Readers' Submissions

Pattaya

  • Written by Jm
  • June 29th, 2007
  • 4 min read


Some may recall my submissions from last year, where I shared experiences at Bangkok soapy massage parlors that I and my girlfriend had. In that story, despite describing my girlfriend as having been with me for 15+ years, it was stunning to me how many wrote to me and castigated me for being with an underage girl. Reading comprehension apparently not a strong feature of the sex tourist.

In any event, this year we decided on another visit for our own hedonistic gratification, and after reading about Pattaya we decided that we could pack more debauchery and less travel time into a holiday there. A clear case of "more bang for our buck". Hahaha. It should be said that we are Americans not living in the USA, and my girlfriend is Taiwanese and quite frisky.

We spent a great deal of time sifting thru the large number of hotels and hotel reviews trying to find an appropriate accommodation. This proved to be a difficult task in itself as people have a wide variety of perceived needs in a place like Pattaya, much different than the average holiday area. Since our primary goal was the soapies, it seemed that North Pattaya was the most convenient location. And since we have been known to have "takeout service", a hotel that didn't have onerous joiner fees or moral codes made parsing the reviews necessary.

We also had some of the standard requirements – since I'm always trying to get some work done, broadband internet was a requirement as well as something that wasn't a dump. We ended up selecting one of the Sabai properties (Sabai Wing) which was conveniently located almost directly next to one of the Sabai soapies.

So we arrive at the new airport, find the driver without difficulty, and start off to Pattaya. We weren't previously aware of the massive traffic problems caused by the construction on the freeway and I was surprised to see that the construction process for a freeway was being done "backwards" from that done elsewhere. Generally, bridges are built / widened first because it is the most difficult/time consuming part of the process. However in Thailand, even freeway construction is the Theatre of the Absurd.

We arrived in Pattaya and checked into the Sabai Wing – a high floor so as to not be disturbed by the swimming pool. An unnecessary precaution, as we discovered. Internet service was a joke – broadband speeds barely that of a modem and of course everyone blaming everyone else. Never a real responsible "manager" around.

An hour after arrival we were in the fishbowl area of one of the Sabai soapies, and after explaining our requirements (two girls, one of which can be actively bi with my girlfriend) we selected the first two victims. An interesting experience that we're not going to describe here, other than to confirm that over a five day period we were able to bang four girls a day, with two long time sessions at the hotel thrown in as well. None of them stayed overnight as we value our own privacy and intimacy.

Two hours later, we strolled across the street to the Big C shopping center, and were confronted with the reality of Pattaya – it is Bangkok sex tourism on steroids, with a male contingent that can only be described as the dregs of society, the most desperate of the desperate, the loneliest of the lonely. This mall was literally packed with the fat, the balding, the beady-eyed and unshaven detritus of western manhood. The bulk of them were walking hand in hand with their purchases both from Big C and the local beer garden, but none were beaming. In fact the difference in attitude between the middle-aged punters in Bangkok and those in Pattaya was noticeable and striking to us as first-time visitors.

This was rent-a-whore on steroids.

Wherever we walked, at any time of the day or night, one is confronted with this army of chalky white grey haired contingent strapped to their most recent purchase and wandering aimlessly around town. Even the girls in Pattaya seemed different than those in Bangkok, even though as we understand they are being drawn from the same pool in Chiang Mai, Isaan, etc. We found far fewer girls with breast implants than in Bangkok, and thought the girls here even more resigned to their fate in life.

Oh, and what's with all the punters with shaved heads? Easier way to hide their grey pates than a dye job? Inquiring minds want to know!

We had a great time in Pattaya. We found a couple of terrific restaurants, avoided the polluted ocean and congested chaos at the beach, managed to escape a trip-and-fall accident on the broken up sidewalks found everywhere, and managed to satisfy our carnal needs for another year or two without guilt.

The nagging question about Pattaya however is unanswered. Without sex tourists, would anyone ever come to Pattaya? Great beach communities can be found in dozens of places around the world – countries with working infrastructure, polite and well mannered populous, quality construction and safe environment. Even for those preferring English-speaking locations in the region, Australia fits the bill quite nicely with places like Cairns and Surfer's Paradise springing to mind. Pattaya clearly had none of these requirements, and never will given its only industry is desperate orgasms from aging dysfunctional humans.

Stickman's thoughts:

If there was none of the naughty stuff, for sure Pattaya would suffer. But it is cheap, very cheap, and that is part of the appeal too. It does however mean that there are ore Cheap Charlies down there than many other places!