Stickman Readers' Submissions October 12th, 2006

Not All Bad

By Big P

We often read, hear or bare witness to some rather unfortunate situations with regard to Thai girls, both from the bar scene and mainstream.

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I would like to share some positive news and trust this engenders hope and confidence that not all girls are the same.

Whilst there can never be any doubt as to the requirement for caution, logic and fair appraisal when entering any relationship, this applies even more so with a relationship that involves ladies from different socio-economic, religious, cultural,
and linguistic and employment backgrounds.

More specifically, I am referring to partnering with a lady that has worked in the ‘pay for pleasure’ industry, irrespective of duration.

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I have read many reports where, predominantly speaking, men have cast aspersions upon such people and broadly tainted them inequitably.

Such reports do not reflect my reality and hence the reason I am writing. Essentially I would like to inject some positive news into an area that; I am sure, often scares a number of people and from personal experience, raised numerous doubts
in my own mind to the extent where I was ready to abandon something good, even before giving it a reasonable chance.

I met my partner in a bar in which she had been working for approximately ten months. It was not love at first sight, as I have been there, done that and am now a lot wiser and pragmatic.

We spent a month together and the closer it got to my departure date the more difficult it became emotionally. Please keep in mind that I am emotionally resilient, due to losses well beyond the average, including multiple personal tragedies.

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We decided that we would like to give a relationship a chance, without promising too much and placing silly expectations in place. I went and met my partner's family close to where she worked and was able to confirm that she had really
only been in the bar for the time she had mentioned and had indeed mainly worked mainstream. Her decision to join the bar scene was borne from family conflict, coupled with the suggestion from a friend that it would be more comfortable for her
to work in a bar, rather than in the blazing sun. In addition to this, the prospect of a ‘holiday’ was also enticing. My partner has assured me that her decision to join the ‘scene’ was not a career move. I chose to
believe her.

When the decision was made about giving things a go, my partner immediately gave notice, collected her last wage, (which she promptly handed to me), packed her bags and left for good and moved back into her family home, east of Bangkok. In
the meantime, I went back home, organized everything and within several weeks was back in Thailand.

Prior to my departure we opened a joint account and I deposited about 15,000 baht into it, as well as buying gold for both of us. I realized that this is the general way things start and hence was my own little litmus test.

In my absence, the father got sick, requiring hospital admittance, the pawning of the gold and the spending of most of the joint funds.

Upon my return I decided to thoroughly check out the veracity of what had transpired and true to her word, my partner's father was as sick as a dog, burning up with fever, now reliant on oxygen and had a bag full of medicine that would
rival a small pharmacy. None of this was present when I first met the family and the father, at the time, was in fine health.

Since then, I have secured a teaching job north of Bangkok and we live in a beautiful home. I am not rich but I am happy, relatively speaking, as there are always challenges in such a multi-cultural, multi-faceted relationship. To expect
otherwise, would be somewhat delusional.

We have one mobile / cell phone, which was my partner's and in the seven months that we’ve been together, I have never once received one of those calls. I have the phone on me 24/7 due to work.

My partner is a stay at home girl, she has taught herself English and continues to do so, even helping with my at home English classes. She keeps an impeccable household, cooks anything you can imagine, rejects my attempts to do housework
and insists that when home, it’s time for me to relax.

My partner is extremely attentive and affectionate and dotes on me all the time. She lets me ‘play’ saying it’s like having a little boy to look after. Though, I never transgress ‘that’ line. We just have

My partner has total access to the funds that I earn and accounts for every baht, showing me receipts or explaining the latest transactions, even as far as buying noodle soup for herself. She always asks before buying anything for herself
or going to the salon and rejects the suggestion of any sort of periodic ‘payment’ for herself.

Whilst happy to marry, she’s also happy to wait and has told her family, point blank, to forget about a dowry or payments of any kind. Eight mornings out of ten I get breakfast in bed and wake up to clean and ironed clothes every day.

There are 12 years between us and I have NEVER had such a warm, loving, attentive, non-remonstrative partner in my entire life, who accepts me warts and all.

I have bounced my situation off those that know better than I, and they have flagged it as looking good.

So, whilst there are the bad and the very bad out there, for those thinking of, or just entering a relationship, please don’t be too put off by all the negatives. There really are some wonderful women and men, for that matter, in this
Land of Smiles.

Good Luck to all of you and please remember ‘Jai yen-yen’.

Stickman's thoughts:

Very good to hear indeed. I hope things continue this way. From the sound of it, you got a good one!

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