Readers' Submissions

Banned From Foodland





People get banned from bars and clubs and football matches. Princess got banned from Foodland grocery store. 4 AM drunk, of course, she threw a plate at the waitress, slugged a cook and walked over a security guard on her way out.

Last night I was out with some friends having dinner. Ben, a young Canadian MA grad who was making big bucks teaching in Korea till his girlfriend had a fight with him and had him put in jail and deported (this is Asia after all and the impression that Asian women are submissive is some work of fiction), Frank an American expat writer who at one time was on the NY times bestseller list for ten weeks and Bjorn a Danish national who speaks 4 languages fluently when Princess decides work is slow and shows up at the restaurant where we are eating to see what I am up to.

I am easy to find with the Pattaya girls' intelligence network and it usually only takes her two or three calls. She is in an off mood because her period started, she lost a filling in a front tooth, won’t smile and she has a yeast infection. She convinces us to make a stop by a cafe which a friend of hers is converting into a gogo club and from there all of us head to the Buffalo Bar.

The Buffalo Bar is an interesting place. It has over 100 female employees and is in an out of the way location on Third Road next to the Castle. For some reason the place is always jumping even when the rest of town is slow. Ben and Frank both fell in love in the first 20 minutes. Luckily Ben gains some semblance of rationality when his chosen femme fatale’s lipstick rubs off revealing a gigantic cold sore on her lip and he heads for the hills. Frank’s girl comes on a little too strong suggesting a long term relationship during the first 12 minutes of conversation and he leaves. Princess’s friend who is converting the café while drinking boisterously gets a case of food poisoning and throws up on the table and we all go to my place for the night.

Morning comes and I give Princess $30 dollars to have a filling fixed and two new teeth put in her bridge which is also broken.

The dentist is out and an appointment is made for the next day. Later she convinces me to take her to a Thai open air club which features a live band and Karaoke singers. She also convinces me she knows none of the male singers. When we arrive at the club it is obvious she knows everyone in the place. It is however an equal opportunity kind of place. I like equal opportunity places because it counters my opinion that Thailand is such a non equal opportunity country. There are four lady boys, five bisexual queer looking guys with spiked hair that the bar girls go for and one heterosexual guy with long lustrous hair that most women would kill for and a baby face that can pout right up there with the ladies on Soi 8. In addition to this there are two real female employees. One has acne and the other is about 20 pounds overweight. The women are almost unappealing enough to make you want to try a lady boy.

A German guy walks in with a fat chick from up North who is wearing short shorts and a push up bra under a tank top. It only takes ten minutes for an Isaan dance contest to develop. Princess is dominating the dancing and I am getting bored. Her frequent trips to the restroom to conduct clandestine conversations with the spiked hair guys are beginning to aggravate me. I could live with it if there was even one attractive person in the place but none of them could even get a service job on Soi 6.

As we exit She and her daughter start their chant to go to Cham Isaan. Cham Isaan is the place that gets me in some kind of altercation every time I show up there and I inform the girls to give me a call if it snows in Pattaya and I will head there immediately. Even though I say this in Thai the snow reference is lost on them but I manage to get the point across. Her daughter starts to pout and Princess is guaranteeing me wonderful nights of sex if I will only take them there for two beers. I have never had a wonderful night of sex with Princess except in my imagination and the yeast infection, rash on her ass and her period is not making it more enticing.

I flag down a motorcycle taxi and head for home.

Before I left I gave Princess a hundred baht for taxi fare and told her if she spent her tooth money on whiskey I would not pay to have her teeth repaired and she could earn the new teeth on her back or knees or whatever as the case may be.

I went to sleep and awoke around 6 AM to note Princess was still not at my apartment. I was not surprised. I had surmised she had spent her dentist money on cheap whiskey for her cheap Thai men.

While I am on the subject of cheap men there is one class of men I have never met in Thailand. I’ll call them the end user guys. The trickle down method of economics in Thailand goes something like this. Farang spends his money on beautiful bar girl. Beautiful bar girl spends her money on cheap Thai man bar boys. Cheap man bar boy spends his money on beautiful bar man super faggot. I have seen a couple of these super faggots at fine restaurants and trendy discos but have never really talked to one. God know where they spend their money. One assumes they don’t have to pay for sex.

About 6:30 AM Princess rolls in the door. She is not very drunk which surprised me. I am of course in my inquisition mode. My inquisition mode consists of asking questions and then totally disregarding the actual answer and trying to figure out what she really means. This is not dissimilar from talking to women in the West except with her not understanding much English, especially the subtleties of English, she rarely gets angry at my comments.

First question: Do you have your teeth money? First answer, “Yes”, and instead of the 1000 baht I gave her she pulls out two thousand baht notes from her purse. “I save money from the 40 baht you give me for taxi money every day.” I guess I am supposed to believe a Thai women has walked in this heat for the last 50 days. First real answer: She has hooked up with an idiot Farang who was willing to pay her 2000 baht for short time. Second question, “Where did you find an idiot to pay you 2000 baht for short time?” Second answer, “I no go short time I go home with daughter.” Real second answer, I find some idiot willing to pay me 2000 baht. Third question, “Why is there a 1000 baht note sticking out of your short shorts.” Second answer, “Oh, Kelly thank you. You not joke me? You see money?”

Princess is so happy about the extra 1000 baht that she breaks down and tells me all about the idiot who paid her 3000 baht for short time. Her daughter also got 1500 baht out of the deal. She told me a 20 year old Farang was walking home and she propositioned him. He bought her dinner at Cham Isaan and confided in her that he really wanted two women. She told him she had a daughter and called her. They all lived happily ever after for the next two hours.

Most of the time I think one of the only guys who really has his stuff together in Pattaya is Renaldo. The reasons for me thinking this mount every day. Renaldo is a guy from Mexico who spends a month at a time here about 4 times a year. He only picks 20 year old skinny chicks who have been working in Pattaya for about 6 months.

The six months gives the ladies enough time to discover that unlike most good girl Thai females that oral sex without throwing up or making sounds like throwing up is included in normal conjugal encounters.

I know some guys are really into gagging and throwing up and it goes for a large premium in the porn business but it doesn’t do it for me or Renaldo. Being skinny gives the tactile feeling of tightness even though the lady love may have had more pricks than a porcupine. Renaldo also has the cell phone communication thing down. He calls the best one
from the day before and schedules her for a morning encounter. He has a friend he works with and they both share information so that after a couple of weeks not only do they both have variety but quality as well. They work on a three day lag so they normally never have the clap at the same time and can delete ladies that pass on such a malady.

Renaldo is a condo time share salesman and his friend is a used car salesman from Southern California. If there is a pair who come close to being as disingenuous and devious and able to compete with a bar girl it is these two. They normally do three women a day apiece, rotating between beer bars, Beach road and gogos. They keep their cost around 2000 baht a day each.

I have come to the jaundiced conclusion that there are two kinds of Thai women. One who fleeces you for a relatively small amount of money in a short period of time and one who fleeces you for a large amount of money over a long period of time, sometimes even spanning generations.

Pattaya is really slow right now. Top notch gogo girls are going long time for 500 baht and the winners of the Miss Tiffany contest are buying generic KY gel.

Princess has left town. She has been gone for a couple of weeks. Not too far from Pattaya, she is working with her daughter and a lady who is marrying the rich farang in September.

They are working at a large entertainment complex in a seaside resort which caters mostly to wealthy Thai guys on the weekends. Princess gets 1200 a trick, daughter 1600 and her engaged friend 1700. The sliding scale is based on skin color, age, thin build and so on. She has asked me to join her at the resort. She said she would pay for the rent and I could sleep with the three women, just like old times.

Anyone who has met Princess, and there a few who read or post on this forum who have, know she is like a writing machine. You need no creativity. You need only to follow her around and record what happens.

In addition to the fish bowl entertainment complex they also make runs to passing cargo ships where they are pounded by numerous young men from all over the world for a pittance per shot. The girls leave the port in a small tender and are ferried to the larger container ships or tankers. They clamber up the sides in their high heels and short skirts. The officers have the first pick and always choose the younger ones. The crew splits up the remains. Sailors are a horny lot.

Asian sailors are no different except they are back door men. 1000 baht gets you five shots at the rear exit sans condom and a night of massage and tender loving care.

If you were watching Thai TV a couple of weeks ago you saw a news story of a Chief Engineer airlifted off of a freighter by helicopter to the mainland hospital because of a massive heart attack. That was a result of spending three days with Princess’s daughter.

Although I am curious to see what goes on at her new place I am hesitant to go. I spent a long time to get on the inside. I spent a lot of time and money to be trusted enough by enough women to find out what really goes on. Even as old as I am and as well traveled and jaded, I am amazed at the absolute depths of depravity and excess that a Thai bar girl will go, especially with Asian men. Princess’s record is 220 in two weeks in Singapore.

If you are a long time reader of my stories about Princess you may wonder why I would even consider seeing a woman like Princess so long especially when there are so many other choices available. I know I am not alone in this rather peculiar behavior in Thailand among Farang men. Perhaps that should be a stand alone submission.

Stickman's thoughts:

220 in two weeks????