Stickman Readers' Submissions August 16th, 2007

Hainan Island China Forced Marriage Problem

I have a very personal problem with a girl in Hainan Island. I have just contacted the Chinese Consulate in Sydney and they said contact Hainan newspaper or Hainan Police (The family knows the police so this is not an option for her).

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My girlfriend is from Haikou Hainan Island. She has just come to Australia to visit me and we we're planning to marry. Her parents from Haikou Hainan were fully aware of this.

She just returned to Haikou 4 days ago and has been told by her parents they have sold her to marry someone (3 million RNB). <About 400,000 USD!Stick> She does not want to marry the other person. They said
they have already accepted money and sent out invites to the wedding scheduled for the 1st October. She is furious, very upset and scared of what she can do.

She does not know what to do. They have said they will never talk to her if she does not marry. Also they will never give her any money ever and any money they paid to her she will have to repay etc.

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Apparently the man has already bought the parents some gifts etc and paid them money. She has not talked to him.

She does not know what to do but she is 100% sure she does not want to be forced into this marriage.

Her parents where high up in Government at Haikou before but are now retired. They would be well known in the Hainan community.

She is very scared that if she does not marry she will be hurt by her family or the man financially, emotionally and maybe even physically.

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What can she do? She is 32 and already before they organised her marriage 7 years ago and she divorced after 3 months as she told them at that time she did not love that man and never wanted to marry that man also.

Her parents said she can divorce again after she marries this time but she does not want to marry at all and disagrees with the whole plan they have made.

Yes this is real and yes this is urgent. She needs help from someone. Could you help her?

I can provide her contact details if you need them. I have copied her in with her email address as I told her I would do this.

They have told her not to leave the house in Haikou and not to try and leave the city before the wedding. They have taken her passport from her.

She is very scared and does not know who to talk to in Haikou as her parents know many Government and Police there.

I can provide you her full name and phone numbers and home address in Haikou if you can provide assistance.

This story would be very bad for the Chinese reputation in the world media and someone from the Chinese government should speak to this girl's parents and stop them and take action to protect the girl

I spoke to her last night. She said she has made her decision since I did not ask her when she was in Australia. She will follow her parents' orders and marry even though she still loves me and hates the guy. She said she has no other

This girl is very beautiful and obviously a valued prize for any Chinese man. She said she would never marry a Chinese guy as once she has a western guy how could she settle for the Chinese guy's attitude.

I'm thinking of flying over in 3 days to see her and ask her to marry. My family told me not to go. It could be dangerous for me. I will go and ring her and see if I can change her mind.

But I think I am I wasting my time. Who knows what her parents will do in the future to break us up if we ever married.

The guy they have sold her off to owns the local pirate DVD / CD factory. She dated him and lived with him years ago. But told him 100% she does not love him or want to marry him

When we have been together he has rang up to 50 times a day to annoy her and send her emails.

Her parents even gave him my home phone number and mobile and he rang asking for her and she hung up on him.

She called her parents and they lied, saying he must have seen the phone number at their house when he came to visit them.

Apparently the whole time she was with me in Australia he had been going to meet her parents each night and trying to buy her.

I really don't know what to do. She says she wants to marry me but maybe it's too late now she says. I do want to marry her but what would I be getting into?

We do get along great and the only thing we have fought over is this ex boyfriend chasing her and not leaving her alone.

Her mother and father are totally corrupt and retired from the government when they were being investigated for corruption. They own lots of property in Hainan Island and over China. Their job was to approve building permits and land sales
when they were in the Government

She told me her mum ran a massage shop and Mah Jong place before they closed it years ago.

If I love the girl and she loves me what should we do? Should we both give up and let her mother win?

Stickman's thoughts:

I don't know a lot about Chinese families and how common arranged marriages are. But I do know that Asian families are very close and for her to choose you over her family would be a very big ask indeed. That is perhaps the only way it could work. But is she prepared to do that?

I would not consider flying over there to see her. That could be very dangerous indeed.

I hate to say it but I'm afraid the outlook isn't good…

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