Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 192

  • Written by Dana
  • September 1st, 2007
  • 6 min read



I HAVE A THEORY

Are you like me? Do you wonder why men waste their time with women in the Kingdom when there are so many available tranny amusement centers? I mean women have some of the rides; but let's face it folks, trannies have all of the rides. When is the last time you said to yourself:

"Let's see, I could go to this amusement park that has some of the rides, or I could go to this other amusement park that has all of the rides. I think I'll go to the amusement park that only has some of the rides."

Answer: Never. You have never said that to yourself but that is what men who spend time with women are doing. I just don't get it. I mean when your cute little Thai giggler (oh excuse me, I mean your University educated brainiac) drops her pants and you look down there don't you automatically think:

"Hey honey, did you forget something? Is that all there is? Did you leave something at the house? You expect me to pay 500 baht for that?" Of course you've wondered why men waste their time with women. We all have. It's universal.

Ok, I have a theory on this. My theory is . . .

Oops, that is not really what I want to talk about today. What I want to talk about today is a subject called:

LOVE OF COUNTRY?

We are endlessly exposed to the idea of Thai 'love of homeland' by the endlessly repeated anecdote that they never want to vacation anywhere but in Thailand. This is held up as an example of 'love of homeland'. The anecdote is usually or always used to illustrate something good about the citizens of Thailand. They love their country. And apparently, it is not so subtly conveyed to the rest of the citizens of the world, they love their country more than other citizens love the country of their birth and language and return ticket. This is supposed to mean something. Like they are better in some way. Thais love Thailand more than Bolivians love Bolivia. Thais love Thailand more than the Nepalese love Nepal. Thais love Thailand more than the Japanese love Japan (what?). Thais love their country more than the French love France (what?). There are one hundred and ninety countries other than Thailand. We will not list them all. We will just go with 'Etc' and ponder (as Westerners do) the absurd egocentric notion of children that their love is more special than someone else's love.

Thais love Thailand more than other people(s) love their country. I have a different take on this. Early in my bargirl relationship days I used to use maps of the world as foreplay conversation starters and relationship builders. I soon found out that almost no bargirls (read rural Thais) could locate Thailand on a world map, and when I located Thailand for them they would declare that the map was wrong because Thailand was not the biggest country. Welcome to the world of the child. The real reason Thais do not want to go to Switzerland or Chile or Kenya or Tahiti on their vacations is because they do not even know these places exist. You can not want what you do not know about. The only thing rural Thais know about is Thailand. So–is it love of country; or just ignorance?

So now when I hear this tiresome prattling about 'love of Thailand' from uneducated rustics who think Africa is a country rather than a continent–I smile. But I don't smile with too big a smile. I wouldn't want to be spotted–and be accused of being culturally insensitive.

RELAX YOUR BACK

My left elbow is not locked and not loose.
My left hand is strong but relaxed.
My back muscles are in tension and my right finger is in the corner of my mouth.
But if I don't relax my mind I will miss.
Just before the shot you have to make sure your mind is relaxed.
If not then you will pull, or creep, or snap the shot.
Off goes the arrow on a mission of its own. Not your mission.
Your idea was that it would go to the bulls-eye or the heart.
But the arrow was paying attention to a body that was not in harmony.

This is why every shot from the bow is a first shot.
Another chance for you to get it right.
It is the same with golf.
Every shot is a first shot. A chance to get it right.
The ball sitting on the tee or on the grass is not dumb.
It will respond in kind. If you are in harmony it will respond in harmony.
Once in a while it will give you a hole-in-one.

It is the same with Thai women. They are not dumb. They respond to incoming data. If they sense disharmony in the farang they respond in kind. You get smiles, and head bobs, and giggles; but they mask the intent. The intent is to go off on a mission of their own. And you aren't ever going to get a hole-in-one. You'll be pulling, and creeping, and snapping, and hooking, and slicing; and paying, and paying, and paying. Seems like fun. But at the end of the day you will notice that you are alone. If your mind is not relaxed when you are talking to women they know. They always know. All Thai females share the same wisdom. So just relax. Then they will relax. Soon there will be soft brown arms around your neck.

Men who spend their lives happily shooting bows and arrows, or hitting little white balls around are called sportsmen or enthusiasts. Farang in Thailand who spend an equal amount of time chatting up attractive Thai females are called mongers, and perverts, and losers, and misanthropes. This is silly. Apparently spending your time with inanimate objects has more value and is more politically correct than spending time with opposite gendered adults of your own species. Nonsense.
All activities in the absence of hurting other people are equal. They are all superficial. We are all traveling the same road. We are all going to end up dead. So just relax. Relax your mind. Stop listening to others. Do what you want. Go ahead. Talk to her. Without intent. Just talk.

That's what she wants. Someone to talk to. Someone who will listen. Her smooth brown body, and incomprehensible border accented murmur in the middle of the night is the prize she gives for someone who will listen. She comes from a culture and a place so disparate from yours that the only way to describe the two of you is by differences. Every Thai man she has every seen had a hard body you could throw rocks at. Then there is you. But she can be yours if you relax.

Whether shooting bows and arrows, or shooting golf, or chatting up Nois and Tums and Fas you have to have a relaxed mind. And a smile.

Good Luck.

Stickman's thoughts:

Another fun read. It’s always nice to look at a situation from a completely new angle.