Readers' Submissions

She Returns Money

  • Written by Anonymous
  • September 25th, 2006
  • 39 min read



Everyone has a story, and this is mine. How it will end is still not clear, that is one of the reasons for sharing / inflicting it on the masses.

I met Nid on my first visit to Thailand.

I was in Pattaya and had just said goodbye to a lady from another bar who I didn’t really connect with.

To be honest I didn’t enjoy the sex with a stranger and I decided to spend the remaining 4 days of my trip sitting in a beer bar watching the world go by.

I went into a bar on Walking Street and was immediately met by the most amazing smile I had ever seen.

I was introduced to Nid, the girl who was to make my life ‘interesting’ for the next 3 years.
Nid had only just begun working in the bar scene and could not speak English, she had a phrase book that we both had great fun using to make each other understood. I stayed in the bar all night ‘talking’ to Nid but I was wary about taking her to my hotel. At the end of the night I decided to go home alone, so I told her I would come back and see her the next day.

All the next day I pondered on what to do, she had really got under my skin but I felt guilty that I would be using her (even though that’s probably the whole point of Pattaya). I wandered around for a few hours, visiting other bars and talking and playing games with other girls until at 11 PM I could resist it no longer.

As I approached the bar I could see Nid talking to another farang. I was both sad to have missed my opportunity but also relieved.

As I walked past though, Nid saw me and ran up to me and began jabbering away in Thai. I ended up going into the bar and sitting with her all night.

At the end of the night I gently asked her if she’d like to come with me, she very enthusiastically said yes.

I was still worried about her because she did look quite young (I knew she was 23) and when we left the taxi I asked her many times if she was ok.

We went to my room and had a wonderful time together.

The next day she went back to her room to fetch a change of clothes before retuning to my hotel. We stayed together for the rest of my holiday. Even though she could not speak English and I could not understand Thai there was a definite connection between us.

When it was time for me to leave we were both very sad. I later found out that I was the first farang she had been with (I know you will all be scoffing at this, but even though it matters little, it is the truth).

When I arrived home I decided that even though I had feelings for her I had to forget her, falling for a bargirl would be stupid / suicidal etc.

A couple of days later however, whilst at work my phone rang…it was Nid calling me to say she missed me. I couldn’t believe she‘d spend her money to do this, I had even forgotten that I had given her my number.

After this we emailed each other regularly. Even though she never asked me for money I sent her about 7,000 baht and told her to either buy something nice for herself or for her young daughter.

We continued emailing but due to problems at work I couldn’t re-visit Thailand for a long time. Nid continued emailing me telling me what was happening with her, asking about my life but never ever asking for or hinting at money.

After 18 months I went back for my birthday.

I arrived in Pattaya and called her to let her know I’d arrived. I must admit I was dis-heartened when she said ‘who are you’ upon answering her phone.

I was staying at the Areca Hotel and she came by taxi. I was sitting at the outdoor bar waiting for her to arrive. I couldn’t believe how beautiful she looked as she walked towards me with her beaming smile.

We sat for a while chatting, she was very shy to let me look at her.

She was now working in an a gogo bar, had streaked her hair and was wearing much sexier clothes and make-up than before.

Nid wanted us to go to her bar to pay her barfine so off we went. Upon arrival she insisted on staying for a drink so we took a seat against the wall. Now I don’t like a gogo bars at all. I find the shows to be a complete turn off. I find it much sexier to sit and talk with a girl & laugh together than to watch her pull various objects from her you know what.

Anyway, Nid and I ended up kissing and cuddling in the bar and I got carried away by pulling down her dress and fondling her breasts right there in the bar. This is something that still makes me cringe with shame when I think about it. We left the bar and went back to my hotel where we carried on right where we left off 18 months ago.

The next day, my birthday, I awoke to the sound of her phone ringing, she took the call on the balcony closing the door behind her but I could still hear her talking to a farang saying ‘you miss me, you want me?’

This made me feel very sad but what else should have I expected?

Nid came back in and told me that she had to go to her room to get some clothes and I was to wait for her in my hotel.

Off she went and I wondered if she had gone to meet the farang who had called her. 2 hours later she returned, by this time I was thoroughly depressed having told myself that she was having sex with him. However she returned with a large box and a parcel along with her clothes. I was amazed when she opened the box to reveal a birthday cake with the words ‘Happy Birthday Steve – Love You’ written across it. She had also bought candles and matches! We lit the candles and blew them out together making a wish. She then gave me a beautifully wrapped parcel which turned out to be a genuine Levi shirt. To say I felt humbled and guilty would be an understatement.

The look in her eyes as I unwrapped my present is something I will never forget, it was a look of sheer delight at seeing my happiness. She took great delight in telling me that she had never bought presents for a man before, not even her ‘husband’ (who had left her 2 years previously).

We went dancing that night to celebrate before returning to the hotel where we made love without a condom. I should have been worried but I wasn’t (looking back this seems an incredibly stupid thing to have done).

The next day we were eating lunch when she took a call on her mobile, it was the same farang as before. 10 minutes later she received an SMS saying ‘you must really love this guy – goodbye’ from the same farang. Again she enjoyed seeing my reaction when she showed me this.

I was due to leave in a couple of days but I was worried. Nid had told me that she charged 2,000 baht a night for her company, I only had 6,000 baht to spare so back in the hotel I told her that she should go back to work because I couldn’t afford her any longer. She looked at me as if I was crazy and said ‘you my boyfriend, I don’t want any money from you’. I couldn’t believe it, was this a scam or was it the real thing?

The night I left we sat in a small bar waiting for the minibus to take me to the airport and I asked her about her work. She pulled no punches and told me that she had been with many, many men, she also told me that she went with men who wanted 2 girls at once. I was amazed she told me the truth about this. I had expected her to tell me that she only went with the odd farang when she needed the money, but no, she never tried to sugar coat it for me.

On the way to the airport I made the decision to cancel my flight, use my credit card and stay for another week. I tried to call Nid but she had gone back to work so wasn’t answering her phone. I was beside myself with jealousy and fear. As soon as we arrived at the airport I jumped into a taxi and found a cheap hotel in BKK. I called and called her phone until at about 2 AM she called me back. When I told her what I had done she was not happy (she knew that I didn’t have a great deal of money or a well-paid job), but she told me to come back to Pattaya straight away.

The next day I took the bus back and checked into the hotel. I called Nid and she came to me. She was happy to see me again but worried because she knew how much it would cost to rebook my flight home.

The first thing she did was to take me to a much cheaper hotel. I argued with her telling her that I wanted a nice hotel for her, but she said that she didn’t care about that, but she cared more about how much it was going to cost me.

The next few days were wonderful, we didn’t really do anything exciting, just walking and talking and laughing together. She was very worried about my lack of money and she tried to give me her rings to sell. She also wanted to give me one of her 2 phones so that I could call her when I got home.

The penultimate night we were lying in bed and I told her that I thought that I loved her. She sat up and said that she loved me too but she hadn’t wanted to tell me because she thought that I just liked her for a good time. Then she told me that I should forget her and go home because she was a bad girl and worked in bar and went with men for money. She said that she was no good for me.

When it was time to leave she hailed the taxi, told the driver where to take me and paid him. I felt incredibly lucky to have met this girl and to have had the experiences I had had.
In all the time we were together she never once asked me for money or hinted at it, just the opposite really.

Of course I paid for all the drinks, food, taxis etc but I would always expect to do that even in England (yes I am old fashioned about this).

When I arrived back in the UK I couldn’t stop thinking about Nid and about what she was doing for work. It very nearly drove me insane with jealousy and worry.

I called her one day and asked her how much money she would need to go home and stay with her daughter. She thought about it for a while and said ‘maybe 100,000 baht, but I don’t want anything from you’. She also said that even if she got 100,000 baht it wouldn’t last forever and she’d have to go back to work when it ran out. I thought about this for a few days before borrowing the money from a friend. I called Nid and asked her for her bank details so I could send it to her. She refused point blank to give them to me, saying that she didn’t want my money. I told her, ok I would just send her a little bit so she could send it home to her family or her daughter but she still wouldn’t give me her bank details. I then threatened her by saying if she didn’t give them to me then I would fly right back out there and give her the money in person.

Grudgingly she gave me her details and I sent her the 100,000 baht. I didn’t care about the money, I just had a sense of being able to make her happy for a while by virtue of the fact she could go home and enjoy being with her daughter. Yes, I know, I had a bad case of the white knight syndrome, but what the hell.

As soon as she received the money she called me and told me off for sending her the money. She hadn’t asked for it and she didn’t want it. When I told her that I had borrowed it she was even angrier. She told me she would leave it in her bank and return it to me when I saw her again. I told her ok, do what you want with it, I don’t care, and I didn’t.
After a few weeks of calls and emails I was reasonably happy. Nid had gone home and she told me that she had found work in a shop. She told me many stories about how after finishing work she would sit with her friend from work eating and talking about me. I believed her, one, because I was naive, and two, because I wanted to. Nid had given me her email address and password previously. Only once did I log in and read her emails, sure enough there were many from previous customers that she had replied to but her replies were always the same – the usual bargirl BS. Her emails to me were always personal and always written by Nid.

My world came crashing down (the first time) not long after.

I called her as usual and we had a nice conversation, however she forgot to hang up and I could hear what was going on. ‘Hello hansum man, hello welcome, hey sexy man’ etc. I was devastated.

I sent her an SMS telling her that I knew she was back in the bar and that she would never hear from me again.

The next day she called me and denied everything. She said that she was just having fun with her friend, then that she was teaching her friend how to work in the bar. I hung up, it was bad enough knowing that she was working in the bar but it was even worse that she thought that I was so stupid to believe her lies.

After fuming for a few hours I stupidly came up with a plan. I would call her and tell her that I couldn’t lose her and that I had booked a flight to Thailand that night to come and marry her.

It was more difficult than I thought to contact her though. Firstly I could only get through to her friend, then she switched off her phone, then I ended up speaking to a Thai man who proclaimed to be her boyfriend.

Eventually I spoke to her and after an Oscar winning performance she believed me. I told her that I had booked a flight to Udon so she had to meet me there.

She was very excited and told me how sorry she was that she had lied to me and she would leave for Udon right away.

Five minutes later I had an SMS from someone pretending to be Nid saying that she had another man and she was going to marry him and leave the country. I called the number but got no reply. Later Nid would tell me that her boyfriend had threatened her and had locked her in her room. She had to fight to get out and had fled with nothing but the clothes she was wearing. Truth or lie? I never have found out.

I never really expected her to believe my story and in my own mind I thought that this was the end of everything, I never expected to hear from her again.

However the next day she called me asking where I was. She had been waiting in the airport with her brother for hours! I was tempted to tell her that I had been delayed in BKK and I would arrive in another 3 or 4 hours but I really didn’t have the heart. To be honest I felt sorry for her. I told her the truth that I was still in the UK and after a long silence she simply said ‘ok thank you’. <I really cannot understand why you did that. Sure, she had lied to you, but this was just plain dumbStick>

After a few minutes I called her again and she told me that she was on her way home with her brother (who was not happy). Despite everything I found myself missing her and wanting her again. She agreed to speak with me the next day.

The next day we had a long chat and she agreed that she had done a bad thing to me but also that I had caused her to lose big face.

We agreed that we wanted a future together so she said she would try to find work locally. Of course now I was becoming wise to the whole ‘game’ I knew that I could never trust her again. After a few weeks I asked her to prove that she loved me by sending back half of the money I had sent her (she had left it in her bank – right?) so that I could go back and see her.

Amazingly (to me anyway) she sent me an SMS with a Western Union transfer number telling me she had sent 50,000 baht. Sure enough, she had.

Being naive, when she asked me when I was coming back to see her, I told her that it would be better if I just bought a ticket for her to come to the UK instead. I really didn’t know that she needed a visa to enter my country just for a holiday. Needless to say she did know and she didn’t believe me that I didn’t.

Two weeks later I went to Thailand and she met me at the airport. We stayed in BKK overnight and had a long long talk, whether she understood my hurt or not, I don’t know. The next two weeks however were the best of my life, we went to Chiang Mai and then to her home where I met her family before returning home.

Again she never asked me for money and in fact she was at pains to point out that she hadn’t wanted the 100,000 I first sent her. When we went to the Big C, I tried to buy her clothes or a nice piece of jewellery but she would never let me.

We sat on the platform waiting for her train to take her back home when she looked at me and asked if she would ever see me again?

I said of course she would, I couldn’t imagine life without her – this was and still is true. I tried to give her the money I had left which was about 10,000 baht but she absolutely refused to accept it. I said ‘ok then leave it on the table for the waitress’ and she said ‘ok’. I really think that she would have done it but when we went to get her bag and walk up the platform I retrieved the money and slipped it into her jacket pocket. She never looked back at the table where we had left it so she couldn’t have known what I had done. When I arrived home and called her she was quite angry with me for putting the money in her pocket and was surprised to find it there.

Where this relationship was going I didn’t know. Most of the time I was with her it was great, but sometimes she annoyed the hell out of me with her childishness and her constant demands for sex. <This annoyed you? Man, I knew you were a bit odd already but complaining about this?! Most guys dream about a woman like this!Stick>

We carried on as before with me calling her and emailing each other. I always talked about money but she was always insistent that she did not and would not accept any from me. The only thing I could do was send her letters and cards with £20 in them. Needless to say once the postman discovered this they stopped arriving.

I knew deep down that she was back in the bar though. Sometimes her phone would be off at strange hours or one time I couldn’t contact her for 6 days. She had told me that she had gone to Chiang Mai to take care of a sick friend, and had in fact given me her friend's number along with the numbers of her mother and her sister. I called them all only to be told the same story.

One day I sat down and tried to rationalize all of this.

The answers that I came up with surprised even myself.

What right did I have to dictate her life? I had never shown any intention to promise her a future beyond sending her some money every now and again, and basically used her as a part time girlfriend when I deigned to visit Thailand.

She had always told me that she loved me and she was in no position to force my hand.

With this in mind I set off for Thailand unannounced.

I arrived in BKK and booked into a hotel from where I called her. She must have known I was in the country because it is impossible to hide the caller's number in Thailand.

I told her that I would see her soon and she asked ‘when’. I said ‘how about tomorrow?’ and hung up.

The next day I flew to Udon and booked into a hotel. Again I called her and she pretended to be surprised. I asked her to come to my hotel but she said that she was on the bus on the way home from the temple. I think the truth was she was on her way home form Pattaya, but still…

She arrived at my hotel at about 6 PM.

We kissed and hugged but it just didn’t feel right for me.

I told her that I couldn’t get a visa for her yet and she would have to wait.

I fully expected her tell me goodbye but she simply said ‘ok, I wait for you’.

Now Nid knows that I don’t have much. I live with and take care of my aged mother (I have told Nid that if she does come to the UK she will come to be with me, she is absolutely not coming to be a carer). I don’t own property and I don’t have much in the way of savings.

The next day we went to her home, after visiting Big C and buying food and clothes for her family and daughter. I wanted to take some whisky or beer etc for her father and brothers but she wouldn’t hear of it.

We stayed at her house all day but she was still unwilling to show me around or even where she slept.

Her family all arrived and they made a dig deal about getting us all to sit on a mat whilst they all took turns in tying the string bracelets around my wrist.

I then suggested to Nid that I wanted to take her and her daughter somewhere nice for a few days. Nid had previously told me that her daughter had never seen the sea so I thought it would be nice to do this. She discussed it with her parents and said that it would be ok to take her to the hotel with us that night and then she would decide about the holiday depending on how her daughter behaved.

Off we went hand in hand to wait for the bus. It felt very strange having all the villagers shouting things in Thai as we passed through the village.

We arrived in Udon and decided to go to a restaurant. At this point Nid refused to hold my hand or walk next to me. She later told me that she didn’t want me to lose face because her daughter was obviously not mine. The reality was that I was proud to be walking into a farang / Thai restaurant full of farangs who had been sat in the same seats, doing the same things as they were 6 months ago when I had last visited.

I had something real, a beautiful girlfriend with a beautiful little girl.

After eating we went to the hotel. I couldn’t believe how strong the feelings were as I watched Nid prepare her daughter for bed. At last I was seeing the real Nid, the mother, not the bar girl. We all slept in the same bed and as I lay there in the darkness I felt incredibly lucky. I have never had a long term relationship before and I always told myself that I never wanted children, yet here I was feeing so protective towards this child.

The next day however my world collapsed again.

We were waiting for the bus back to her village when Nid realised that she had left something in the room. When she had gone to fetch it her daughter opened Nid’s purse to get some sticky stamps to play with. When she opened it the first thing I saw was a business card from an American guy with her email address and password written on it.
There were also many cards for taxis and hotels in Pattaya.

I kept quiet and we went back to her home. Nid had decided not to take her daughter on holiday, I don’t know why but I think it was a decision made out of selfishness. If she came with us then we would not have been able to stay out late or have sex.

We took the train to BKK and then the bus to Hua Hin.

We found a nice small hotel and enjoyed the time there. I kept asking Nid to tell me the truth about things. I told her that it would make no difference to how I felt about her, in fact it would make me more secure if I knew that she could tell me things that I wouldn’t like. Sadly she denied everything.

On the way back to BKK I decided to tell her that I was leaving a day earlier than I actually was. This would enable me to try to get over her (see another bargirl for some fun).

We went to the bus station and I bought her a ticket even though she insisted that it would be better for her to come to the airport to see me off.

We spent a glorious afternoon and early evening in the park before taking a taxi to the bus station.

I put Nid on the bus, said goodbye and walked back through the terminal. I don’t know why but I decided to hang around for 10 minutes. Five minutes after the departure time Nid came strolling through towards the exit.

I looked at her, she looked at me. She didn’t miss a beat but simply smiled.

I walked straight past her and got into a taxi without saying a word.

I ended up in a cheap hotel 30 minutes later and switched off my phone.

After taking a shower I switched my phone back on only to receive a call immediately from Nid. She was at the airport. She had got off the bus to come and see me off, where was I?
I told her that I didn’t believe her and that I was in a hotel. She wanted to see, could she come. I hung up.

Ten minutes later she called again telling me that her battery was about to go. Could she see me. I gave her the name of a hotel bar and told her to meet me there at 10pm, but I would only give her 5 minutes to explain and I wanted to hear no BS. She duly turned up, late, and denied everything. The reason she left the bus, her American boyfriend, the bar, everything.

This really p*ssed me off. I was giving her every opportunity to come clean but she insisted on treating me like an idiot by lying.

I told her that I didn’t believe her but as she had no money with her, I would not see her on the street so she could come back with me to my hotel if she wanted to.

She wanted to.

I set off walking the mile or so back down a dark lonely soi, she was following me trying to keep up whilst carrying her bag. The sight of her sweating and gamely keeping up was very endearing. At one point she stopped and asked where I was taking her. I told her that if she was afraid that I was going to hurt her then I would take her back to the main road and pay for a hotel for her. She said that she wasn’t worried, but rather tired and hot.

In the hotel she wouldn’t speak to me. She was sad that I had cancelled my flight and lost money because of her. She wouldn’t undress for bed or even lie down. I was too tired to argue.

The next day it was as if nothing had happened and we went shopping, eating, drinking etc.

Finally she came with me to the airport where we said goodbye over a cup of coffee. I knew she had no money with her so I told her I would use my credit card to get some for her bus fare at least. She insisted that she wouldn’t take any money from me and not to worry because her sister had sent her some anyway.

I put her in a taxi and waved goodbye. I really believed that this would be the last time I ever saw her and to be honest I was glad to see the back of her. All the deceit and BS was getting me down. When we went to a bar I couldn’t help but compare her to the other girls there who always seemed to be more grown-up, intelligent and normal than Nid. The grass is always greener……

How was I to know that as soon as I arrived home the first thing I wanted to do was call her? What the hell was going on here, this girl makes my life hell, she lies to me, annoys me but still I cannot stop thinking about her or let her go.

We chatted for a while and she told me that she had gone home but I was pretty sure she was back in Pattaya.

At home I checked her email and sure enough it was all there. This American had known her for a while, was sending her money and had paid for her to go to school in Udon and also paid for a room there (she only went for a few days before going back to Pattaya).

I confronted her and realising that she could deny it no more told me everything. She was terrified that I was going to email or call this guy and make trouble for her but I assured her that that would not happen. It turns out that he had been promising to set her up in business for the last year but had yet to do so.

Wanting the best for her I told her that if she decided to do that this was what she wanted then I would disappear quietly and wish her the best for her future. She insisted that she only stayed with him for business, she didn’t like him and didn’t see her future with him. She said she loved me.

I then found out that she was due to go on holiday with him for 3 weeks. The flights were booked everything was arranged.

I asked her to choose, me or him. After a couple of days she said that she had told him she couldn’t go on holiday after all.

A couple of days later during a fairly intense bout of loneliness / jealousy and sentimentality I decided that it would be a good idea to apply for a visa after all.

I called Nid and discussed it with her, she was happy but I sensed not convinced. I was determined not to let her down so I called an agency to get the ball rolling. They would charge 30,000 baht, the visa fee would be about 22,000 baht and they would need payment in advance. We would have to apply for a fiancé visa as there was little chance of Nid being granted a tourist visa.

By this time Nid had told me that she had to go back to Pattaya to pay her friend her share of the rent and also to tie up all the loose ends. I wasn’t happy about this but I had to trust her.

After I had spoken to the agency we arranged for Nid to go and see them in 2 days. This meant she had to return home that night.

I called her the next morning to be told that she had gone to a party in the bar for her friend's birthday, had got drunk (she doesn’t really drink) and had missed the bus. She would go home the next day.

The next day I called her and she told me that she had met a very nice young and handsome man in the bar and she wanted to see him again that night so wouldn’t be going home for another day.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. For the first time she didn’t even bother lying to me.
Later she called me to apologise. She said that nothing had happened with this guy, he was with his sister and they had just had good talking and laughing together. I told her to get to the bus station and go home, she said ‘you still want me get visa after what I tell you?’ I don’t know why, but I did still want this. I felt stupid, desperate and humiliated but I kept on down the same road.

Once she got home she called me to say that she wasn’t sure about this agency, maybe we should look for another. The next day she called me to say that did I realise I would have to send money for her parents if she came to the UK? I don’t know why she was trying to get me to change my mind, but she obviously was. I told her if she didn’t want to carry on then we could stop now. I wouldn’t be angry with her, the last thing I wanted was for her to come to my country if she really didn’t want to. She insisted that she did want to come, so we carried on with the same agency.

A couple of days later I stupidly checked her email (no good ever comes of this but the temptation to see if she’s being a good girl is simply too great). She had emailed a reply to an email from the handsome man from the bar and told him that she had never met anyone like him before (thanks Nid), he was good and kind and she hoped he would come back and see her soon. A week after this, when he had not replied, she sent another email asking why had he not replied. Had he forgotten her because she was thinking about him.
I confronted her with this and she said that he was just a friend, was she not allowed friends? She insisted that nothing had happened between them. This whole scenario still hurts. I can understand everything else that she has done, but not this.

By now preparations were being made for the visa documentation and the agency wanted the money.

I told Nid that now she had to choose, finish with her American sponsor for good and I would send the money, or finish with me and I would disappear without rancour.

She sent an email telling him about me and that they had to finish.

The next day I arranged for my bank to transfer 70,000 baht to her bank, 52,000 for the agency / visa, the remaining balance for her.

That night however I checked her email (I never learn) and found that she had sent another email to her sponsor telling him he was number 1 etc. She thought that she had deleted it as it was not in her ‘sent’ folder but it was still in her ‘deleted’ folder.

I called my bank and asked if they could cancel the transfer. They said they could but they would have to notify her bank as the funds had already left my account.

The next day she called the agency and told them the money was in her account and she would transfer it immediately. However when she tried to do this she realised that the funds had been frozen and neither of us could touch them.

She sent an email to the agency saying ‘I don’t know why Steve tells me he wants be to come UK quickly and then cancels money to me’.

I called her and told her the reason, she just said that she was testing me to see if I still checked her email. We talked for a long time, when I initially saw this email I thought that she would just take the money I had sent and run. I didn’t think she would pay the agency.
The next day (thinking that the original funds were being returned to me) I re-sent a further 70,000 baht.

As soon as these arrived she paid the agency, then promptly set off for BKK. When I agreed to get a visa I told her that the only thing I wanted from her was for to stay home with her family. I would send her enough money to live on but I wanted her to get a normal job to prove to me that she could live a normal life.

This never even came close to happening, in fact she told me that when she comes here she intends on staying in bed all day! Sadly for me I think she really means what she says. I tried to explain to her that if she got a part time job it would stop her from getting bored and give her some money of her own. This was not received well.

My bank then contacted me and informed me that the original funds could not be returned until the recipient gave her permission for them to be taken from her account. This caused much grief because the two amounts of money overlapped each other and Nid thought they were asking her to return the second amount. Once it was all explained she happily gave permission for the original 70,000 baht to be returned.

She then told me that she had to go to BKK because her brother was in trouble and he was in court. This went on for several weeks. Her mother joined her there at one point and we all talked on-line. Once the court case was over she went to Pattaya to see her friends, she told me that she visited Lucifer's, Marine and Tony’s discos but never met any men. I don’t know if she was in BKK or in Pattaya. If she was working or not, she told me that she was working in a karaoke bar in a remote suburb of BKK but that could mean anything. She said she was only earning 5,000 baht so I sent her another 8,000 baht. Again she never asked for anything. If there is one thing I know about Nid it is that she is a proud person and she is happy to provide for herself and her family.

Finally she returned home and 2 weeks ago she called me to tell me that she had been granted a visa, she was not required to go to BKK for an interview!

She chatted away excitedly telling me how she would come quickly and we would marry soon. I had not realised that one of the conditions of a fiancé visa is that the couple have to marry within 6 months. The reality of the situation hit me like a sledgehammer. I had originally thought that getting a visa would allow Nid to experience my country and to stay with me for a couple of months or so before returning home. Marriage had never really been in my mind, to be honest I thought that Nid would let herself down and we would be finished before the visa application ever got processed.

I was able to buy myself some time as I was offered the chance of a job in Bermuda. I am due to meet up with the company next week for final interviews. If this happens then it will be perfect for Nid. The climate will suit her and we can be together with no pressure to marry quickly.

Then last week I called her and she was very sad but she wouldn’t tell me why. Two days later I got an email from her ex-sponsor asking about her and telling me that he had spoken to her.

I never mentioned this to her because I wanted to know if she would tell me herself. Eventually she told me that he had indeed called her and she wanted to be truthful with me by telling me. The only problem was that she had only told me because he had told her that he had emailed me, and that she had been talking to him for four days before telling me.

She told me that she missed him and she wanted to explain everything to him and she wanted a good finish with him.

She also told me that I was not to call him or email him ever again.

I don’t know where this leaves me or how I really feel.

I have become so confused by both my situation and by reading many of the horror stories posted on these pages. I do believe that people only write these stories to share their misery and bitterness. There must be many happy stories out there that never get written, surely?

I read ‘Private Dancer’ by Stephen Leather but this was like looking into a mirror. It made me change my mind about 100 times and provided more fodder for my over active (hopefully) imagination.

I feel that if she comes to the UK then it is likely that I would realise I had made a mistake pretty quickly but will not be strong enough to face it. This will probably lead to us becoming married and living in misery forever more. I would never have the heart to send her back to her sad life in the bars, even if she enjoys it I would spend my life beating myself up and thinking about her with all those men, and denying her daughter the chance of a decent life here.

Of course there’s always the possibility that it will all work out and we will live happily ever after, but based on anecdotal evidence this seems the most unlikely outcome of all, even if it is the most desirable.

I think it’s a case of ‘can’t live with her, can’t live without her’. I admit that I don’t know my own mind and I am losing it big time. I do love her but is that enough? I get carried away by the tragic romance of it all, I really need to get to grips with this. I have had so many opportunities to walk away with no guilt or remorse but I have never been able to do it. True love or intense loneliness?

Everyday that bottle of whisky and the sleeping pills look ever more tempting.

I know that I should be a man and face up to my life and to the situation, but I can’t change who or what I am. I only ever wanted Nid to be happy, I can’t help thinking that we’ve both got into this deeper than we ever thought we would, it’s like a runaway train.

I wish I’d never gone to bloody Thailand.

Stickman's thoughts:

It is no crime to be naive, but that can often be a big problem in relationships. This situation just got progressively worse over time and I personally don't think it is recoverable now. I would just walk away. Unfortunately your lack of experience in relationships hasn't helped things.

Anyway, for what its worth, I very much enjoyed this submission and thought you paced it really well.