My View On The Bar Scene

I have posted numerous submissions on other blog/forum sites about the night life in Thailand and although I am a keen reader of the stickman site, I have never written in, until now.

I am in my late 50s and I own a small beer bar on the outskirts of Pattaya. The bar is nothing fancy, just a few bar stools, a couple of tables and chairs, a mediocre sound system and a pool table. Even in high-season to have 15 people in
the bar at one time is busy for us. I am also a silent partner of a light-making factory in my home town of Wakefield in the north of England. I have never been married nor do I think that I ever will and as far as I am aware I don't have
any kids. I worked very hard to get the bar established but admittedly I don't work hard now. In fact I hardly work at all, maybe 2 nights a week. I employ staff to work hard for me. I now spend probably 70 per cent of my time in Pattaya,
the rest of my time is spent in Bangkok with the odd day or 2 in Phuket from time to time to play golf. I am already what some people would class as retired, some people would say plain lazy, I would have to agree with the latter but I'm
happy, I'm enjoying life and I know in my mind that whenever I die it certainly will not be from stress. With all this free time on my hands, being a single man and living in a place like Pattaya it is not surprising that I spend a lot of
time in the naughty bars. I have read and heard so much rubbish from ignorant people that are disgusted when they see guys like me in the company of a bargirl. They think the girls are forced into it and that people like me are taking advantage
of the poor little darlings. This is absolute bullshit. This is my chance to share my views on the subject.

Recently, two friends of mine were in town for a few days so we did the usual drinking and bar girl thing. I first met Gary and Richard a few years ago. They were drinking in my bar with 2 beauties so I went over for a chat. I soon realised
that their mind sets were very similar to mine. We got on really well and hit the town that night. Since then I see each of them 3 or 4 times a year and they always come to my place when they are around.

Gary is some sort of computer wiz from Canada, he works for a multi national corporation and spends a lot of time working in South East Asia. He is 35 years old and has a wife back in Canada. Gary is not as prolific in the bar fining stakes
as us single guys but he does like to have a play around every now and again. Gary is also familiar with the Hong Kong and Tokyo naughty nightlife but prefers Pattaya to anywhere as he says although it may seem cheap and cheerful here compared
with the more upmarket Hong Kong and Tokyo scenes, the girls are more fun. He also rates Hua Hin very highly for a more relaxed bar scene, which I must say, took me by surprise. Now, after his recommendation I am planning a few days there as I've
never yet been.

Richard is 49 and from the UK like me. He has a string of second hand car dealerships across the south of England. Richard is a big man, I would say around 20 stone (that's 127 kg for all you matricides). He is single and says he always
has been. Paying for sex didn't start in Thailand for him. Back in England he says he regularly uses prostitutes and even through out his childhood he can remember a girl agreeing to hold his hand on the condition that he bought her lunch
and at school he once paid a girl £5 to kiss him in the play ground. Richard says that when he dies he wants to be remembered as the patron saint of the bareback! He claims to have short-timed over 300 hundred women and takes every opportunity
NOT to wear a condom <Idiot – Stick>. I'm sure that many of you will be glad to know that he did say that nowadays he rarely gets to do this as the girls don't let him.

Gary and Richard are arrogant, obnoxious, rude, inconsiderate, juvenile, loud and very sexist. It is these qualities that make them such fun to go out drinking with. It really is a laugh a minute. The 3 of us are all admirers of the female
form. The girls we go for are always hookers. I speak for myself in saying that it is just as well as I know I am not desirable to women these days. I am a realist. But this fact aside I still prefer hookers as I don't want to waste any time
taking them out for a meal or a movie. Why would I want to get to know them? The only thing I want to know about them is what they will do in the sack. Paying for sex makes the relationship purely physical which suits me fine. Also, because we're
paying, we are the customers. Therefore, we are always right! So, whether they work in the bar, on the street, or freelance in a nightclub, if they are willing to 'open' for business then we are happy.

When you go to bars with Gary and Richard you know you're in for a good night. They are always very playful with the girls and not shy on buying lady drinks, the girls seem to really respond to them. They sometimes go out with a rule
that they can barfine girls for each other, so if Richard sees an ugly girl, he could barfine her for Gary and vice versa. I have also witnessed them actually competing with each other to stuff 500 baht into to the G-string of a girl on stage
in my favourite go-go bar – Happy a go-go (ah, I know some of the girls there inside-out!) We were sat on stools by the stage and out of the blue they asked me to pick a number, I think I said 23 and with that they both rushed up off their stools
and hurried to the girl wearing number 23 and started wrestling with each other to put the note in her thong first! It actually caused quite a scene. This wouldn't stop there, an hour or so later they'd ask me to pick another number
and the whole thing would happen again! They'd keep score of who was winning and by the end of the night the loser had to pay for the winners bar fine. They also always go out wearing personalised T shirts. You can buy a coloured T shirt
with writing on the front and reverse of the T shirt for around 300 baht at a shop in soi Buakhao, I think for 350 baht you get a number included. Well, one particular day they spent over 3000 baht each on T shirts from this place, they were of
different colours and some of the lettering on the backs of them was hilarious. My personal favourites were "monger", "sex tourist", "khun chop 69 mai", "bare backer 007" and "no muff too tough".
Now, it takes a certain type of person to wear T shirts like these. I have to say I could never do it, I just wouldn't have the bottle and was embarrassed enough at the shop when they bought them, but it says a lot about their character,
they just don't give a f**k! The way they see it is that they are having fun and doing no body any harm so who cares what people think. I have to applaud this attitude and wish I could think like them. To see Richard on a bar stool with a
girl probably one third of his weight on his lap with "sex tourist" and a number "1" underneath printed in large white letters on the back of his red, XXXL sized T shirt whilst Gary is on the stool next to him (with his wedding
ring on) also with a girl on his lap, wearing a T shirt with "sex tourist" and a number "2" below it, to me is just class, pure class.

On the first night of their recent visit to Pattaya we had just come out of Doll House a go-go when I decided to go home. Their plan was to go further down Walking Street, pick up a girl each and go back to Gary's condo in Jomtien but
I declined as I am a keen golfer and had an important match play event the following afternoon. I said I would see them the next night and wished them luck for the remainder of the night.

After a few over-priced Heinekens at the golf course with my golfing opponent (who I beat 4&3, by the way!) I went back to my bar and called Gary. It was 6pm. He was already having a pint with Richard at the Pig and Whistle restaurant
in Soi 7. I said I'd be there in 20 minutes to join them and catch up with last night's gossip. We stayed at the Whistle for another drink as there was football on the TV. We soon lost interest in the footy and went to the nearest beer
bar. We didn't have to walk very far as the Soi is full of them. We played pool and chatted with the girls over some beer Singhas. Going from bar to bar, we made our way down the soi. After much more of the same we turned left out of Soi
7 and started walking along Beach Road. Gary decided to walk across the road to the beach front to see what was on offer! Richard and I soon followed. I must say that I was quite surprised to see how many women were there offering their services.
I have heard stories that the girls of Beach Road operate there as they cannot work in go-go bars as they are either too ugly, carrying disease or they are underage. At that time I'd never met anyone that had gone with a 'Beach Roader'
so didn't know if the stories were true or not.

After countless "where you go"s, and "I go wit you handsome man"s we crossed the road and went up to Soi Yamato. It was in this Soi that we moved the drinking up a notch. At the first beer bar there were vodkas and tequilas
flying down our necks. Although the alcohol was taking effect it never seemed to increase the appeal of the somewhat average looking girls there. In fact Gary kept talking about a stunner he'd seen on Beach Road, he reckoned she was 18 or
19 and had an unbelievable figure. He stated "If she was working in this beer bar I'd barfine her right now." I decided it was time to move on to a place where there would be a higher standard of hooker so the next destination was
a go-go bar. I think the name of the bar was Nice N Easy a go-go. It was the only time I'd ever been in there. Richard sat down and immediately signalled for 2 very good looking girls to come and sit with him. He made it clear to us that
he was after a double whammy. He bought them drinks straight away. Gary and I were slightly pissed off at this as there wasn't really much left to pick from, Richard had the 2 best girls with him! They were wearing bikini tops and short skirts.
After more tequilas and even more lady drinks ordered by Richard, Gary suggested that me and him go somewhere else. After weighing up the situation I thought it was best to leave as well. "We'll leave that greedy bas***d here."
I joked to Gary. We paid our part of the bill – 2 tequilas each, then from across the bar, gave a wave and a shout of goodbye in Richard's direction. He nodded his head in return as both of his hands seemed to be submerged in bargirl.

As Gary and I meandered down Soi Yamato, slightly worse for wear. He turned and said to me, "Let's go back up Beach Road."

"Are you serious?" I replied. "What about going to Walking Street for a look?"

"No, we do that every night, come on, let's live dangerously!" I don't know whether it was the alcohol or what but Gary had a look of intent, almost of frenzy in his eyes. I decided to give it a try so we crossed the road
and went shopping. Gary couldn't find the one he'd seen before but, after a close inspection he picked a nice little 22 year old called Pim. I went with one of her friends who was 26 and called Oil. Gary and Pim got on a songtaew which
was Jomtien bound and I crossed the road accompanied by Oil to get on a songtaew going in the opposite direction. Back at my place we had a night cap at my bar, which was now closed. Then it was up the stairs….

….A minute or 2 into the action and, without wanting to sound crude, I was suddenly aware that my nose had become rather sensitive to her 'potency' downstairs. Of course this was off putting to say the least but I wouldn't
let that beat me. I gritted my teeth, buried my head into the pillow and thought of England. On completion I handed her the 1000 baht that she asked for and she left – my first 'Beach Roader' experience.

The following morning Richard, Gary and I met at the Pig and Whistle for breakfast. We were all very hung-over and the gigantic breakfast looked an impossible task even for Richard. I told them about what happened and they were both roaring
with laughter. Gary was more than happy with his girl and he said although she only asked him for 500 baht, he gave her 1500. I then asked Richard how much he was charged for his 3 in a bed session. "4000 baht" he replied. Before I could
say how reasonable the price was, "Each" he snapped with a massive grin on his face. This just set us all of with fits of laughter again.

When we'd finished breakfast and had drank numerous glasses of apple juice to try to rehydrate ourselves we walked down Soi 7 and turned left onto Beach Road as we did the previous night. Once we got to Mike's shopping mall we decided
to cut through and have a massage somewhere. We carried on walking until we came to Eden massage on Soi Diana Inn. After a very pleasant Thai massage (no happy ending) we went to 7 eleven for yet another thirst quencher. Whilst I was in the queue,
holding 2 cans of shark I noticed a Lolita's girl in front of me waiting to purchase a bottle of Listerine, for obvious reasons. I sniggered and tried to get Richard's attention but he was already aware. The girl paid and left. I did
the same and waited out side for Gary and Richard. I'd just cracked open my first can of shark when Richard burst out of the door and chased the girl from Lolita's. When he reached her she turned round with an alarmed look on her face.
"Here love, you'll need this tonight. I'm coming in later and I haven't emptied 'me sack for a week." With that he handed her a family sized bottle of Listerine mouth wash, twice the size of the bottle she already
had. Needless to say I was in stitches. The girl seemed very confused but said thank you, took the bottle and scampered off to the Lolita's bar. I decided to go back to my place for a nap, this hangover was beating me.

After 3 or 4 hours sleep I came downstairs to the bar. There were 6 customers in. Regulars Pete and Kelvin who are both English ex-pats who were with their wives, both are ex-bargirls. The other 2 customers were a young couple that I'd
never seen before. After a quick chat with Pete and Kelvin I sat down at a table with an orange juice and read the Pattaya Mail. I could see Richard and Gary coming up towards the bar so I went behind the bar and took 3 large Singhas and a bucket
of ice. As I was behind the bar I said hello to the young couple and asked if they wanted anything. They said they were fine so I took the beer and ice to my table. It was now 8.30pm. Richard and Gary came in, sat with me and presented me with
a T shirt. A pink T shirt! When they handed it to me I realised that it said "GUNG" on the back of it! I had to laugh. They bought it for me to wear out that night because of what had happened with the Beach Road girl. They had their
"Monger" T shirts so I reluctantly agreed to wear my pink, "GUNG" one. We finished our beers over a game of pool so I went to get 3 more. Whilst I was behind the bar I heard the young couple bad mouthing Pete and Kelvin. Instinctively
I looked up at them and the girl asked if I agreed with her. I told her straight that I didn't agree. I told her that although the 2 Thais were former bargirls they are now very happily married and treated far better than what they'd
been used to with Thai boyfriends earlier on in life. She then tried to preach that it was older men like Pete and Kelvin that made the girls go for dancing jobs as they see the opportunity of bigger money. "Well of course it's the money."
I said. When I was last in Phuket, just before Christmas, I remember seeing an advert for staff at McDonalds in Patong. Now although I am not 100% literate in Thai I am quite sure the hourly rate of pay was a mere 45 baht. Girls can obviously
earn so much more than this working in a bar. I said to her that if she was in the same situation as some of the girls, she would probably do the same. Then I pointed out that it wasn't just men taking part in the naughty night life. On occasions
I've seen a western woman strolling along with her go-go dancer that she'd hired for the night. Anyway, I said that most of the girls enjoy their jobs; they work with their friends and usually have a good time at the bars drinking and
chatting. What's so bad about that I asked. "Well if they liked their bar jobs so much, why aren't those 2 still doing it?" She said. I then told her that although they did enjoy working at the bar far more than any other job
they'd ever had, it was still work. They had now been given the chance not to have to work. This conversation went on for a while and I started to lose my cool. "I think the government should close bars that have girls that can be barfined."
Said the girl. "And what effect do you think that would have on the Thai economy?" I replied. "People would be far worse off, face facts love, the bargirl industry is massive here. Without it I believe that tourism would suffer.
Tourism is an integral source of income to the country and would suffer as a knock-on effect if the bar scene was banned. As long as there are men coming to Thailand bar fines will be paid."

– As Dana has started the trend of attaching your name to quotes in Thai thoughts and anecdotes part 178, I would like to claim: Bar fines will be paid. (Lloyd Harris 2007)

The Girl: "Well I still think it's disgusting."

Me: "It's Pattaya, get used to it."

The boyfriend that until now had not said a word: "I've been coming to Thailand for 3 years now and this (Pattaya) is not real Thailand."

Me: "Oh you've been coming now for 3 years? I was coming to Thailand when you were still firing shit into your pampers, and as for 'real' Thailand, I lived in Udon Thani for 5 years. Believe me I know what 'real'
Thailand is like and to be honest I much prefer this one. So I expect during your 3 visits to Thailand you've probably been to places like Koh Samui, Koh Samet, Krabi, Kanchanaburi etc. Do you call these places 'real' Thailand?
Blah blah blah…"

I know I acted unprofessionally and I lost 2 customers that night but I felt something needed to be said. It is naive people like this that give us ex-pats in Pattaya a bad name. The stories I've told about Richard and Gary show that
we are generous, good natured people that just like to have fun. I recently seen a youtube.com video of a man on holiday in Pattaya who woke up with 2 women in his bed. I thought it was brilliant but there are mixed opinions on the comments that
people have posted. Some are calling him a sad, fat lowlife amongst other things but I say fair play to him, I bet he had a delightful holiday. The sad ones are the people at home who feel the need to write negative comments on people who are
enjoying themselves. Anyway the video is called Three in a bed and its by tabmule.

Richard went back to England and Gary had to go to Melbourne for a training course so I decided to go to Bangkok for a few days.

I was sitting at Big Dogs bar at the entrance to Nana Plaza having a drink. I noticed it was extremely busy with the majority of the traffic going up the stairs to the go-go bars. I felt tired and wasn't in the mood to be pulled and
pushed towards the entrance of each go-go bar so I paid my bill and went for a look in the car park across the road. After a couple of laps I decided on a cute little lady with her hair in pigtails and a tattoo on each shoulder. I went over to
her and made the proposal, sure enough we were off to the short time room. I paid the woman on reception the 270 baht room charge and we went up the stairs. After showering I got on the bed and she came out wearing only a towel. That soon came
off and she lay next to me on the bed. Now at my age it is not the easiest task in the world to get enough blood flowing in the right places. This was not made any easier by the barbarian in the next room. I could hear the headboard slamming against
the wall and I felt sorry for the girl on the receiving end. This really put me off, it sounded like he was being nothing less than ruthless and I just couldn't concentrate! I explained to the girl that I wouldn't be able to perform
under these short time conditions so suggested to her that we go to my hotel room for long time. Surprisingly she agreed so we changed into our clothes and walked down the stairs to get a taxi. Once inside the taxi she asked me for her wage for
the short time. I said that I would pay her for long time tomorrow morning. She replied with, "Yes but I go short time you already. Pay me short time as well." With that I rolled my eyes, smiled at her and opened my wallet….

The following day the car park girl and I made our way from my hotel in Banglampoo (I usually stay in the Sukhumvit Soi 4 area but on this occasion I wanted to try a new 4 star hotel) through Khao San Road to where she would get a taxi home.
As we passed Khao San Centre bar I noticed a group of lads looking at me and I heard one them say "She's got bar girl written all over her. Sad old git." Well first of all well done that man for recognising a hooker. How very observant
of him. That's probably the only thing he's learnt since being in Thailand. As for calling me a sad, old git – yes I'm old, but if I was 30 years younger I would have gone over to him and said, "What's your problem pal?
Are you jealous or what? Get your hand in your pocket and you could have one like this. You're calling me a sad git, at least I'm enjoying myself you tight, miserable bas***d. You're all the way over in Thailand and yet you're
sat here slagging off people you don't even know that walk past. I know you'll go home and tell your friends how 'AWESOME' your trip was. Let me tell you something mate, living on pad Thai and bottled water whilst staying in
200 baht per night accommodation for 2 weeks is not awesome. Shagging 3 girls in a day every way possible is my idea of awesome. If you've got a cock – use it! (Lloyd Harris 2007) Grow some bullocks man. Now clear off down to Koh Tao or Koh
Phangnan or wherever it is you go to 'find your inner self' and take your bead collection, your vests, fisherman trousers, bandannas and disposable cameras with you, TW*T." Unfortunately I didn't say this. Well I didn't
want to cause a scene in the presence of my hooker, she may have lost face!!!

If there are any feminists out there or others that I have offended, please feel free to send me your opinions / arguments to the email address below. I'm sure my friends and I will have a lot of fun laughing at your expense.

Lloyd Harris

Stickman's thoughts:

Quite a bunch of characters in this story…