Thailand – Is the Risk Worth it? – The Answer!
My name is John. It is 5 years since I wrote one of the first Stickman submissions dated 20/11/2001, called “Thailand – Is the Risk Worth It?”
Five years later, I think I can answer the question – which is the objective of this submission. I would recommend you read the earlier article before reading this one. It provides some perspective.
I am now married to a Thai lady. None of those I wrote about 5 years ago mind you. Five years ago I was caught up in the fantasy world that nearly all unhappy and neglected western men find when they first arrive in Thailand.
Forget the majority of what you read on this site. My Thai wife understands our western values of:
Most of the stories on this site are horror stories that have come about by almost blind stupidity. When you find the right lady you will surely find a lady who is:
- Honest, 100% fully honest.
- Ready to compromise
- Ready to place her husband as her first priority.
With all the horror stories that seem to abound, how do you find such a lady?
You know what real estate agents say about buying property? It is location, location, and location – right?
You know what the success guide to Thailand is? It is commonsense, commonsense, and commonsense.
To provide a little more detail, lets summarize what has been said so many times before:
- Apply commonsense.
- Like the alcoholic in rehab, admit to yourself when Thailand is an addiction, and you are not thinking rationally – but responding to finally receiving desperately needed affection from the opposite sex.
- Apply commonsense
- Get yourself past the above, and back to balance. Spend as much time in Nana as you need to achieve this. But remember it is a means to the end, and not the end itself. (If this point needs to be re-enforced pop into the Beer Garden any afternoon and observe the poor lost souls there – no-one wants to end up like that)
- Apply commonsense.
- Live in Thailand for at least a year.
- Apply commonsense.
- Develop an understanding of Asian culture and be ready to embrace the culture. Even if you don’t find a life-long partner, it will enrich you in ways that you could not imagine possible. It will also position you for being able to communicate and understand your partner on the emotional level required to support and sustain a long term relationship.
- And finally, apply commonsense.
Lets also forget the debate about the good girl / bargirl thing. Like a lot of things in Thailand there is a very fine line between the two. It is a pointless debate that gets you nowhere. Apply commonsense.
Also lets forget the debate about Thai women just wanting money. Fact: We all want money and we all would rather have a richer, as opposed to a poorer partner. It is another pointless debate that gets you nowhere. Apply commonsense.
Finally let's forget about the other big issue: sin-sot. If you embrace the culture and there is compromise and understanding things like this are non-issues. You don’t need StickmanBangkok to sort it out for you.
While it is very personal, Yes, I paid a sin-sot. However my wife also understood my needs and position and happily signed a pre-nup to allow me to protect my assets that should ultimately pass to the daughters from my previous marriage. Before any cynics start to say I don’t trust my Thai wife because I got a pre-nup signed – you are wrong – I trust her 1000% – and actually, it was unnecessary and a complete waste of money – and I felt like shit asking her to sign it. But let's remember the overall theme – what does commonsense say you should do?
What about me now? What has applying the above along with commonsense achieved? Consider:
- I have made peace with the situations of the past and with my ex-wife.
- I have been living in Asia (Singapore & Bangkok) for 3 years now.
- I have re-married – a Thai lady.
- I continue to feel like I walk on air everyday. I live in the best part of the world. I have the ultimate lifestyle. But most importantly…
- I have the most fantastic lifetime partner – something that really is a dream come true.
Of course our marriage is in the early days. But I think I have spent enough time in Asia and had enough ‘fun’ getting myself past the alcoholic stage to really know the real-thing when it finally came along. Without doubt our marriage has as much chance of success as any westerner-with-westerner marriage.
I remember a conversation with a couple of friends in a pub in Australia a number of years ago. One of those friends was about to be married – something I and the other friend thought was going to be a mistake, for a number of reasons outside of the scope of this article. The other friend made a comment I will never forget. He said you only get married when you wake up in the morning turn over, and each and every day, no matter what your mood, have a flush envelope your whole body as you realize how so lucky you are to have the most amazing woman on earth lying next to you.
That describes so perfectly how I feel everyday, but a comment that I only very recently, many years later, have come to understand. If only I could have been as wise as my young friend 20 years ago.
To those that can understand, you will know how utterly amazing it is to wake up each morning and feel like the luckiest man on earth. To lie in bed and watch your wife getting out of the shower and to just look at her body in awe (another myth broken: my wife never wraps herself in a towel) to watch her dry herself, and just think her arse is the most amazing you have ever seen…
To find yourself with someone where the passion, love, quality of sex, just grows and grows, and the emotional bond gets stronger and stronger. It is said that after 2 years, boredom can set in – really? – we are on the third year, and each day just gets better.
Another wise friend of mine once said – all the women you have prior to finding the right one, are just the practice exercises for when the real thing comes along. When you find the right one, every past experience will pale into insignificance, and the thought or desire to be with another will completely disappear – and luck be with you – will never return. Only now do I realize how wise this friend also was.
Of course, all this wonder could be available with a woman back in the West – right? What has any of this really got to do with Thailand? Well, actually, I don’t believe what I have is available in the West. I really don’t. The wonder of my Thai wife – the mix of her western values of honesty, integrity, and sincerity, along with the demeanor and sweetness of the Asian culture is a priceless mix that I don’t believe any western woman has got any chance of replicating.
Thailand – Is the Risk Worth it?
Still not an easy question to answer, because so many men seem to ‘crash and burn’ – however – if you go there and you are careful to ensure that you mix the following two things, then success and not failure will be on your side. The key two things:
COMMONSENSE & TIME
Thailand and indeed other parts of Asia, could enrich your life in ways that you could not even dream as possible. If 5 years ago, someone has said that I would have the quality of life, the happiness, and the lifetime partner that I have today, I simply would not have believed it.
So, for those that are prepared to apply commonsense the answer is YES, the risk IS worth it –with planning, care, and commonsense Asia is probably the best lifetime investment you could make.
Personally, I went through the worst time of my life, my mid-life crisis I guess, along with a divorce. But 5 years on, I am happier than I have ever been. And I have a lady whom I admire every morning and I think, “Yep, I know I can grow old with you”. It is the most fantastic feeling.
This is not my last submission to Stickman. If he is still around, in 10 years time I will give you another update.
Do not give up and dwell on the negative, when the riches to be had when applying something as simple as commonsense is such an order-of-magnitude greater than the downsides. It really is.
Really excellent to hear someone so happy. I like the anecdote of waking up next to someone, seeing them, and feeling happy. So true.