Readers' Submissions

Double Memory

  • Written by Bon Jovial
  • August 9th, 2007
  • 13 min read




Woe.

I took heed of that comment (posted incidentally just after one of my articles, writer's paranoia is setting in) that lamented the loss of true life LOS adventure stories in favour of wannabe writers. My next article will describe some of the actual experiences I have had in Thailand. I haven’t done this to date because they are in everyone else’s submissions but at the same time it behooves me to actually record what personally led to my fascination.

However, woe is me for here. I post another article of reflection rather than action. I shall have to console myself with the maxims of Goethe who said that we must plunge into experience and then reflect on the meaning of it. All reflection and no plunging drives us mad; all plunging and no reflection and we are brutes.

He was a German so there is some wisdom to be had in this and young Germans seem to have taken his advice as they certainly were much more thoughtful people than I had anticipated prior to a brief visit last year. And don’t we all know why.

Embarrassment

Let me confess (an old catholic symptom of mine) that I often feel a sense of the above emotion in relation to these posts. Naturally I wanna be a Harley ridin, rooting tootin kinda guy who don’t give a rat's arse but life hasn’t worked out that way. Every time I get wild and loose there’s a fair chance I end up a goose. So since I’m here looking at profiles on adult dating sites where every half decent looking woman is saying "and no guys over 40 can’t you men read." and I am stuck with reflection.

Beauty

I know for a fact that many of the philosophers have written about beauty but I don’t recall what they have said but I also know for sure that I have been obsessed with beauty and especially so if it relates to making the blood flow to a certain area of my body. Despite the fact that I have experienced this beauty enough times I rarely find myself able to properly remember it.

So beauty and its effects upon us are temporal whether these be of the languid sigh at the sunset variety or the more rigid responses to the tits on a pole variety.

Beauty then is like life. A sort of temporary arrangement, a sort of you had to be there or its as boring as shit affair that can’t really be effectively shared.

Now those of us who have availed ourselves of the desires of the flesh too heartily have also risked a certain impermanence in our lives. It may be because it made us into overweight farangs or because it ruined our lungs and livers or created in us an immune deficiency syndrome or even something more mundane such as our experiences are always with different people. I am sure we all have our ‘moral’ friends who are still married to their childhood sweethearts and that, like me, you may envy them to some degree. Their entire lives are shared with another and so there is a double memory and a continuity of events and experience. We who flit like butterflies in the night have memories that perish as easily. I also envy the satisfaction and security of the committed in their knowledge they have been ‘good’.

Goodness

Goodness me it doesn’t take long for goodness to somehow enter the picture when beauty is discussed For those of us of a certain persuasion (i.e. male) beauty is often easily found in the seediness of a strip show where pretty young women in the prime of their youth take off their clothes and reveal themselves to us in all their beauty. Generous of them isn’t it? Grannies are often beautiful people but we don’t want to watch them take their clothes off. Where I am headed with this is that if this is the case, our fascination cannot be said to be with women but with beauty, and that beauty resides in youth even if its package comes in the form of conniving little sluts. And to be more thorough the gap has narrowed boys. Women may not be quite as enchanted with youth as we are but they are coming damn close if the anonymity of the internet is anything to go by.

Sex and Drugs

Anyway this got me thinking about some of the better sex I have had over the past few years and for me this hasn’t happened in Thailand but in Australia with women who are not beautiful like young women who get to be pole dancers are. No, it has been either with women over 40 who have small or saggy boobs and stretch marks and varicose veins or lined faces or big boobs but big asses to boot and so on. You won’t see them pole dancing and probably wouldn’t want too unless you were very horny and just out of jail (they aren’t as bad as I am making out but they still are not pole dancers). Occasionally it has been with younger birds of the plump (ok fat) variety. I was spoilt as a younger man and still haven’t properly adjusted to the change but I can say I have had some absolutely fabulously memorable sex if I have taken an ecstasy pill beforehand. I am not a chronic user of these (probably 25 pills in the last 6 years starting at 42 years of age) and I nearly always only take them when I have a woman available to have sex with. Mind you when one isn’t they are also easier to find because everyone is beautiful and I am so much more fun to be around. Sex on ecstasy is like the sex I hear you folks describe with the better of the Thai princesses. Since I am either too scared (or sensible) to take amphetamines in Thailand I haven’t had this experience there and waking up with a head like a smashed crab from a night on the booze with a girl half my age is not the same, either in terms of performance and pure adulterated fun the night before or being able to remember any of it. Looking in the mirror at myself the next day when they look the same and I don’t is just embarrassing. Gotta admit though they never comment on this in Thailand, they just take me out to eat some spicy soup for breakfast. That usually half fixes me.

Beauty lies in the (dilated) eye of the beholder.

I am on this theme because I find it plain interesting when I’m semi pissed. On ecstasy it is the things you don’t see that count. It is the ultimate rose colored glasses trip. Every woman has her good points and on eccies I seem to focus on them and dismiss the things I don’t want to see and that will turn me off under normal conditions. In Thailand I look to have the opposite experience. I look to be turned on from without rather than from within. I do the same thing here I suppose by getting off via internet porn but that just makes a wanker out of me and I wouldn’t want to be that now would I?. On this point is also this interesting discourse where, as even the Stick himself pointed out, the Thai illusion doesn’t last. Gotta say that’s a damn shame and makes me think that I should stick to 3 week holidays so it does.

Sense and Senselessness

So a plane trip to Thailand from Oz costs about a thousand dollars. That represents about 30 eccies or more than one a day over the time I would have a three week trip. I wouldn’t actually do this many but then I wouldn’t do thirty Thai chicks either (yet). You get the point?. The point is therefore I do not go to Thailand for the sex. I could stay here and have twice the fun for half the money with ‘grateful’ women in my age group ( actually substantially less than half the money as there are no motel fees needed here and booze is as expensive over as it is here and I don’t have to pay barfines or bargirl fees etc ). As a rational eccie taking being if I was going to Thailand for the sex I would be irrational.

Not sure what the last comment meant but essentially this is an essay based on the proposition that I do not go to Thailand for sex after all. Good luck to those of you do go for the sex. We will we will salute you, as long as you are pleasant about it while you go about it (I appreciate common decency in others). Some writers post their views that they find it abhorrent that Thai girls are encouraged into the sex trade by their parents and so do I but I don’t find it abhorrent that young women might choose to do this of their own accord rather than work in rice paddies for 100 baht a day or whatever they get. I reckon I would make the same choice if I was in their position.

Stupidity

That it then goes to lazy boyfriends to gamble only highlights a certain stupidity amongst women. Male stupidity is an often enough commented upon matter (and as a gambler I am riddled with it) but I can’t see why female stupidity doesn’t deserve a mention occasionally. Stupidity is, after all, as guiding and motivating a principle of human behaviour as intelligence is. Just look around you or look into your own life. Every thing has its opposite. Now on the other hand just how stupid is it to enjoy flattery, to feel like a rock star on occasion, to be given attention by hoards of pretty women and like it? Spiritually speaking such flattery may be nonsense because it is impermanent or because as the Buddhists might have it- it only leads to the desire for more in a cycle that can never be satisfied. Smokers know the routine. Beatlemania had little to do with the individual personalities of the respective Beatles who prior to becoming Beatles were just average guys like you and me. They sure as hell were not as charismatic, as say Elvis, but I bet they liked the off cuts of being Beatles (even in this life). Their star rose as a product of their times and conditions. Likewise the star of us older men with paunches (who look like little Buddha’s after all) rises in the West but sets in the East and we follow it as wise men would.

Whining Stupidity

Now personally I find it stupid that younger women who want to be mothers don’t go for us older guys more often than they do. We are so much better in many respects as we age. So much more tolerant of ourselves and of others. Most men make better Granddads than Dads because they are more philosophical, relaxed and interested in things in general and in children in particular. I suspect we are also better lovers, more inclined to give than to get and usually more longer lasting than younger men. We are less inclined to horrendous bouts of jealousy, less inclined to having affairs and proving our selves as we have been there and done that and realised the futility of it. And to top it off we usually have more money which is one of the primary stressors experienced by young couples. I could go on. Just my opinion and you will notice I said "who want to be mothers.". I can accept young blokes are better looking and create more dramas for their girlfriends than us older men and anyone who has ever noticed how obsessed women are with their soapies knows that women love drama. Soapies you will notice are not highly intelligent analyses of life and stupidity reigns supreme. Enough said and the soapie phenomenon amongst women is, as we know, certainly not confined to Thailand.

Is it possible that we sense that Thai women are aware of these positive factors of older men in a way that Western girls are not because these sisters of ours simply have far less need to actually be looked after. Oh, they all want someone to look after them and they want that someone to be a handsome young knight but they don’t actually need it and accepting being ‘looked after’ is certainly not written into the cultural code as it is too a much greater degree in Thailand. By this I refer to that respect for elders and ‘superiors’ that many other writers have pointed out but as a newbie I have not grasped. Many Thai women do need someone to look after them (for economic reasons) and while I acknowledge they too would prefer it came in the truly hansum man package they can trade the looks off for the other benefits we bring, just as western women will often reward loyalty and fidelity and so on with their own faithfulness and devotion. I did often not always. If my thesis is correct we who fall for Thai girls are responding to a felt need, and, drawn to the heroic (my ever present theme) within ourselves we want to rise up to meet this need? Newbies who go to party but fall for the first doe eyed con artist who tells them they have good heart or hard core mongers who over time develop a need to be needed. Perhaps ‘it is so’ as the once famous Dr Julius Sunder Miller may have put it in his nasally way. And heroes of the type I am describing do need attractive princesses or the story just doesn’t quite make it.

Attention

Yep that’s the name of the game for me. Are you paying attention? That’s what make me sit here planning my next trip. One guy kindly wrote to me and said that the sexual attraction thing to young women is just hardwired and don’t stress about it but attention is the actual machine that drives it all. Watch kids and teenagers, those younger versions of ourselves we never quite get grow out of.

"Here is your piece of toast."

"Yeah but hers has got more butter on it."

"Well I will spread some more on yours."

"Yeah but you gave her bigger piece."

"Well I give you an extra one."

"Yeah but I should have got the first one."

Any parent knows how long this conversation can go on for till eventually it simply ends in tears no matter how accommodating you try to be.

Notice me. Notice me. I am special.

Can’t wait to be smiled at again.

Cheers Big Ears

Stickman's thoughts:

No comments, because I'm really not sure what to say.

.