From Wife To Girlfriend

Hi my name is Tom and I am married to a Thai lady who I met seven years ago, and we have lived in England for the past five years.

Up till the last visit to Thailand at Christmas we were very happy. We have been back to Thailand many times and done the usual, seen family sights and also the beaches, bars, clubs etc. but this last time things changed for the worse.

On being in Thailand this time I went to a bar with some friends while my wife went back to see her family and children in the north.

With these friends I was having such a good time and as they say having plenty of fun and my friend happened to introduce me to a girl who he had met that evening while we were out drinking. I think that he liked her and was going to stay with her for a few days.

But in the space of a few hours from going to the bars and then on to a disco she seemed more interested in my company.

My friend told me that after I had gone to get some things from the 7 Eleven she told him that she would like to spend some time with me and would he be ok with this which he said this was ok.

On returning to the disco my friend told me this and I then went and spoke to her and told her that I was married and was only out having fun with my friends. She then told me this was fine but could I just stay out and just talk as friends to which I replied ok.

After we had left the disco we all decided to go and get something to eat by which time three of my friends had ladies with them and I was with this lady. To get to the point I asked her after we had finished eating where she lived and could I drop her to her room where she stayed, and she told me this was really nice.

Once we arrived at her place she asked me if I wanted to stay and listen to some music which I did but things really happened and before we knew what was happening we slept with each other.

The next day after returning to my apartment I could not get this girl out of my mind and just wanted to see her again. We ended up seeing each other till my wife came back and for a few days did not see each other.

Down to some bad news my wife got she had to go back to Surin and I ended up seeing this woman again. Since returning to England I have found out that this girl is now pregnant and I really don’t know what to do. My wife has now found out about the pregnancy and told this women [May] to get rid of the baby which I now know she has done.

But over the last couple of months we have stayed in contact and we both cannot stop talking to each other even though my wife has found out about the phone calls and after many, many fights and arguments, promising my wife to end this relationship I still cannot get myself to do this and want to see her again.

Only last week my wife found her number from a missed call on my mobile and after another fight telling my wife I do not want to divorce her she rang May and because I do not understand Thai could not work out what was being said. Once the telephone call had ended my wife told me that May told her that she loved me and that I loved her and she wanted her to break up with me and let me be free to see her when I go back in four weeks time.

What my problem is though I do not want to divorce my wife but cannot give this lady up as she is always on my mind every day and though I do love my wife also in my heart I do think so much towards this other woman.

My wife has told me that when we go back she will let me go alone to have fun with my friends [as she has got to go back home to her children] hoping that I will not contact May but even now my head is telling me NO, but my heart wants to see her so much and I know even though this will break my wife’s heart I am split between two women that I care about.

Is it true what some people say and you can love two people?

I do tell my wife I love her but also when I am on the phone to May I tell her that I have feelings for her too. I really don’t know the answer to my problem but I do know that I want to spend time with May and she makes me very happy when I am with her.

It has been 8 weeks since I came back but have spoken to May every day and have been very happy when we are on the phone together.

One thing you should know is this lady does not work in a bar. She works in a bank in Bangkok where she has worked for the last five years.

What should I do?

Tom

Stickman's thoughts:

Very simply solution. Choose ONE! Either that or speak to your wife about having an open marriage where you're both allowed to go and meet other people. Still, that is not really marriage, is it?