Readers' Submissions

Paradise Found

  • Written by Anonymous
  • September 19th, 2006
  • 12 min read

By Thai Dye Guy

Somewhere beyond the perceived imagination of the ordinary Falang on the sois of Thailand today there exists a place my two buddies and I call paradise. I use the word 'place' loosely in this instance as it is not so much a place I refer to as it is more a state of mind. More on this paradise later but first, let's see if we can agree as 1st world men, on this, the following points.

First and foremost, it's unavoidable. We, as Falang men of the 1st world, live in a vacuum of comparisons whether it be conscious or subconscious, we all are burdened by the natural inclination to compare what we have seen, had, or done in the past with what we are seeing, having or doing right now in Thailand. We all do it. So, to the dear reader I say capitulate to this idea just this once. And in the spirit of the great Anglo-Saxon conquests of the past, that incidentally still favor all of our collective genes to this very day, let's have a collective think on the forthcoming observations. Shall we? Right! Let's move on.

Right out of the gate let's make something perfectly clear. History has clearly shown that when thinking (and sometimes non-thinking) Anglo men come together in a serious way, whether it be for war, business, pussy or for humanitarian purposes, we generally get OUR way and big things tend to happen when we get involved. There is no disputing this and anyone who tries to reject this historic truism is hopelessly self diluted. Now, having said that, I have to admit that yes, people and some civilizations that get in the way do get killed, maimed, smothered, gassed, destroyed, beaten, bombed and an occasional genocide happens. Sorry, nobody is claiming perfection here. But, in the end, most indigenous peoples end up seeing things our way. Right or wrong…It's still OUR way.

Now let's take a look at Thailand. For better or for worse let's try to really be honest for once and forget all the politically correct bullshit. I will not make this a long and drawn out explanation as to why Thailand is a third world country and probably always will be. I think we can all agree that if the Anglo-Falangs wanted to take Thailand by storm they could do it without much effort. Truth be told, it's actually already happened several times in the last 75 years to Thailand in several different ways. It's just that most Thais (99.5%) do not realize they are already being utterly controlled by the Anglo-Saxon Male in ways they cannot imagine or fathom. Individually, culturally, financially, and militarily. I think we all know that the Anglo-Saxon Falangs will always reside at the top when it comes to the worlds oligarchy / hierarchy / pecking order in this world. It's just the way it is and it will always be this way forever. For example, we all know that Thai politicians and Thai politics is a running joke among the Anglo expat crowd as well as the humorous national Thai work ethic. Every learned expat knows that the institutions of higher learning in Thailand produce nothing more than lackadaisical, deluded, pompous neophytes that display a misguided sense of baseless nationalism. What's sorely missing is a real solid education based on real world unbiased facts taught by genuinely qualified instructors. Seriously, what have the Thais ever brought the world that we didn't already have the original one of or could have done without it in the first place. Did I hear some Viking in the back yell soapy messages? Come on man!

Gentlemen, let's put the cards on the table and just say that Thailand has three main things going for it. The food, the beaches and the women. And not necessarily in that order. So think about it. As 1st world men, we are in Thailand mainly for the three things I just listed. These are the basic necessities of a happy 1st world man's existence. Of course, there are sub-sets of other things that hold us here but generally these hit the high points. Certainly, the three things I listed can be had in other places but never in so much unspoilt abundance and don't forget the low cost involved. Now, think of our Anglo ancestors in history. Why did they come into an area? What were their basic needs? How did they treat the indigenous people when they resisted their arrival? I think you know the answers to these questions. But for the historically challenged among us let me just say this. Our Anglo brethren of yore were seriously brutal, took no shit from anybody and truly they ruled with an iron fist. They pillaged, burned and plundered and took what the hell they wanted including the local women. There were no rules of engagement and no committees were formed to decide if tourist visas were required! In fact, our Anglo Falang ancestors made the marauding Japanese army look like tree hugging, pacifist from the San Francisco bay area comparatively speaking. So…Once again it was always OUR way or no way.

"But the Thais are restricting our free movement and are really cramping our lifestyle" I hear you say. Yes, that is true to some degree but only for one reason. We, as Anglo Falangs have facilitated them in this Draconian effort. We have empowered this lackey Thai political underclass the same way we have empowered the charlatan Saudis who were once nothing more than desert nomads driving camel herds in circles among the sand dunes of hell. Yes, we have fallen off our duty as Anglo men and become unwitting conspiratorial facilitators of those that now want to attempt to control us the same way we have controlled them.

Having grown up among both the Thais and Chinese peoples I have seen and heard many interesting things since I was just a very spry blond headed Anglo boy. One of the most interesting and intriguing tid-bits I ever was privy to was the fact that most Asians sorely regret not having the stature and clout that the Anglo man or women command as they enter a room or address someone by simple virtue of their Anglo heritage. It simply comes down to shear race envy. I can remember one of my best friends (Thai-Chinese guy) in college was always angry / depressed because he longed in his heart to have and hold a beautiful Anglo girl with golden long blond hair. That was his dream and he spoke of it often. Farah Fawcett was his ultimate dream girl but in his mind he was already defeated because he considered himself way below even the ugliest Falang girl in our dorm at school. He could never bring himself to a place in his mind where he saw himself on a par with a white man or woman simply because he was Asian. Later, years after we were out of school and getting on with our careers, we met one evening for dinner and he proudly told me he finally had hired a blond prostitute and had been going out with her for awhile behind his BEAUTIFUL Asian wife's back. He even produced a photograph of the hooker and what a silly cow this broad was. Unbelievable but true.

Regarding Thai men's physical appearance in general I will say this. At least they are not as hard looking as the Samoan guys I have been around. Can someone explain this oddity to me? Why is it that you can have two Thai siblings a year apart in age, one boy and one girl, and yet the woman can be utterly stunning and the man looks like a mud fence? Why is it always the Half Anglo, half Asian guys and gals that get so many of the great acting and singing parts in Thailand? I'll tell you why. The Thais live in a caste system just like the Indians do and just like the Chinese do. They place a high value on skin color and the lighter it is the higher you go. Truth be told, most Thais both hate the Falang and love the Falang at the same time. They love us for what we bring them and they hate us for what they can never have. Of course it's way more complicated than that but at the very root of Thais animosity toward the Anglo farang lies good old fashion unadulterated envy. The same kind of old testament envy that made Cain rise up and slay his dearly beloved brother Able. Envy. Is Thai envy any different 10,000 years later? NO. It's same same.

There is a solution to our collective Anglo woes in Thailand but you won't like the answer. We been pussified into believing we can do nothing as a group of Anglo men because it would look like we are all racist and fascists and god forbid we might be called something politically incorrect. Hogwash I say. I for one am sick and tired of the White, middle aged, Anglo Saxon male taking the hit for all things that ail this old world. Even though we're the ones that are supposedly running the damn thing! It's time we collectively throw off the yoke of self imposed guilt that we have been led to believe is our duty to carry. In fact, we are the solution to most all problems facing this world today and when we started to relinquish control to "Others" is when the world started to go to hell in a hand basket. As civilized Anglo men we owe it to our families and children and our grandchildren to come together under the collective umbrella of common sense and rule of law and order. We would welcome anyone and any race that abides by common sense, law, justice and order. In this new world, Mai pen rei would not apply. Only two laws would be upheld in this new world. Just two simple laws and everything else would fall into place…guaranteed. The first would be to Love God with all your heart, mind and soul. It would not matter what god people chose to love as long as they loved Him or her with all their being. The second would be to love their fellow man as much as they love themselves. Do these two things and all other problems would become extinct.

I know. Impossible. Envy and love have no home together. One kills the other and there is always more envy than love in this world. Especially in Thailand. Not to mention greed, jealousy, corruption, injustice, hate, malice, murder, lies, guilt and pain. A pipe dream…yes. About all I can do is hold on to my woman (wife) who is also Thai / Chinese. But at least she sees and admits that Thailand doesn't compare to the 1st world we Anglos all know and created for ourselves. Her eyes have been opened and she sees the fallacy and corruption of her native people's ways. Thankfully, this does not stop her love for the Thai people and also for Falangs. She is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. I am not saying we Falangs are perfect by any stretch of the imagination but look what happens when good men do not speak up but remain silent. The whole world suffers because of it. In the worldwide battle of good VS. evil who do you suppose is winning? Love or Envy? Who will be the great equalizer? Anybody? how about the Viking in the back? Any ideas? No? …Me neither.

Finally, the paradise I referred to in the beginning of this note is not wholly lost on me. I can appreciate the Thai paradise I have formed in my state of mind. My old man would always tell me as a kid that if I ever found paradise don't go there because if I did I would surely ruin it. And he was right. True paradise does not exist outside the confines and bounds of our own minds. True paradise can only exist and be attained within our own minds and then brought to fruition in the form of unconditional love and acceptance of family members and good friends. John Lennon had it right when he sang "all you need is love" but even he in the end was destroyed by envy and hate. So was Ghandi and so was Jesus Christ. But those men's message lives on in each one of us. On the bright side, you can't kill that kind of love. It is still going on and growing and it is perpetual in it's very nature. Like a huge firestorm it keeps burning. Even in Thailand. So in the end and in the final analysis I draw this conclusion. Because, unlike our Anglos -Saxon ancestors we are civilized and cannot plunder, pillage and burn we can do the next best thing. That is to love our fellow man. Extend a hand of friendship to those close to us, reach out and touch someone's life in a positive way. Sometimes just a kind word can make all the difference in the world. Then watch it spread like the wildfire that love truly is. I know it sounds crazy and there are those that will remain skeptical but what I speak is the truth and deep down everyone knows it. Thailand is waiting to be conquered just one more time but this time we can do it the right way. Start by reaching out to your Falang brethren and then to the Thai people and don't look for a return. Just do it for yourself and see how good it makes you feel. The Thai people will respond in kind…I guarantee it. Haven't you heard? Love conquers all man. Peace.


A friend from New Zealand was over here recently and we were talking about the Thai community in Thailand. According to him, when Thais go to New Zealand (and he thinks other places too) they seldom want to return home. Give them a few years outside Thailand and their whole outlook changes big time. But then I guess the same can be said for Westerners resident in Thailand.