Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 157

  • Written by Dana
  • January 1st, 2007
  • 7 min read



INTRODUCTION

Alright kats and kittens–it's rockin' time at Dana Central again. I'm jacked and pumped and locked and loaded. My stuff is hanging out of my underpants, I've got wiggly legs under the table, I'm jabbin' at the keyboard like a pointy-shoed Puerto Rican trying to kill a roach in the corner of his one light bulb kitchen, my left eye facial tic is starting to make the staccato bursts of the demented, and a broken vein in my nose is leaving a trail of blood down to my upper lip. As the blood pools on top of my lip the coagulating action starts to pull and stretch at the lip. That plus the smell of my own blood is the final whistle. The Writing Zone train is leaving the station and I am on it. Speakers piled to the ceiling are delivering the sound of a woman moaning, plus the heart monitor beep in intensive care. Incense burning the evocative and aromatic smell of soi dog turds plus a pitcher full of gin-and-tonics with unwashed crystal glasses scattered about means I am ready to rock. It's Thursday night and time to write.

It's 8:37 p.m. Eastern Standard Time here in Boston on a dark winter night and I've got to get my submission into the great Stickmeister by 9. Submissions by 9 every Thursday night for years and years. Self-imposed limits and goals lead to excellence or self-mutilation–but SJOAC (Sweet Jesus On A Cracker); sometimes it's a bitch getting the last minute trivial editing and rewrites done in time. "Do I want to say 'peckerhead' or 'dickhead'? Hey, you tell my your troubles (yawn . . . ) and I'll tell you mine . . . anywho, it's the Boston Bard aka the Bostonian Bangkokian here to tell you that I am presenting another Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes for your information and delectation.

This is a one act play in two parts, with Siamese beginning and ending soliloquies for bracketing. In other words, as with almost everything I write; what may appear to be stream-of-conscious channelling is actually highly structured. Sort of like my numerous suicide attempts. For maximum literary impact this submission might benefit from sucking down a few cigarettes and a few gin-and-tonics first; but hey, your personal life is your own. Anyway, here is another stab at literary firefly light. I hope you enjoy . . .

EMAIL AND REPLY: ( One Act Play in Two Parts )

Rooftop Lament Soliloquy Prologue–

(Rainy season night in Bangkok–standing in the hotel window)

See that lone figure on the rooftop in the distance? See the lips moving? See him finally flip the flaming butt into the night sky, turn, and walk back to the rooftop door? Know who that was? It was me. Did you hear the music?

'I'm Not Your Stepping Stone' (Boyce and Hart) by Paul Revere and the Raiders

"I I I I I'm not your stepping stone
I I I I I'm not your stepping stone

You're trying to make your mark in society
Using all the tricks that you used on me
You're reading all those high fashion magazines
The clothes you're wearin' girl
are causing public scenes

I said
I I I I I'm not your stepping stone
I I I I I'm not your stepping stone
Not your stepping stone
Not your stepping stone

When I first met you girl you didn't have no shoes
Now you're walking 'round like you're front page news
You've been awful careful 'bout the friends you choose
But you won't find my name in your book of Who's Who

I said
I I I I I'm not your stepping stone
I I I I I'm not your stepping stone
Not your stepping stone
Not your stepping stone . . . "

Soliloquy–

D is for the Door you opened to my heart.
A is for the Anguish I endured.
N is for the "No" I shouted when you said we had to part.
A is for the Anguish I endured . . .

D A N A — that's my name.
D A N A — that's my pain.
D A N A — that's my name.
D A N A — that's my pain.

D is for the Door you opened to my heart.
A is for the Anguish I endured.
N is for the 'No' I shouted when you said we had to part.
A is for the Anguish I endured–

Part One: EMAIL AND REPLY
(two figures and two spots on dark stage)

EMAIL: Gday Mate Dana–

Fourteen hours 'till wheels up for the Kingdom and my thanks to you for the inspiration. Taking some of your submissions in a three ring binder as a reference and looking forward to my first trip to BKK and Pattaya. Dana you're the man and I'm hoping to do you proud. It's my first trip out of Oz and my first trip from home. Could I be more excited? Stay tuned–I'll let you know what transpires.

Ian Crutchley
Melbourne

REPLY: Sa Wa Dee Khrap Hansum Man Ian from Melbourne–

So your off to the Kingdom–
Your email told me so.
Your Aussie bags are packed–
And it's time to Go Go Go.

Good luck and gday bilabong mate–
Just know that I was once like you.
All hope and hormones–
Now a more toxic brew.

Stand outside the Bus Stop–
And take in the scene.
Angel faces and angel tresses–
How could they be mean?

Now through my eyes . . .
The Bus Stop view:
Reptiles and snakes and lies.
You'll learn to rue . . .

Everyone a heart breaker.
Everyone a Thai.
Reptiles and snakes and sighs . . .
And lies and lies and lies.

For you a first time high–
Your first Thailand date.
You'll soon learn about the lies–
Good luck and gday mate.

I wish I was getting on the Aussie plane
In your place.
I wish I didn't know about Same-Same
Or about Face.

Oh to go back–
To be innocent again.
Taking smilers back to the rack–
Believing I was It–no other Men.

God . . . to start over–
Full of hormones and hope.
Instead of a tired sex rover–
Another lameass farang dope.

Good luck Mr. Aussie Emailer:
I hope you score and score.
Bang them for me–
And don't use the word whore.

As beat up as I am–
And cynical and tired;
I never fell out of love
With the thrills Thai women sired.

They've filled me with glee–
They've won.
Like a beaten dog I crawl to my teeruk master–
I love them every one.

Happy Days and Happy Nights
Aussie emailer.
Good luck to you.
Say hi to the Kingdom–
And the nightlights . . .
For me.

Chok dee
Dana

(spots fade and two figures leave stage to be replaced by lone speaker)

Part Two: DANA'S LAMENT
(music intro)

"Got my mojo working, but it just won't work on you.
Got my mojo working, but it just won't work on you.
I wanna love you so bad till I don't know what to do." (Muddy Waters)

'Oh Noi–

I am so angry and so disappointed–so lost and so lonely.
Every thought I directed your way;
Every gift and every trip,
Every hope and every smile,
Was just a way for you to rip–
My heart out.

All I wanted was to be near you.
To love you.
To care for you.

All you wanted was . . .
I don't know what you wanted.

In the end you did a horrible thing to me–
Unearned abuse.
You made counterfeit the currency of everything we did together.
What had felt like love–looked like a ruse.

Oh Noi–I am so angry and so disappointed–so lost and so lonely.
I hate you.
I love you. I hate you. I love you. I hate you.

I love you . . .

Oh my Noi–I am so empty and so disoriented. So bereft and so confused.
I hate you.

I love you.'

(curtain closes and lone figure comes out and stands on stage front) —

Post Play Soliloquy:

(Rainy season night in Bangkok–standing in the hotel window)

"See that lone figure on the rooftop in the distance? See the lips moving? See him finally flip the flaming butt into the night sky, turn, and walk back to the rooftop door? Know who that was? It was me. Did you hear the music? 'I'm Not Your Stepping Stone' by Paul Revere and the Raiders? Could you hear the heart rending?

Gotta stop smokin' these cigarettes . . .

But first I gotta stop cryin'."

Stickman's thoughts:

Good to see Dana start off 2007 just as he did in 2006. Let's hope he can keep it up throughout the year…