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My Friend Is An IDIOT!



Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok


Yep I mean it – my friend is an idiot. I refuse to accept responsibility for his idiocy! Although, I am partially to blame.

Have you ever totally misjudged a situation – it happened too me!

My friend “Steve” (his real name) is an idiot! He is a “married” idiot! He recently married a girl from Rainbow 2. He had known her for a total of three months before they got married. He could not wait – “MADLY IN LOVE!” It’s ‘at least partially’ my fault!

In my defence, I did not think he was an idiot. He really faked me out; he is educated, knowledgeable, pretty well traveled and from a good family. He has had many sexual experiences, had a long relationship with, and almost married a Japanese girl. He is relatively good looking, he likes sports, not afraid of a beer (or two or three), makes a lot of money, tells and good joke and enjoys life! He is my kind of guy, he makes a good friend and I think of him as a damn good one but he is an ID-10-T of gargantuan proportions! DAMMIT!

Here’s the story up to this point.

My friend “Steve” and I had talked often about Thailand. I shared my knowledge and experience. Not that I am ‘all knowing’ about Thailand or Thai women – FAR FROM IT, I am only the occasional traveler to the land of smiles, but I am not totally ignorant either.

I have been going there for about 20 years; a week or two once or twice a year. Additionally, I have 25–50 friends that are (or have been) married to Thai women. Stereotyping is wrong, but still, it is what it is. Every person reading this knows that a successful marriage with a “stereotypical” Rainbow 2 girl is against the odds to say the very least… but my friend swears they are “together forever.” Deep down I wish him luck, but my instincts say – “BULLSHIT!”

Some of the Thai – Farang couples I am familiar with are happy, some aren’t. Pretty much the same can be said, for any couple, anywhere in the world. But since the P4P situation is what it is in Thailand, I can safely say that I have heard at least 20 sordid stories for every happily married situation. Especially, when it is a first time visitor’s first or second experience – which is what we are talking about here.

It’s my fault, I told him to go, hell, I gave him a map —

I had recently returned from my latest visit to the land of smiles and “Steve” and I are sitting at our favorite bar here in Honolulu and he shares that he and a friend had a scheduled trip to Thailand but his friend just told him that he had to bail and was unable to go. He was very disappointed because this was the third time he had a trip to Bangkok planned but at the last minute, something had happened to prevent him from going.

Steve was indecisive because although, he still wanted to go, he had heard stories about safety there and was unsure of what to do and where to go while he was there. He had never been there before and was relying on his friend’s guidance to ferry him around and keep him out of trouble and safe. Here is where I am guilty.

I told him that he had “NOTHING” to worry about; I shared that “as long as you keep your wits” Thailand is a very safe place! I then drew him a map of Sukhumvit, with the sois off of each side – I told him where to stay, and put my favorite places to visit on the map, along with numbers, names, prices to pay, what to expect, etc… etc… etc… based on my reassurances, map and quality guidance he decided to go on his own.

Ten days later, I see him in our favorite bar here in Honolulu, and he pays homage to me as the Bangkok visiting God that I am. It was easy, I know what kind of person he is, I know his budget and I gave VERY GOOD, VERY SOUND advice. Any heterosexual, properly funded, red-blooded man in the world would have had a great time following the advice. To be honest; it was literally shooting fish in a barrel!

In the eight months since his first visit; he has returned to the Big Mango, for at least a week each month, he married the little Rainbow 2 girl and is now planning to move there – don’t they all?

While he followed most of my advice to a tee, he failed to heed my most ardent advice. Let me be very clear, I told him (warned him, over-and-over) “as a first time visitor, falling ‘IN-LOVE’ was expected.” I added that he should do it at least once a day!

I added that most first-timers to Bangkok fall completely, head-over-heels, in-love two or three times per day! It is a normal and absolutely “OKAY” thing to do! There are songs about it, thousands of men (from hundreds of countries) have spent “one night in Bangkok” and after experiencing the INCREDIBLE JOYS of a beautiful Thai woman – gone home, packed it in, sold their life belongings, divorced their wives, abandoned their children and moved to Thailand.

My advice was that no matter what happened, he was “NOT” to fall in-love, and get married to a girl that the only thing he knew about her was that she could put her ankles behind her head, make him beg for mercy (over and over). That she, (all of them know how to do it), would make him feel more loved and masculine than he had ever known. He would drop 20 pounds, 10 years, and re-grow hair (not really, but he would feel that way).

I was quite specific when I explained that many a beautiful girl in Thailand could make him feel things that he probably hadn’t felt in years, and possibly had NEVER felt or experienced, EVER in his life.

Nevertheless, realistically, it did not matter what, or how emphatic I said what I said; the experience is FAR beyond what the English language vocabulary allows. It is impossible to describe the actuality of being there! While I thought I had prepared him properly, I had REPEATEDLY explained the beauty and lure of the Thai woman, especially an experienced working girl. His argument is that she is only 24-years-old…(SMILE). Yes he is naïve, and he knows everything about her NOW… ha, ha, ha…

They were married on his third visit, he has a lot of money, she is beautiful! A recipe for disaster or eternal happiness!


I wish them good luck! Maybe they can beat the odds! If not, I promise not to say “I told you so” and if need be, I will buy him a beer (or two or three), draw him a map of Angeles City and drive him to the airport.

That is what friends do.

Stickman's thoughts:

You gave him very good advice at the beginning so if he screws it up, then it is on him. He's going down a well-trodden path….let's hope he manages to avoid the pitfalls that have made so many come unstuck.