Readers' Submissions

Asian Women And Me

  • Written by Anonymous
  • February 28th, 2007
  • 5 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok


I caught the "fever" back in 2004. Maybe it was because of something I saw on TV (couldn't be from a porn video … I NEVER watch porns. Just like everyone else. Nobody in the world supports a $5 billion a year industry). Or perhaps I saw one of "them" back in Arizona where I grew up. Or dreamed it. Doesn't matter. The fact is … I was infected. After moving to the Bay Area in 2005, I really thought I had died and went to heaven. "They" were everywhere. Literally. Well … as great luck would have it, I met "one". A petite, beautiful Chinese girl who just couldn't get enough. I truly thought I had it made. Until she started banging her head against the wall any time an attractive woman was in a commercial for "Stop-the-bleeding tampons". Or in the mall, a girl would walk by, oblivious to me, but she CERTAINLY KNEW I WANTED TO DO HER. After a pleasant year of this (and of her eating rat poison because I tried to leave her), she finally gave up and left me. Until I had to finally file yet another restraining order. This is quite a story in itself, but not the point of my story. BTW … if your girlfriend ever breaks into your house and calls everyone on the phone bill, my initial advice to you is … you might want to buy a stun-gun, or better yet … acquire a lethal dose of bitter almonds from your friendly local grocer.

Next … I flipped 540 degrees and moved on to a Caucasian. Funny. And that's really it. Oh wait, that's not all. She was .. funny. End of THAT story.

The fire was still burning. Aching. So I sought out the next girl who would consider my little member "big" (wouldn't you know … she was Asian also). After she and her mom moved in (yeah, shoot me now), and after trying to be married to TWO ASIAN WOMEN … I realized that sometimes mother DOES know best .. and it's wiser to kill and bury the in-law. Joking. JOKE Mr. FBI man .. she's alive and well .. tormenting my ex girlfriend's new boyfriend.

But I truly am happy for that experience. It not only gave me 101 ideas for not only torturing an in-law, but disposal as well … it gave me the chance to crawl into my own room in the house and fester up an idea for money. BIG money. (If you're already bored reading this … I don't blame you. Check out the latest release of Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. You hear that … mamasan dearest?)

Anyway, I had a (rich Iranian) college buddy. Not sure what the family business was .. I just know it had to do something with high-speed spinning thing-a-ma-jiggies … I always wondered why he asked me what 238 minus 235 was (just joking Ms. Rice … he owns a wheat processing plant .. swear to God) who always told me [dumb-ass with the tiny dick], you should find us a business in which to put my money. In July of 2005, I was smoking a cigar and drinking a beer, talking to my buddy who was in Iran (I distinctly remember that date because .. I never smoke cigars). I told him that I had a Yahoo chat mate who was a sexy little thing who always had her cam on her bed. I thought this was a wonderful idea for making money. He told me "nah .. next."

Well, I didn't put this idea to bed. I did a bit of research, fully expecting to find nothing .. only ideas. Well, as it turned out … there WERE guys in the world willing to pay money to watch a beautiful Asian woman do just about anything on cam (go figure). Naturally, I became intrigued from a business perspective only. So I met one online. And we became friends (turns out that most of the cam girls work out of Manila and Angeles City, which is about 90 minutes north of Manila). And she told me about some of her friends who worked there also. I must admit, I did take each and every one of these nubile, gentle, simply the tastiest things you will ever see "private" … but for research purposes only you must understand. Anyway .. as luck would have it, I had to take a business trip to Manila.

If you've read this far, then you're either an extremely bored moron … or you are absolutely in alignment with the fact that Asian women are simply something that other women simply can *NEVER* be … Asian. More to come.

Wait … I left out one important detail. This is BEFORE the Philippine episode. Just after leaving my Chinese freak show, I was laid off from my job. Quite an attractive package. So instead of finding a new job .. I decided that Thailand could better be served the benefits of my recent moneys. This is true … I planned on going to Samui, but since the tsunami had just hit, I thought that Phuket could benefit a bit. So … I was off to Phuket, via Bangkok (ever hear of a "soap massage"? Wow. I mean WOW. No … I mean WOW. BRB … thinking too much about the "soap massage". Okay … I'm better now. Anyway … while in Phuket, I checked out the bars on Patpong. That's not my thing .. but I had to see what all the fuss was about. A lot of attention on me. I didn't give in to temptation … but hear me, and hear me well … !!

On the way back to my hotel, I met a beautiful girl from a remote province. She was shy. And very cute. And probably just a good actress. In any case … wow. We spent about 2 weeks together .. her only English was "oooooooh".

Being a fairly not good-looking guy … I thought she was the one I would marry. But business took me to the Philippines … and so the story ends. Or, actually, begins. My sincere advice to anyone who, like me, is smitten by Asian women … and, who like me, has(d) a $100 to spare on a venture … (to be continued)

Stickman's thoughts:

It sounds like the Chinese girl has a lot to answer for.