The Plonker

My story starts in August 2000 when I had my first holiday in Thailand. I stayed for 3 weeks and after spending 10 years on my own (I was married for 20 years before this) I never had so much female companionship in my life. I was fighting them off and my ego soared.

When it was time to return home it felt like I was going to the gallows I was gutted to be leaving. I was only home for 1 week then like a dream someone told me that the company had a contract in Thailand. I applied immediately and one week latter I was back in the same hotel in Pattaya I had stayed on holiday and was getting paid for it! I was on top of the world and nothing could go wrong. Different ladies every night, never bored, I had an insane idea to start at the beginning of the Beach Road side of Pattaya and work my way to Walking Street, taking a girl from every gogo bar. After 9 months I was well into Walking Street then an expat who was on the same contract and had lived in Pattaya for 10 years heard of this and told me there were 3,000 bars in Pattaya. I gave up the idea very soon afterwards and settled into going to one gogo.

It was there I meet Nok, a 30 year old lady as she put it herself but she made me laugh so I paid the bar fine and off we went. She was always happy and singing and at first didn’t mind. If I wanted a few other ladies or friends from her bar back. It was during this period I meet Mon and it was only the one time but I was hooked. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her when she danced – which Nok noticed and understandably became insanely jealous about. She didn’t like anyone to come back. She wanted to get married. I didn’t want to get married or have children. To keep the peace I was more discrete about ladies but it was easy not to be a good boy and get some space. I didn’t realise at the time just how much she loved me then. If I had of done I would have probably been happy now but I didn’t want to get close again.

As they say nothing good lasts forever and the contract was over. I had been there just over 2 years and had managed to blow 10,000,000 baht on women and beer and had to say goodbye to Nok but I would be back soon. I paid the apartment for 6 months and sent her 8,000 baht a month. Nok would phone regularly crying her eyes out, telling me she missed me. I was counting the days to when I could go back as nothing appealed to me in England – it was over rated and felt like being in jail, rules for this and that, a country fit for sheep.

It was a very long 6 months. When I eventually went back things had changed. Nok was now a tour guide and couldn’t get time off to take care of me so she used to get her friends to take care of me short time. Christmas day she gave me a gold bracelet which must have cost 10,000 baht, a fortune for a Thai. I never did see much of her after that.

When I went home again things were worse. It was winter. I was lonely. I tried phoning Nok many times but couldn’t get through but I had made up my mind when I could get back if I could find her I would marry her and take her back to England.

That never happened. What happened next is what this has been leading up to. I returned to the rented apartment in Pattaya with no sign of Nok so I went to her old bar to find out were she might be. No one knew anything. I was heart broken but not for long. On my last 10 days of the trip I again went back to the bar Nok had worked and who should I see but the girl of my dreams, Mon. She told me that she had had a German boyfriend before and had stayed in Germany but she had fallen out with an older sister who had also married a German and come back to work. Shortly after returning she had met a English man who stayed in Pattaya. She had put all her life savings, 100,000 baht, and he had given her 200,000 into opening a shop on Sukhumvit Road. She said she used to work in the shop and he used to stay at home. All went well until the shop wasn’t making any money so she asked him for another 100,000 which he gave apparently. After another 6 months the place still wasn’t making money so she asked him for another 100,000. He refused and took a new lady. Here was the lady of my dreams working as a hostess and her first night back at work. It must be fate.

Sure, her long hair had gone (broken heart) and she had cut that off after he had taken off but she was still beautiful, Any how, she said she knew what had happened to Nok and told me she had met this man from the Italy and was now living with him. She also told me how Nok used to like to “fly”, go out with friends to certain bars and pay Thai men to have sex with her. She didn’t paint a good picture for Nok but she was different, a quiet girl who never put it about. Now that was one mystery cleared up. She was very attentive so I paid the bar fine and took her to a quieter bar so we could talk. She said her mother was dead and she had one son, 15 years old, who was taken care of by the father. Her dad was a monk so there wasn’t any family to worry about. She didn’t read or write Thai or have anyone so I stayed with her for 10 days and threw myself into what I thought was a relationship. I wanted to make her life better and she packed up the job in the gogo and I sent her 10,000 baht a month. She told me she didn’t want big money, only “it’s OK” for the first month then after she managed to get it up to 18,000 baht for school to learn English. When she got bored and finished school after about 8 weeks the money stayed the same. She said to phone her anytime, day or night, so I did twice a day. It was always quiet and the phone was answered immediately.

I came back at Christmas. When I returned she had found another unfurnished apartment which immediately cost another 70,000 baht to furnish. I stayed 3 months and I thought we had grown closer. She said she would like children. I said not unless I was married. I have seen too many poor little mites around Pattaya without having that on my conscience. I had a good holiday and went back to work, phoning her every day and there was nothing to be suspicious about (I have read the warning about Thai ladies who don’t answer the phone in Stickman’s column).

I returned in the summer and she said she wanted to get married 3 days later. I am married for the 2nd time and my daughter who is 30 wasn’t that pleased that I had married someone 3 months younger than her. Nor were my parents but they would all come around to the idea.

In February 2006 I was offered a 9 month contract on very good money which meant I wouldn’t see my wife until I had finished it. The problem or sting started Summer 2006. I had phoned up one day and she said she was bored living in Pattaya and paying rent and wanted to buy land in her hometown for me and her to relax when I was too old to work. Of course I couldn’t refuse her. She told me she had seen a piece of land, 1 rai for 150,000 baht. I said ok and six weeks latter she said that wouldn’t be enough and she would need 300,000 baht and if I didn’t get it to her we were finished,. <Run Forrest, run! – Stick> If I had had the sense I would have stopped it there but she was my wife and although not always sweet, I felt she was honest. When I asked why she couldn't wait until I came out as it was only another 8 weeks she was emphatic she couldn’t wait. So I sent the money to her. She latter told me she had registered the land in the sister's name because she had a proper job and it would be easy to borrow money to build the house from a bank this way.

When I got back to Pattaya at Christmas 2006 I wasn’t very happy she didn’t come to the airport to meet me or come downstairs to help me with my bags when I arrived at the apartment. She informed me she couldn’t take care of me as she had to look after her things in the village by her house. I did get to see the land or a piece of land and it was indeed about 1 rai stuck in the middle of nowhere with the nearest house 300 metres away. It was ready to put a house on with only chickens and pigs for company. It was 9 km to the nearest small town, quite remote. It had also dawned on me when I had first met her, the emphasis was on how loathsome Thai men were. They were all no good butterflies who beat their wives or girlfriends yet here that was all that was about and she spent enough time talking to them, friends so she told me. always laughing and joking with them.

When she first returned to the village she proudly told me they thought she was her son’s sister, not mother. She looked so young I stayed in a hotel near the village for 2 weeks and she stayed with me. When I said I had to go back to Pattaya she said she would join me in a week or so. As it worked out she came back the last week before I went home. She told me she didn’t have any luck borrowing the money for the construction of the house and after ever increasing erratic behaviour I had wanted her to borrow the money against the land. When this didn’t happen I again was a soft touch so I ended up paying another 300,000 to build the house. Her attitude, once she had the money, was she couldn’t care less. The only conversations were whether I was ok, take care of myself. She never phoned me unless she wanted money and her demands were growing. She wanted another 50,000 for tam boon for the house which obviously was excessive.

Things came to a head during April when I had tried to call. Nothing. Then she called back about 3 AM Thai time and she was drunk. She said she had been to a party. We argued. She had never been that interested in drink before and where she was supposed to be staying everyone is in bed by 9.30 PM. She was not even bothering to answer the phone when I called. She said she had lost it left it in the house. An excuse a day. Twice she answered it by mistake, the first time a Thai male answered it and the second time there was western style music in the background, not the type of music you would have heard in rural Thailand. Alarm bells were pounding now so I cancelled her card which previously she had always asked if she could take money.

Shortly after I cancelled it she had tried to get money on it without asking so I had enough and went out to see her. At first she promised to come and sort it out. She made some lame excuse as to why she couldn’t come to see me to sort it. I wouldn’t let it drop. Eventually she told me she had a new boyfriend and was 2 months pregnant and if I wanted to divorce her she wanted 200,000 baht from me. I didn’t answer and haven’t spoken to her since. She latter told her friend in the bar that she wasn’t having a baby or have a boyfriend. She said it because I yakked at her too much.

I don’t know the truth. I know I wont be spending my old age with her. I still have got to sort out a divorce from her. All in all it's probably cost me 3,000,000 baht and 3.5 years of my life but all the warning signs were there for me to see. What have I learnt?

Ever increasing demands for money, little or no detectable interest in talking when I phoned and ever increasing lies.

Any girl who works gogo gets used to big, easy money. It will always be very easy to go back if things don’t work out.

There are not many 30 year old women who fancy 53 year old working class men.

Most but not all Thai girls who work the gogo have Thai boyfriends.

It is mostly about money.

Although you think you have a relationship, what she thinks is she has a punter.

Leaving her in Thailand while you work away is not a good idea. If you can't take her with you then you will probably be better off not bothering with her.

Do I hate Thailand? No but I am not pleased with myself for being so stupid!

PS Nok came to see me in England with her new husband. They are a lovely couple and are very happy. He is very rich and 4 years younger then her.

Stickman's thoughts:

Another sad story…. For every one we read here, I cannot imagine how many more there are.