Close Your Eyes

From the submission Open Your Eyes

“Furthermore, if like me, you make business in Thailand, you need to earn the respect from the Thais. (I agree)

To have a beautiful wife is one of the right ways in Thailand (Absolutely do not agree). To have a beautiful wife from a Thai point of view of course and not your farang point of view (which I already forgot).”

a girl with dark skin is not beautiful. She must have white skin. Why do Thais prefer white skin? People always want what they don't have. Of course in Thailand, people with white skin are in a minority.

– the girl must not have a big nose or a big jaw. <- forget all the girls from upcountry. The girl must be born in Bangkok. (Chiang Mai is acceptable), so forget Isaan and the South.

– look carefully at her feet. She must have cute small feet, not big toes. If she has got big toes or feet like ducks, she's obviously from up country (baan nok) and she has been planting rice for years.

– it is better if she is tall (minority again).

– it is better if her breasts are not too small (minority again).

Here is another point of view. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, not the opinion of the spectators. Westerners are not sheep following the flock and if you have a degree of sense not even following popular opinion. We are taught from
an early age to make independent decisions and express our own opinions (It’s western). No Westerner is going to choose a Thai partner based on male Thai model specifications. It earns respect and is good for business (that’s bull).
Most will choose a partner based on mutual attraction, trust and compatibility and the ability to interact, or at least perceived mutual attraction and trust.

Westerners like the exotic bronze skin for the same reasons Thai men like the white / light skin (it's different and exotic from their perspective). Throw a female white skinned Westerner at a Thai, “even a western prostitute
/ stripper” and he’ll probably be all over them. I’ve seen it when entertaining Thais in the West, it’s the same as Westerners in Thailand. It’s just way more expensive.

Thais and other Asian cultures love the Western naughty entertainment (however subdued compared to Thailand), first stop when entertaining Thais in the West following food is a western strip club. For restaurants, well lets say a lot of the
Thais I have seen in the west like either Thai restaurants for food or a well-known chain that has voluptuous scantily clad white skinned waitresses. They love it and it’s not the food they are there for.

The Thais also like the Thai farang naughty entertainment areas. They are not generally admitted on their own but a night out with a Western customer escort, guess where the Thais will head for? Pattaya, and it’s as many gogos as they
can get through before the escorting Farang gives up and they really let loose once the booze has taken over. No one wants to sit in a gogo bar full of ugly women, including the Thais. So if all these northern women are so repulsive to the Thais
why the enthusiasm to head for Farang targeted locations coz guess where most the entertainment comes from. <MANY gogo bars will not allow Thai male customers in – Stick>

I work with a large number of Thais and some extremely influential Thais at that. I have met some of their better halves at various work functions. I will tell you that a lot of the wives girlfriends do not fit the model specifications above.
Do they lose respect from other Thais because the wife does not fit the specifications given? Absolutely not.

As I said beauty is in the eye of the beholder not dictated by society. Look at any society – Thai, Chinese or Western. There is a mix of some beautiful to my own specifications some ugly to my requirements, but even those I consider ugly
others find attractive. There is no formula for attractiveness (though some western scientists will disagree). If Thais really do live by this specification it could well be the susceptibility of some Thais to a popular opinion. As I said few
Thais I know have wives or girlfriends fitting the above criteria.

If this is really the elite spec why don’t they create rules to encourage more westerners into the country to promote interbreeding west to east. That would generate a huge number of potential pale skins for the elite next generation.
But that would be planning ahead (not a Thai thing to do).

Anyone living a life to conform to what others think and perceive has self confidence issues. People need to be flexible. Anyone choosing a partner based on what others think is just shallow beyond belief. People choose cars and homes to
fit the model of acceptability into the society they live in, not life partners.

So while I agree overall that living in Thailand you need to learn and have understanding of Thai ways, nothing dictates you need to try to become Thai and adapt yourself to fit into their acceptability criteria with your partner of choice.

I am not convinced that Thais will ever fully respect a Farang so why should we not reciprocate their attitude. I manage a number of Thais and receive the appropriate respect to the level I represent in the work place. Outside the work place
I am treated as one of them. I am not put on a pedestal as they would an equivalent level Thai, I prefer that, it’s great I can relax and get drunk with them and they relax around me.

Treat others as you expect them to treat you, with the appropriate level of contempt if that how they behave towards you and respect if that’s what they give you. We may be guests in their country but we are not sheep that should conform
to all their expectations. Respect the culture of the country you are a guest in but don’t surrender your own identity for the sake of what you perceive as respect.

Just think you conform to what the Thais perceive as the perfect woman believing it gains respect. Possibly they are thinking what a nut job, he left a country full of pale skinned women, has come here and picked a pale skin, could of stayed
at home and had that anyway.

Stickman's thoughts:

I agree with your principles, but disagree with your argument, which with all due respect contains a number of flaws. As I noted in the article, many gogo bars simply won't allow Thai men in. I have met few genuine hi-so Thai men who like the women in these bars. Now I do not know a lot of hi-so Thai men, but really, they are not so fond of these types of women!

What also needs to be mentioned is that another of the reasons that Thais who are reasonably well-off financially do not endorse the idea of marrying women from rural Isaan is because they understand better than farangs the pressure that will be put on a well-off husband to provide for the family, and the potentially never ending requests for money, as well as the many other "issues" that will arise.