Ock

I thought I had a unique story up my sleeves, but after reading and reading these readers’ submissions I realize that mine is just one of many horror stories involving Thai girls. Still, I need to vent and get it all down as an act of therapy for myself. The story is not new, but it has been on my mind too long and I need to rid myself of it.

I met "Ock" in 2002 as I was walking down the street and she was exiting a bus in Chiang Mai. Eyes locked yet I walked on to the internet cafe where I was to touch base with friends via email telling them that all was well after days of trekking. I looked up from my terminal and sure enough there was Ock, right next to me. I made small talk the best I could (I'm kind of shy) and left, but not before she handed me her contact information. Next thing I knew we had a date for a tea and dessert the next day.

This was the start of a relationship that wound up throwing me a curve ball and landing me in the gutter for quite the while. Ock was from Isaan, the usual story of a poor family and a drunken father. She worked in a travel agency which sold tour packages for other companies. Her English was so poor she brought along a dictionary for the first date.

We managed, however, and spent the week together. She said I was her first farang to be with and I was flattered … and almost believed her. Yet something in the back of my mind doubted the whole thing.

Desperate as I was for a relationship, I fell for Ock and we kept in touch after I left town and headed back to New York City, my hometown. I found myself in love big time and told her I would marry her! I couldn't believe the words escaped my mouth, but she had an effect on me that I haven't felt in so long. It was great, exotic and all sorts of things wrapped-up into one. I didn't want to lose it, so I had to hold on. I made plans to return to Thailand in April, meet her family and get the marriage process rolling.

There were plenty of warning signs that I ignored, some more incredulous than others, but all true. There were friends and strangers all warning me about Thai girls and their reputation. I said she was different. There were the Stickman readers’ submissions, but again, "Ock was different." There were my very concerned parents who always allow me to go my own way, but showed much trepidation about the whole deal. There was a person I befriended in Chiang Mai whose girlfriend overheard Ock saying unflattering things about me, and he passed on this news to me. I just ignored it and continued.

Then there was the one day I was walking down the street in Brooklyn and literally I had a message from some unworldly source (yes folks, this is true) that told me Ock's email account password. No joke. So, curiosity got the best of me and I tried it and it worked! I pried around and was *very* upset to see many emails from other guys, all farangs, about being involved with her before and during our relationship. I was so upset. Still, the state of desperation I was in, that I could lose this girl who awakened my heart after years of single-dom, was so strong that I refused to let this get in the way and I forgave her for lying, for cheating, and kept on with the plans for the April visit. Again, I just ignored it all and continued.

Such was my weak, feeble mindset and it was all leading to a meltdown. In April 2003, in the face of the SARS scare, I was in Chiang Mai again. The visit was tough, lots of fights and friction, still I refused to give up in light of cultural and language barriers. I gave her, and she accepted, an engagement ring. We proceeded to fill out the paper for the fiancé visa to come to the USA. After the two week visit, I sent money to help out every now and then in $250 installments. (Yep, the ol' familiar story we read in every other submission here.)

Months passed and come September, Ock arrived in New York when we had 3 months to get married … or send her back to Thailand. It wasn't easy, to say the least. I gained a person in my life that was totally dependent upon me in a land where she had no friends, family, job, skills, etc. I worked very hard to get her in contact with the local Thai community and land a job at a Thai business in Manhattan. I had to first get her clothes suitable for the climate in New York and also used to American food, which she was very slow to eat. Thus, a lot of Thai take out came to our place.

Things weren't necessarily happy between us. She expected even more from me even though I was spending tons of money the past few months for support, the visa, the airline tickets. At the same time, I expected more of her but what I got was this child-like dependant person. The pressure on me – and her also – was too much.

Then, an incident happened, a turning point, where the jealous Thai girl in her came out when Ock saw an old photo of me and my old girlfriend from almost 10 years earlier buried in a photo album. She went berserk, found a box cutter, cut up my bed sheets and pushed them down the toilet! She called me over to see what she had done and then turned the box cutter on me, trying to cut me up also! She was unstoppable. I had to call the police to contain her because I could not do it alone – Ock was mad, out of her mind and armed.

That really put things in perspective and that was enough, time for her to go. I made plans for her to go back to Thailand. The honeymoon was over – gone was the girl who re-awoke my heart, who showed me a different world, who I gave multiple second chances to and in her place was a psycho girl.

Yet, it got worse. I told her that things had to end and she had to go back. Without hesitation she told me if I try to send her back she’ll report to the police that I beat her and have me arrested. Just so you all know, I never harmed her in any way! I was being extorted in the worst kind of way. What I had to do, according to Ock, was give her $25,000 US dollars and she'll go quietly. It had come to this; the "beautiful" relationship was finished.

(I also think of what if this all unfolded in Thailand, and it was her word against mine? How much worth would my words have to the Thai police if they heard a report of an abusive partner? I fear that I would be in a bad spot, much worse that what happened to me in the States.)

Ock refused to go to the airport the first time, the second time, and only the third time would she go only because she was convinced that I was transferring the money to her account. But due to the holiday season, tickets were hard to come by and if she didn't leave then, it would be another one and a half months for another ticket to be available; I couldn’t stand that. Business class tickets were available to the tune of $2600 and I had no choice but to purchase that to be rid of Ock.

When she got back to Thailand, Ock realized that the money transfer wasn't coming, the slip I showed her was incomplete – on purpose – thus the bank couldn't complete the transaction. Folks, there was no way I was going to give $25,000 to a cheating, lying, jealous, manipulative, extorting, assaulting bitch. The total bill for this whole experience already topped $12,000; it was expensive lesson as it was.

I am glad I woke up. I am glad I never married her. I am glad that I never settled for someone as messed-up as this. Sure, I was desperate at the beginning, but I grew some self-worth during this experience and that in of itself is invaluable. Sure, some time was spent in therapy to get over the loss, but I'm in a much better space these days.

As for Ock, last I heard she has plans to marry some other unsuspecting American. I wish him the best of luck, who knows – maybe she won't extort him or try to slash him up as she did me.

For the time being, no Thai girls for me. I know it’s a generalization, but I rather not deal with all the difference between the cultures again; relationships are tough enough without overcoming such gaps.

I have no advice to give other than proceed with caution and also to not underestimate the responsibility of taking in somebody from a different culture, if that is part of your plan. It is much work for both parties.

More than anything, when re-counting this story, I get mad at myself for being so naïve and gullible to fall for Ock. I worked so hard, forgave her on so many counts; just to have these events unfold as they did.

Stickman's thoughts:

Another very sad story.

What I would take out of a story like this is that at the very first sign of trouble, one should walk away. When you saw the email account, that was that time.

The whole way she tried to extort you was seriously bad. I am surprised you did not go to the police at that point. Man, I would not want to be anywhere near a woman like that. Sounds like she was a total nutcase!