Stickman Readers' Submissions July 31st, 2007

Welcome To Paradise

Thailand is a wonderful place to visit and an even better place to retire, especially if you are a single man.

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Warm weather, beautiful beaches, magnificent sunsets and magnificent women. The food is delicious and if you like Thai food your meal expenses will come to very little. The housing costs in Thailand are very reasonable compared to western
countries and heathcare in Bangkok is excellent, many of the doctors being educated abroad.

If you are older and need or would like to have home care, that is a full time live-in house keeper to cook, clean and take care of other needs you can hire one for as little as ten dollars a day. That’s a twenty-four hour day.

Back home in America it would be ten dollars an hour at least.

Thailand is called the land of smiles and for good reason. The Thai people smile as naturally as breathing and their smiles are as real and warm as their hearts. There are also many expatriates living here that have more in common with you
than your friends back home. Now, why do I say this? Because you had the gumption and guts to get up off your duff and move over here in the first place, leaving behind Thursday night bowling and the safety of doing nothing and going nowhere.

Some of the best friends that I have ever had in my entire life, I had the pleasure of meeting in Thailand or on my travels.

People that come to live in the Kingdom usually have been here before. The first time that I visited, everyone smiled at me, small children waied to me and beautiful young girls called out ‘Handsome Man’ and competed
eagerly for my attention. The cost of my vacation here was surprisingly low, only Bali was cheaper, but I wished, if I ever had the luck to retire, I would go straight to Thailand.

I also thought that if I did retire from an apartment in New York City the first thing that I would do is buy a Harley and a German Shepherd. I am here now and have been delightfully happy ever since I arrived.

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My dog Louke never leaves my side, never, and my Harley-Davidson Heritage Classic is more a work of art than transportation.

I was only here for a short time when I had a revelation. I was riding up to Khao Lak for lunch with a half a dozen other Harley guys from Patong. Yes, we can be a bit cliquish. There are, after all, only two types of motorcycles.

Harley-Davidsons and then all the rest.

My girl of the moment was tall and slim with good sized breasts.

On our trip, she had her arms around my waist and her chest pressed into my back.

It was then that I distinctly remembered a moment many years ago when I was a young man and had a Harley and a twenty-year old girlfriend. We went for many a ride with her breasts pressing into me.

A very sensuous feeling washed over me, a memory from forty years past and here I was, transported back in time, feeling and doing the same things that I did so many years ago with a girl of the same age.

The ingenuousness and veracity of this pleasure appearing from such a distant time validated my immortality.

One of life’s truths for me now was that I took my money off the table and walked out of Las Vegas flush- a big winner.

By this I mean I cashed in all of my chips at home and won in the game of life.

In fact I wrote up a big sign, I WIN, and I had it posted near my computer where I saw it every day.

Life has been good to me here. I can’t complain.

But what about you – back in America? Sixty years old and single. Trying to date a woman, fat, fifty and funny-looking.

When you do go out, do you feel marginalized? People passing you by, not looking at you, not hearing when you make
an attempt at conversation. You’ve been pushed to the periphery of society simply by being older. Ignored by everyone,
grocery store clerks, strangers walking by and most of all, younger people, younger women.

Do you stay home every night and watch television or do you go to the local tavern and drink yourself into oblivion.

There are a few things that you can do instead of leading a distant, unfulfilled life on the outer limits of society.

Do as my aunt and uncle did. Live in a retirement village. They were very happy. There was a club house, meetings, events and dances every week. There are plenty of these retirement homes in Bricktown, New Jersey.

Plenty of rules too. No children allowed. No one under the age of fifty-five can live there. I visited them often.

It was eerie, everyone was old and it was almost like the 1967 television series, ‘The Prisoner’ with Patrick McGoohan, where he lived in an enigmatic, isolated village and he couldn’t leave.

But you know what? They were not marginalized. They had a social life and a sense of belonging.

Everyone said hello to each other and they were all friends.

They took those ten dollar bus trips to Atlantic City and received a free lunch and ten dollars in chips.

It was the highlight of the week. My aunt and uncle told me that when they passed away, they would leave me their house and all of this would be mine. I was thinking I would rather blow my brains out.

Or come — visit the Land Of Smiles. Let yourself be enchanted by the tropical warmth of supple, tan skinned girls, smother yourself in the heat of enticing visions that flow over you in the small hours of the night, reveries turning
into realities.

Experience a transformation of time and existence, enjoy the fantasy and pleasures of your past – right now.

Eternal youth, happiness and love are here, yours for the asking. Come to Thailand – Land of Dreams. Dreams that do come true.

Author's note: If there are any good sentences or thoughts here, I stole them from my dear friend Andrew Campbell.

Did I actually write a positive story for once?

Did I really say that Thai smiles are real?

Stickman's thoughts:

Hehehe, this one goes against the grain, Frank! But seriously, there is a lot to like about Thailand and even the biggest cynics cannot argue that there are some things about Thailand which the West really cannot compete against.

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