Readers' Submissions

Black or White?

  • Written by Gavel Rash
  • February 21st, 2007
  • 9 min read



I am a farang (oops, that word), I am white…sort of, well I was born white at any rate. Years under the Australian sun cured me of being white except for on my private parts and palms. When I was growing up the girls were brown in the summer and white in the winter, we all know which colour looked better. Despite skin cancer it is still going on. So for me, I really don’t care if girls are brown or white, they are sexy either way.

My Thai ex-wife was a GG from the north (apparently an acceptable birthplace according to one idiot) and was white; she was part Chinese although she was all Thai in her thinking. She wouldn’t even venture outdoors for fear of losing her whiteness, not a big fan of the Aussie day at the beach. Had a total disdain for Isaan, although conceded they were not lazy. Mind you her current boyfriend is from Isaan (they are both outside Thailand), too Freudian for me that one.

Even though I married a white skinned middle class GG, it was merely by chance. I have known many BGs over the years, some trying to get money and some just wanting to settle down with someone. One even was willing to support me on the money she had invested into fruit farms over the years, what a terrible person she was. With BGs there are good and bad, just like GGs, some people just seem to have a magnetic attraction to finding the wrong person regardless of what country they stay in. I would also suggest that the percentage of relationships with BGs is much higher, another reason, apart from the obvious higher risk, that there would be more horror stories.

My current girlfriend though is from near Bangkok and is brown, it seems to worry her, but it is irrelevant to me. She used to use those whitening creams, but eventually gave up as they didn’t do anything. In fact I am yet to meet anybody that has noticed any difference. Curious, we don’t seem to get those ads in the western countries encouraging our black citizens to use these products to attain a more beautiful skin tone. Why is that I wonder?

I’ve noticed a few posts on various sites alluding to that if you really want to be accepted by Thai middle class society, you need to get that brown Isaan peasant out of your bed and off your pecker and find yourself a nice Chinese -Thai trophy wife. Hmmm, seems like some people have been here too long or watched too many ads on TV. Getting pulled into that whole bigotry thing trying to keep up appearances and suck up to that stratum of Thai society. Not denying the Thais do it, but do we really need to follow suit?

While seeking respect from said society, I assume there must be something that they have done to earn our respect as well. Currently missing that one though, perhaps someone could enlighten me. To be so concerned with impressing these people there must be some reason? In the past we’d conquer, we’d colonize, we’d pillage, funny what used to gain you respect. But it was respect from a position of power, not that of trying to conform to ideals we shouldn’t agree with anyway.

Sent my luk-krung (half Thai/ Western) kids to order some take away the other day, joined them 10 minutes later to pay for it, when we got back they told me that the group of Thai guys had said in Thai “the father dog of these dogs is coming”. Naturally I went back to see if I could find someone there to enlighten me more regarding their insight. Gutless pricks all denied it, and an older man came out to tell me that those who said it, if they said it at all, had left already. Is this middle class society, no, but I‘ll bet the mindset isn’t much different. Trying to conform to racist societies achieves nothing in the mind of that society, certainly not respect, you are only fooling yourself.

But of course everyone knows that those Isaan girls are all whores working in Pattaya and Nana. Or is the problem really that they are our whores? White skinned Thai girls don’t whore; even my wife emphatically told me that. However a drive past any Karaoke bar will reveal endless numbers of white skinned Thai ladies perched awaiting the favours of Thais, Japanese and Koreans. But they are higher classed, obviously because they charge more, although apparently not by the inch. Seems that a Karaoke whore clutching your arm at the latest art exposition has higher social status than a dark skinned business lady. One could surmise that the whoring side of things isn’t really the problem…

Also am I observing a little bit of smug superiority in some submissions here from those that have “good girl” wives over the perceived losers that marry BGs or get stung by them? And those that come to Thailand for a cultural excursion to observe the temples and ride elephants, who disdain the seedy nightlife areas, but still manage to have a plethora of Thai virgins throwing themselves at them, pleading for their non-sex tourist peckers. Or those that have the advantage of living here, perhaps speak the language, being surrounded by Thai co-workers and through experience and contacts know where to go to meet “good girls”.

Now, how many guys with Thai wives that you run into, if you asked where they met their wife, are going to say that she was the star performer at the Kangaroo Bar, she gobbled him and the rest of the football team and they just fell in love? Funny, I don’t tend to hear those stories; they were always university students, waitresses, working in a hotel, sweeping the wat, dishing out food to the poor etc (“Yes, Auntie Joan that nose ring and those tattoos are actually her local hill tribe custom”). Not many guys are going to tell all and sundry that his wife was a BG. Not any with either any self respect or feelings of affection for his wife and how she is perceived. Which of course then raises the question of how many of our subscribers are married to a “hello hansom man” turbo charged pole gyrator but are telling us online she was a bank clerk? Come on, someone fess up.

One thing that I also find curious is the Swiss guy who posted with 2 names who claimed to find girls all over Bangkok on a daily basis who were breaking at the leash to jump into bed with him (them). Bargirls readily spreading their legs are understandable, but it seems according to him and others, that virtually any Bangkok girl you smile at wants sex with you. If that be the case is there really anything as the “good girl” girl anymore, the only thing dividing Thai women it seems is there are those that readily give it away and those that charge for it, if so then what is the difference? At least the whore has some justification for acting like one, so if guys that marry whores that charge are seen to be stupid, how do we define those that marry girls that readily give it away? Hmmm, just a thought on our definitions.

Every now and then you see a thread or a sub that lampoons guys that marry bar girls. I’ll bet quite often from guys that have been divorced already or who are smug with their GG (who claims she didn’t whore through university on the side, or have a host of boyfriends or meet up with that Swiss guy?) and think that their relationship will endure the tests of time. It’s like that old joke; what’s the difference between love and herpes? Herpes lasts forever. My friend who married a BG has been going strong for twelve years, I thought I was much cleverer than he; I married the GG and only got to ten. So perhaps those married to a GG for a couple of years shouldn’t feel so morally superior, the race is far from over yet, marriage isn’t a done deal. And white skin doesn’t make a good girl any more than dark makes her a whore, nice convenient stereotype though.

In my business I run into quite a few westerners, some seriously wealthy, some are with GGs and some with BGs. These are guys with enormous options, for what ever reason though they have made their choices, and I would suspect having “f*** you” money the opinions of those lower on our social totem pole is unlikely to worry them. This is hardly a recommendation to chase BGs, but to the BG critics who like to lampoon the guys that marry them, I suspect you probably have your own issues with women to deal with, and that your criticism is far from altruistic. There is a difference between warnings to be careful and obvious rabid hatred. I’ve never had any real dramas, I think too many guys rush into things with obviously wrong girls or find that various BGs don’t like them then start to hate them all.

Quick comments on previous posts just to rise some ire < Snip, you can email the authors directly, thank you Stick>

So to finish up my own rambling narrative: As I said I am now with another Thai girl; I am late 40’s and she late 20’s, so it doesn’t take a whole lot of contemplation to understand that one. She doesn’t speak a word of English, but I can speak enough Thai to communicate the usual daily conversations, but confess I am now finding that I will have to expand my vocabulary. I met her in a bar; she had been there 4 days, so she hadn’t gone over yet. I am now sponsoring her through school; she acts like I am her boyfriend in every way without missing a step for 5 months now. Is it an act? Maybe, does it matter? Not really, we get on well together and I like her. Will she be here in 6 months, 2 years? Who knows? I have been married, I have kids, and I’ve been there and done all that already and am not breaking at the leash to go there again.

I live and work in Thailand and I stay with whom I choose to be with, not because of her colour or past history, this is a place full of options, find who you really like, not what others would have you find. Black or white is irrelevant; it is the person that matters. I don’t think anyone deliberately seeks out a BG for a wife, however the unexpected does happen. A bit of common sense is in order.

Stickman's thoughts:

Skin colour is a big part of who you are in Thailand, unfortunately. I have witnessed darker skinned folk who are "supposed" to be at the same "level" as fairer skinned people but their darker skin is often held against them. Rather sad.