Readers' Submissions

Please Help Me – A Call For Help Or A Symptom Of A Social Strata

China Hotel Guide
• Villas Hotel Shanghai
• Westin Hotel Shanghai
• Yin Fa Hotel
• Zhongfu Youth Garden Hotel

For those that are Schoochers (and we are a growing band of excited lads who often spit the dummy and get precious), you be familiar with the current thread on the “Please Help Me” thread.

Stick starts his schooching message off with this.

I don't normally bump submissions and move them to the front of the queue but the writer of this particular submissions is desperate for advice so I pushed him to the front of the queue.”

This of course, intrigued myself and Mrs Lecter into reading the article closely to see what it was all about. After making my harsh observations, I sat down over lunch to think about it some more and see if A). One could help, and B). what does this really mean? What is this telling us as readers?

I am sure if Union Hill, Dana and a few others (who’s legendary dummy spits caused them to unschooch) were around would be able to shed some light on these matters (wink wink). Where’s BKKSW? Has he been invading Laos on a secret mission? Stop it Lec, that’s another submission for another day.

Ah yes, let’s get back on point. The questions:-

1. Can we help?

Well I think we can offer Carl a lot of excellent advice. I’ve linked to his email if you want to talk with him directly.

First of all (and one of the emails in the thread may seem to indicate he’s outed himself with his slapper), get honest with Fon. If you’re truly in love (no laughing in the bleachers) then you’re going to be sorry one day when all of your hidden agenda are outed.

What’s this with worrying about your mates?? Get over them. Your life will see mates come and go like the tides and the comets that affect you life immensely one minute and then are memories the next. You significant other is a 24×7 commitment. Your mates have to like her and visa versa, or it’s bye-bye mates. And it you think that’s unrealistic, ask any bloke who has a mate his Mrs. doesn’t like. She’ll make sure the mate’s not on any social agenda.

Your income. I am sorry to say this, but you’re not really in a great position to do much. Yes, you can send Fon B6,000 or B7,000 a month. But that’s not teaching her to do anything except bludge. Fon needs to make something of her life outside the bar scene. Yes, I know how tough it is, but unless she uses the time you’re buying from her (and that’s all that sending her vagina money is doing) to actually earn some money and take the strain off your meager resources, you’re facing the prospect of having to send back money for the rest of your days. A senior government employee in the province will make something like B6,000 a month (Mrs. Lecter's sister is a good example), so you’re certainly helping above and beyond what she could probably do herself. But even if she worked for B3,000 as a waitress, it shows A). she’s prepared to work and help out and B). she’s committed to you and your situation.

In summary, you’re now being honest with Fon, but not yourself. This is step one. You’re not financially responsible as you’ve blown a bunch of unearned bucks (inheritance) on a bit of fluff in Thailand. You’re at the low income end of your society so you need to get out of the crab bucket and think about ways of incrementally increasing your income. (I am not talking step change here, this is usually not possible for most people). This may take you a few years. Do you want to be sending Fon money for these years while you put yourself in a position to support a significant other in one of the world’s most expensive places?? (I rob some quotes from the thread, this acknowledges them) My advice would be to say no. Fon will not / cannot wait for years. All you’re doing is adding her and her family to your list of dependents. Sometimes life is harsh, reality is harsh. The love of your life (stop heckling in the stands) will sometimes pass you by. You’ll have the memories.

There’s a famous word that resonates through the annals of time . . . . “NEXT!!!”

2. What’s this telling us?

Now we get to part B). The “Mates” factor seems to narrow the field on Carl, as does his income bracket. He lives in Wales, where the girls are Whales (apart from CZ Jones, who’s no waif thank you very much). He’s had a trip to Thailand, taken a slapper from the bar and fallen madly in love as she’s “different”.

Based on that limited knowledge are we able to ascertain what it is that attracts people in the “lower socio economic” range to others in similar if not worse predicaments? Of course this is not always the case, as many well off blokes are dumping their wives for bar girls, secretaries and hookers around the globe (all of whom are typically in much lower socio economic circumstances), but if you have a good look around Pattaya, Hua Hin and Phuket, many of the hoods that hang around there are what in Australia you’d call “Westies”, the white trash, the great unwashed. And what do they have trailing beside them? Some grizzly old slapper they picked up in the bar 20 years ago. (This talks to the phenomena that is so rightly pointed out about the class and aesthetic virtues of the women these old fat farangs have on their arms).

It’s kind of like the abused woman, who gets beaten that walks in and out of relationships with men that beat her. It’s not her fault she’s beaten, but she picks the wrong men over and over again. Carl is doing this (and I am sure if we probed him for more info we’d see a pattern) with Fon. He’s choosing someone in similar (relative) circumstances but doing it in the worst possible scenario, from thousands of miles away.

Now none of this is new news. I am pretty sure a socialite from London won’t find a person in Carl's circumstances attractive (for the same reason a bar girl does, paradoxically!!) but it seems that by forever perpetuating the cycle, Carl can never rise above the mire. Taking on a “Fon” would clearly be a disaster but he’s so cxxx struck that reason has left him. If you were a sooth sayer, you’d be preaching bad omens and signs. We have more than omens and signs, we have facts, history and experience. But back to the point, I think this is telling us that Carl is unlikely to change, cannot see what we mean (although he may email platitudes) and that he cannot accept that one incremental step out of his current circumstances to a better life might be to say “no” to Fon.

Not sure if these raving is really make any sense.

Dr. Lecter

Stickman's thoughts:

I do hope Carl will write a follow up and tell us what he decides to do.