Readers' Submissions

Cinnamon And Sugar Covered Donut



Sometimes its hard to be a sexpat
Giving all your love to just one Ho
You'll have bad times
And she'll have good times
Doing things that you don't understand
But if you love her you'll forgive her
Even though she's hard to understand
And if you love her
Oh be proud of her
'Cause after all she's just a Ho
Stand by your Ho
Give her two balls to cling to
And something hard to come to
When nights are cold and lonely
Stand by your Ho
And tell the world you love her
Keep giving all the love you can
Stand by your Ho
Stand by your Ho
And show the world you love her
Keep giving all the love you can
Stand by your Ho

I hadn’t seen Princess in three weeks. The call came at 5:00 in the morning, “Kelly I downstairs.” Click and the phone went dead.

I walked down the four flights of stairs still cussing Washing Machine Roy for convincing me that living in a 4 story apartment without an elevator would keep me in shape when I heard slapping and retching noises like a fish throwing up and flopping around in its death throes. There was Princess in all her dead drunk glory throwing up and pissing on my apartment front steps again. I had seen her piss better. She was so drunk she could only manage to squat for a couple of seconds and then she fell over on her head. Luckily falling on her head never seemed to hurt Princess.

Like a gentleman I waited till she was finished and then tried to right her for the long climb up to my loom.

It might as well have been Everest. It was a hard climb. Princess is not one of those petite little things from Issan. She might as well have been the Crocodile King from Pichit. Which is where she comes from. She is a big girl.

As I lugged her up the stairs trying not to pay attention to her drunk ramblings about drugs and the five Thai men. I began to notice something strange about her clothes and general appearance. She looked like a giant donut rolled in sugar and cinnamon except the sugar and cinnamon was part of Jomtien beach.

We left a trail of yellow sand up the four flights of stairs and I finally dragged her by the heels over the threshold of my apartment and into the shower.

I hosed her off for ten minutes and then undressed her. I realized she had two coatings of sand. Her clothes were coated and when I removed them I noticed her naked body including all her orifices were also coated and filled with sand.

If any of the five Thai guys had her that night, the pride of Korat had gotten a power sander playgirl. In the front or in the back she must have taken off a quarter inch with every whack.

Luckily my toilet comes equipped with the standard squirt hose as I sprayed her out and got at least three pounds of sand on my bathroom floor.

The thought crossed my mind to dump her on the stage when her spiked, bleached hair dimwit boyfriend was singing on Soi 12. But I realized that if I dumped Princess again I might lose my title as the only non delusional man in Pattaya.

I have worked hard for the title. I realize my mate is a money grubbing prostitute who cares nothing for me beyond my wallet and that the fleas on a Soi dog are more important than a Farang in the scope of things in Chonburi province.

Should I be Princessless I might run into a good girl. Someone with a good job and a respected family and an education beyond 6th grade level who speaks English and won’t try to empty my bank account for at least a two months while convincing me that not all Thai ladies are the mercenary Alpha women of the universe.

I realize Thai women are our last defense against alien attack. Those advanced space creatures that could invade our planet and squander all its resources faster than a Democratic President in the White house would be no match for the ladies of Pattaya.

So I sobered her up and got her a new job at a better paying brothel than even her daughter works at.

In her first week she pulled in 12,000 baht by sleeping with fewer men than she would have done during one lunch break in Singapore.

With her first weeks earnings, Princess, the completely broke over the hill whore bought a gold bracelet, six new pairs of designer shoes and a present for her Thai boyfriend.

You'll have bad times
And she'll have good times
Doing things that you don't understand
But if you love her you'll forgive her
Even though she's hard to understand
And if you love her
Oh be proud of her
'Cause after all she's just a Ho.

Stickman's thoughts:

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