Dilemma

Which one is the right direction?

Sorry first about my bad English. My mother language is German … but this is not my story, but my dilemma!

I have to make a decision in the next 2 months and my dilemma is: I don’t know if it will put me in more trouble or if I will find my luck of the rest of my life.

To understand, you have first to know about me a little bit: I’m 45, in good shape, good job and most of my lifetime I was happy. Except, with the women! When I was young, about 18 or 19, I met a local girl from my town. We had more or less a happy time together. After a 2 year world trip around the globe, ready to marry (after 10 years together), she wanted to be free. She was sometimes a butterfly, I was sometimes a butterfly. But over all the years, until now, “they” never funded it out, I had some other adventures with other girls, hookers … “they” always thinking – until now – I am such a good, handsome man! On the other hand, it was always me, “they” cheated me with other men, until I had found out. So we – my first girlfriend and I – split and after a sad time I started a new life with some real fun, good friends and some one night stands! Over 3 years I travelled a lot to Brazil. Not really only for the good sex, but if “they” offer it to you (for free or paying), how can I say NO!? During this time, I meet my “wife” in the HELP-Disco. 10 years younger than I, a very, very sexy prostitute. In the bed like a rocket and always ready for some more action … it was me to say sometimes: “Not today baby, I have a headache”. After some more travel to Brazil and other places, we marry in my country.

First I have to say, that she is not a “bad-bad” person! She has a very big heart and she takes car about her family. In my country she went to a German school, she started a job and after a while she god adapted to my culture. With her temperament she wanted to go-out every weekend, dancing all night long to Brazil music. The only problem with her was, that she was very jealous if there were other girls around me. But if there were some attractive men around her she started flirting with them (like a prostitute). We had many fights about this, but all ended in a bed story! After 5 years she asked me (many times) to buy or make a house in her country! I always said NO to her, with some good explanations (At 55 I want to stop, move to another country and live my life …). She also knew the time would come, but not now and not like she wants it (Okay, say U$ 30- 50,000 is not that much, but still easy to lose). Believe me, I didn’t really know, that she was so fixed about to have a house.

After 7 years together she started to have a boyfriend (it took me two more years to find this out), she meet some bad ex?-prostitutes, went out (without me) with them many times and started to lie about where she was going and what she was doing! At first, no alarm bells were ringing in my head, I was too busy and I was butterflying as well sometimes. But after 9 years together, I find out that she has sold her body again for money! For what? Only because she would like to have a house in Brazil (like all her friends). This stupid cow! I kicked her out of my house. A divorce was out of her mind, and with the laws in my country I have to wait for 2 years until I can do it without her Ok!

And here begins my dilemma! I started to travel to Asia, Thailand. I meet this wonderful girl in the New Wave Bar. I will call her Tip. 20 years younger than me, good English and a freelancer! First it was only business between her and me (LT 3,000). It was only a game for me, so I told her some stories about me that would make you shake your head. That I told her I’m only 38 years old and not married sounds no problem at all … but it will be a major problem in my story!

When I was in Bangkok (4-5 times a year for 2-3 weeks) she showed me around the Bangkok nightlife. We went out until 6, 7, 8 o’clock in the morning. Dancing in all the after hours clubs, hanging around in some friends' apartments or going to Phuket or Koh Samui to have some fun. In the beginning I didn’t really know that she took drugs (C! + E!). One day she offers me some. And? I try it and I like it! During this time I had the best sex in my life. For my part (and Tip as well) cocaine made me horny like … I don’t know how to explain, sorry! Of course she had come to my country several times (3 times for 3 months) and we always had great fun. No fighting, no problems at all. After spending 6 months together I paid for her apartment in BKK, her cost of living, one golden present, ALL without her asking me to do it (I know the entire story about the buffalo dieing, mother sick). It was my wish and I offered her all these things. I meet her family and I attended the weeding ceremony of one of her brothers and met her lovely baby (8 year old child form a Chinese man). Over time (2 ½ years now) I find out that she is a really good person, takes good care of the household, her baby, her family and has a big heart! Just too perfect!? After 2 bad experiences, 2 times losing 10 years of my life, losing money to my ex (still going on), I’m scared to have the same experience once again!

I know Tip is waiting for the big moment: “Will you marry me, Tip?”

My “ex”-wife doesn't live far from my house! Tip doesn’t know about her and my “ex”-wife doesn’t know about Tip. She doesn’t know I am stilly married or ever was married. She doesn’t know I am really 20 years older than her. Every time we spend time together I told myself: The next time I will tell her about this or there will be a better moment or with us there is no future! And here it comes! When I wasn’t with Tip together, I had more contact with my “ex”-wife! I know (I really know) she really regrets what happened, what she had made bad. She finished with all her friends (the bad influence is gone) and has started a new life. I have been out with her several times and my feelings are coming back (a little bit). In both hand I have no guarantees with my “ex”-wife or with Tip of what will happen in the future. If I divorce, I have to pay a big amount to my “ex”-wife and this I don’t like at all (it really pisses me off). If I take the road to Tip, I must tell her the truth or she will find out anyway (sooner or later when all the paperwork will need it). I am afraid to make the wrong step. Of the many stories I hear or read about Thai ladies in this forum, I know there are good ones and some of them sound like a happy ending for them. At the moment Tip is back with her family in Isaan. She is making a new house for them (I offered to buy or pay for one = 250,000 baht). So I have time to think about my situation. In April 2007 the 2 years are over and by this time I must make my decision! My feelings are going up and down at the moment and I know I have to hurt one of them. Is it worth the risk with Tip? How will Tip will react about “the truth”?

Now I feel a little bit better … still don’t know what I have to do …

SMILES

Stickman's thoughts:

A very difficult situation this, which has been complicated by a lack of honesty. From what you have told us I just get the sneaky feeling that your feelings are gradually moving back towards your ex.