My Butterfly

My story begins four or five years ago. I am fortunate in the fact my job takes me all around the world and I have had the pleasure of working in Thailand many times, sometimes only for a few days, sometimes for months. I am a happily married family man
who would never have dreamed of cheating on my wife. That is until I came here. My first trip was only for a week, during which time I visited many go-go bars around Soi Cowboy, Patpong and Nana Plaza. I had never seen anything quite like it and
felt a little like the boy in the candy store. I enjoyed the banter with the girls, especially when they kept telling me, “you handsome man, very sexy”. I loved their forwardness, “you want boom-boom, take me hotel with you?”
I was determined I would not have sex with any of these women but rather just enjoy their company in the bar over a few drinks. That was until I came across Butterfly.

I had met Butterfly on my first night and was immediately attracted to her. What a stunner! Tallish, with a sleek, athletic build, she had the most beautiful dark hair that flowed down to the top of her thighs. She came and sat next to me
and we chatted, her English was very good. She had a great sense of humour and, unlike the other girls in the bar, appeared quite intelligent. We hit it off right away and I found myself quite smitten with her. She seemed out of place in this
environment and I was intrigued as to why she would want to work in such a place. Anyway, over the next few nights I visited many other go-go bars but always ended up back in the bar where Butterfly worked. She told me all about her life, how
she was raised in the country “with buffalo”, married young, had a baby, eventually leaving her husband after the womanising became too much.

She moved down to Bangkok where she worked for several years in an office environment. The financial strain of having to provide both for her daughter and family back home became too much and a friend led her towards the go-go bar scene; a far too familiar
scenario. From earning 6-7,000 baht a month in a respectable job she was now a sex worker who could earn 20-30,000 and provide for her family very well indeed.

From the very first night Butterfly had asked me several times to go “boom-boom” with her but I had declined all offers. Then, a couple of nights before I was due to leave Thailand, I decided I would take her out for a meal
and a few drinks. She explained to me the process of having to pay the “bar-fine” and so I coughed up the 500 baht and we were on our way. That was it; I was taking her out for a bit of innocent fun, strictly no sex! We shared an
enjoyable meal together and I could feel myself becoming mesmerised by her. Had I not drunk so much I would have had no trouble in resisting the temptation but you know the old story. Anyway, at her suggestion we go to a short-time hotel, both
of us very drunk, and from there I am afraid it was all a bit of a blur. I was so drunk I couldn’t quite remember if we had sex or not! I know afterwards I felt terrible guilt and shame and vowed never to do such a thing again. However,
the night before leaving I bar-fine her again and this time we go to my hotel. I can’t really explain the experience in bed with her except to say she totally blew my mind and she now had me, hook, line and sinker! I left the next day and
I admit I had a heavy heart as this girl had really got to me.

On subsequent trips to Thailand we become an item together; I decided this girl would be my companion. In the early days I got to know many of her friends, learn about their background, and in the process gaining an insight of the go-go bar
scene. I quickly grew tired of the go-go bars and after my third or fourth visit here I get Butterfly to quit her job in the bar. I set her up in an apartment and financially support her as she goes back to school; with a shared dream of her starting
a new career and being able to support herself one day. We enjoyed many wonderful times together, not only in Bangkok, but travelling all around Thailand. Eventually she invited me to visit her family and I am introduced as the husband to be and
future father of the child she has planned! (I only met the family for a few hours but left 5,000 baht lighter!). This is really when things start getting weird for me. Butterfly has expressed her undying love for me on many occasions and, believe
me, these women have a way with men like no other I know, and I have travelled the world.

Now here’s where I start to give some advice to any Thailand newbies wanting to get into a relationship with a bar girl. Firstly, they are ALL liars. Secondly, if you believe they will remain faithful to you then think again, they
will not and they will hurt you bad if you have formed a close bond. It does not matter how much you do for them, they WILL cheat on you. And lastly, when you do get involved, brace yourself for the money you have to fork out for her family and
the sick buffalo! As I say, I know many of these bar girls and have socialised with them both in and out of the bars and been to their homes. Be warned, they are cunning and devious and many of them have a string of men sending money from all
corners of the globe. Many have no-good Thai boyfriends, with drink and gambling addictions, who they help support. Many have multiple e-mail addresses and more than one SIM card (one they use when they are the faithful partner and the other is
for business). Now don’t get me wrong, if you apply the right attitude you can have a great time. You need to be open minded. Remember these girls have been with countless men and they have a very carefree approach regards sex, whereas
we farangs tend to be a bit more sensitive on the issue. Honesty and being faithful is not high on the agenda for them so keep this in mind and you will not be hurt so much when you do catch them out.

Now, getting back to Butterfly. She had been out of the bar scene for several months and things were seemingly going great between us. Now, I was in quite deeply with this girl. Love? I am not sure but I know I felt sorry for her when I first
met her and I guess I was on some sort of crusade to save the damsel in distress. I had provided her with an apartment with all the furnishings, paid for school, and provided an allowance for her for food, clothes, transport etc. I supplied all
this on three conditions. She could not go “boom-boom” with other men, she could not bring any man, apart from family, to the apartment and she was not to go to any of the go-go bar areas on her own. To see the hovel this girl had
lived in before and what she had to do to get money you would think the conditions I laid down would have been quite simple to follow. How wrong! As I mentioned before, I have travelled a fair bit, had a good education and I am not bad looking
and a reasonably fit guy. So, in my naiveness, here I am thinking there is no way in the world she would risk losing all this. Well, did I get a shock! To have deep feelings for a woman and to catch her in bed with another man is a painful experience,
believe me.

We had arranged to meet at her apartment at a certain time. I don’t know why but I felt something wasn’t quite right so arrived a couple of hours early. She should have been at school at this time but on approaching the door
I could hear the television blaring away. I also have a key so proceeded to open the door but it would not open fully as the chain lock was on. But I could see enough with the door open about six inches and I didn’t know whether to laugh
or cry! This guy was scampering around the room in his underpants and the look on his face was of sheer terror. He was in a blind panic, especially when he saw the size of me compared to him. Butterfly had dived beneath the sheets; gee I wish
I had my camera! I told them to open the door but they both froze. Then I became a bit more aggressive and the guy eventually opened it and then backed quickly away. I told him I was the one who paid the rent and to pick up his bag and eff off.
Butterfly would not emerge from beneath the sheets and I headed out onto the patio for a smoke to settle my nerves while loverboy packed his bag. He left and I sat on the end of the bed and asked Butterfly, “why, why did you do this to
me”?

“Why you come early” she says to me like it was my fault! This was the best part, the excuse. “We no boom-boom teeruk, honest, he customer of my friend just arrive in country and she phone me last night cause he have no hotel to go
and I say ok he sleep here one night. I no lie to you teeruk, I love you; you know I never do that. I sleep on sofa and he sleep in bed but I get cold and have to go in bed to get warm. You know I no lie to you, I love you too much”. I
was in a bit of shock and needed to get away and think about things. I wanted to believe her but I knew she was lying. I told her not to give me crap about there being no hotels; there are thousands of hotels and guesthouses in Bangkok. “But
teeruk, they cost toooooo much for him you know”

“Oh, really as if I give a damn, are you crazy or stupid or both?” I responded. I asked her for her e-mail address and password which she gave to me. I had been with her once before when she was checking e-mail and saw many e-mails from
various guys and when questioned about them she quickly flew off the handle. Anyway, I was sure she would have deleted them as she probably knew I would press her again on the issue. Well I eventually got sick of looking at her and told her I
would have a think about our relationship. She said to me “why you look me ugly?” to which I didn’t respond and left the apartment.

I returned to my office and logged into her e-mail account. Sure enough she had deleted all bar two or three innocent messages. However, the silly girl had not emptied the trash can and low and behold there were about twenty e-mails from
guys in all corners of the globe. I am sure a few of them would be panic stricken if they knew I had their e-mail addresses and access to their correspondence with this girl. Anyway, that’s not what I was interested in. I wanted to know
about loverboy in particular. Sure enough there it was. An e-mail from a couple of weeks back giving his full flight itinerary. He had arrived three days ago and so had been with her at least two nights. And it was a nice lovey dovey e-mail, darling,
teeruk, I miss you, I love you bla bla bla! I felt totally betrayed. I read all the other e-mail and over a period of eight to ten weeks she must have seen maybe four or five men. I had seen enough so left the office for a walk to gather my thoughts
together. I could not believe that after all I had done she could be so stupid. And to bring a guy to the apartment that I pay for? Talk about biting the hand that feeds you!

I phoned her back and told her I knew that he arrived three days ago as I read the e-mail and that they seem to have some form of relationship. Well here is another thing about Thai bar-girls, even when confronted with the most damning of
evidence they still will not admit their guilt. I was totally frustrated with her and hung up the phone. She rang me incessantly and I told her I was breaking things off. Well then the hysterics really started. She threatened to come to my work,
kill herself, tell my wife about me along with a string of other threats. She was going crazy and she scared the hell out of me. My biggest concern was my wife or work colleagues finding out about her. To have a crazy Thai girl chasing me around
my office was not a pleasant thought. I had to calm her down and said I would consider staying with her only if she was totally honest with me in the future and tells me about her past indiscretions.

Well at the thought of losing her honey-pot she told me everything. It was hard to listen to, especially about her picking up guys in food-stores and taking them short-time. I was devastated. This beautiful, intelligent woman was still out
whoring around. I asked her why she did it and she said she needed money for her family. I had kept her well and this really bamboozled me. Personally, I believe she did it out of habit and the enjoyment of having sex with farang men. I believe
the money part of it is a small factor as I know she had money. The allowance I gave her was more than enough. After a lot of thought I decided to give her another chance. Why? Because I felt sorry for her and still have deep feelings for her.
Had it been a farang women I would have been gone in a shot. However, I took into consideration her background, the hardships she has endured in her life and also our cultural differences. Also, I cannot be hypercritical here because I am after
all a married man who has, and still does, cheat on his wife.

Butterfly caused me immense hurt and I know I can never totally forgive her (I will never lose the image of her and loverboy together when I caught them in the act) but I do have some understanding of her actions. We are still together and
she rings me constantly to report where she is or what she is doing. I have told her that she has a great opportunity and not to blow it and that if I catch her at it again she is on her own. I still enjoy her company but I take all the “I
love you forever teeruk” crap with a grain of salt now. And by the way, Butterfly is not her real name. She hates it but that is what I call her now, my little butterfly who floated from one man to another. So to those of you Stickman readers
in deep relationships with a bargirl and others who may be considering it then I hope my story is of some interest to you.

Stickman's thoughts:

To me, the paragraph a few from the end where she started getting hysterical, threatening to come to your work, tell your wife etc is the real major downside of getting involved with these girls.

I'd love to know whether you are still with her because you care for her, you are scared of her (and the consequences of what might if she did do something silly), or a combination of the two…

Frankly, I think you need an exit strategy because it isn't going to explode again, sooner or later.