Readers' Submissions

My Girl Does Not Fit The Pattern

  • Written by NSX Miata
  • January 29th, 2007
  • 5 min read



I am 33 and first entered Pattaya 10 years ago. I visit Thailand twice a year about 2 weeks each time. Like you I switch every night and take a break now and then during the 2 weeks.

The first time I entered Pattaya at 23 in 1996, I fell for an Isaan girl, absolutely gorgeous. I stayed 2 weeks with her straight. Her name was Oui and how ironic that I was in Pattaya for New Year 2 weeks ago and saw Oui on Walking Street with a Farang. We went past each other I recognized her immediately but recalled her name only a week later. They entered the ice cream shop on Walking Street and I thought about saying hi but what the heck, what good does it do so I left them be. She was 19 so now she must be 29 and had started to show a bit of age.

If you multiply the numbers you can see I have had a fair share (triple digit) of Thai delights. After Oui I never stayed with the same girl for more than 3 nights. I always leave a girl after the first day. Find someone else on day 2, and if I have feeling for the first girl, I would call the first girl. This has worked well. I found best looking girl may not necessarily be most fun but my standards are high so a girl must be 8+ in my books and I see may be 1 or 2 that I fancy after hour or two of searching. Over years I can tell a bit on who is genuinely interested (not constantly asking for money is good sign) and it looks like A does have feelings for you.

The act of bar hunting and bedroom performing became repetitive and somewhat tiresome after 3 or 4 days. So this trip I mainly settled for soapie, where it's more enjoyable. You leave clean and refreshed and ready to just enjoy bar scene and feeling relieved. As soon as I left Thailand and back in the US, I miss Thailand again. I plunged a deposit on a 160m condo ready in 2010, hopefully I will have made enough money by then…

Now get to your story. I have had about regular 10 girlfriends, all Asian (Taiwan, Japan, China, Vietnamese, Philippines, Hong Kong). I am Taiwanese. I follow your writing and know where you come from. Here are your problems (if there is one)…

1. The tighter hold you impose on a girl, the more your girl wants to be free. I know if my girlfriend (regular or bar girl) has to answer my call within 3 rings or I get mad, she will storm out and never look back. This especially applies to good looking girls with options. The minute she has the marriage ring and a child, she will think of herself as equal to you, then why should she be treated like a servant and answer your call. Do YOU answer her call every time within 3 rings? Especially if your prior job was as a gigolo and you are handsome and know you can get laid for money elsewhere? What you are doing in terms of checking is just not a healthy and normal relationship and destined to cause misery for the long haul. Insecure guys are highly unattractive (just like insecure girls). I had girl cheating on me and the guy is just a sweet talker, no money. Girls fall for guys just like guys fall for girls. Some girls are receptive to pitches while others are not. The only way to find out is let them be themselves.

2. You might not know this, but girls like good sex much like boys, especially if they have hit their 30's. I had a girlfriend who demanded sex 3 times a day and is wet constantly. A has been in bars so she must have had good sex before and tasted the sin of switching partners. People crave for variety as I am sure you know. Girls are no different from boys. You must learn to please her sexually or she will stray. She knows how to do it, and she has done it before with strangers, so the idea is not foreign at all. And as some other writers eluded to, getting paid for sex and being wanted can be addictive. Just like when I show up at Lucifer's Disco every lady grabs me, when she shows up at go-go bar, every man grabs her. It feels good. The point I am driving at is this – It's NOT just about money. To keep her, you have to offer her good sex besides money. She can be perfectly ok money wise and still go for one night stands for the kicks even though she loves you. I am sure you will be tempted to do the same even after you are married, and you know how it's done.

Get to my final point – to keep a girl, whether a bar girl or not, you have to show trust and respect for her, satisfy her sexually (don't just think you do, ask her if you did specifically and you will be surprised), and not be a glue (after all would you like a girl glued to you 24 x 7 and demand that you pick up the phone every 6 hours?).

Let her loose and see if she has a conscience. Treat her like an equal. But let her know the consequence if she sleeps around. She needs to have freedom and understand the idea of cause and effect. You better find out if she has self control before kids and marriage. My gut feeling is, if you are ok with her having sex with other men once or twice a year, then it might work out just fine. Can you honestly say you wouldn't do the same living in Thailand?


She doesn't seem to be a gold digger and you guys have fun. I wouldn't marry her right now. Any girl that insists you marry her within 3 years is not my cup of tea. If she is patient and performs 3 years of acting before turning nasty after marriage, then I tip my hat to her, but 3 years is enough for me to tell whether she is a keeper. As for kids, I say you need to give her 6 months of free life, set the rules but keep the detective work away, treat her like an adult and test her self-respect and self-control before kids.

Hope this ranting helps.


Stickman's thoughts:

It all sounds like wise advice to me.