Readers' Submissions

Teacher Falang Bullshit

  • Written by Anonymous
  • March 5th, 2007
  • 4 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok


I think many lady bar like to read Mr Stickman but I no lady bar. I 16 year old high school student in Mattayomsuksa 4, so 2 more year high school before I go university.

OK my name Poo, short for Pusiwaet Lyktofukalott. I not know why falang teacher laughing too mucs when they here my name. Maybe you can help me. Any way I go school in Isaan on English Program where only falang teacher working but boss he Thai man. I study there 4 year already and is why my English so good. My father he pay big money so he can send me there 100,000 baht every year. He work govenment and have good job with mercedez ben and uniform color white but he pay for what because all the falang teacher bullshit?

Every body know they only work Thailand because can not get job in their country, so they stupid, not same Thai teacher. Every time I see thai teacher I wai and say ‘sawsdee ka’ but when I see falang I say ‘hello cock sucker where you go?’ Also they only come Thailand to go with pussy so they no good. Also falang come to school on old motorbike. Ching ching I see them when I sitting in my father mercedez. One day I see one falang teacher sit in songtaew with poor people inside from small village. Please I no want you think I no like people who poor. I like because somebody have to make rice and take care buffalo (very dirty so I no like to do) but I no understand why falang teacher have to sit with them. Also I no like buffalo because is easy to hit with mercedez at night when they walking in the street because buffalo no have light. Why farmer no put light on buffalo at night, I no understand. But digression no good. I want to talk about falang teacher, no about buffalo.

So I want you look at English Program in my school and come inside class room. And when you go inside you see falang teacher he shouting and yelling but student we no care and we no hear what he say. Is because we talking and joking together, sit on flore and play card. Many time my boyfren – he no good English same me – call me on mobile phone and I talking with him in Lao because some falang speaking Thai nid noi and I no want teacher understand (nudge, nudge, not say more). Also him and me like sweet mouth together and I shy too mucs.

Some time falang teacher take away mobile phone or MP3 player in class. This no good because me and my fren (she call Bunditaporn Wantashagtoomucs) like to listen Thai music on MP3 together in class. So I tell my father and he tell Thai boss of program he take me away from this school so boss no get 100,000 baht from him and falang teacher fired.

So up to us what we do in class, eat food (I like dry fish, aroi maak also make bad smell in class room), go toilet when want to go, use mobile phone, sleep on flore or tabel, play card, listen music, sing, play, up to us. So maybe not same school in your country and we all happy go school every day.

But is not all because every year falang teacher have to say we all really very good student and give 50% pass mark to every body. If they not do then student fail and Thai boss fired. Also father take daughter or son away from school and school no get 100,000 baht for every student. So like this I know I can get paper from school and so one day I can get govenment job, same my father with uniform.

But some time I thinking that, if every thing go banana shape, I can work same my sister in Suzie Wong bar in soi Cowboy. She tell me she make big money and now she speak English good more me! She not 100% my sister because my father have mia noi who I think is really my mother because my father wife not look like me, nothing, and the mia noi look like me too mucs. So I tell my father I want to do DNA but he get angry and say No and he say DNA only good for falang and no work with Isaan people. My falang teacher say this bullshit but he bullshit too because he go school on small motorbike, same I tell you already.

So every body who read this you know and happy that future of Thailand in good hand; so no worry and ‘jai yen’, same Thai people say.

Love from Poo.

Stickman's thoughts:

I admit to laughing quite a bit at that!