Readers' Submissions

Should I Get Married?

  • Written by Garet
  • May 31st, 2007
  • 6 min read


China Hotel Guide
• HengSheng Peninsula International
• Jiulong Hotel
• Lansheng Hotel
• Motel 168 Chifeng Hotel

Settle down with one girl, get married, and buy a place together; or stay single and continue having a never-ending, overlapping succession of "gigs" with younger women. Choose an educated, self-employed, dependable woman I can trust, or continue to have flings with younger girls without getting too serious. I have to decide which way to go and I have to do it soon.

I was recently inspired to share this after reading two recent submissions,

" Help Me Please! My Decision" by Carl Towers.

He described his situation with honesty, and as a result he got useful feedback, which helped him a lot.

To give you some background about me, I'm a 36-year-old English teacher from Scandinavia (I actually taught English in my home country). My education and my English skills are good enough for me to get a job teaching in a Thai high school. The salary isn't great, but with a few outside classes for extra money, I make a modest 50,000 per month. How I wound up living in Thailand could be a topic for a whole other essay so I won't get into that here.

My girlfriend is a 30-year-old Thai-Chinese woman who makes more money than I do. She has a Master's Degree that she received from a Californian university in the states. She drives a nice car, has a good job, and comes from a good family. She has a lighter, Chinese-looking complexion and she is quite pretty. She is the kind of girl Thai men really like because of her lighter skin and sometimes people think she's Japanese or Korean. Personally, I don't care if the skin is dark or light, or if the girl looks more Chinese or Thai…they are all beautiful :) Despite being pretty and coming from a family with money, she is totally non-pretentious. I trust her 100% and she is sweet as can be. Most importantly, she really loves me and wants to get married.

If we get married, I'd be expected to pay a one million baht dowry, which is almost all I have. But, don't fall out of your chair just yet. The dowry is just for show. Since she comes from a rich family that doesn't need my money, her parents would give the money right back to us as soon as the wedding was over. Then we could use it to put a down payment on a condo, house, or whatever we want (though the wedding ceremony and ring will still cost a lot). So, that is a better deal than marrying a girl from a poor family because though the dowry is only 100k or 200K the family keeps it all because they really need it. My girlfriend has her own money too, so we can go in 50 – 50 on a condominium or house.

"So, what is the problem? She sounds perfect," you may be wondering. The problem is, I'm not sure if I want to get so serious, but if I don't marry her soon, she won't wait for me anymore. She'll be 31 soon and she wants to plan her future. She doesn't want to have her first kid in her late-thirties.

"So then why don't you go ahead and marry her?" you might also be wondering. Well, this is the real dilemma for me, and one that many guys can identify with. If I marry her, I'll have to give up other women forever. I'm not interested in prostitutes, but there are other younger, beautiful and available women I could get involved with. It is so hard to pick just one woman in this life! Though my girlfriend is five years younger than me, that is a small age difference compared to most of the farang-Thai couples you see. Even in my country, my last girlfriend was 8 years younger than me. Now, I don't want to be one of these 65-year-old guys with a 22-year-old girl. I think that just looks sad. But, I am concerned that when I'm 50 years old and my wife is 45, that I'll be tempted to find a younger woman. I don't want to be one of those guys that dumps his wife after ten years so he can find a younger version. My girlfriend is thin and in good shape with a nice butt and a flat tummy. She does have a very small chest but I suppose I can overlook that. She looks pretty good for her age, but she does have some age lines forming around her eyes and mouth.

I'd really like to hear from people who've been in similar situations. If you are involved with, or married with a Thai woman close to your age, is it still working for you as you both get older? Are you still together and happy, and have you resisted the temptation to find a younger, prettier woman? Can you make it work with a woman your own age in Thailand with all of the available women looking to meet farang?

On the other hand, if you've avoided women closer to your own age, instead opting for girls 15 or 20 years younger, has it worked out for you? Do you feel like the girl really loves you or do you sense that she stays with you primarily because you can support her and her family? Also, if you are worth a woman who is much younger, can you relate on a similar level? I imagine it must be very hard to connect on an adult level with someone so much younger.

I'm not expecting anyone to tell me what I should do, but I'm curious how other guys in similar situations have handled their situations.

To sum up the details, my choices are these:

Option 1: Marry my (soon to be) 31-year-old girlfriend. She's educated, comes from a good family, drives a good car, and has her own money. I trust her 100 %. She is sweet, caring, and accepts me as I am. She wants to marry me. We can buy a house or condo together (something I couldn't afford to do on my own). The large dowry would be returned to us for us to use together.

Physically, she's very pretty and has a fit body, though she has small breasts. She is getting some age lines on her face and her skin isn't as soft as 20-year-old girl, obviously, though she still looks really good for her age. Emotionally, her only strike against her is that she can be really jealous.

Option 2: Break up with her and continue to pursue younger, more voluptuous women. I still have opportunities with younger women, and though on the whole, none of them are as good all-around as my girlfriend, I can have variety and not get tangled up in a serious commitment. I know if I were to fall in love with one of these other woman and decided to marry her, she probably wouldn't have a comparable education to my present girlfriend, or have her own money. Her family would likely keep any dowry. I probably couldn't afford a condo with another woman unless she had a lot of her own money (this kind of woman is usually not available to farang).

Stickman's thoughts:

From the way you have described it, it sounds very much like a case of the right girl and perhaps not the ideal time – but at a time in your life when it would not be a bad thing.

I personally think that eventually most guys want to settle down and if you come across someone who is close to an ideal candidate, it is worth sticking with them. This one sounds like a good one to me. Good luck!