Marrying a Working Girl
I have been reading the Stickman site for over 2 years now and have never contributed an article. So as with other readers, I have now felt compelled to tell my story after reading Wildrover’s article and understanding some of what he’s
going through, since I’ve been there. The names have been changed but I can assure you everything else is true.
I didn’t start reading the Stickman site until I was already well into a relationship with a working girl. I don’t know if discovering Stickman’s site before meeting her would have made any difference in my decision to marry her. I look at Stickman’s site as a guideline that provides insight to what’s going on in Thailand, not necessary the bible. So when a lot guys write about don’t be a fool and marry a bargirl, freelancer, massage girl, etc. and certainly don’t send them any money, that is simply their opinion or experience and they are entitled to warn us of potential pitfalls but to insult other guys by saying they’re losers, fools, stupid or sick, is uncalled for. Everything we do in life is a gamble and the ones that take the gamble can make the biggest gain – or loss. I do feel sorry for anyone that has been ripped off by a working girl but the same thing could happen and does happen with regular girls, although it is less likely. But like in any profession (and some say prostitution is the oldest profession in the world), there are good ones and bad ones. You might be looking for a needle in the hay stack but it does exist.
O.K. back to my story, I have been going to Thailand for over 6 years now ever since my divorce and have a group of friend that either live in Thailand or frequently visit Thailand and everybody has a different story. Some of my friends are married to a Thai girl (non-bar) and some of them have a relationship with a Thai girl (bar and non-bar). Some of my friends are married in America and some of my friends are single but everybody loves Thailand, either living here or just visiting. They look at it as what is there not to like about Thailand, good food, beautiful women, beaches, different culture, things are relatively cheap….etc.
I first came to Thailand in 2000 after a devastating divorce from my first wife who I had known since she was 15 years old; she basically left me and the kids for another man after 27 years of being together. I had never been with other women, so it was a very difficult period in my life. So I tried therapy, dating services, personal ads, and escort services, basically anything that could make me feel alive again. I was still having a hard time getting over my ex-wife, until one day my friend said to me “let’s go to Thailand and have some fun.”
Well, to make a long story short, I fell in love with Thailand from the first day and it really helped me out of my depression.
But after coming to Thailand a number of times and hanging out at all the bars, I started to get tired of the nightlife because it seemed so meaningless, going from one girl to another. I was ready to just stay at home and take care of my business and kids. Until I had a friend who got divorced and I decided it was my turn to help a friend out of his depression. So back I went to Thailand to help a friend out and while waiting for my friend to show up, I met Joy at a bar. At first I thought she was cute and as I got to know her better I fell in love with her. I basically went from customer to boyfriend to husband in one year.
At first we did the string thing, getting married in the village and then 8 months later we formally registered the marriage with the Thai government. My feeling about the sin sot dowry is that this is their custom and we are in their country and a Thai guy would have to pay a dowry, so we farangs should also pay but we should pay a fair price and not be taken advantage of. An Isaan village girl in my opinion should go for 20,000 to 200,000 baht tops. As in my case, I displayed 200,000 baht during the wedding but her family only kept 50,000 baht, the rest was given back to me, which I knew I was getting back in advance. The great display of cash was to show face to the people in the village that she was marrying a wealthy guy and that she had a good future. Today, we are going on 4 years and we just had a beautiful baby boy.
I will tell you this, that if anyone is thinking of marrying a Thai girl, it’s a long and winding road, with plenty of ups and downs (no pun intended). Some of the things you need to consider when entering into a serious relationship with a Thai girl are: phone problems, cultural problems, language problems, ex-Thai boyfriend problems, family problems, distance problems, money concerns and many more things which I can’t remember now. Basically, it takes a lot of understanding, patience and money to get the girl out of the bar. As the saying goes, “You can take the girl out of the bar but you can’t take the bar out of the girl.” This is true but I would like to go one step further and say, “You can take the girl out of the bar but the girl has to want to take herself out of the bar and change in order to make a relationship really work.”
To this day, I have a great friendship with two escorts in America, one is still working and the other one married a multi-millionaire (this girl has a University degree and only did escorting to pay off her bills). Of course her husband does not know of her past. I have long stopped having sex with these girls but remain close friends. So I kind of know that for most working girls, prostitution is what they do for a living and it’s not who they really are. They realize that having a fun attitude when entertaining a customer will bring repeat business and most working girls would rather see the same guy than a new guy because they worry about being busted or being hurt by a crazy person. This remains true even in Thailand that a working girl would rather see the same customer over and over again (if treated right) because it’s a constant cash flow and they kind of know the person. So it’s very hard to tell if they really love you or they are just doing their job really well for the money. Working girls that drink a lot or smoke a lot, or have tattoos are just not my type, to me this is a sign that this girl was maybe hardened by her profession. For as many guys that get ripped off by working girls, there are working girls that get hurt by ex-Thai boyfriends, get lied to by farangs, cheated on my men they love… etc., so it’s no wonder why so many girls get hardened. I know because I heard and saw all the stories, the vast majority of my friends that are either married to a Thai girl or that have a Thai girlfriend, cheat on them. The temptation of readily available girls is too great for most men and my friends look at it as they’re just having fun. I guess most people would like to have their cake and eat it too. As a matter of fact one of my friends has a Thai wife and his wife allows him to fool around. She just has two rules, wear protection and you can’t bring her home. I do think that some Thais do view sex differently than we do. For example, Rachada Kung Bo restaurant is a family seafood restaurant that has a fish bowl (place where you can choose a girl for sex) right in the middle of it; you won’t find that in America.
When in Bangkok I live in a Thai neighborhood in a Thai apartment with my wife and it’s so obvious who’s a working girl and who’s not and nobody seems to care (at least on the street where I’m at). It seems to me that Thai people understand that some Thai girls have to work as working girls to make a living to send home money for their family. Beauty salons, restaurants, laundries, nobody seems to care if they’re a working girl. I guess it’s because they understand life can be hard and they’re making money off the working girl anyways; so who cares.
When I used to get jealous of my wife’s past, she would say, “What are you jealous about? You know I was just working to be comfortable. I don’t care what other people think because other people don’t give me anything to eat.” If I ask her why she chose me, was it because of the money? Her answer would be, “It’s not the money, you think you’re the only one that has money. I’ve had other guys with more money than you ask me to marry them and I just didn’t give them an answer. I won’t stay with a guy just for money because that would be boring and I won’t stay with a guy just for love if I’m not comfortable.” I remember my third time visiting her and she told me that I was stupid to send a working girl money after meeting her the first time because I really didn’t know her yet.” She said, “ots of farangs are like that. I tell you now, that you were stupid to send me money the first time you met me but don’t worry now, I love you.” She said if a guy offers to send her money she’s not going to say no. As one reader once said, “W are no match for young cunning Thai girls.” I guess it just depends on the girl you meet, whether they’re honest or not.
I often sit on the street with my wife for dinner with other working girls and listen to their stories. Some of these girls only go with Asian guys and some of these girls will only go with Farangs and some girls don’t care who they go with. Their English ranges from very good to basically none. What they normally talk about is what kind of guy likes their looks or about customers that get serious about them. Yes, they do brag about the money they get from their customers. One girl told my wife that she only goes with rich Thai businessmen and they paid her 8000 baht a night. I don’t know if it’s true but she was driving a brand new Honda truck and she was stunningly good looking.
What to expect when you take your love one out of their country. One of my friends took his Thai wife to England; another friend took his Thai wife to America and I took my Thai wife to Canada to meet my family. Our wives were in agreement that for them visiting another country was OK but they really love their own country and food. First they find it kind of cold and they’re used to going out any time and easily buying food on the street.
These are my experiences and thoughts so far and I hope my article provides some insight to other readers.
Best to all,
I agree that there are some good girls out there who got caught up in the industry. They are of course rather hard to find. It sounds like you got lucky.