Readers' Submissions

Adultery Anonymous

“Kelly, I miss my husband. He good man.”

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I take my shirt off and lay down on the large king size bed.

There are mirrors on the ceiling and mirrors on the wall. She lays down next to me.

“When I get home from work I put my head on his chest and he ask me about my day.”

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She puts her head down on my chest.

“He young man, not like you. He have hard chest and strong young arms and hold me in his arms.”

I hold her in my arms.

“I take off my shirt so I can feel his chest next to mine and I feel better.”


She takes off her blouse.

“Kelly I miss him so much I with him long time.”

I roll her over and spread her small buttocks.

“Oh Kelly my husband not do that. I don’t know if I like.”

She has just taken a shower and tastes fresh. She begins to arch her back and push toward my face.

“Oh Kelly I cannot sleep alone. I afraid of ghosts very much.”

I reach my hand around and find her hand is already at the juncture of her legs and she laughs a little at my discovery.

“I not have man long time Kelly.”

“Oh Kelly my husband never do.”

She doesn’t take long.

After it’s over she lays on the bed with her lips closed not being able to talk for fear of swallowing. I watch her smiling, wondering how long she can last but her cute closed mouth smile wins and I motion her to the bathroom.

I briefly shower off and return to the bed and look at her in the ceiling mirror.

She absent-mindedly plays with me and continues her monolog about her husband. She is very much in love with him.

Bill had asked me the night before how I could live in Pattaya and not drink. I thought but did not respond, where the hell else would I live and not drink. Drink is one of the only ways to get through the night with a Farang lady.

She asks me if I want a massage and I nod my head, yes.

Noticing a rebirth she has decided she is not quite satisfied. Frantically searching her purse for a condom I inform her, “I was at the clinic yesterday and everything OK.”

Jing jing?

“Yes”, I say. And that is almost the truth. Princess was at the clinic for her weekly test. I tested AOK by proxy. My current companion's place of employment also tests weekly.

She jumps on like a lady barrel rider mounting on the fly. It doesn’t take long. I know at my age this would not have been possible had I had any alcohol in my system. I think of Bill, but would not offend him by telling him that not
drinking has taken 20 years off of my age when it comes to sexual performance.

Twenty minutes later she is smiling and laughing and telling me, “First time this happen to me with customer. Two times in one hour means very good luck for me.” We dress and re-enter the real world where she feels obligated
to tell the rest of the girls about her good luck. I am joined by Bill, Mick, Steve and Roy. Their wives would never find them here. I can hardly find the place and I come here once a week. The ladies are beautiful. They only work a couple of
days a week in Pattaya and the rest of the time is spent in the village waiting obediently for a call from a doting if somewhat deluded husband.

The place looks like a 1960’s San Francisco bordello all done in soft lights and red velvet and mirrors. There is hardly any signage and in this quiet neighborhood it stands as a lovely respite for the wandering husband and lonely
wife. Although not named “Adultery Anonymous” that would be a fitting moniker for the club.

These are not the Walking Street walkers or wankers. The plastic pussied, surgical round eyed bleached out pseudo Chiang Mai two step maidens or fancified week long Farang millionaires have never set foot across this threshold. There are
no tourists here. There is no advertising. The ladies are recruited by word of mouth from villages all over Thailand. The customers are told of the place in hushed tones from close friends. Nobody wants to blow a good thing. Short time including
the room, lady and lunch and three drinks comes to 1200 baht. Are there other places such as this? I know of three or four.

Billy asks, “Kelly, how the hell do you find these places? You weren‘t kidding about the women. They are gorgeous!”

As we leave my lady comes running up to me to give me a big hug, “Oh Kelly I so happy!”

“Why you so happy?” I said, expecting a reference to our just finished sexual encounter, “So happy, my husband come home tomorrow.”

Later that evening, Princess calls to inquire about my whereabouts. The girls are starting to make fun of me for never paying for food. I am back on Soi LK Metro where another bar is having a balloon night and the roast pigs are turning on
the spit. There is even one enterprising lady who has started a company providing alternatives to roast pork because it is becoming so common. Her company is named “Fuck the Pig.” I was walking by to see if the staff of 7 Eleven
on Central Road had completely moved to a beer bar on LK Metro. The staff of that 7 Eleven has filled many of my dreams lately especially the two sisters. I was wondering why none of them were answering my cell phone calls. Wisely the manager
of the bar had requested the girls turn of their cell phones while working and sure enough that’s where the sisters were now employed.

I listened to Princess and friends laugh for a while at me eating free again and received my shopping list for later that evening. One bottle of Thai whiskey a 6 pack of soda water and a tube of KY jell. Perhaps you wonder how I start conversations
with employees at 7 Eleven’s. With a shopping list like that you can start a conversation with just about anybody.

It is a pity most Farang don’t speak a little Thai. You miss so much.

After dinner I head to the 7 Eleven which is now reduced to all male employees or at least sort of male employees. The clerk asks me where are the ladies, looking at the KY. I tell him they are working. He adds up my bill, I hand him the
money and he smiles and says khrup khun ca and gives me a wink.

Stickman's thoughts:

Your email inbox is going to be full of people asking which bar you were in!