Stickman Readers' Submissions January 12th, 2007

Advice From Sweden

I'm a guy from Sweden who have been in Thailand for the last five winters and spent time both in and out of the bar scene. I read your post "Is She Genuine?" On Stickman and I had to write to you to give my opinion.

One scenario from last winter:

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I stayed with a girl in Hua Hin that I met the year before. She remembered me and she told me she wanted to go with me but we could only go one night because her "boyfriend" was coming in from Scotland the next day. He was sending her money from abroad (I didn't find out how much) and he was to stay for 3 months so there was no way I could compete since I was leaving in a week. I know the rules and we had a good time that evening and she stayed with me for the night and I paid her… hmmm… probably 1500-2000 baht or so.

Two days later I was in the same bar, a small sport / beer bar, watching a football game and in she walks with her boyfriend in hand. He's like me, a young guy and, like me, fairly good looking, which the girls like of course. There is a huge commotion when she shows the other girls her present from him which is a brand new motorbike. He'd bought her a motorbike as a gift! He looked like the biggest rooster in town. And who can blame him? In his mind he's got three months vacation to go and he's got the prettiest girl in the bar and money in his pockets and a beer is 60 baht! Only it's all an act and he's only a punter who just paid good money for a motorbike to a prostitute he's been supporting while she's been hooking with many others, including me. What a cold shower that reality would have been….

Anyway, he is completely in love with her and she plays the act to perfection looking extremely happy and in love, no doubt because of the bike. Still she has no problems at all with me sitting across the bar having had her in my bed the night before. She even gives me a quick smile and a wave at one point. She had told me that I should call if I was to get there again so she could tell if she was "free" in advance. Fine by me!

This is just an example of how a girl from that environment can make a guy feel the most special in the world and appear so completely trustworthy yet have NO qualms about cheating you, whatsoever. The Scot fell for it… and I did too on my first year there to be honest (not with this girl). But I was soon straightened out by friends with more experience and shown the ropes so very little damage was done.

Now, I HAVE heard from a friend who works in Hua Hin about rich girls from Bangkok who come down there on holiday, away from watching parents, and have sex with farangs for fun. But those girls apparently always go for young, good-looking guys and they are very picky. Also they are reluctant to appear with a farang too much in public, holding hands and such. And they do not ask for money. They are likely to be richer than the lucky farang in question already. So the fact that a girl sleeps with you isn't 100% proof that she's been in the business. But if she has asked you for money… I would say the odds are severely against you.

To be honest I would put your specific girl in the freelance-section meaning girls going to bars / discos with the hope of hooking a farang and having a good time and hopefully a monthly allowance to follow. If you "show" them you know your way around they are often happy to go with you for a night or stay a week. Their preferred prey however are first-timers who are easier to get to fall for them and become a permanent sponsor. And those girls often have more than one sponsor, especially if they are really good looking. Multiple phone-numbers and failure to answer calls is basically a 99.9% guarantee of this. Good English is a huge red-flag unless she's got a good education and if she had that she would probably not work in a "shop".

I would say: Play and leave, do not commit yourself and do NOT send money from abroad. If you truly love her you just have to get her checked out by some sort of spying on her (which you can NEVER tell her about later, she'd get plenty pissed!) Because the alternative might be a ruined economy and a broken heart. Get a PI, could be your best investment ever. But be prepared to be disappointed.

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The best way is if you can learn to "fall in and out of love" and just play the game. And if you want the whole deal, then make sure she's never set foot in a bar and be ready for a huge effort with learning Thai and compromising in many. They are very unlike us.

Take care!

Stickman's thoughts:

Some really level-headed advice here that all newbies should take note of.

nana plaza