Time flies indeed! Only at the beginning of December 2006 I had been on my way back home from a nine day stint to Bangkok as well as to Penang and Langkawi, and after what felt to me like the blink of an eye I found myself in a plane seat again headed
for the Big Mango about eight weeks later. In my last submissions, Metamorphosis Part 1 and Metamorphosis Part 2,
I talked about how back then I had spontaneously met a girl called Vee, with whom I was about to have a wild temporary fling during the four days I spent in the city. Both Vee and I are in our mid-twenties.
After having first met her in Bangkok in late November 2006 we both soon surprisingly happened to find ourselves in a situation that neither one of us had expected. Casual chat over lunch quickly developed into what I think would best be described as a “friendship with benefits”. I was glad to have some company in town. I practiced English with her, and she practiced Thai with me. The great sex happened to top it off nicely. I like to think a good time was had by both of us, both in and out of bed.
This submission is meant to be a follow-up on what ensued of our affair when I met her again in Bangkok, consequently accompanied her to her home town of Nakhon Pathom 65 kilometers West of Bangkok, spent one night in her family’s house, and met her best friends.
After my return back home from Thailand in early December I had made a point in not giving Vee too much attention until the time we would meet again in late January. I had already agreed to meet her again, not least because after our time together in Bangkok I hadn’t gained the impression as if she had gotten into me too much.
If you have read my previous submissions you might remember that right from the start I have been very conscious about the complications that might ensue from “having a good time” with a local gal who hadn’t had any association with the P4P scene at all. Within two hours of meeting me I had already asked her not to like me too much, as I’d be gone again after a few days and didn’t want her to feel sad about it. It had been very obvious to me that she was attracted and infatuated with me right from the start, yet she always made a strong point in telling me I needn’t worry, as she was well aware of the short time status of our relationship. Of course I realize how often words and emotions speak a completely different language…
I have never given my mobile phone number to Vee. While I was in the LOS there was no need because I always used my local prepaid DTAC SIM card to contact her. When I was leaving she never asked me to call her, although she knew that phone calls from my home country to Thailand were cheap and I was in the habit of talking to my friend Mike, who is based in Bangkok, at least three times a week. Neither did I send her any text messages while I was gone. She never complained. What I did do however was talk to her on the MSN occasionally when we both happened to be online at the same time. That was quite frequently the case, as chatting is Vee’s obsession and most days she was online for six or seven hours. Often I made myself invisible to her on the MSN because I couldn’t and also didn’t want to afford the time to chat with her for hours every other day. To be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t have known what to talk to her about at length and there is only so much light banter and fooling around one can do in a day. I didn’t fail to notice that on her Myspace web profile she had uploaded photos of me and her, dedicating a section of the page to us, referring to me as her very good friend, and declaring how happy and proud she was to know somebody like me. Oh my…
I remember that after having spent only a few hours with her she had already asked me if I would mind visiting her family in Nakhon Pathom any time soon. Back then I had the feeling as if she preferably wanted me to accompany her home right away, and eventually I agreed that if I found the time I’d possibly visit next time I was around. She had also pointed out to me that her mum really likes Farangs and couldn’t wait to meet me. Hearing that certainly made me feel a bit odd, if not even uneasy. I’ve been reading and learning about Thailand long enough to know what it normally means for a girl to take a guy back home to introduce him to her best friends, and particularly family. I certainly didn’t want to make a frivolous decision by agreeing too light-heartedly. I was afraid it would send the wrong signals. I had told Vee I was not her boyfriend and would not be in the future, and certainly didn’t want to have her parents get the impression that I was, possibly resulting in a major face loss for the girl when it was time for me to say goodbye without any further commitments from my side.
Therefore I made a point in repeatedly asking Vee about this, albeit admittedly not using the same blunt words as I used above now. I asked, inquired, and attempted to clarify so much that I felt she was almost getting annoyed by the frequency and the details of my questions on this issue. Only then, after thoroughly making sure she was completely conscious of the situation and its meaning I finally agreed to go along with it. After all, I expected it to be a nice new experience, so I was actually looking forward to going.
So when it was about time for me to return to Thailand for three nights we agreed she would show up at my usual hotel in Ratchada a few hours after my arrival. After overcoming her initial shyness that obviously resulted from not having seen me in person for several weeks we soon found ourselves close to each other again as if no time had passed between our encounters at all.
She spent the first night with me. We first went out and had great sushi buffet dinner at the Emerald hotel next door together with my buddy Mike and his girlfriend. Mike’s girlfriend and Vee hit it off quite well, and chattered away happily in Thai while I was busy talking and joking around with my pal, and enjoying the food. Before showing for dinner, he had asked his girlfriend to talk to Vee, not only to keep her entertained, but also to get some more background info about her. That worked very well actually, and on the next day he shared all the information his girlfriend had collected about Vee with me. They both pretty much confirmed the impression I had gotten of Vee during the time I spent with her: Totally harmless, not too sophisticated or refined, neither overly naïve nor mercenary, and generally a warm and good-hearted person.
Before separating for the night Mike and his girlfriend took me to a friend’s food stall at nearby Huay Kwang market. We had a few drinks there, and then the girls suggested Mike and I should step up and prove our Thai language capabilities by doing the sales at the food stall. The owner stepped into the shadows, and there we were standing behind the counter stuttering in the best Thai we both could muster at potential customers, much to the delight of the three watching girls and most of the surprised passer-bys. We had a blast!
The good times didn’t end when Vee and I finally got back to my hotel room. Interestingly so she asked me if I would officially declare myself as her “gik”, because she felt that this was necessary for her to engage in any more action between the sheets with me.
She had joked and called me her “gik” sometimes on chat before already, but it seemed that this time she wanted to hear it straight from my mouth. I agreed to it and said it, thinking that “gik” does not equal boyfriend and anyway that was pretty much what I was to her, if not in the strictest sense.
Next day at lunch time we left for Nakhon Pathom by bus, and arrived at the city at around 1pm. We took a motorcycle taxi to her family’s old house, which they still own but only use for storage and parking the car when commuting to Bangkok. It’s a simple place, not at all comparable to the family’s new house on the outskirts of the city that I knew from photos and was about to see with my own eyes about 20 minutes later.
On the way there Vee told me that her mum was anxious to meet me, but I shouldn’t be surprised if she was a bit shy towards me, as she is not that much of an extroverted character. When we finally reached the house I was impressed. I had known from the photos on her internet profile that it must be a nice place, but in real life it looked even better: A two-storey building with a huge garage that fits three cars, surrounded by a well looked after and rather large garden. Her mum came out of the front door when she saw the car pulling into the driveway. When I got out I gave her the most respectable wai I could muster and then asked her in my very best Thai if she was Vee’s older sister, which earned me a huge grin from her and a friendly giggle before she finally exclaimed “mai chai, mai chai, mae!”. I felt like the ice was broken.
As much as the family’s house looked respectable and nice from the outside it looked great on the inside. Spacious, clean, nicely furnished, and very modern to boot. Simply put: A great place. I figured running a shop at the local night market, no doubt back-breaking work most of the time, must have paid off nicely for them over the years. In the house it was also where I met her dad, a surprisingly young guy at 38 years of age, and a very quiet and reserved character. During all my time of being there he hardly spoke a word to anyone. When I asked Vee if that had anything to do with me she reassured me that he was always like that, and quite simply a man of few words. I later learnt it is her step dad, as her real dad ran away when she was three years old and her little sister had just been born. Her sister I knew already from BKK, but I hadn’t met her step brother yet, who is 16. A nice guy really, doesn’t speak much English, but with him trying and me trying my best Thai we could actually manage to exchange some pleasantries.
I was consequently informed I was invited for late lunch at the family’s favorite restaurant in town. On the way there we picked up Vee’s grandpa and his sister who had been informed of the visit of the unlikely guest as well, and wanted a piece of it all. They were friendly enough people, and her grandpa constantly tried to joke around with me, but more often than not sadly the message didn’t come across. I was treated to a great Thai feast at their expense that left me begging for more rice repeatedly during the meal as my tongue and lips were burning with the chili and pepper, much to the amusement of my hosts. The gifts I had taken from home to present to the family at the end of the meal were eyed curiously, the bacon and the sausages more so than the chocolate, and finally the whole table was munching away on the sweets and commenting on the funny taste of it all.
In the evening it was finally time to meet her best friends, four girls who all work in the same office she also used to work in before she left for her 6-month study trip to Australia in 2004. Walking into the office shortly before closure time all eyes were directed at me. Vee had told the girls earlier on the phone that we would stop by to pick them up for dinner, so they had had lots of time to egg each other on for hours and get all excited about my grand entrance. That didn’t go unnoticed with the rest of the staff, so when I finally walked through the doors I almost felt like Brad Pitt with two dozen office girls eyeballing me from behind their desks, giggling nervously and chatting away to each other happily. One even took a photo of me with her cell phone from behind her desk. God, I wished my Thai was a bit better already. It would have been priceless to understand what they were blabbering about.
The first girl Vee introduced me to was named Pang, spoke very good English and immediately started flirting shamelessly with me, obviously not much to Vee’s liking. I later learned that Pang used to work as ground staff for KLM in Bangkok, had a penchant for rich and generous guys, and is presently the mia noi of a local Thai businessman. Furthermore, she was quite confident about her good looks and showed it too. Her other three friends were more shy towards me, but nice enough really, and very welcoming.
We headed out to Phra Pathom, the huge chedi and landmark in the center of town, to feast at the many food stalls in the parking lot there. The food was great, and the girls almost started fighting with each other at the table about who would be allowed the chair beside me next, one of them being firmly occupied by Vee all the time of course. They finally ended up taking turns, and made every effort to shovel all the good food onto my spoon, and even fed me with their own spoons at times. Crazy good fun was had by all.
Karaoke was next, which was a first for me in Asia. We spent two hours at the local Karaoke place, the girls going crazy to their Thai pop songs and cheering me on to sing along with them the best I could. Of course they insisted I choose my own songs too, so I gave REM’s “Losing my religion” and a few other songs I was reasonably firm about the lyrics my best shot, while being continuously fed with fruits and sticky mango rice from all sides throughout the whole time. We danced to the music, many photos were taken of me with the girls, me holding them in my arms, and and and…! Vee had a bit of a jealousy fit as Pang wouldn’t stop touching me and I am sure if I hadn’t been careful about keeping her at bay she would have attempted to kiss me too. That girl's got nerves. I wouldn’t have any of it, as without a doubt this would have been very disrespectful to Vee. Later on the way home she was initially very quiet and asked me if I had wanted to kiss Pang there at the Karaoke, so I explained my position to her very carefully. Her face lit up again then.
Originally I had expected I would spend the night in the guestroom of the house, and was rather surprised to have Vee offer me her room and bed for the night. I expected her to share the bed with her sister in the other room then, and was surprised again when she hinted that she could stay with me for the night, if I didn’t mind. I thought it was really sweet of her to first offer me her room and bed to sleep in, and then ask permission if she could stay with me. Again, I brought up the old topic and asked about her family and what they would have to say about this. She said she was a grown up girl, her sister would be cool with it as they are very close and she minds her own business, and her mum and step dad were out working at the market for the whole night anyway. Her little step brother had fallen asleep in front of TV a long time ago, so not even he would notice.
So she did actually stay with me for the night. I couldn’t believe it. I was sharing her bed with her in her family’s home, and we even ended up sleeping with each other right there and then. That was a bit awkward, especially because we couldn’t make any noise as her sister’s room was just two doors down the floor, and as much as Vee thought it was okay for her sister to know she shares the bed with me for the night, she was certainly very nervous about the idea of her witnessing how the two of us were having sex. We ended up sneaking downstairs to the second bathroom to shower and eventually fell asleep at 2am.
Nothing much happened on the next day really. We finally left for Bangkok again in the early afternoon. Basically she just accompanied me back to my hotel were we spent the next hours doing….well…you can imagine, before she had to travel back home to look after her siblings.
In conclusion I must say that visiting her family proved to be less exciting than I had previously imagined. Obviously it’s not comparable to meeting a poor farmer family up in Isaan, but then again there is no reason to compare those two things in the first place. During my visit there were not any requests or pressures from her family at all. They welcomed me warmly, albeit with some reservation. None of them were used to having a farang around, except Vee and her sister to some extent of course. I guess her parents were probably also wondering what exactly my intentions with regard to their daughter were. I couldn’t blame them.
I returned to Bangkok 17 days later, after completing my long planned journey through Myanmar. Still thinking that Vee was fully aware of the status of our relationship / affair and dealt with it surprisingly well, I had agreed to see her again before leaving for Yangon. And that’s also how it came about. I had almost two full days / one night left to spend in Bangkok before I had to fly back home. Again, she met me in my hotel on Ratchada, and we kicked it off in the same fashion as just a few weeks before.
On the last night we met again with my buddy Mike and his girlfriend. Just like three weeks earlier Mike’s girlfriend kept Vee entertained while I shared with Mike my experiences in Myanmar. What I didn’t know at that time was that Mike’s girl directly asked Vee about the status of the relationship between me and her, if she looked at me as her boyfriend, and generally how she felt about me and this whole situation. If I had learned about the answers to those questions, or rather Mike’s girlfriend very accurate interpretation of her answers there and then, I would have been better prepared for what was to come on the day of my departure.
The last day for me in the kingdom: I knew Vee had in mind to travel back to Nakhon Pathom not later than 6pm, as she was running out of excuses for her mum why she was spending so much time in Bangkok. I noticed her becoming more and more quiet throughout the day. I had the dim feeling that there may be some drama on the horizon, and I wasn’t mistaken.
Back in the hotel room in the late afternoon, she quickly took the initiative and we slept with each other one last time. Lying in bed, snuggling up to me under the blankets she suddenly confided that she had fallen in love with me. When I asked her why she had played it so cool before and suddenly completely turned around declaring her love for me, she answered that she had been afraid I would send her away or wouldn’t want to see her anymore once she told me. She felt she had nothing to lose anymore as inevitably I was about to leave now. She then suggested that she wanted to save money so she could fly to visit me in my home country, if I didn’t mind. To put it bluntly, she pleaded with me to be her boyfriend, and soon after crocodile tears were rolling down her face.
Did she catch me by surprise with any of this? Not really. It would have surprised me if she had stepped back silently, yet I had been hoping she’d be somewhat more cool about the situation. She knew that I was bound to stop over in Thailand a few weeks down the road again. That raised her hopes of seeing me again soon, and I could sense she was wishing for me to forfeit my planned 17 day trip to the Philippines in favor of flying down to Samui, where she was bound to start working by the beginning of next month, in order to spend more time with her.
Well, if she had kept up the illusion about her being comfortable with the friendship with benefits we had enjoyed, I might have even considered shaving off a few days of my trip to the PI and returning early to Thailand to spend some more quality time with her, even if that would have meant only having a platonic relationship. After her proclaiming her love to me I didn’t really think that was a good idea anymore.
Admittedly I felt quite guilty. I honestly didn’t want to cause this girl pain. I had been aware that there was always the risk of feelings getting involved in our affair, particularly on her side, yet I had not noticed how she became more and more smitten with me over the time we spent together. With hindsight there were plenty of warning signs. Obviously I am an even worse observer of people’s feelings than I already knew I was.
So all that was left for me to do was attempting my best at the futile exercise of talking her out of the infatuation she had developed for me. I felt like a dick telling her the things I did, like how this couldn’t lead anywhere, I didn’t think there was a way we could actually spend a reasonable amount of time together to get to know each other better anytime soon, I didn’t want her to waste her time waiting for something that would eventually never come true aso aso.
When I noticed those words didn’t have the desired effect I tried to put her off by telling her I didn’t ever want to get married, have kids, or move away from my country to live abroad. That actually upset her more than put her off, as she couldn’t understand my reasoning and why I already knew I didn’t want a family. She translated it into I didn’t want any of that with her. She saw through my insincerity and openly told me so by calling me a liar. Furthermore she repeatedly emphasized that she wasn’t the kind of girl to have just fun with between the sheets and then walk away.
After 30 minutes of her pleading and crying her eyes out and me with a heavy heart trying to comfort her and using my best elocution to calm her down she started to recover from her emotional outburst. We were both in a hurry as she stayed with me way longer than she had originally wanted to, and I had to leave for the airport and hadn’t even packed my bag yet.
Upon leaving the room she timidly asked if she would see me again, to which I replied consolingly of course she would. After all she had to because I had leant her 1000 baht a few hours earlier to buy a bus ticket to Samui, as her credit card had expired the month before without her noticing. She had been very reluctant to accept the money from me, but the only alternative would have been to visit one of her friends in Bangkok to borrow it from them, and I didn’t think we had time for that. Honestly, I don’t care if I ever see that money again, but it’s a big deal for her, so she feels as if she has a guarantee now I will meet her again.
I saw her off in front of the hotel, clownishly bowed deeply to her when she closed the door of the taxi to elicit one last big smile from her, and then waved her goodbye.
Vee is bound for Samui in just a few days to start her new job and life. I will leave for my three week trip to the Philippines very soon myself. I will not fly down to Samui to meet her. Despite her not asking me about this in her emails to me, I know she is waiting for me to tell her about my plans. I am thinking about telling her that I will only go for two weeks because I must return home early for work, and therefore cannot afford the time to stop over in Thailand. This is pretty much the best excuse I could come up with. I am sure she would be totally happy if I told her I will meet her on Samui next month, but how can I, knowing that in the end she will be left behind again and most likely hurt even more. Right now I believe I must somehow manage to draw the line without giving her the feeling I’m dumping her like a hot potato. Difficult, difficult, because I think she doesn’t deserve being treated in any other way, and I actually not only respect but really like this girl.
I hope she gets back on her feet soon. I truly do. While we were together I actually told her a few times I wish her to find a nice guy, Farang or Thai, some time soon in the future. I guess she was already too infatuated with me at that point to even listen. It seems as if she did not at all listen to my unwelcome words, but preferred to dream on what she wanted to dream. I suppose every time she remembered my warning words about starting to like me too much for a moment, she would push them back into darker regions of her memory where they wouldn't haunt her any more. I guess my actions just seemed to speak a different language too convincingly to pay attention to them.
I hope by treating her so nicely I didn’t somewhat spoil her for the guys who are available to her in the future. After all those days of being with her and Mike’s girlfriend supplementing my knowledge and impressions with the information she gathered I can ascertain without the shadow of a doubt that I have been her first Farang, and only her second “boyfriend” to boot.
Despite the fact that she had let herself be seduced by me after knowing me for only one day, I’d still describe her as a rather innocent girl, very honest, good-natured, cheerfully optimistic, modest, considerate and generally extremely pleasing. I really appreciate those qualities about her. I also maintain that contrary to the facts she is not bedroom buddy material. To quote another long-time reader of Stickmanbangkok.com, I feel she wears her soul on her skin, or just micrometers beneath that cheerful façade. She made herself completely vulnerable to me during the time we spent together.
I certainly don’t shy responsibility for my actions, but neither am I prepared to carry the full load by myself, also not in this case. Was any of this foreseeable? Yes and no in my opinion. When I met Vee I didn't know much about her. I had seen her internet presentation on Thailandfriends, where she shared some photos of herself posing seductively. Photos of her own reflection in the mirror while she was lifting her shirt showing off her flat stomach and alike. Nothing too naughty really, yet definitely sexually fueled. I knew she had lived in Australia for 6 months, so I expected her to be familiar to some extent with the ways of the Farang. I fully expected her to have had some experiences with a Farang while she was living there. I didn't expect her to be as innocent or traditional as she turned out to be. Most of the signs pointed to the contrary in the beginning. When I realized this was not the case the pendulum was already in full swing. Admittedly, I had misjudged her, and didn't just create an illusion in an attempt to allay my bad conscience.
I’d love to learn what the future holds for her. Working on Samui will improve her English and she should be able to save some money, which is definitely a good thing. But I’m also a bit worried she might lose that little innocence she remained with after meeting me. No doubt she will meet lots of Farangs, both tourists and residents alike, there. I sincerely hope the one she will end up with is going to treat her the way she deserves: Nicely, respectfully, and with dignity.
Chok dee Vee narak! Thank you from my heart for the good times had…
All dates, names and locations used in this article have been changed to protect the innocent.
Thai women do fall in love quickly, even if they tell the guy they are with that it is just a fun relationship, a "gig" affair so to speak. Working in Samui she is going to meet a lot of young, handsome, charming Westerners on a daily basis…