Help Me PLEASE!
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• Bund Riverside Hotel • Chuangye Business Hotel • Jinrong International Hotel • Panorama Century Court Hotel |
I really need your opinions as I can't talk to my family or friends about this.
It's regarding my relationship with Fon.
I met Fon early 2006 in Bangkok, she is a bar-girl and we spent a night together and that was it. Later that year I travelled back with my mates and as luck has it, I saw Fon again.
We spent another night together but this time I got to know her a little. The first time I met Fon we just had sex and I told her to leave, but this time we talked a little and it made me realise the problems some of these girls have.
Fon was not your original bar-girl, she was kind, sweet and very caring. She was not the same as the other girls I've been with or met during my visits to Thailand.
The morning after, me and mates went to Pattaya and two or three days later I text Fon to say hello and to see if she was ok and well. To cut it short I asked her to join me in Pattaya, she was there within a few hours. We spent the rest
of my holiday together, having fun and getting to know each other well.
Fon was not a big drinker and did not get drunk, and some days we did not even have sex even though I was paying her everyday, but I did not care because it was her company I liked the most.
She came to the airport with me and we said our goodbyes, no tears, no I love you and all that shit, just take care.
As I entered the terminal doors I looked back and Fon was crying but did not want me to see, I blew her a kiss and a wave and off I went.
I called Fon on my return home to see if she was ok and to tell her I really was missing her. She told me that she couldn't go into work that day as she was missing me too. We talked most of that day and she told me that she was going
home to Phetchabun to relax, think and take a little time away from the bar for a week.
Fon is 23 years old, soon to be 24 and worked during the day in a beer bar in Bangkok.
She went home the next morning and we talked maybe five times a day. I would here dogs barking, chickens in the background and I even said hello to her mama and papa on the phone, although I couldn't understand a word. Her visit was
nearly up at her home and she explained that she had to go back to Bangkok.
Fon said she did not want to go back but had to.
Fon asked me if we could keep contact but I said I did not think I could as I had feelings for her, and I knew she was going back to the bar, she was really upset. She explained that she had feelings for me too but had to go back to the bar
to send money home.
I explained that if we did keep contact I would think too much. I mean if she did not answer my calls or texts I would know she was with a customer. Fon never lied to me about that and she told me that she goes with customers because she
has to live and send money home, but does not have to go if she does not want to. If she don't like the man she does not have to go she explained.
It was decision time so I asked Fon to stay home for a while so I could think a little.
I told her I would send her a little baht to see her through the next week or two. She was so happy to spend more time with her family, plus it gave me time to think.
I explained that I could come and see her again in a month or two and maybe I could visit her home.
Fon said it was possible but we could not touch, or sleep together and we had to pretend to be friends. Fon had never taken a man home and her family do not know what she did in Bangkok, they think she worked in a restaurant.
During the next week we talked the same, five times a day and we were growing on each other. I told her I would like to give us a go in a relationship and she said the same.
I explained it would be hard but it would be a waste not trying, so I agreed to send her 12000 baht each month.
She told me she had to go back to Bangkok to get the rest of her things if she was to finish the bar for me, so I said ok.
That morning she told me that she had spoken to her family about me and that we were going to be together. She told me that she had spoken to her family about me coming to visit her home as her boyfriend but I must understand that people
would see me as her future husband, after reading about this on the net and a reply from you Stick I do know now this is true.
The day had arrived of me visiting her home. We met at her sister's room just outside Bangkok and set off to Phetchabun. I was greeted with hugs from her mama, papa, aunts, you name it.
We had a great party the first night, everyone got drunk apart from Fon and her papa. There was karaoke all night which was great fun and everyone made me feel very welcome.
The one thing I can't understand is why her papa was always staring at me, and when I turned around he would quickly turn away. Why did he keep staring at me like this?
Another thing is that during my stay her family would keep coming to her home to tie some sort of string around my wrist from a silver dish or some sort and say some sort of Thai words to me. They also did it to Fon too, for good luck I was
told. This true? I was told by everyone that they did not expect me to stay that long in her village as it was so so hot and the food, well let's just say I tried my best.
There was no ask for money during my stay and they all told Fon that they were so happy and proud of me that I had managed to stay as long as I did. The house, shower, food and heat? Well I was proud of myself to live there way and it was
a great experience for me to live the way up country and how low income Thais live.
I saw the farm they own, how they work etc, and the little kids loved me.
We played football most days and the kids some days would sit outside so sad waiting for me to wake up, and when I walked outside they all jumped up with big happy faces because they knew I would play football with them. I always bought the
kids drinks, chips and sweets everyday and to see there faces made me feel so so happy.
I asked Fon how I had done on my visit and she said to me that being with me made her so happy and that everyone loved me and I had been the perfect boyfriend.
Her mama kept hugging me, but her papa's staring kept putting me at ease. Fon said it was because he had never seen a farang face to face before, but I think he was just checking me out as I was the first man she had taken home.
Overall a great experience and I loved every minute. It was a bit daunting at first but got used to it.
The one thing I do need to do is learn a little Thai language as every time someone spoke, Fon had to explain what they said to me then explain back to them what I said.
The trouble is now I'm back home I'm struggling. When I first met Fon I never thought things would work out this way, meeting her family, sending her baht etc. I always said to myself that them farangs who send bar-girls or ex bar-girls
baht each month deserve everything they get, but now the tables have turned and it is me the farang who is sending the baht.
I do love Fon now, and I do know she loves me. Fon is a cracking girl and the other bar-girls I have met do not compare to her.
I know a lot of people say that when they meet a bar-girl they are different but Fon really is.
The trouble is Stick, during our five months together my life has changed. Before I would go out with my mates, getting drunk and having fun etc but now I don't. Sometimes I lay in bed thinking to myself what am I doing wasting my life
away with Fon.
We have said that one day we will be a happy family living together in Wales, having kids and getting married etc but that's just thinking with my head and deep down from my heart I know that, that is probably never going to happen.
I'm living in a fairytale I think.
I know deep down that this is how its always going to be Stick, but I keep living in this dream that we're going to be this happy family and I just can't admit that's its not going to happen. I know that our relationship is
going to be of me just visiting her two to three times a year, and to be honest, and you know this Stick, that this is no good.
How can I get her a visa to Wales on my salary?
My wage, Stick, is not the best. £900 after tax each month and the prices in Wales are shooting up fast, but my wage is not.
About a year ago a relative of mine left me some money and I have not touched it until now. I was left £6,000.
Fon does not know this and she will never know but my last visit at her home was funded by this, and I cannot keep visiting like this as soon the £6,000 will run out. You see Fon thinks I save up to visit her but my visit in late 2006
took me nearly 8 months to save up for, as I spent a month out there.
I'm due back at her home in five weeks time but Fon thinks its my wages which are taking me there but it is not, it's the money from my relative I was left which is why I'm going back. Fon does not know my real wage each month.
When this money runs out I don't know how I'm going to save up to visit her again. Is it possible to get her a visit visa to my home on my wage, Stick? I send Fon 12,000 baht each month guaranteed.
I've just opened a basic bank account where there is no overdraft and given her the pin and card.
That way I can transfer money each week over the internet and avoid bank charges which I was getting to send from my bank to her Thai bank. £20 I was charged every time I transferred from my bank to her bank so this card makes it better
for everyone.
During my village trip to her home I got talking to a couple of farang residents living out her way and they asked me how much I was giving her. 12,000 baht each month I told them. 12,000 was way too much I was told for a girl living in Phetchabun.
The trouble is Stick I'm just managing with money and I know if I can't give her money I will lose her.
But I want my life back with my mates. I'm only 26 and I want go out to have fun.
I go out once a week now because I don't have the money to do what I did before.
I want to go out with my mates but I know if I do I can't support Fon. I don't want to lose Fon so I have to send her money each month. I want both, I want Fon plus my mates but I don't have the money. My mates know nothing
about my relationship between me and her. What should I do? I'm living and counting down the days to just get back and see her. I can't keep living my life like this Stick.
I love her so much but I also want my life back too.
The thought of never speaking to her again really hurts me to think that. We have talked before about if we ever finished we cannot be friends and we both agreed.
I know that however our relationship continues its gonna get harder and harder, feelings wise.
I'm due back in five weeks, ticket booked, insurance and coach to the airport paid but I know deep down that when I'm back home after my second visit it starts all over again, Stick.
I don't want to lose Fon, but I also don't want to lose my mates too.
I cant have both Stick and I really don't know what to do. The one thing I know is that I do love Fon, but I also love my mates too.
If I leave Fon then the thought of never speaking to her again scares me. She has done nothing wrong to me.
Should I go in five weeks? What do you think Stick and readers? Or should I just forget about the girl I love?
I'm 26 years old and my head is in bits trying to keep everyone happy, but that's me for you.
I remember my Dad saying to me along time ago, he said LAD, YOU CAN REPLACE A GIRL BUT YOU CAN NEVER REPLACE YOUR MATES.
I wish I could have both but I don't have the money.
Please your opinions would be grateful and I know I will get some negative and positive responses but remember I'm not a beginner to LOS, so spare me the bar girl, rip off bollocks. Thanks for taking the time to read this…
Stickman's thoughts:
The first thing I would do is be honest with Fon. Tell her about your financial situation and explain the ramifications of that to her. With a bit of luck she will accept this and understand where you're coming from and she will be willing to accept less than 12,000 baht a month. She CAN live comfortably upcountry on less. She might also consider hunting for work. If she isn't prepared to do at least one of these things, then it might be time to walk away.
900 pounds Sterling, or 60,000 Thai baht a month, is not a high salary – and you live in one of the most expensive places in the world which really exacerbates the issue. You might want to look at ways of increasing or at the very least, supplementing your income.
You CAN have your mates and your girlfriend. Again, be honest with your mates. If they're true mates, they'll understand – and you'll probably get some good advice from them. They know you better than anyone.
My one concern would be the fact that you admit that at 26, you're not sure if you want to settle down. You need to get clear in your mind just what you want to do. Do you really want a future with Fon at this point in time, or are you simply scared of losing her? You really do need to get this straight in your own mind – and then you can make a plan. It IS DOABLE. There might need to be some compromise but it is doable. But more than anything, get it straight in your own mind.
And again, let me re-iterate the need to be honest with both Fon and your mates. Best of luck to you!
