continue, not every Western man has become a wussy, there are still plenty of real guys in the West who are not scared of women. However, many if not most of these (alpha male type of) guys have no trouble finding and attracting Western women. Because in spite of the fact that the F.M. wants to make all men into weak and meek followers and the women the ones in charge, thousands of years of genetic programming and evolution in females cannot be eradicated in a few years, meaning that Western women in spite of what they are taught to want and think, often still prefer a guy who has the old character traits (confident, in charge, strong, and comfortable).

But many of the male products of the F.M. nowadays don’t want (majority) or simply cannot get a Western woman anymore because they don’t meet their ever increasing standards. Some of these males end up in Thailand, often as tourists and fall in love with Thai women. Of course many of these guys have been brought up with the F.M. notions and are therefore an easy prey for (predatory) Thai women. I will soon explain why. So we can say that the advent of the F.M. movement in the West and the resulting upbringing and brainwashing of the men in the West is to a large extend the blame for the hardship many Western guys face in their dealings with Thai women.

What about the Thai society in relation to feminism and male and female role models there? This is also particularly important to explain as it partly explains the often predatorily approach of Thai girls to gullible and soft hearted farang.

In Thailand the ideas of the feminist movement never really got embraced and accepted and incorporated like in the West. The conditions for it to flourish are (still) not present in nowadays Thai society. The awareness of P.C. is not present in Thai society, the government doesn’t encourage it and Thailand is still not a first world country in terms of economic prosperity (second world now). Even though many Thai women have joined the work force (highest rate of female participation in Southeast Asia) this feat has not been brought about by the feminists, nor encouraged a form of F.M. to spring up. However things are changing slowly in Thailand now, especially in the middle class circles in the big cities.

As I said before Thailand is still a male dominated society but not in the same sense as the West was before the F.M. made landfall. In Thailand the role model of male domination is embedded in society as a form of sexual domination. This can especially be observed in the poorer / traditional families and area’s in the country. Boys are brought up with the notion that they are more important than girls and girls are brought up with the ideas that they must serve, obey, respect and please the men. This is one of the reasons that most Thai males (although things are changing in the cities) still posses the alpha male traits in their dealings with (Thai) women (in charge, confident, strong) simply because they are brought up that way. Thai women are used to and feel comfortable when being treated by males this way. Respect of females towards males is very important in Thai society as it is interlinked with face (a Thai male loses face if a Thai woman does not respect him). Therefore Thai men will do everything to make a Thai woman with whom they have a relationship respect them.

So there is a big difference now in how a Thai guy “sees” a woman and how a typical product of the F.M. type of farang sees a (Thai) woman. A farang will not immediately abandon his values when he meets a Thai women. For him a woman is a woman and he has learned that all women must be treated with respect, obeyed, put on pedestals etc. The fact that many have been devoid most of their life from seeing, and being able to talk to real feminine and beautiful women of course gives the Thai women an additional “weapon” so to speak. Anyway when meeting a farang many Thai women are suddenly faced with a completely different type of guy who treats them completely the opposite of what they are used to being treated. They won’t get slapped if they pout and sulk, they get showered with gifts and money instead of having to pay for many things or make an effort themselves, they can get away with manipulating the guy without him being aware he is manipulated (Thai guys would know straight away), they don’t have to respect him because he doesn’t feel like he is losing face etc, etc, etc. Actually the mere fact that the farang puts the Thai girl on a pedestal, showers her with gifts, is gullible and soft and nice and caters to her every whim, often results in her losing respect for him. The respect part is a big deal here. Respect for the guy is often a substitute or a condition for love on the girls part in Thailand (as it still is in the West). Believe it or not but if a Thai girl feels she doesn’t have to respect a guy, because of his actions or character she will often lose her love and that can result in her using him for financial reasons only. In my opinion this is a big reason why so many relationships between Farang and Thai girls go down the drain.

The poorer the girl the more she is likely to have been subject to a very traditional upbringing. There also often is a history (mis)treatment by Thai guys (brothers, papa, ex boyfriends) who were basically following the rules of their upbringing. These girls often react stronger to a soft and gullible farang. We often observe this in bargirl-farang relationships. Many of these girls come from poor backgrounds and are used to a very traditional upbringing and role. Thai guys recognise this and know these girls have to be disciplined and put on a tight leash so to speak. If they don’t do that these girls will quickly lose respect for them. This is one of the main reasons why many Thai bargirls have Thai boyfriends whom they genuinely love even though these guys often treat these girls like shit. Many farang guys don’t understand that. We often hear complaints like: “We treat the girls like princesses but they only take advantage of us, whereas the Thai guys treat them bad and the girls stay with them and even love them”.

Many Thai girls are not really future minded, especially the bargirl types. That’s why they often display irrational behaviour or make irrational decisions, at least in the eyes of Western people, such as going for short term gain instead of long term gain or butchering the chicken with the golden eggs. They simply have not been taught to look that far ahead, their culture is NOW oriented for a large part and not FUTURE oriented like many western cultures.

Stickman's thoughts:

One of my English mates swears that with Thai women you have to "treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen". He is one of the few who never has problems with his Mrs.