Stickman Readers' Submissions September 7th, 2007

Brokenman And Asian Girls In Blighty

In previous missives I have recounted ad nauseum my sometimes amusing, often disastrous encounters with British women. My sagas are now so familiar even beggars, mime artists and homeless guys selling the “big issue” avoid me in the street in case I relate a tale to them.

He Clinic Bangkok

But I can declare I no longer receive rejections from western women.

This may in truth be only because I have completely given up on chasing western women. Never let the facts spoil a good tale.

I am entering a new and interesting phase in my life; I am beginning to experience some fascinating rejections from Asian girls in England.

CBD bangkok

So by means of a change from my usual diatribes about the vagaries of western women or the self indulgent tales of my mongering exploits, I present a few anecdotes and opinions about respectable non bar Thai girls in the kingdom and Asian girls in Britain.

I may have inadvertently given the impression that I am somewhat of a sad old monger. I cannot deny on the odd occasion during my last seven visits to the Kingdom I have enjoyed the delights of bargirls in the salacious sois of Sukhumvit. However in the last two years I have also collected a small entourage of ordinary respectable Thai lady friends. These include teachers, nurses, office girls, civil servants and businesswomen.

My principle conduit to meeting Thai ladies is the ubiquitous Internet principally with dating sites like Thai love links. Regrettably I have found less than 5% of my missives to Thai ladies living in the UK receive a reply. With Thailand based ladies my modus operandi is to make initial contact via the dating sites. Once some sort of rapport is established over a reasonable duration and the timing is expedient I arrange to meet them on one of my biannual visits to the kingdom.

Generally I meet them on a Saturday and take them to dinner in the evening. On the Sunday I invariably take them shopping in the Siam area. Sex is not the imperative with these encounters. I consider them legitimate dates and I am always the perfect gentleman with them. I have enjoyed the company of some wonderful decent ordinary Thai ladies and maybe the occasional oddball.

wonderland clinic

I will confess prior to one of these dates I always take a bargirl for the afternoon. This is to clear out my tubes so I can be charming without a carnal imperative. The fact I am a chivalrous and courteous gentleman intrigues them. The reputation of western men is we are lascivious lecherous beasts.

These episodes break the routine of my usual mongering and I am slowly gaining a circle of respectable lady friends whose friendship I hope will be invaluable to me in the future.

But the chili in the Vaseline is the singular obsession of Thai womanhood with money, irrespective of education, occupation or background. It is clearly hardwired in the DNA. In many ways some respectable Thai ladies are more mercenary than the bar girls they look down upon.


I have corresponded with Anna for a couple of years. She is a University lecturer, has a Masters degree and is disarmingly intelligent. At 32 she looks 16 and is best described as the pretty but gawky head girl we all had a crush on in high school. I find her absolutely enchanting. Last November I paid her airfare from Ubon so we could meet in Bangkok for my dinner and shopping routine. I spent a fascinating and platonic weekend with her and quite a few baht.

I later found out she was attending a conference in Bangkok that week and her expenses were already being met by her University. But this did not prevent her accepting the money for her airfare from me. She had no compunction of taking money from the farang.

We have remained friends and continue to correspond. She intends to study for her doctorate in the UK next year and has sought my advice.

She told me about a young farang guy she had been corresponding with on the internet. Anna told me he had offered to send her money every week. He must have thought (or she gave him the impression) she was a poor penniless girl rather than the woman of means she actually is. She asked my advice and when I expressed the opinion that the guy would have certain carnal expectations of her when he finally visited the kingdom she was genuinely shocked. However I am firmly of the opinion she will take the money off the guy anyway. The future consequences of any actions appear to be of little significance to Thai girls, even educated ones.


My first experience of this phenomenon of the farang pays was a couple of years previous. Kay is the niece of an old friend of mine. She worked in an office in Bangkok and had never seen the inside of a go-go bar. She came from a well to do family and had no pressures to send money home. Although 26 she lived like a western teenager.

I had a full on TGFE with her, spending two weekends in Bangkok and a week in Pattaya together. It was a blissful interlude but her perception, which I suspect originated from her work colleagues, was I should give her the equivalent remuneration that I would have paid a bar girl during that period. This was deemed to be 2000 baht per day.

But these are merely amusing aberrations and minor inconveniences compared to the vicissitudes encountered with Thai girls who have lived for sometime in the west.

It has been my contention for some time that as Asian girls get tainted with western “values” they turn out to be equally as capricious as their western sisters.

Their expectations and aspirations of men become as unrealistic as western women. What is worse is they have no real cultural reference to mitigate this and the nuance of money is an ever present undertone.

Whilst the western media is the principle culprit, we must share some of the blame for this. We tend to practice a form of anthropomorphizing; bestowing them with western characteristics and ethics they do not actually posses.

John’s first wife

When my friend John first bought his delightful Thai wife back to the UK some years ago his life was complete. A man of significant means and no mean intelligence he gave her everything her heart could desire. This included a charming house in a pastoral setting, a dream kitchen and a large enough stipend for her family that would satisfy all but the terminally avaricious.

He took great pains to ensure she was not lonely or bored by filling their life with a full and varied social programme and facilitating her contact with the local Thai community. All was idyllic for the first year but as time went on he noticed a gradual erosion of his comforts and pleasures. The first things he noticed were the loss of the intimate grooming, the trimming of his fingernails and bathing routines we all recognise and love. In time the more significant items of intimacy were removed from the menu. His little teeruk had become an uncommunicative and demanding harridan. He found himself living with a stranger, his life completely devoid of affection.

One does not need a strong imagination to picture the western women of his acquaintance expressing their opinion to her on how to treat a husband. “You do what! Harrumph let him cut his own bloody nails and bath himself” or “Huh I know what I would tell him if he asked me to do that!

But it transpired it was actually the Thai wives of the British men in his social circle who were laying the poison! She was under strict instructions from these ladies to desist in those things she once did with him in Thailand; now she was in the west.

He persevered with the relationship for a year or so but the damage was done. He eventually shipped her back home to the kingdom albeit with a substantial settlement.

He has since remarried. His second wife is another enchanting Isaan princess but he has her safely ensconced in an impressive residence he has built near Surin and carefully regulates her sojourns to the UK with him.

They are the happiest couple you could hope to meet.


Nang is a 36 year old originally from Roi Et; we became friends when she was working as a nurse in London. She is pretty rather than beautiful but is a very bright and personable girl. We keep regular contact and I seem to have adopted the role of elder brother with her and she refers to herself as my little sister. When her long term English boyfriend left her for a Philippine girl she considered it my duty to find her a suitable boyfriend. It is her definition of suitable that I find amusing. At 51 she considers I am far too old for her although she admits before she came to the UK she would not have thought so. She concedes her aspirations have altered considerably.

I tried to introduce her to a chap who works for me. He is a 33 year old genuine hardworking guy; he has never been married (so has a few quid) and owns his own house. She claimed he was too young for her. I suspect even though he is a skilled worker his status was not sufficient for her. Her criterion is now quite specific in that she wants a professional man aged between 38 and 45 and will accept nothing less.


Pam was a 40 year old Thai girl who lived in a city in the East Midlands. She had been married to an Englishman for 15 years but had been divorced for a couple of years. We had been conversing on the internet quite happily for some 6 months when out of the blue she unexpectedly stepped up her interest. She claimed to want to develop our relationship. I responded by making arrangements to meet her. I drove up the next Saturday evening and met her and her friend in a quiet pub. I was enthralled by her. She was delicious. We are joined by her friend’s date for the evening and the four of us make our way to a Thai restaurant owned by Pam’s friend. We have a wonderful evening but when I called for the bill Pam had already secretly paid it!

I may need to repeat this for the hard of hearing; a Thai girl paid the restaurant bill and would not let me reimburse her despite my protestations.

I thought we got on very well and had even discussed her coming down to the Blackcountry the following week. However on the next evening she phoned me wanting to talk. She informed me she had met a guy a few weeks previously; she had met up with him that day and realised she was serious about him. So she decided she couldn’t see me again.

I appreciate she was honest with me but I could not fathom why, after 6 months she activated my interest just at the time she had met this other guy.

I must admit whilst I thought I had become immune to rejections, this one really knocked my self confidence for a few days.

However the corollary to the tale is most English woman I related this account to have speculated that the girl was just checking me against her choice of man and having decided to reject me, paid for dinner through a sense of guilt.

Conversely every Thai girl I have recounted this story to have all categorically said the same thing. She rejected me because I let her pay for dinner.

Asian checkout girl

In my local supermarket there is a rather cute Asian girl who works on the checkout. I always chose her checkout station and invariably flirt with her. On a recent occasion she remarked to me “You don’t have a wife or girlfriend, do you?” Somewhat astonished, I enquired if she could establish this from my purchases in that they suggested someone who lived alone. “No” she exclaimed “It is because you are ugly!”

As she said it without a discernable smile on her face I was quite at a loss for an appropriate reply.


Just before my last trip to the Kingdom a solicitor pal and I gate-crashed a networking meeting organised by a major high street bank. We had satiated ourselves on the free beer, free food and ogled all the business suited tottie well before it was discovered we were not invited. By which time the organisers were themselves far too refreshed to care. There were a couple of rather tasty Indian girls in their late 30s present who work for the local authority. I was at my most flirtatious and charming and I seemed to get on famously with the one girl Neenah who gave me her card and asked me to contact her. Anyway I went to Thailand the next week so thought nothing of it.

On my return my solicitor pal contacted me to tell me this girl had phoned several times berating him because I hadn’t contacted her. I construed from this that maybe she was interested so I emailed her suggesting a date. Her reply was quite curt declaring she was already in a relationship! Why did she make such a fuss to my pal to get me to contact her then so comprehensibly reject me?

A man could easily begin to get a complex. I am tempted to take a chimpanzee’s fag break, to go outside sit in an old tyre and toss myself off.


I had corresponded with Joyce for a few months. She lives in a seaside town in the north East Midlands which is an unusual choice of residence for a Thai lady. She is 42 and hails originally from Ayuthaya where she worked as a nurse for 20 years. She lives on her pension and the support of a rich family. She is a highly intelligent and astute girl and her exchanges with me are amusing and stimulating.

I had not bothered to arrange to meet her. I was reluctant to repeat the disheartening experience I had with Pam and I am basically lazy. However I was eventually persuaded to drive up to see her a few weekends ago.

She is Chinese Thai and striking rather than beautiful but I think she is lovely. She has a delightful figure and wonderful legs that would put most 20 year olds to shame. We had a very enjoyable weekend together dining, shopping and meeting her friends. I also helped her with the business plan for a business enterprise she is starting. I spent the nights on her settee and although I didn’t poke her (I didn’t even kiss her) she did not actually reject me immediately on seeing me which was a big plus.

She has phoned and text me every couple of days since and I really thought she was interested. Although we have yet to be intimate I feel we actually had a connection and I think we could make a relationship work. She spent an inordinate effort trying to improve me, particularly in my conservative dress sense, which usually implies a level of interest.

This was until a conversation a week or so ago when she informed me she was sorry but she was not attracted to me and just did not fancy me. She was also returning to Thailand in a week and will be there for a couple of months. So that is the end of that, I thought.

However a few days later she phoned me ostensibly to tell me how she fared with the presentation of her business plan. Intrigued, I enquired why she had resumed her contact with me having declared she had no interest in me.

Her answer restored my faith in womankind. Or at least confirmed my, albeit jaundiced opinions.

In the week since her rebuff of me, an incident with a friend gave her cause for reflection. Her friend is an Asian lady in her mid 50s who has been divorced for 5 or so years. This lady decided it was time to once again give the male population the benefit and pleasure of her company, she asked Joyce to help her prepare a profile for a dating site.

Without being unkind Joyce described this lady as short, fat and ugly with apparently not even a pleasing personality to mitigate this. But much to Joyce’s chagrin her friend’s list of requirements she wanted in a man were totally unrealistic. She spouted the ubiquitous litany that he must be 35 to 40, rich, professional, at least 6’ tall, own house, big car, no children. At first Joyce thought she was joking but when she realized she was deadly serious she asked her friend to be realistic and temper her aspirations. She went as far as to tell her friend to take a look in the mirror before continuing. Undeterred, her friend refused to compromise and although she did not actually use the word the implication was she considered she was entitled to all her wishes. Joyce declared to me she felt her friend had probably been deluded by too many years in the UK and without a redeeming feature would be sorely disappointed.

This incident apparently prompted Joyce also to re-examine her own motivations and ambitions. By her own admission she had a similar list. She confessed she was labouring under the impression that Thai girls are considered special by western men and deemed to be of great value once in the UK. But after 9 months she was astonished to find she had not been inundated by offers from rich, handsome, young Englishmen. In reviewing her situation I believe she had the epiphany we all have when we achieve a certain age and become conscious that we are no longer god’s gift to the opposite sex.

I suspect I may have been the best offer she had received which is particularly sad if it is true and you can understand her disappointment.

However I believe she recognized that as a harmless old duffer I was probably worth keeping in reserve pending a better offer.

On the day she returned to Thailand she phoned me and entreated me to “Please don’t give up on me completely”. My innate pessimistic pragmatism suggests she will take up with the next guy she meets rather than lose face by returning to me. We shall see.


Della is a friend of Joyce. She is a very attractive 38 year old Singaporean lady with two young teenage boys. Married to an English man for 15 years he left her for a young Polish girl and they are currently undergoing a rather messy divorce. On my last visit Joyce took me to her pleasant semi-detached home for Sunday lunch. I found Della delightful if somewhat confused

We had a wonderful day which was only marred by meeting her latest boyfriend. She had taken up with an unpleasant young Romanian guy 15 years her junior who in turn had taken up residence in her house. Not only did he not work and was living off her good nature but he had also moved his brother in as a further drain on the lady’s resources. I have since discovered he has run up debts of almost £10,000 which Della is paying off for him. Despite the advice about his unsuitability and entreaties from friends to get rid off him she is apparently oblivious to his true nature and claims he loves her.

A recent submission by Frank Visakay described a middle-aged lady friend of his. She had taken up with a totally inappropriate young man who was living off her good nature. She also refused to acknowledge there was a problem.

Like Della she had got used to her regular portion of a young man’s strong Hampton. She was understandably reluctant to relinquish it and would continue to rationalise and justify his worst excesses to keep it.

Phan and Pon

On the premise that even a stopped clock is correct twice a day I must report not all my encounters have been unmitigated failure or totally fruitless.

Phan is a 45 year old nurse who has worked in the UK for a few years. We became good friends via the internet for a year or so but ironically we did not physically meet until we were both on holiday in Bangkok last November. We are merely friends as she claims to be still in love with her ex husband.

On that visit she introduced me to Pon, a friend from her university days. Pon had not had a man for 5 years and in frustration had asked Phan if she could find her a man from England to give her a good service before it healed up. Without my knowledge I was proposed as a suitable candidate for the task.

Not one to turn down such a commission and possessing a charitable nature, I put myself out for a good cause.

She was a lovely lady with an amazing body for a 41 year old, well toned with not an ounce of excess fat, somewhat reminiscent of Madonna in a recent video.

When I took her to my room at the Nana I expected a shy reticence so I was surprised that no sooner we were through the door she pushed me on the bed, dragged my trousers off and practically raped me. I have never experienced such hunger in a woman and she effectively kept me locked in the room for 2 days whilst she had her wicked way with me.

We spent three delightful days together and once I was discharged from hospital we corresponded for several months after.

I appreciate I have previously related this episode in an earlier Brokenman Is Repaired submission but the memory brings a smile to my face whenever I recall it.


Sometimes our experiences in the kingdom can influence our behaviour, particularly in the way we interact with women. I have often been berated by friends and family for the way I react to western women compared to how I respond to Asian womanhood. It has been observed that whenever an English woman is in our company, my eyes glaze over and my whole demeanour reveals my lack of interest. My body language screams “Go away, you opinionated bitch”. Whereas if an Asian or Oriental woman appears I come alive and am charm personified.

The other dimension which I find difficulty in articulating and feel only a fellow Bangkok aficionado would understand is the age thing. When I look at a western woman who is below the age of 45 my immediate reaction is I have no chance with her, she is too young for me, or more accurately she will consider me far too old. We have no such reticence with Asian women. Because of our Thailand experience subconsciously we consider even girls in their 20s as possibilities. It will come as no surprise that this can sometimes lead to problems.

Through no fault of my own one evening last week I find myself at a local rock venue watching a Meatloaf tribute band. Not particularly enthused by the entertainment I find my attention wandering to a delightful Asian girl working behind the bar. Closer scrutiny revealed she was half English and half Indian. She had beautiful big dark eyes, an exquisite face and the most natural shapely breasts I have ever seen on an Asian girl. With the best features of both races she was exotic and angelic in equal measure. She was the most beautiful girl I have seen for months. My gentle flirting was met not by the expected scowl and acidic remark I often encounter, but by a smile of such radiance it took my breath away.

Later I go outside for a smoke and this vision of loveliness joins me with the same intention. I engage her in conversation and find her to be as friendly as she was enchanting. She was very polite but predicated all her remarks with references to her boyfriend. This was unnecessary as I had no illusions that I had any chance with this divine creature but I can appreciate her motive for doing so. I find western woman always claim they have a boyfriend (whether they have or not) because she is considered a failure if she appears available. Asian girls generally claim not to have a boyfriend (whether they have or not) because she always wants to keep her options open.

Our cigarettes extinguished she returned to her bar duties leaving me to reflect that I would probably never have attempted to chat to a 20 year old white girl and if I had she would not have so politely humoured me.

On my return into the hall I bump into Joe, the manager and DJ of the club. Although I do not know him too well myself he is an old school friend of my younger brother. Knowing I am a fan of reggae music he began informing me of a Ska band due to play next week, when my little Asian goddess returns. She nods at Joe and in flashing me a smile enters the adjacent toilets. I remark to Joe “that girl is the most beautiful and sweet natured young lady I have seen for years”.

Joe went quiet and remarked “That is my daughter by adoption”. For a few seconds I thought he may have taken offence at me. He is a big powerful bloke and I did not relish him taking a swing at me, even if he had missed the draught off it would have given me pneumonia. Fortunately he appeared quite indifferent and continued his description of the band. On reflection It would have been so easy to have said “I would love to shag the arse off that” with obvious consequences. Not for the first time in my life I was relieved that being a bit old fashioned I naturally tend to practice discretion in my use of language.

I hope this epistle is not interpreted as a negative rant about Thai womanhood. I accept their idiosyncrasies as an inherent part of their allure. My jasmine fever remains unassuaged.

I am a sufficient pragmatist to acknowledge that as I get older the more difficult it gets to attract women per se. We lose the bait we once had and I accept I must work harder with every day that passes.

I believe I can not be faulted for effort. I have been told maybe I try too hard which is errant nonsense; the alternative is to stay in watching mindless television or indulge in endless hours of onanistic activity which after 40 years has already adversely affected my eyesight.

So I will continue my endeavours and be philosophical about the failures. My fortune teller friend assures me there is a Thai lady somewhere out there with my name written on her and eventually I will meet her. I just hope my name is not tattooed on her body in Thai script as I may not identify it.

In the meantime there are still the wonderfully accommodating ladies of Sukhumvit and Pattaya. Whilst I recognise this is the emotional equivalent of treading water, in the absence of an alternative it helps retain my sanity.

Which reminds me, it is about time I contacted the guys at Lazy Vacations to book my next flight to the Kingdom. I have already received a visit from the Environmental Health Authorities concerned that, the abnormal swelling of my gonads, created from sexual abstention, constitutes a public health hazard.

I need to take the big bird eastwards to the land of vertical smiles again with all good speed or when my resources permit. See you all in November.

Stickman's thoughts:

Another fine submission. Always good reading from Phet – and it is nice to get a change in the mix, so to speak, with submissions concerning Western guys trying their luck with Asian women in Farangland.

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