It Was Just An Illusion

First of all, thank you so much for having this forum. I was driving myself crazy until I came across your site, and the other readers' submissions truly cheered me up and made me feel less alone.

Nevertheless, I am still extremely heartbroken / depressed over a Thai "non-bar" girl.

I am an American, and last May, business brought me to Europe. During a free day, I boarded a train to do some touring, and sitting alone was a beautiful Asian woman – seriously stunningly, by all objective accounts, beautiful. She was dressed
in a very western manner, and I took her for American. She got off at the same stop as me, and I gathered up the proper confidence to approach her. I asked her if she spoke English and if she could help me find my way around the town. That was
it, we started talking, and I found out she was Thai, also in Europe on business with a few days off for travelling.

It seemed like an ideal, legitimate, romantic beginning to a potential relationship. In any event, we spent the whole day together talking about Thailand (I lived there for a year when I was younger). She was extremely friendly, but it never
reached the point of her expressing a sexual interest in me. Nevertheless, she tolerated my advances, which were politely rejected.

Anyway, we parted ways at the end of the day and exchanged email and phone numbers. A couple days later, I emailed her, and received a response. Emails led to MSN chatting, which led to phone calls, which led to me sending flowers (multiple
times) which led to me visiting Thailand.

The visit was in November. Everything went perfect, or so it seemed. The relationship appeared to be consummated and we started talking marriage and meeting her parents and all the other stuff. I went back to America, and we talked everyday
basically, up until January 2. I have not been able to contact her since. It's totally baffling.

Some more background. She is an extremely moody person, enjoys playing hard to get, pretending not to like me, and so forth, but then, when we are alone, I sort of get to have my way with her. A couple times, it became an issue that she didn't
want to express her feelings for me in front of friends, which I understand. But she also acted very cold towards me, at times, seemingly distant and completely disinterested. These fits would last for a few hours, and she would come out of it
and everything would be okay. Much of it had to do with the way Thai girls are supposed to act in public and so forth. Anyway, I left Thailand December 5. We talked every day when I got back, seemingly getting closer.

Around December 28, she started saying she was sick. We talked and she said it seemed like it might be a serious thing. She would not reveal to me what was "wrong." I last talked to her on January 2, and she was noticeably distant,
uninterested, and still claiming to be sick. My insecurities came through, and I said, "well, do you want me to not call any more?" – which I simply said to try to give her some space. She replied "do you want me to ask you not
to call anymore?" We hung up short with each other and that's the last time I talked to her.

After everything we shared, it seemed like an extremely abrupt end. While I'm sure I pissed her off with the comment, it does not seem reasonable in any culture for that to be a "deal breaker" – especially when we had been
talking marriage again only a day or so before.

For a while, I thought she was actually sick. I even started calling hospitals in Bangkok because I could not get in touch with her. But then, I got hold of some people at work, who claimed that they thought she was coming in "tomorrow."
I called the next day, and they said she was coming in "next week." They also said she had a problem with the phone company and her phone was switched off. Okay – seems like too much of a coincidence.

Certain aspects of her suggests that she was up to something sketchy. First of all, her penchant for keeping certain things "secret." There were certain pieces of information she simply did not want me to know, which is understandable,
but they were, after revealing them to me, nothing that would seem worthy of a real secret. It was a weird form of control or something, or testing how much I would press her for information. She also kept changing her stories about previous boyfriends,
and guys she had dated (I didn't have too much of a problem with this, as she obviously had many guys interested in her). She was extremely comfortable in bed, and definitely experienced, but would not perform "oral". She also had
a condo, and as an office worker, it seemed like it would be difficult for her to afford this, but not impossible. She had lived in Australia for a couple years, so she sort of understood farang culture.

So, in the end, I think she was a good girl, but a little into playing guys for sport. However, I really just do not understand the lying about her feelings. I mean seriously, what do you gain from tricking someone into loving you? She is
32, and old enough to be over doing that type of thing for fun. She even assured me, on numerous occasions, that she was not "playing" me (although perhaps her feeling the need to give me this assurance was a turn off), that she would
wait for me forever, blah, blah, blah. I was stupid enough to believe it.

Anyway, I'm so baffled by the whole thing, and definitely heartbroken. Why make me believe she is deathly ill to get rid of me? I really thought I loved her, and her me. That's the worst part – thinking you've found that one
person only to realize it was just an illusion.

Stickman's thoughts:

I think it is worth going back and reading your own description of her. She was moody. She played games. And then there are some things didn't add up – she is an office worker but had been in Europe on business?! Possible of course, but something doesn't add up here. Hmmm, I have to wonder if this is the type of girl you really want for a serious relationship. I would suggest that not being involved with her is probably a good thing – and in time I am sure you will realise that. Of course, it is never easy right at the end of a relationship.