Her Name Was Joy
I should have seen it in her name!
Her name was Joy. The other one I found out later was called Anne. As I slowly awoke I suddenly came to the conclusion that I must have had a great night because here I was in a Bangkok hotel room with two ladies. Anne was drop dead gorgeous, just like the pictures on the net. Joy on the other hand had a cold, dark look in her eye, sunken eyeballs and very sharp angular features. If they have witches in Thailand I suppose this is what they look like. The strange thing is we are all fully clothed and I can’t actually remember meeting these ladies at all! Ho hum, this is the crazy LOS.
My first ever trip to Thailand had started out back in March 2005. Bangkok freaked me out so it was down to the nearest island I could find (Koh Samet). After 4 weeks on that excellent island, I had amassed as many viewpoints as I could from everyone about the Farang / Thai lady equation. I felt that yes, I was definitely attracted to Asian ladies, but sleeping with a poor girl for money…..I don't know!? It was then that a friend explained something to me.
"In Thailand sex is somewhat like having a shit, a bodily function that feels good sometimes. But LOVE… now that's different. That is really special, way up there somewhere" he said, pointing into the starry sky.
"The difference with us Farang is that we mix up the two and add the emotions to it….basically doomed."
"But remember its not all black and white!" were his parting words.
It was at this point I met Y, an Isaan country girl who could not speak a word of Farang. I am 38, fit and not bad looking, bald but look very good with a tan (the truth is in Thailand if you are bald and fit Thai ladies think you are gay! Sorry baldies, but this is true!)
Y worked in a bar, which I later found out was a sort of brothel. This is how green I am. In the morning I slip her 1,000 without saying anything. She wais me, and is gone.
The lovely thing about a small island is that you get to know everyone. Of course the downside is that EVERYONE gets to know who you slept with the previous night!
I HAVE DONE IT! My first Thai lady, a big smile crosses my face. I am happy and I think she was too. The day on the beach was shared with the Dutchman who took her friend. I meet up a couple of times more with Y, but as we stroll hand in hand through the village I notice the locals giving us, especially me, a double look.
At this point it starts to dawn on me that she probably goes with Thais as well!
I find it difficult to go through town with her on my arm, or spend time on the beach so I leave it to late night hook ups after the last bar has closed, sneaking her out of the hotel in the morning.
At this point I should say that I have been quite lucky as a young fella in the lady department but that has slowed after losing my Barnet. As I get older, sex is not the be all and end all it once was. Spending time with someone and getting to know them is just as important. Let me add that I am still learning that my ego is always looking for the damsel in distress, something which keeps causing me BIG problems. In the LOS there are a lot of damsels to be saved!
I go to Bangkok, to Nana Plaza, and meet a young bar lady who tells me that I am spending too much for my hotel (750 baht) and proceeds to take me to her modest apartment where I spend a relaxing week. She washes my clothes, cooks, showers me, shows me around Bangkok even taking me to Soi Cowboy to short time the most beautiful lady in Thailand (AND we all go out and have a great night together!). I can see how fellas fall in love here I think as we roll around on the bed watching Thai TV like a married couple! I even go to Isaan and meet the family and neighbours who live very poor in what I can only describe as a shed on stilts! I leave her and barely give her a couple of thousand baht, but she is happy. Since then we have been good friends!
The holiday over, back in Farangland every penny in my taxi is saved for Tour number 2. Ticket purchased for 2 weeks in September.
A friend who will be working in Hong Kong at the time arranges to meet me for the first 4 days on company expenses so we book that restaurant with the brilliant view in Bangkok!
Second day in, here I am with two ladies in my Bangkok hotel room! I am slightly embarrassed to admit not remembering how I met them, but go on to explain that I have to get ready for my mate’s last couple of nights and maybe they would give me there number so I could call them when he heads home?
Joy looks at me sharply, says something to Anne who then gives me her number. "We are hungry" demands Joy so we head off to the ATM as my wallet is completely empty. I tap my 4 digit pin…..card is blocked!? That's strange, I think.
"If you have problem, no money, call me!" says Joy as they head off. Nice girl I think!
Two days later as I say goodbye to my pal I spot Joy in The Khao San Central. I sit down, we chat and her friend Pim comes over. A nice girl but not my cup of tea. A few beers later back in my apartment and Joy is getting her friend to do me!
I wake in the morning with a hangover and seeing Joy and her friend I realise what happened. I ain't too happy. I speak to Joy and she tells me" This is Thailand. It’s OK!"
I scratch my head.
The weather at this time in Bangkok is wet and Joy tells me that the islands will be like that too! I tell her I haven't got any plans.
"Stay with us” she says. “We go Pattaya, have fun!"
"In the meantime let’s go shopping!" I don't have much to do, so let’s make these poor girls happy, me ego thinks!
A day later we arrive in Pattaya. I get two hotel rooms for all of us as Anne has now joined us. Mooching around with 3 Thai ladies in tow I feel quite the big hearted Farang. (Now I now why they have those T-shirts telling you not to leave your brain at the airport when you arrive!).
The beach is non-existent, at least the bit I see, "so what is here” I ask.
"We go out later! But now I sleep!" the lovely Joy says.
It amazes me how long Thai ladies can sleep. How much they can eat. And how
good they are with their phones.
At 9 o’clock sleeping beauty is still making zzz. Anne knocks at the door and she looks stunning. "Joi still tired!" I whisper.
Anne doesn't look happy but says something to sleeping beauty who muffles something back. We go outside. Anne tells me that Joy is like this.
I say "what shall I do?"
"Up to you!" comes the reply.
I wait…..as I sit on the balcony listening to the bar across the way. I think, how come I have come all this way to be happy and am sitting here miserable? <EXACTLY. I simply cannot understand why so many guys come to Thailand and then essentially take a girl on a holiday, making her happy, but neglecting themselves. Personally, I put it down to loneliness and shattered confidence – Stick>
Later we head down to Walking Street. Never seen anything like it. It is a gogo bar Oxford street. We hook up with Anne, her friends and I buy drinks all round. Joy sits away from me with a face like a dog’s slapped ass! I put on a brave face but that starts to wane after an hour of no talking and watching every other farang, happy with his Thai girlfriend.
I end up downing a couple of Vodkas and by the end of the evening we get
into an argument which ends up with Joy slapping my face! So I tell her to do it again for double measure.
For some reason Joy was so angry with Farang that I felt sorry for her. This is what became the hook! I felt like I wanted to prove to her that not all farang are the same!
From this point on the rest of the holiday I was spending @10,000 baht per day (shoot me!) on all of them.
A strange thing that I didn't realise at first was that Joy would NEVER let me take a photo of her. I found out later that she is known by the police. To cut a long story short I end up going for a drink with Anne the night I was to leave. She tells me to swear that I will not tell Joy but "Joy has a boyfriend!" This is not a problem for me. Except I have now realised that I will be coming to Thailand every 3/4 months, and I would like to spend that time with the same girl (maybe go off short time every now and then!) I realize now that I am just buffalo.
I can’t help but pull Joy up about this. She goes loopy on the phone to Anne, and swears undying love to yours truly! I fall for it.
Back home I get a phone call every day. I am saving the money to get back out in January 2007.Around December 2006 Joy starts to tell me that she has had enough of the Khao San Road and wants to get out of boom boom farang for baht. 40,000 baht would get her a little beautician shop . A week’s money to me but a change of life for her! (Kick me!)
Jan 2007 I am waltzing down the Khao San towards Khao San Central. I meet Joy, I meet her cousin and she is even more beautiful than Anne. Her Name is S. I have two beers and we go Gulliver's. I order a Mohito (and get a Tequila Sunrise!) This is the LOS after all. Take two sips. Don't remember anything else!
I wake in my Bangkok hotel room with two Thai ladies fully clothed!
This time around I fly all of us down to Ko Samui. "My friend Tang lives there and we can stay with her for free" the lovely Joy tells me.
We arrive early in Ko Samui and Joy proceeds to explain that Tang lives away from the beach and the bars and it will cost 600 baht to get a taxi every time! We get a room with a double and a single bed. Why can’t I share with the lovely, sexy S (and tell Joy to jog off!) I realize that Joy is a bit proper crazy and being in a foreign country what with all the stories about farang going missing and the Bangkok Hilton I realize that I am a bit scared of her!
It all starts to go pear shaped just like before and I think to myself that I will bite my tongue, wait it out and four days later slip off when we get back to Bangkok!
I don't last that long……..I meet an English fella with his beautiful Thai girlfriend. I tell him my story and he half believes me, but when he sees Joy rowing with me he tells me that I can escape to his apartment for the night. We head off to get my bags but Joy has got there on taxi bike before me. I open the door to what I can only describe as a snarling, possessed Thai lady! She attacks me, breaks my gold Buddha chain, and draws blood with her mouth on my chest and wrist. I grab her by the throat, hold her down on the bed and shout for security. A small boy comes upstairs, his eyes popping out of his head at the sight. He disappears. Great! Now I am going to get proper filled in. Two minutes later the hotel owner appears screaming at Joy in Thai and asking if I am ok. Joy leaves the room. S comes in and tells me to calm down….I can’t speak. I just look at her. She looks frightened.
Downstairs my English friend Tom is in the car waiting for me. Joy attacks me again and I push her away. Tom gets out of the car. "I ain't having this!" He is a big lump as well! When I turn around Joy attacks Tom with a bottle. He grabs it and holding her down he is screaming "I am gonna fxxxing do you!" This is all way out of line….`Don't do it!` I say.
We jump in the car and drive off!
I never got my chain or my money back. I met with S secretly and she told me a lot of things.
Joy works out of Gulliver's and Khao San Central. She looks for 30 something farang, pissed with a bit of money. She Rehipnols them and steals their money from the wallet. Later she will show you your wallet is empty and then get you to withdraw more from the ATM. In a drunken state as you withdraw money she looks at your pin number. She now is able to withdraw money from the ATM when you are not aware. This is why she works with a beautiful girl. I also think that she may have been giving me some sort of drug everyday that made me feel a bit spaced out . This stopped when I left her! I wanted to go to the police but she threatened to have me killed, so I left it.
The rest of my holiday was spent with Y in Ko Samet. We held hands and walked through the village. Sitting on the beach together I told her all about Joy. "All Thai Ladies not the same!" she said.
I kissed her.
This story clearly shows the possible dangers of liaising with hookers in Thailand. Stories like this are not that common, at least in terms of the big picture. It should be noted that this sort of thing is far more likely with freelancers than with ladies who would out of one particular bar, simply because freelancers can “disappear” if need be, with little trace, whereas a lady who works in a particular bar is known. The bar inevitably has a copy of her ID card, knows where she lives etc.