Readers' Submissions

Condom Capers




Since I lived in an AIDS hotbed like San Francisco in the first days of the disease it may come as a surprise to everyone that I avoided infection. I did some porn production in SF and am aware of a number of adult stars who perished.

My good luck stems from an unusual experience when I lived in Denver before my move to the West coast of America.

My wife was not speaking to me let alone sleeping with me and my mistress was upset that I moved back in with my wife.

This condition created some sexual tension in my life and on one lunch break I stopped in an adult book store that had small rooms and ran what they called loops back then. Loops were normally 8 mm short movies that were connected at the beginning and end which caused them to repeat, or loop.

I chose a likely film by the photo outside the booth and entered. Confronting me was a nude women in her 20’s. I dropped a quarter in the machine and she dropped to her knees. A few minutes later I thanked her politely and returned to work. I would have said something more but really I was at a loss for words.

Three days later I was not at a loss for words as I noticed pain and a yellow, slightly green tinged discharge. I realized one could get gonorrhea from oral sex. This experience made me ultra sensitive to STDs for 25 years and I became an avid fan of condoms, even for oral sex.

I still would be a fan except for advancing age and the rigors of being an old man porn star in America. It is difficult enough to get and maintain an erection after 55 without having to do it on cue. I tried Viagra and the other options but found the next two days I had a raging headache and symptoms very much like a hangover.

The first woman I had sex with in Thailand when I moved here two years ago was from Burma. She had started working in Nana Plaza as a gogo dancer the day before I met her. She spoke no English. The condition of her wardrobe indicated a very short time working. When I asked the mamasan what to buy her as a present she suggested shoes. The woman had to borrow shoes to dance from the other ladies and owned none of her own. She was very thin and tight internally. The condom broke. It was not a Thai condom, it was a Western condom. She wasn’t upset. She suggested I not wear one again as it hurt her.

During the past two years I have had six condoms break. I found requests for condom usage from bar girls, dancers and freelancers in Bangkok to be inconsistent and seemingly not dependant on any one factor or group of factors.

When I met Princess I religiously used condoms. She had been in the business for 10 years and some of that time in Singapore where she was processing ten men a day. I continued using condoms for three months and then had her tested. In addition to the regular STDs I also had her tested for the all forms of hepatitis. During that process it was discovered that she had never had any vaccinations and we had those done. When I lived with the six bar girls I kept track of when their bars required the tests and planned outings accordingly.

I found out by having dancers and bar girls for friends that most gogos do test for vaginal diseases once or twice a month <This is completely contrary to what I have heard, and I have spoken with a lot of bar owners and managers about thisStick>. Some even test before allowing the lady to begin work but those are in the minority. Most of the testing in South Pattaya is done at a clinic off of Soi 7 near the Eagle bar (Eagle bar also has 35 baht Tiger or Heinekens for you to sip while awaiting the results). If the lady works in a gogo or a beer bar the cost is 50 baht. If not it is 300 baht and takes ½ hour or less for results. For a male farang at a regular clinic or hospital the cost is closer to 1000 baht depending on the tests done. HIV tests are normally done once every three months by the gogo bars and cost the dancer 400 baht and are ready in an hour. Most bar girls are not tested and of course freelancers are not tested nor are most massage employees. This procedure would be more effective if punters dated only gogo dancers. Since most farang men date all three genres the risk is as great in any sector of the business. To sum it up, if you are going to have a lady from a bar 24/7 for a few days it will cost you 450 baht to find out if she has most STDs including HIV. Though not foolproof, it is a whole lot better than no information at all. The timid should be informed that most Thai women do not mind being tested and it will not upset them if you suggest it.

A friend of mine after indiscriminate sex for a few weeks was fixed up with a good girl. On their first date (I was there) they really hit it off well. On their second date he had to take her to the clinic to get treated for gonorrhea. I saw them both the next day. She was a little peeved and smacked him in the shoulder a couple of times but most of the evening she was genuinely smiling. Quite a contrast to what would have happened in the West.

I don’t think it is news to anyone that Thai men don’t like condoms. Since most Thai women who are involved with foreign men also have Thai boyfriends either for free or for pay that further complicates the issue.

Gogo dancers seem to have a penchant for pretty boy Thai men and many have boyfriends who work in gay bars. That means all of the punters are exposed to Pattaya’s gay tourist market as well as the legions of gay men who come here from third world countries. Remember the next time you see that 75 year old guy in the fishnet tank top wearing a pink scarf and matching wrap around skirt shopping at Friendship Supermarket that the male he slept with last night might be bonking your girlfriend when she goes home to change her clothes.

There seems to be fiction in the minds of many that there is no local stigma to working in the pay for play entertainment industry in Thailand. That is patently false. Anyone who is for sale will never find an upwardly mobile Thai man to marry. Since there are also many women involved in the Thai only prostitution trade the actual numbers of women at risk is mind boggling. Add to this intravenous drug usage and the number rises even further. This creates a large group of Thai women who only have low class or male prostitutes as potential companions. The first year I was in Thailand I spoke to only a few farangs. One can live comfortably in Thailand and rarely speak to another foreigner.

In Pattaya, however the farang presence is far more pervasive. I found I enjoyed them more, especially since Princess was returning to her old bar girl ways. I also discovered more and more farangs, young and old alike, that did not use condoms. The old guys frequently mention that they will be dead soon anyway so why wear condoms.

Beach girls, bar girls and dancing girls are all the same. Few insist on condoms. The younger and better looking that you are decreases your chances of being asked to use a condom.

I also notice the greatest complainers about punters not using condoms are usually married farangs who never use a condom themselves or women for whom the condom does not lessen sensation and makes clean up easier and quicker.

I realize that there is a difference between a wife and a bar girl but the fact remains that not using a condom feels a hell of a lot better than using a condom. I can empathize with the married guys because I rarely use a condom when I am sleeping with a Thai woman married to a farang. It is quite easy to find a Thai woman married to a farang. The female bar owner or business owner is usually funded by a loving farang in the West. If you are discreet about approaching her or see her outside of work she is almost always willing to go for a tumble. The rule of thumb seems to be if you are married to a farang male it is OK to go short time but not long time.

For the men who are married to a Thai women and don’t live in Thailand or who are living with a Thai women in Farangland, I guess you should be reminded that fidelity is not high on the list of Thai virtues. It is however, high on the list of Thai virtues if it is the spouse of a Thai person we are talking about.

I have also discovered since I know a lot more farangs than I did a year ago that men who don’t live in Thailand know a lot more about Thailand than men who do live in Thailand. And men who are married and do not regularly engage in the naughty nightlife scene know quite a bit more about it than single men who are involved with it every night. It reminds me of the fact that I knew a heck of a lot more about life at 27 years of age than I do now.

What percent of Thai women insist on condom usage? Consider a couple of things. 1. Prostitutes, whether working in a bar or 7 Eleven are in the business to sell their bodies. 2. Long term thinking for a Thai person in the morning is what to have for lunch. 3. Getting pregnant with a well to do farang’s child is not such a bad thing. 4. Throw into this mix booze and you get very high percentage of Thai women not using condoms.

What percentage of farang men use condoms? I have been sober in Thailand and I have been drunk in Thailand. Guess which condition favors condom usage? For those familiar with Pattaya, estimate the number of farangs who are drunk every night.

I have discovered that truth and fidelity come right after kitchen sanitation in the average Pattaya female's value system and it makes it very difficult for me to estimate condom usage by my normal survey taking techniques.

During the past couple of months I have tried to conduct a survey. Most of the women in Pattaya now during the slow season are going for 500 baht short time. When asked if they require condom usage almost 100% say yes. When asked if they require condom usage for 1,000 baht almost 100% say no. Princess also tells me (and she does know almost everyone in town) that 100% of 500 baht bar girls will not require a condom for 1,000 baht. If I wear a shirt and tie and long pants almost no women ever even mention condoms! For a really interesting experience, wear a shirt, tie, long pants, white lab coat and stick a stethoscope in your back pocket and tell bar girls you are a doctor from America. This technique also works in the West in bars close to hospitals.

My good looking young farang associates who pick up ladies at Tony’s and Lucifer’s for free or for a minimal amount of cash never wear condoms.

I have well educated mature farang friends who insist AIDS is only a homosexual problem. I don’t think there is evidence to support this assertion.

I have read a significant amount of research that suggests the best first step to controlling AIDS is circumcision. I don’t know if there is any hard evidence for this but I suspect the statistics support it.

In Asia, probably Singapore has the best chance of controlling the virus. If their government can outlaw chewing gum, surely they can control HIV.

Since Thailand is committed to keeping the poor, poor and uneducated I see little hope of changing risky behavior.

Education is not the key anyway because that is putting the cart before the horse. Japan, Taiwan and Vietnam had the same sex tourism problems in the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s. Economic growth changed the equation.

Thailand certainly has all of the assets for potential economic growth but it is handicapped by its xenophobia. It needs foreign cash to stimulate basic industries that can be staffed by a large numbers of an uneducated population. Employment and the resulting wealth accumulation leads to education not the other way around.

The same disastrous policy of the West in Africa of not encouraging basic industries is primarily responsible for the stone age condition of much of Africa today. There was also, of course the delineation of countries along geographic lines instead of tribal and ethnic boundaries which is also a major factor in the conflicts of Southern Thailand today.

The summation of Condom Capers. 1. It is my considered opinion after speaking to over a hundred women and 50 men at random from Pattaya during the past year that 99.9% of men and women having sex in Pattaya have not worn a condom or been involved with a person who did not wear a condom frequently during the past 12 months. 2. The lowest risk category of female in Pattaya is the Phlebotomist at Pattaya Memorial Hospital (she is cute too).

You are all welcome to try The Chiang Mai Kelly System. 1. Bar fine three bar girls for a week, 10,500 baht. 2. Cost of testing, 1,350 baht. 3. Tell all three girls to get enough clothes for a week and that they will be staying with you 24/7 for one week. 4. Order a 35 baht Tiger at the Eagle bar and wait an hour for the test results. 5. Total cost 11,885 baht. 6. It is not easy having more than one woman stay with and have sex with you at the same time. I have done this over 60 times in the last five years. I am working on a Pattaya multiple sexual partner vacation submission right now. Until I get it finished if you are in a hurry you might want to try a visit to Club Eden in Bangkok or the Hell Club in Pattaya to point you in the right direction. In addition to what you learn there remember you have to feed these ladies a lot of food. Even more so when they are in multiples because they eat more as a group than when they are alone. It seems when one is hungry they are all hungry.

As I write this there are two lovely ladies asleep in my bed. They have just finished the 5th meal of the day. To survive this grocery store emptying experience it is advisable to locate your quarters next to a couple of 24 hour street markets and a number of good cheap Thai restaurants.

Stickman's thoughts:

I never fail to be amazed at the number of guys having unprotected sex in Thailand. This really is madness… But what Kelly says is so right – it is the MAJORITY that are doing this. Some things in life I will never understand.