Stickman Readers' Submissions February 5th, 2007

Prophetic Discourse, With The Intention Of Extracting Maximum Fiscal Benefits From Unsuspecting Farangs

By Pim


Girls in Thailand, there’s no doubt that stupid foreigners find Thai women to be the most beautiful in the world. You are big magnet to them. A money magnet!!! When you flash your eyes, smile at them (yes, that simple), they automatically switch from brain in Hua (Head) to brain in hum (penis). Brain in penis is easy to fool.

He Clinic Bangkok

Recently, a clever farang (who thinks he can make a difference (note: I am smiling and twinkling my eyes, no man can resist me)) tried to set up some rule for them to follow. I will now show you how these rules work from us Thailand girl point of view. CF (as I shall call him), thinks we use charm. Well he is correct. The switch in any farang’s head, that switches Hua to Hum is located in the subconscious portion of their brain that reacts to eye flutters and smiles, and small lithe bodies that heave sex.

Farang, please note: One of my many farang boyfriends, my “Boi Soi” boyfriend from Pattaya and Kurt from Hanover have all read this for me so it is culturally perfect. The English tends to hover between perfect and very perfectly write, but if anyone can speak bitterly on paper, please help me with my edit.

OK, I digress, now girls, the boys are expecting an “intense, emotional roller-coaster ride”, so we are honour bound to give them one. Why let them think we’re just some old farang she-hag? Act different badly, loudly and sexily, and the hum brain will glow, pulsate and throb with an itch they cannot deny. If you think the farang knows you, then do something bizarre, pretend you know where Sri Lanka is. That will impress him (It’s just down near Iran, Chile and Pakistan on the Border of New Zealand)

CBD bangkok

I write this to help you ladies extract the maximum benefit for make good (hehe) of your Water Buffalo (sick or not), your sixty three sisters, cousins, eight mothers, two one legged fathers and eight hundred brothers in poverty who all need your assistance.

10. Looking in all the wrong places.

Dumb, hum brained, farangs are always looking in all the wrong places for the girl of their dreams. They will look for you in the massage parlours, entertainment areas and beer bars. These are excellent venues for you to ply your trade and use your “charming assets” to switch a farang brain from hua to hum. I have made almost twenty thousand dollar for each hum brain who ventured into any naughty nightlife venues that I was affiliated with. These easy to switch hum brains will always be attracted to these places, and despite all of the websites, warnings, investigations and commentary to the contrary, I thoroughly recommend that we girls hang out in these venues.

The Internet works always, but don’t let the hum brained farang use it as a way of just meeting you. This is a most suitable way for your to conduct your hum brain cash extraction methods without actually having to submit your birth canal and other fundamental orifices to unnecessary reaming.

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Avoid long term farangs. They read this site and other informative sites. These farangs are trying to deprive your of your birthright. After all, why did they give us these boddies, eyes, lips, arses and sweet honey petaled genetalia??? Tell me do!!!

Now here’s a special tip for you – if you want to meet a nice sucker hang around places that Westerners usually don’t frequent – on your off days. Really dumb, fresh faced hum brains are especially susceptible to your charms if you meet them on a sky train, central world or other place. Importantly you should wear a University Uniform or some other “uniform” and the cash spitting ATM hum brained farang will blowing his biscuits in thirty seconds and you’ll have eternity to make benefit of his wallet, bank account and even get a house or two.

9. Giving you money.

This is the point of allowing hum brained farangs into Thailand. We want their money. The Government wants their money, the police want their money. Simple really . . . . By using your smile, twinkling eyes and curvaceous body, your brain switching wiles will maximize the output of the farangs you have on tap. There are handbooks of excuses you can use to feed the engorged hum brain who will then relent (regardless of his place in his own society) and they will spout baht, Euros and dollars while your legs point at the ceiling (sometimes virtually, remember, farang number 1 doesn’t mind you taking calls from boyfriend X or farang #6 when he’s up to his nuts in guts, or thinks he’s having cyber sex with you)

Guilt is the second most beneficial way to extract baht (etc) from the hum brain. With no cash your smile fades, your legs get slightly less buttery, you are moody and don’t want to talk about it and there’s “nothing wrong” Use this often, it’s part of the roller coaster. Remember, when the baht flows (in the correct quantities) it is important to suck him (sometimes virtually, whilst being reamed by another sucker) until his eyes sick four inches into his head and his hum glows in the dark.

OK, remember too that you have many sick relatives, sick animals, need operations on the cancerous growth on your uterus etc etc. Hum Brains in a full state of ejaculatory bliss are particularly susceptible to this. Move back to guilt quickly every time he catches on.

So my advice is, treat your hum brains well and let them spoil you senseless, make them all become your personal walking ATMs. If they really love you, they will respect you all the more for it.

8. How farangs ignore red flags.

Stupid hum brains will always think you are different when you are leaping up and down on their semi soft viagara driven hums. They will struggle to believe you have a systematic scam going on where you actually make, on a combined basis, sixty times more than the factory worker from England, or the TAxi driver from Antwerp, plus you don’t pay tax on it!! You are different from those hum brains farang ladies. You’ll take it in any orifice and you’ll suck him until he screams stop. Hey, that’s gotta be worth a few lousy Euros for your brother who’s trying to start a restaurant in Surin!! Remember the guilt factor, add this to the fact that they naturally think you’re the one and that you’d never do anything wrong, and you’re in ATM heaven. Once the switch of brains is complete, they will never see the red flags in any relationship, even when pointed our or if hard evidence is given to them

Thai men are rubbish and I hate them. But somehow I cannot resist them. It’s a disease similar to the hum brain disease. Don’t try and fight it, just give him money and you’ll both be happy

Make sure you tell your farang hum brain you love him at every opportunity. Make sure he says it back (pouting, not talking and general bad behaviors always works to get him to say this).

Life is unfair to us Thai girls, so we are at war!!!!!! The enemy may have their way with us, but they are old and will die. We will still have the house and the gold. Who wins?

Remember Hum Brain farangs never watch for red flags carefully or assess them logically, they just pretend they never happened, it’s is like Songkran all year round…. Ka……

7. Going for Long Distance.

One of the best ways to leave your aging body intact is to go for the internet relationship. Make sure you get some professional photography done (BKKSW did mine and I look like a cross between Camila Parker Bowlse, Beyonce and Michael Jackson. I am very happy, as are most of my “friends” on the internet). Once you have the photo, you will be besieged by hum brains that have already switch big time into hum brain mode. Watch out here, however, there are many many who think you are stupid and will want try to avoid your ATM activities. Give these once a wide birth, they are worse nightmares than your thai boyfriends. Stick with love struck puppies of around 55-75 whose viagara driven lust will have them emptying their wallets in no time.

Visiting them in their home land. This is a milk fest of biblical proportions (I am told that means big) where you can ask for more and more money to help you get that impossible VISA. One good way to ensure a delay in the process is to pop over to Singapore (and have a good weekend or two, scoop up 80-100,000 baht in the process for some nice fake bags, a new mobile phone or two and a new tattoo.) as this is frowned upon in most humbrained lands’ immigration departments… perfect!!! Still getting cash, and no gut hosing involved. Can it get better???

6. Failing to wear a condom.

Don’t let a hum brain within six feet of any orifice without a condom. You don’t know where they have been!

5. Do not setting ground rules.

DO NOT LET YOUR HUM BRAIN TRY AND SET ANY SENSIBLE RULES. One way is to acquiesce to some really silly ones and use the guilt thing to avoid the sensible ones. By not allowing ground rules, you can use your natural behavioral problems to extract more cash. A classic one to amuse your friends is to invite a local hum brain out for a drink and when he gets there you have twelve of your best friends there, 5,000 baht on the bill already. A bit of hum ego massaging will have all your friends drunk, your hum brain thinking all twelve want to bed him, and a quiet night for you as he’ll fall asleep in flaccid bliss thinking he’s roger ramjet!!

4. Not breaking cleanly on game over

Hum brains are addicted to your hoi (cunt) and will be attracted like bees to honey for the rest of their natural, able to take viagara, lives. Knowing this gives you endless baht extracting potential. Hum brains will think they are “naughty” and will love to come over and give you a once (literally once) over and you’ll be handsomely rewarded. Remember to make sure he’s clear about your mothers breast cancer that’s flared up.

Never leave your farang alone, even when he’s with another gold digger. “I miss you”, “Where are you” and other short SMS’s will do the trick. Once the brain’s switched to “Hum” mode, and he’s had some of that sweetness dripping over his loins, he’s yours always. Important not to burn every bridge, so that one day, when he’s crossing it, you can be the Horney troll underneath it…..

3. Getting to know your friends and family

Hum brains will try, from day one, to get to know your family. Make sure your family is about 50% as dysfunctional as they really are. The truth here may scare him off. Sure mother sold me into prostitution, but father and his brothers and friends taught me everything I know about sex!!!

One good trick is to have a pretend family. Farangs think you are serious when you show them the “family”. This is great cash extracting material!! I have many pretend families you can rent off me. These look very poor and sad. They park their Mercedes and BMW’s in Bangkok, where they spend summer!!

2. Getting too serious, too quickly is good

When a hum brain tells you he thinks he loves you, you must pull the line hard and quick. The hook will be imbedded and the Hua Brain will be switched to the hum brain. Words are cheap, but you can make them expensive by getting Sin Sot (asking 1 million hurts, but remember it’s a negotiation, and the hum brain will expect a “win”, so taking 500,000 will usually do)

Try and move in with the hum brain the next day. This is cash heaven. Plus guilt and bad behavior make it impossible for him to get rid of you unless suitable cash incentives are met. (see number 4. about keeping in touch)

Speed is important. While the hum brain is in full gear, it will make many stupid decisions, we must encourage this. Stroking the hum and its ego work well!!

1. Underestimating the culture gap.

Hum brains think you are different. Hum brains think your are the same. It doesn’t matter. Culture is a word that conjures up many things in the fully engorged hum brains mind. You can use culture to explain ways your guilt attempts, you can use culture as a way of behaving outrageously and getting away with it. You can use culture to explain almost anything. It is one of your biggest weapons against common sense. Common sense is your biggest enemy!!!


Get them, hook them hard and get into instant cash extraction mode. Keep them thinking they are young dumb and full of cum (on your chest or chin preferably) and they’ll keep giving you’re their pin numbers.


Thanks you all



Note: thanks to Codefreeze for inspiring this. His material is shamelessly used for the make benefit of Stickman’s readers and the forums on where I expect to come under fire mercilessly!!!



Stickman's thoughts:

Very amusing!

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