Readers' Submissions

For Your Mind Only

  • Written by Victor
  • January 31st, 2007
  • 5 min read


Very recently I read one submission titled “She Returns Money” and I was deeply saddened. I do not know what happened to his future but it can only be dark if he does not come out of that mess. As I was reading I could feel his pain, frustration and how this evil gravitational force pulling him down through the darkest tunnel. I pray for him. What I write here contains my reflections on the subject of a relationship with a BG.

We get cheated because we believe those blatant lies. And we trust them because we want them to be good for us, leave work, and lead a normal healthy life. This is actually our dream. And our blind trust for them is just a projection of that dream. I also went down that road but fortunately came out with only minor financial and emotional damage. Now looking back I realize that I knew they were lies because the moment I heard them, an alarm went off in my mind, but my poor heart never accepted it to be a lie. So I dwelled in a dilemma for a while and at the end heart came out as a winner latching on to an elusive hope. Now I feel that I believed my own world created by my fantasy. Was there love in those relationships? Before I answer that question we all need to investigate deeply what love is. Do we have clarity in ourselves so that we know what we are looking for?

Personally I was lonely and after a long absence of any female companionship, it felt so sweet. It’s like the first sunshine of Spring after a long rainy winter. The sex, the smile, the sweet words nourishing my ego filled my lonely heart with bliss. So after all that when the lie came, the memories were still fresh. I was scared of my lonely days more than getting cheated, so trusting those lies was the only way out. But we all get tired of that anxiety, we all feel lonely again because it was empty in the first place. And everything wears out quickly except the truth. So the loneliness returned even if I was sleeping on the same bed. How can there be any connection between two souls if there is no truth? I have read so many articles here on this website start with exactly same first paragraph that they went to a bar and saw the most amazing smile in the world. Yes I agree those smiles are amazingly powerful especially after a long dark Winter-like life. I felt I was the most powerful and lucky man in the world when I walked by her side holding each other's arm. I never even bothered to look at the eyes of others around me which told what a big buffoon I was. Now that I am just an observer and experiencing what a relationship can be with a good, well-educated Thai lady, I feel deeply sorry for my brothers who are blinded by those amazingly sweet smiles.

Let me tell you that life with a normal Thai lady is very simple and ordinary. Today is just a reflection of yesterday. There is no karaoke, no disco, no late night partying and drinking. Even sexual activities are very standard stereotypical. But you get somebody who you can trust, who will wait for you to come home to have dinner together, even if you are very late. And she will stay up late at night to iron your shirt for the next day. Once I asked my wife “Why do you have to do this when I can get it done at a laundry shop and we can afford it?”

She replied with a smile, “That will not have my love. I do this because I love you and I feel happy doing it for you.”

I have seen many of them who work in schools, offices and have a normal life far from a bar looking for a farang they can trust for life. Many of them are single mothers raising their kids alone with their low salary.

If you want happiness and peace in life, if you want a caring wife then do not waste your hard earned money on those bar girls. Find a good one and start a new, fresh life.

If you are staying in Thailand then you can enjoy natural, homemade Thai food and a warm family life. If you move back to your country then she can also work and share the financial load. You may get what you are looking for, and she can get a trustworthy husband she can rely on, who can guide her and the kids to grow up.

You have to understand that it takes a little bit more time to build a relationship with such ladies. You may have to be patient because their English may not be as good as your Thai. And they have fear of break ups because it may be very hard for her and the kids. My wife told me “Thai lady does not want the hand of many men. I want to end this life with you. I am too scared to learn about another man. Also it will be very hard for Nuer. Only if you do not love me or do not love Nuer then I can not stay with you. It will be very hard for both of us, but I can not stay because I will be very sad. I will give Nuer to my father and go to a remote school and stay alone”. I know it came from her deepest core where only truth can be found.

Once you two are bonded then you are simply her man and her baby. Let your life be a celebration of love and affection. Do not waste your hard earned money on somebody who does not value it. With it love can flourish, a good life can grow and you all can live happily.

Stickman's thoughts:

Amen.