Ten Weeks With Non-Bargirls Part 7
VIII. Grand Finale
Day 65: By now, many of the ladies are aware that I will leave Thailand in a week, and they are all demanding that I spend more time with them. I really do want to spend more time with them. If I could have invented the 72-hour day just for that last week, I would have. But no, that is not what they want. They want exclusivity. Like a game of checkers, they want to bump the other ladies off the schedule and be the one remaining standing. They've begun asking questions: "How many girlfriends remain on your list? Where do I stand?" Another has become less tolerant of any other competition, and demands that I "observe Buddhist principles" by which I think she means "no 2-timing". ( I have read a lot of Buddhism but have not yet found that one in there.)
Day 66: I find myself more willing to lie at this point. (now THAT is against Buddhist principles!) It seems that the truth causes them more pain than it is worth. I struggle for ways to move them towards the truth along a comfortable path. Visitations by this time are all "repeat customers" (OK, steadies) , and I'm looking for vitamins to help me keep up a Herculean pace that I had no prior training for. The lady shopping with me was suspicious of shopping for "pills". I told her is only vitamins. She said "Vitamins are liquid." True enough, in Thailand.
Day 67: Lawyer calls asking for money. I say what? She says, "If you are going to treat me like a prostitute, then pay me money! I'm Kidding. I just want you to let me come visit you, let me stay for a week. No, two weeks." I say "Cannot. I'm too busy. Then I'm leaving " Then she says: "You are mean. Unfair. Let me come visit. Don't treat me like a prostitute." Lying has not solved any problems after all. Might as well go back to the truth. Truth hurts. Might as well go back to lying.
There was a farewell dinner tonight. I collected a lot of business cards, and tried not to get drunk despite their wishes.
Day 68: It’s a paper-work day. Time to set all accounts straight. Be sure all people spending money on me are completely compensated, plus a little more as gift. I write out 23 checks, condo, cars, food, hotels, parties, gifts-givers, and have trouble getting all the addresses where to send them, so I will hand deliver as many as I can. I should buy real gifts, that leave some lingering fond memory. But that only works when I bring something from home (too late) or make something myself (I didn't bring a workshop with me). I write thank you letters, basically saying: "I am honoured you have let me into your life. It has been a great privilege that I shall cherish forever. Your kindness is beyond anything I could have otherwise known. And it has changed me profoundly for the better …" The catch is how to avoid it sounding like a "dear john" letter. I relied on generous verbal follow-up to help on that.
Ten weeks in Thailand, maintaining a home base, plus constant travel in every mode, plus numerous outpost lodgings. Eating at a world class variety of restaurants. Enjoying more live entertainment per week than at any other time of my life. Enjoying dozens of business opportunity and faculty position offers. Coming much closer to living with royalty than I could ever deserve, in more ways than one. Learning and navigating hundreds of totally new experiences and places. Receiving more kindness and help from strangers than I would from a paid staff of 100. Emotional richness, depth, closeness and intimacies that exceed what most people experience in a lifetime, or even in ten lifetimes. No compromises, no sell-outs, no criminal activities, no exploitation, no devil-to-pay trade-offs, no brushes with the law or the underworld, or the military. Not once bitten by corruption. No vehicular accidents nor pickpockets. No sickness, no intoxication, nor other loss of senses. Never a feeling of intolerance nor bigotry, nor exclusion. No boy friend threats. The crafts, the music, the dress, the food, the rivers, the wats, the smiles, the attention, being treated as a dignitary, the love. What's it all worth? So far, my expenses have been 1,840 baht / day all-in, including condo, cars, buses, taxis, airfare, food, internet, phone. Unbelievable! Many of my colleagues spend 40,000 baht per day on their vacations and get much much less.
Priceless: an endless source of quality intelligent loving sexy beautiful young sincere girlfriends.
Another farewell dinner. This is the one type of dinner where its seems they will not let me pay for it. I guess they want to be sure I leave with a sweet taste. Too many men, not enough women attend. Its run more like a business meeting. I really can't sing, so by the time the karaoke is really underway, I start to make excuses that I must go.
Day 69: Now I am pondering the phrase that caused a crisis: "long-term". My friend told the girls: short-term, just for vacation, just for fun. And he would pick up girls in bars that would spend his money, he would get drunk, ride an elephant, and report back to all that he had a great vacation. But oh no I had to be different. I told every one I have no time in my life for short term relationships. I only want life-long friends. This evidently attracts a different kind of person. Not surprisingly it attracts people who value long-term commitments Duh! It did attract a Big turn out, however.
Day 70: The women are getting antsy. I try the philosophical approach. The question is: How is a guy supposed to find the right woman to be his wife among say 200 choices, if he is only allowed to date one at a time and only has several weeks? To be fair to all 200, each needs to have an equal chance. That means equal time. It takes at least two weeks to get to a deep enough level to really consider a lifelong bond, so there is no way for this to work unless there is some overlap. [The mathematician figured that's 40 girls for each 2-week period! Assuming you see a girl 5 times in two weeks, that would be 200 visits in two weeks, which is 14 per day. Impossible! So obviously rejection is a necessary tool.] Well, this line of reasoning was not a big hit. Only one woman actually accepted it. by saying. "I know you have 3 girlfriends. I don't care. I don't want to know. Just come back to visit me at least once a year, promise?" The others say something like "200!!!! Are you crazy?? You should KNOW who is THE ONE before you come here. It is destiny, karma. The one meant to be. No two!" Stupid butterfly man
Well, searching for life-long friends crashes right into the notion of wanting to get married. The critical question for most of these women is: Long-term what? friend or marriage? Once we get to that question, at least we are no longer pretending or skirting the truth. Of course the women mostly want the marriage, and me, well, that's a maybe. We can get married… IF we can prove out as a truly workable team. So today will be a lot of phone-time. Philosophy is not really what these women want right now. They are merely going along to let me play out, so finally they can have their say. Which is basically: "You decide! Let me know!"
Virgin is really getting desperate. She dumped a guy prearranged by her parents, firmly believing (but not telling me) that she was going to elope with me. Ouch. This girl will need therapy. It will take months to get her from outraged betrayal and furious anger to something that we might call a healthy track for her emotional life. Against my protestations she comes over and ends up spending the night. When we are together, everything is fine again. She loves to get naked, take showers together, massage each other with oil, play in any way that will help open her up for my penis. Even my little finger is too much at this point. But oh the promise of things to come!! And that teenage tight body. [insert wolf howl again]!
Well, my pussied brain is finally starting to see a few things more clearly. There can be no future with Virgin – she is too immature to handle my world, despite her several business successes. There can be no future with Lawyer, except as a friend. There can be no sexual or marital future with Stalker. It cannot work with Accountant. The list is finally winnowing down. Who is left that is clearly better than these?
Roi-Et is a work-horse. A pretty sexy workhorse, but she cannot stop: As though an arduous schedule at the hospital dealing with life crises is not enough, she attends weekend school to add 3 more master's degrees and is working on yet another. She has certificates in many other fields. Evenings, she runs an ice cream shop and a shirt-making business. She is a masseuse. Usually such ambition is a turn on for me. But in her case it is burning her out. A burn out is not an asset to any family. She still has a son to raise and a sick father to attend to. Maybe she cannot find happiness – permanently restless. She always tells me she's bored.
There is a LOT of yearning for Princess. But Princess is risky: there's a hot-headed Ex controlling her 9-year old son, some medical issues, undisclosed source of money, inner anguish. If I could find the problem and fix it then WOW what a goddess. BUT its been almost 2 months – so I must accept the strong probability that it never will "get fixed" whatever IT is. That's a tough one – letting Princess go. Very Very tough. I will yearn forever.
That leaves Love. Mystical Magical powerful perfect Love. There is an immense amount of promise, and few unknowns. She passes all the tests. I have nothing to worry about with her. She is intellectually and emotionally and physically TOP drawer. Not as worldly, not as beautiful, and not as polished as Princess. But: never married, no children, might as well be a virgin for all its worth (lived in a women's dorm all her life, says she has had one boyfriend for one summer), sexually naïve, travel-wise naïve. It will be fun to show Love the world. Whereas with Princess, it would be her showing me the world. It will be fun to explore sexuality with Love. Princess already knows everything, and I will learn from her. Princess is more capable of running a business, but Love is a hospital administrator too. Princess can knock the socks off any audience, a very valuable resource in any business. Love will be too shy and soft-spoken for such assertive roles. Love will make a better wife. Princess will make a better equal.
Final choice as of today: Love
Day 71: Everybody wants to be here these last 2 days. The pressure is uncomfortable. Its not fun. Its not pleasant to feel the guilt of leading some very dear hearts to a painful parting either. I lied to Roi-Et, telling her I left a week ago. She found out and was really pissed, cus not only did I desert her, but I missed her birthday unnecessarily. which was yesterday. She cried a lot. Almost screaming, but not attacking in any way.
And dear Love, how is dear Love? She is on a hectic always-changing schedule that shifts between hospital departments depending on patient load. But every block she gets off she comes over. She is emotionally the purest of them all. A real keeper. And as a bonus she would have no trouble at all getting a high paying nursing management job in the west. The intensity of her emotions rattles me timbers. And it also seems to be just the beginning of much much more to flow forth in the future. She is like a reservoir of love with enough for 1000 years. Having never come close to such an experience before I have no words to convey its truth to you. From deep within, love just stutters out of her. Its on the brink all the time, overflowing all the time. incredible! Dear Heart. Dear Heart. She wanted to come yesterday, but work postponed that until today. YESSS We get to spend the last day together. She is my first choice.
Love says she wants to take me to the airport, but she does not have a car. Of course I'm not going to sacrifice Love for her lack of a car, but just to show how crazy the brain can get in hectic times: I had 8 women with cars who each very much wanted to take me and my growing mountain of luggage to the airport. And as they were all lovers and dear friends, the brain wanted me to ask one of them to be my taxi driver. Idiot!!
Day 72: Love and I are awakened this morning by a loud knocking on the door. I say "Don't answer it, cus its that crazy landlady, Stalker". It continues for an obnoxious hour. Then the phone starts ringing. I say "Don't answer it cus its Stalker". Eventually she answers the phone. The ringing and knocking were, after all, driving us both nuts. It is Virgin!
Predictably, with Love answering the phone, Virgin goes ballistic. She stomps up to my door from the lobby phone and demands to be let it. I open the door with a bag of garbage in my hand and say "Excuse me, I'll be right back." Virgin and Love start talking in Thai – and I am doomed.
But hey! there are even deeper levels of doom. A little later Stalker shows up to settle accounts. She jumps right into the Thai debate about dirty rotten farangs. Thai ladies are exquisite in their knowledge of what other Thai ladies may be up to, so there's nothing I can add to that. That left only myself as a topic, and that self was doomed. I concluded at that moment there was nothing for me to say that could save either of the relationships. Like prosecutors, they began assembling their evidence against me. Discovery time.
I quietly start to pick up my luggage and march it downstairs to the taxi stand. 4 trips ought to do it. The din of the three female voices roared then ebbed like ocean waves with each trip. I don't know what they are saying to each other in Thai but Virgin's red angry face says the gig is up. I'm going to be real lucky if no knives come whizzing my way. I'm ready for my last load of luggage. Love turns to me with lots of "eye contact" shall we say. She puts one hand on the luggage I've lifted. Is it to say, put it down? Or I'll help you? or I'm coming with you? or What? I don't say anything cus of all the racket. I try real hard to say with my eyes: I'm leaving now and I hope you will come with!!! But what I really thought is she has already been poisoned by what Virgin is saying. Virgin yells out "He probably gave me AIDS" loud enough for the entire hall to hear. Thank you very much. I walked out and waited by the taxis for 20 minutes. Love did not come down.
I took the taxi to KMIT University, which was halfway to the airport. I called Princess. Yes, its OK for her to leave work to come and get me, and drive me to the airport. This wasn't me wanting to be the cheap jerk to jump ship so easily. It was me wanting to know that some parts of the world are still sane. And Princess, unaware of the war at my condo, was eminently placid and caring. We talked of her coming to visit me soon, of starting an import/export business together. We talked of building a future together.
We got a traffic ticket on the way, but Princess refused to let me pay for it. At the airport, I took out the few thousand baht I had left in cash and said Here take it cus it will just sit in some dusty drawer as a worthless souvenir. She refused. She said she does not like goodbyes at airports so hoped ours would be quick and quiet. Hmmmmm doesn't sound like love there. Sounds like distancing. Either protecting her heart, or simply rejecting me. Oh well.
I got fined for Visa Over-Stay and those left-over baht came in handy. Spin the globe, and the party's over.
Thailand is like a beautiful pond. But you must get across it. Luckily there are many stepping stones. Each is a beautiful lady that will help you in every way she can. But you are none-the-less stepping on her, and then jumping to the next. And the next.
Day 73: Princess writes a very friendly email, concerned, caring, teasing, playful, and talking about the future, both visiting and business.
Virgin writes the most furious email I have ever seen in my life. She is extremely bitter, enraged, and deeply angry. "Why??? you make Thai women like this? With what you have done, I'm all sorrow about the time spent with you and it's result to my heart. Why???? :O))))"
Virgin's co-worker friend Orange writes a 4 page email: just to say "How COULD you!?!" and what a big damage I did to Virgin's entire family.
Stalker writes an email to say "Oh what a mess you have made Haha"
Roi-Et writes an email to say. Why are these 3 BKK bitches bothering me? Tell them to quit phoning!
Love writes an email – full of tears. tears upon tears upon tears.
Oh my what have I done.
It has taken several months to fix some of the damage. Some…
Stalker is the easiest – she needs a spank and a reminder to let people live, and choose friends with common values to her own. As for those not common to you, just walk away. We are now great friends, with already two years gone by. Strange indeed how things work out. We do lots of projects together.
Roi-Et is forgiving more than I deserve. She is in the position of the old wife.
"If I don't give him some slack I'll lose him anyway." she thinks. But she is steady, and has remained a passionate friend, solid for two years. Still sexy and hopelessly in love. And horny while in waiting. She requests video sex between us.
Princess was lost after I jokingly called her my Mystery Princess. She responded "No mystery, You can ask me absolutely anything." So dummy replies with: "I can't figure out your past, where the money comes from. Do you have a sugar daddy or were you ever a bar girl?" BLAM! Her friendship completely collapsed. Lost face. There was no recovery. I tried for months, even involving friends to try to convey apologies and more. This was ALL my fault, as I carelessly caused her to lose face. And it was completely unnecessary. Now she only sends me New Year's cards. Nothing more. I do not worry about her because she is so drop-dead beautiful that there will always be 1000 choices for her, even at the very high end. But Princess is burned into my soul like the sailors' siren. My world can never be the same again, for Princess has set a gold standard for femininity that I fully expect will never be equalled. I still can only describe her as being off the charts of what's humanly possible. Ahh…the magic kingdom. But I never found out what made her cry.
Virgin was a scare. But I guess anger is better than depression. Angry people do not commit suicide. She is no longer a 15 years old, but by now a mental 18, having survived a bad love, one based upon too much fantasy. Reality checks are a good thing. She will be OK. I can check via her friend Orange when I need to, and Orange would tell me if anything really went wrong, so I think the final read is simply: "forget that guy and move on."
Now that I have witnessed such outcomes, I can no longer engage any future persons like her without installing brightly-lit reality checks along the path. And it is no longer worth it to pursue a path that I should know at the outset is not going to pan out. I got my education, but there is no sense in repeating third grade over and over.
Librarian and Shortpants have remained steady friends with weekly contacts for two years.
Love's situation is the most heart-wrenching of all. No matter what I write about Love, its not going to convey what happened. Emotions are so unique and so defy words that there isn't even going to be a worthy comparison or metaphor. Greek mythology created gods by personifying human traits. Love is indeed a living person who is also a complete personification of the human trait of love. Through all the crap she went thru that last day (my fermented crap) every twinge of her body was still love. When she put her hand on the luggage, she later explained, she was putting her hand on my hand. She was saying "I still love you, what do you want me to do?" I, being too dense, didn't realize how socially impossible it was for her to walk out on the other ladies while they were talking to her – UNLESS I put my hand on her wrist and pulled her away!!!! Duh!!
The Hero's exit – He selects his mate and CARRIES her away —
The hero DOES NOT silently walk away like a defeated criminal, expecting her to follow like a dog!!
Arrrgh, what a gargantuan error on my part.
I should have stood up to Virgin and said: I'm very sorry it didn't work out for us, but Love is the one I choose.
Love cried a lot. She seemed shattered. Of course I'm SUPPOSED to feel guilty, and I DO. Over the next several months she gave me a daily mood report via her long emails. Some days she found a smile, and others a tear. We talked it out over and over. Sure the patient can slowly heal – but still something is lost forever. Now I know what so many other submissions to Stick mean when they say things like this. I apologized, WE cried, we understood, we
rebuilt a little trust, we got back to teasing and sexy talk. She would walk through the whole course of our relationship. and then she would say "I wish we were back to those days. I wish it had worked as we were so promising. But now you broke it, and it cannot be fixed. The glass is broken."
As best as I can tell from an email-only view, she got back on her feet, and at the next new years party met someone new. She bought five new party dresses to impress him. She showed me the dresses and said, "I don't know why I bought these"
but I read it as "See what you are missing?" Then she said she's moving in with him and will not be able to talk to me anymore. WELL, Good for Her.
A really interesting series, and it just goes to show that the sexual revolution a few of us talked about a few years ago really is happening. The conservative Thai women of the past is not nearly as easy to find in the 21st century.