Alternative Eden Story
Last week’s ‘Stickman Weekly’ piece reminded me of the time a couple of years ago when I first set out to discover the delights of The Eden Club. I was living in England and at a point in my life when I was between relationships with farang women, so I’d gone off to Thailand to sew my wild oats while I’d still got the chance – and before I did anything as stupid as settling down with a woman again in Farangland! I’d read that The Eden Club was the place to go to have 2 women at once – and naturally, as a bloke I wanted to try this at some point. I’d also heard that the service at Eden was exemplary and there was even some sort of ‘no satisfaction – no pay’ policy. Now this had to be good!
Now, just to digress – I’ve been in brothels before. And I have to say that I’d come to not really enjoy them that much. They always seemed so sanitised and organised, not spontaneous or exciting – therefore they became a little ‘unsexy’ in my mind. And I’ve worried that the girls working there are doing a job that they hate, which was sometimes reflected in their performance. In turn, this had affected MY performance and interest in the proceedings to the point that I realised I needed a blue pill to help things along, just in case things ain’t as good as I hoped. Basically, I want my money’s worth for my p4p and a blue pill will give me a rocket in my pocket – thus enabling me to have a good shag and get VFM even if the lady isn’t that interested. Didn’t someone on this site once compare the experience of visiting a brothel to going to the toilet for a crap? You walk in, you do your business and then you leave – it’s just like performing a bodily function! And I have to say that there have been times when I’ve left a brothel after paying for mediocre sex with a disinterested partner and I’ve just felt like a right c*nt after my 30 minutes/1 hour of p4 so-called p! When whoring, I’ve much preferred pulling girls in places such as Angels Disco, where you can at least delude yourself that you’ve legitimately ‘kopped off’ with the girl before building the relationship a little bit, before going back to your hotel for your ‘long time’ fun with them. The ‘long time’ experience itself is far better than the ‘dumping your load and leaving’ bit that you get when you visit brothels – you get the double shift from your money by having the nice early morning screw as well! None of this soul-less, walk in – walk out business.
Anyway, on with the story. I was staying at the lovely Woraburi Hotel down at the quiet end of Soi Nana. I’d been in Bangkok for 4 or 5 days and was flying to Vietnam in a couple of days – so, for my final day in Bangkok I’d decided that I would visit The Eden Club to accomplish my 2-women-together goal. I’d made friends with a few other farangs around the Woraburi pool and we got on really well. It was all a bit blokey but it was just great that single fellas all miles away from home could enjoy each other’s company, have a laugh, have a few beers and also enjoy the women together. My new-found mates had got themselves teeruk’d up, but I’d managed to not get bogged down with one particular girl yet – which left me free to do as I please. One afternoon by the pool, I announced to my new-found friends that I would visit The Eden Club the following day and then report back what I had found. They’d heard it was good too, but had never ventured there.
So, next day I spent the morning and mid-afternoon by the pool with the chaps, having a laugh as usual – the only difference being that I was totally staying away from having a beer with them. If I was going to The Eden Club later I wanted to be in tip-top condition right? I wanted to look and smell good for the ladies at the Eden, plus I didn’t want to cloud any of the experience by being mildly inebriated. I said my goodbyes to my friends and left the pool, and then went downstairs to get ready for my little trip. I had a shower and put on the best clothes I had with me – a really snazzy pair of jeans and a smart shirt, plus the nice pair of shoes I’d brought away with me. I brushed my teeth, slapped on some aftershave, popped a blue pill and by 3pm, I was excited as a dog with 2 dicks. I was ready to go!
After stopping to buy some mints from a convenience store, I then turned off Soi Nana onto the lower Sukhumvit Road to head for Soi 7/1. There is no nice way to describe what happened next…
I suddenly felt the urge to break wind (as you do). When I did it, what actually came out felt more like liquid or solid than actual gas. I felt like I had literally just shit myself. At this point I needed to make a ‘pitch inspection’ of my underwear. I ducked into the nearby Subway sandwich shop, as that would probably have decent bathroom facilities. I went straight to the back of the shop (now walking like John Wayne) and found their toilet room.
I carefully took down my jeans and YSL undies. There, sat in my undercrackers was what my mate would describe as a ‘Jeremy Splatterbottom’. I had indeed shit myself – I had followed through and I now had a problem. I’d luckily managed not to mess my jeans up, just my undies – but what do I do now? Do I head all the way back to the Woraburi to clean up before heading back to Eden, or shall I just ditch my underpants in the bathroom, clean myself up and just head straight for The Eden Club commando? Well, the underpants were slightly expensive so I didn’t want to just throw them away. And I couldn’t really just stuff them in my jeans pocket and go to The Eden Club even if I did get some of the mess out – they were too messy and they would smell! Plus, what if I had now got some sort of stomach upset and this mishap happened again at the Eden Club whilst I was in bed with 2 women? How embarrassing would that be? I’m sure the Eden girls would do most things to please a customer but getting involved in a bit of accidental ‘seagulling’?! I don’t think so…and it’s not my thing anyway!
So back to the Woraburi it was. When I got back, my body confirmed that I had indeed got a stomach upset – so this was the end of the action for me for the next couple of hours at least. Gutted! I’d not fulfilled my fantasy and I’d wasted a valuable blue pill! I tool a Diocalm tablet to try and block things up and laid on the bed for a couple of hours – I wasn’t much better and my discomfort continued into the early evening when I went down to the bar to meet the chaps. They greeted me like a soldier returning from the frontline, awaiting a full report of my adventure. Naturally, my frank admission of what actually happened earlier was greeted with guffaws.
The next morning, I flew to Saigon – disappointed, and minus a visit to The Eden Club. However, I returned to Bangkok 4 weeks later via Cambodia, and on my first of 5 days back in Bangers I finally got to my destination on Soi 7/1. A description of what happened in my 1½ hours inside The Eden Club is probably best served on another website elsewhere. Needless to say, that when I departed, Marc (the owner) asked me if I was satisfied. My reply of “yes” was the understatement of the year – it was fantastic. Not only was it worth the 3,500 baht I paid for a couple of drinks, a tip and the ‘service’, but what I received in the quality of service would almost have warranted the cost of the return flight from Manchester! Like I say, the visit WAS meant to be a once-in-a-lifetime experience – until the next time I’m single anyway…”
You hear very few people complain about the Eden Club.