Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 187

  • Written by Dana
  • July 28th, 2007
  • 6 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok


"My love she's like a raven, at my window with a broken wing." — Bob Dylan

HOT . . . SO SO HOT. AND HUMID.

Miles east of Third Road in a Siamese Eden where dengue fever and malaria will still rule after the flip-flop imprints are gone; there was an Amazonian mystery in the form of an anaconda-like black power cable that came down through the tops of the trees. Trees marking the confluence of rice paddy dikes that sheltered a laundromat. Whence the power grids origin for the machines was not nearly as interesting as the result. Eight double banked washing machines in a row, and four dryers heating and humming and spinning and moaning and jumping under a Third World shelter of frond and tarp and corrugated roof. An oasis surrounded by trucks and chickens and motorbikes and the litter of an uncaring people. Hot . . . so so hot. And humid.

Only me and her and her helper on this hot sultry day. Talking and smiling and laughing and pantomiming back and forth over the row of washing machines. Her name was Som and she made her chair go by puffing into a wand mouthpiece. She had no arms and she had no legs.

Malay dark skin, almond eyes, high cheek bones, flashing white teeth, lipstick her able bodied helper had applied, and black shiny hair down to her waist. An Eve with no arms and no legs in a rice paddy laundromat Eden. A Devil's joke of temptation and me in a land without time–primal emotions without shame, and pure intentions unsullied by social measuring.

One thing led to another and . . . her helper drove us to Som's house and showed me how to help with the wheelchair, and how to start the generator that charged the chair's battery. Between the two of us Som and I had one arm and one leg apiece–all that people need who also have hearts full of love.

The next morning . . .

"Goodbye Som–I will never forget you."

"Goodbye also to you Khun Dana–someday I will be a good mother and a loyal wife; but I will never forget the most loving man I ever met."

"Before I go Som–I just have one question. What is the pussy called on a woman with no arms and no legs?"

"Dana–it is called a . . . oops, I hear my cell phone ringing . . . I've got to go."

"Goodbye Som."


POLAROID SHOCK

End of the day in Pattaya and I am dragging my tired feet down the boulevard towards the AA Hotel on Soi 13/0. I have already fallen in love twice with two of Siam's angels so there is no urgency to really do anything. I was up on the boulevard near Soi 6 looking for Som. No appointment but I knew she did business there. A sweet girl I have spent time with before but long odds on just running into her this late at night. She is doubtless in another man's hotel room retching and coughing up the seed of life. Hey, it's a business. Didn't see her.

Up ahead I see a woman sitting on the bench in front of the AA Hotel. I sit down next to her. Light conversation. Pretty face and curvy. She asks where I am staying. I point across the street. We may have a player. I take the prop condom out of my left pocket and show it to her. Then I put my hand over it and wave my head from side to side.

"No condom–no ploblem." — she says.

Then I take my wallet out of my pocket and take out the porno playing card (Queen of Spades) that shows a woman getting plugged in the rear.

"Back end–no ploblem." — she says.

We have a winner and love is in the air. I take her hand and we walk across the street. She is wearing a yellow T-shirt and white pants. Her name is Jaeb.

Stepping out of the shower my peripheral vision picks her up squatting (more footprints to clean off) on the toilet seat peeing and smoking a cigarette. I kinda wish her vagina was smoking the cigarette but that's a detail. Anyway, as my peripheral vision picks up this vision of Skankville I have a disquieting notion: 'Does this look familiar?'

Out she comes wrapped in a white towel and I put her up against the wall and start taking pictures. I always get a face shot and a full body shot. I enjoy it and the girls love it. Repeat girls run to the wall and wait for me to get my camera. Taking the pics I have a repeat thought–'Does this look familiar?'

I use a Polaroid camera for room shots. Everyone makes fun of me for using a Polaroid camera but it is just exactly the right camera for room shots. You can watch the pics develop together, give them some pics to take home, and put the winners up on the mirror. If a repeater comes back in the room days later and her pics are still on the mirror instead of another women's pics you have won the lottery. Hint: be very careful juggling women and pictures. Make a mistake here and you are going to wish you had two dicks because you may lose one dick. Anyway, I put the woman's name on the picture and then after her name in parenthesis I put either a plus sign or a minus sign. Hopefully these notations will keep me from making mistakes. Hey, I'm a white guy. We keep records. Hard to explain once to a female Customs agent when I was trying to re-enter the United States through Detroit.

"I don't know what the plus and minus signs are Ms. Female Customs Agent–I asked the girls to do that: maybe it is a Buddhist thing."

As Jaeb and I stand together and watch the polaroid shot of her face develop I suddenly feel ill. The face that is coming up on the paper I have seen before. Six months ago. Six months ago I picked this same-same woman up at the same time of night from the same bench and she was wearing the exact same yellow T-shirt and white pants. It's a skank repeat. She was a dud and a nutjob so I threw her out six months ago.

As soon as the picture has finished developing I know what I have to do. I help her dress and throw her out again.

So ends another day in Pattaya.

Stickman's thoughts:

Down in Pattaya last weekend, I noticed that the girls on the Beach Road (I was going for a walk, nothing more) were the same bunch of skanks I see all the time although if I was to be honest, they looked rather harsh. Shoeless, teeth missing and generally very, very rough.