I Know I Am A Fool…But I Miss Her Anyway Part 1

I have visited Stickman's site sometimes in the past, a lot recently. I hear the same story, just different details each time. Yes, the love – torn farang who pursues his Thai princess, only to realize the futility of it in the long run. I will not hide from my folly – I was that farang, and I still am. It started in January of 2005. My life in the States had many ups and downs, mostly downs. I worked at a low – paying, boring job and something seemed to be missing. I suddenly realized what it was. I had been a good reliable employee but I hadn't gotten anything for it. I hadn't gotten a promotion, a pay raise, or anything else one would consider as a reward or benefit. One thing I did notice was that I had accumulated a lot of annual leave. That is I could comfortably take a two week vacation and still have a good month left over. I hadn't taken a real vacation in years and now seemed as good a time as any.

The question was where was I going to go? I am a real Internet junkie. I mean I probably check my e – mail a couple of times a day. My other hobby is prurient in nature so I probably shouldn't mention ithere. I love pretty women, especially when they're naked and willing (but doesn't any hot – blooded American male). I therefore resolved to use the Internet to find a vacation spot where I could forget my current situation and enjoy the company of the fairer sex at the same time. Through Google and other search engines, I found out about a website called the World Sex Guide. How about that! A guide detailing the sex experience around the world! I read many articles from this guide. I researched many countries including the USA. I wanted to find a place that was relatively safe, had many beautiful young women, and where my dollar would go far (not necessarily in that order).

The country I kept on seeing with my prerequisites was Thailand. Many of the guys on the Internet forums were saying how they had excellent vacations while shagging beautiful Thais. I went on various hotel sites and saw that you could get a nice hotel in Thailand for about $20 – $40 a night, quite a deal when you consider that where I live a rundown Motel6 will run you at least $60 a night. I got the Lonely Planet guide to Thailand and read that the food in Thailand and especially Bangkok was excellent and cheap! I also found you could get a cheap airline ticket online from sites like cheaptickets.com. My mind was decided. Land of Smiles here I come!

The flight to Thailand was extremely long & tiring. I took a budget trip which made at least 3 – 4 stops. One of the stops was at Chicago O'Hare airport. If there is a hell for air travelers, it is O'Hare. I easily got lost in this huge airport, and had to ask for help from at least 4 different people. They each gave me different directions to the same location. I finally saw another guy I recognized from my flight and followed him to the gate. We both made it on that plane with only 2 minutes to take off! I said "never again will I go to O'Hare airport" and so far I have kept that promise.

I started the trip. It was late at night. I had read online forums about Thailand, Bangkok, Pattaya, etc. I had bought and read the Lonely Planet guide. I had studied and analyzed and thought I knew a fair amount about Thailand. I didn't know squat. The first thing was getting a cab. I had heard about buses and trains, but I was so tired that I just wanted to go to a hotel and sleep. I went over to the money changers and they gave me some nice baht bills. I was looking for a cab when one found me. This friendly looking middle – aged Thai told me he could drive me to downtown Bangkok for about B1,000. I was a rookie farang so it sounded like an ok price to me. However, I had already picked out my hotel. I picked it up by going on the Internet and finding a hotel which had a high approval rating on an Asian hotel site. This cab driver didn't seem to care about approval ratings. He told me he had a better hotel than the one I wanted. He argued that my hotel was too far away, his cab didn't go there, a better deal was to be had at his hotel (for him probably), etc. I finally relented and told him to just drive me some place so I could get some peace and quiet.

I paid him his cab fair and went to the hotel front desk.The hotel was called The Washington Suite, and calling it a suite is like calling a Chihuahua a guard dog. The room was dirty, smelling, and very simple. It was also B1,200 a night which is a lot for a dump of a place. I noticed the 'lock' on the back door was only a latch which could be easily broken off by a drunk or any idiot that bumped up against it by accident. I was mortified. How could I have ended up in this pig sty when I already had a nice hotel planned out? The answer was of course that the cab driver was a tout and drove me to a hotel which paid him a commission. I learned my lesson. Next time I was going to my hotel, even if I had to change cab drivers to get there. One of the hotel workers asked me if I wanted a 'Woman Escort' for the night. I thought, "what the hell. what else could go wrong?"

She came about an hour later and was like a Chihuahua dog, in other words nasty, loud, and bitchy. Me and her did the act for about 20 minutes, then she said she was too tired and demanded B1,000. I had already paid her B1,000 so I asked her why I needed to pay her more, especially when she was only with me for 20 minutes out of the 2 hours expected time. She said that was her 'TIP' and it was customary to give a working girl a tip. I told her a tip in my country was only earned after a good job and it was usually not mandatory. I also expressed my dis-satisfaction with her and told her flatly that I would refuse to pay her tip. I had that 'look' that I sometimes get in my eye when I am extremely angry so she did the right 'f#%&ing cheap farang'. I felt better because I had finally stood my ground on something.

The next morning, I got up and was relieved that my luggage was still around. I ate the breakfast buffet and it wasn't bad. This whole hotel situation had given me a bad vibe towards Bangkok. I wanted to get out of town as soon as possible, so after breakfast I got a cab to Pattaya. Looking back on it, I think I really missed out on a lot of the Bangkok experience, but I was so upset over my hotel that I wanted to get out of Bangkok as soon as possible.

The ride to Pattaya was about 2 – 3 hours, but the cab driver was friendly and wasn't as much of a tout as the other one. He tried to persuade me to go to 'his' tout hotel, but I demanded he take me to The Flipper Lodge and he finally gave up. The Flipper Lodge was just the opposite of the dive I stayed at the previous night. The Flipper was on Soi 8 so it was in the middle of a very busy part of Pattaya. The hotel was very clean, had a huge king size bed, a marvelous pool on the roof (facing the ocean), a nice restaurant, and many amenities like a massage service, Internet, and clothing store. The only thing I didn't like was that the room – key had to be attached to the air-conditioner for it to run. This meant that you only got air-conditioning while you were physically in the room. They were obviously trying to save money on air-conditioning. This setup was irritating because it got so hot outside. When you were outdoors for a couple of hours and then came back to your room, you were almost as hot inside while you were waiting for the air conditioning to cool the room. I came up with a simple solution, which was just to take the plastic part (which went into the air conditioner) off the key chain and leave it there. That way, the air conditioner was always on. I paid the girl who cleaned my room a good tip so she wasn't likely to tell on me. It was a good plan and worked (I think they got wind of it, though because when I went there the next year the plastic key was fused onto the key ring, and short of a soldering kit it was staying on). <In some hotels you can just jam a piece of cardboard in there and what is enough – Stick>

The hotel was nice, but I was a tourist and needed to take a tour. I walked near the Beach Road area and took some pictures with my digital camera. I must have looked the part of typical farang with my camera around my neck, a backpack on my shoulders, and my heavy sweating self taking pictures of everything. I finally stopped at a local beer bar called 'Lee1' to get a drink. I got a water for about B20 and noticed a lot of women sitting around. I had heard some about beer bars and the women who worked there, but it was a very hot day so the only thing I noticed was that the bar tender girl was crocheting. It seemed an odd thing to do at a bar, but I was bored and even took a picture of her doing it. The guy at the bar across from me looked like an ex patriot who had seen everything. He looked a little irritated when I took a picture of him (not intentional, he was directly across from the woman who was crocheting) but I guess he figured this crazy farang would be out of his county in a couple of weeks so he said nothing. Eventually, I went back to the hotel and watched some TV.

I was getting tired of the boob tube, so I noticed they offered massage room service. I called the massage service, and in about 15 minutes a pretty Thai woman was at my service. She started the usual oil massage and it was pretty good. However, I am a horny farang and I have a duty to maintain the strict status of a sex tourist! I therefore asked if she would massage me down there for some more money. She said she would. She said if I gave her an additional B1,000 she would do the works. Sounds good to me. I paid her and found out there are such things as happy endings.

Later that same day, I went out on Walking Street (only that time, I didn't know it was Walking St.). I was amazed as any farang at the number of gogo bars, beer bars, and other houses of debauchery. I was in a monger's heaven! I picked one at random and walked in. There were many beautiful women who looked to be in the 18 – early twenties in looks. I sat down and ordered a beer. One of the women walked up to me and wanted me to buy her a drink. Seems reasonable in exchange for sitting next to one of these goddesses I thought. Her friend then sat on my other side and also wanted a drink. I obliged, but it was getting a little crowded now. Her friend's friend got in on the act. Her friends' friends' friends… you get the picture. I finally had enough and was about to leave the gogo bar. The first girl said she wanted me to go with her to a room. I asked, "how much". She said, "B2,000". I said ok. Then her friend said she wanted to go, too. I really wanted to get out of there quick because I could see this place was pretty expensive for a bit of Thailand fun. I finally decided to take them both at the same time so I could brag to my friends back home about having a threesome. They took me to a pretty hot & stuffy room with a single fan blowing. In a minute, that wasn't all that was blowing. I felt pretty good (in an egotistical kind of way mostly), but the sex itself was just average. One of the girls said she was tired and finished right then and there. Her friend soon followed, and I was left in a partially satisfied state, which is something a monger never aspires to. I think they noticed my dis-satisfaction and asked what was wrong. "Nothing is wrong. Everything is great. I'm finished. I need to go back to the hotel", I lied. I left the gogo and resolved to avoid the expensive gogos and instead to frequent the more economical beer bars.

There was a hyper Thai man who was asking me about a 'Pussy Show' and other unsavory things. I politely declined the invitation and headed for the nearest beer bar. There were many girls at this bar and looking back on it I think it might have been the famous Marine Disco, but I don't remember for sure. I sat in the section closest to the gogo I had just left and I think the girls knew I had a bad experience. The mamasan was nice and offered me a towelette to wipe my face. She brought me a beer and explained how gogos were over – priced and usually good for the eye, not the body. She also told me her girls would treat me like a man deserved to be treated. I noticed a shy looking girl in the corner. She seemed very small compared to the other girls. I was afraid she was under aged. I asked the mamasan about this. She told that was her sister Jang, and she was not underage, in fact she was 24 years old and had always prided herself on having a youthful appearance. I couldn't believe it! The girl looked like she was 16 – 18 and I said so. "OK you want proof. Here her ID." she said to me. Sure enough her ID said she was 24, the year she was born and all the other miscellaneous information. The mamasan then told me she thought Jang liked me and wanted to know if I would pay the bar fee to take her back to my hotel. I was a little apprehensive, but I thought, "Oh well, the ID says she's not underage so I guess it's alright".

My hotel room was pretty far away and since we were on Walking Street we couldn't get a taxi. We walked back for a while and it started to rain. We both got pretty wet, but she was a good sport about it and laughed. When we got back to the hotel, I made sure the security guard got a good look at her ID and assured me she was legit. He said she was 24 and assured me that Thai girls usually looked a lot younger that Western women at similar ages. Then we went to my room. The first thing she did was to take a shower. Then I took one. Then we were ready for the act. I had heard a lot on the Internet about 'Kathoeys'. I didn't want to take a chance that Jang was a kathoey, so I wanted to see the goods. At that time, I didn't know much about the Thai value of modesty. This Thai custom kept her from showing me her fully nude body as I was asking for. I thought that maybe she was hiding behind a towel because she had something (extra) to hide. She spoke only a little English, but she finally caught my meaning. She insisted she wasn't a kathoey, but that she would be ashamed to expose herself to me until she knew me better. I relented and realized I was probably being a little too paranoid. After all, she didn't have the other features of a kathoey like an Adam's apple, big hands, weird voice, tall, etc. We had sex a couple of times that night and it was good. The next morning we ate at the hotel and she said she wanted to introduce me to her friends. She said we would have a small party in my hotel room. I took this the wrong way.

The next day, her friends came with her to the hotel room. They were very pretty women, a couple even prettier than Jang. They also brought a male friend of theirs (for protection they said. He seemed like a friendly guy, but who wouldn't be when they were drinking free beer). Like I said before, I took it the wrong way. I thought we would have this party and then Jang and some of her female friends would have a threesome with me. I was wrong. In fact, I think I caused the whole group to lose face which is an awful thing to happen in Thailand. It is taboo to act like I did, but I didn't know it back them. I just got angry because I didn't know why they didn't do what they seemed to promise to do. They all left my room including Jang. I thought, "This is the end of this relationship. I guess I should give her back her radio".

I had bought Jang a nice MP3 CD radio at the store earlier in the day and we had played music on it at the party. I gave her the radio and said she could take it with her back to her hotel. She said she wanted to stay with me for the night and maybe we could settle our problems while her friends went home. I said I wanted to be alone, but I didn't mean it. She left with her friends to the elevator. I thought that if she left now that I would never see her again and for some reason that left me depressed. I started getting a lump in my throat, the kind you get when you get very sad about something. I was the one who practically begged her to come back. She agreed and we didn't have sex, but we both held each other for the rest of the night. I didn't realize it back then, but now I know that is when the purely sexual connection I had with previous women expanded into something I hadn't expected. I was falling in love / falling into love sickness / infatuation. Call it what you will, I was a marked man and it felt strange. It felt strange because I had never experienced anything like this before. I was an overweight man and had limited experience with the opposite sex. I remember even my prom was not a fun experience, mostly because my date seemed more interested in gossiping to her girlfriend than in saying anything to me. She consequently broke up with me after the prom and it wasn't a great loss (at least to me). I knew it wasn't lust because I felt this feeling of goodness towards her even when I wasn't doing the act.

I did my best to apologize to her friends and make up for my bad behavior the next day. They said it was OK, but who knows what they might be saying, “This farang is a bigger jerk than all the rest". All I knew was I needed to spend more time with Jang. We went out to some more restaurants. We had a good time. I paid her bar fee and paid her for her time. One day she told me she needed some time off from me. She needed to see some other people for a couple of days. I said fine. What could I do? It was her country. I resolved to have sex with as many bar girls as possible during her absence. I did a fair job. One day, I think I shagged 7 of Isaan's finest. I was so tired after that last one that I felt like the 'Don Juan of Vietnam'. I said that because Juan and Thailand don't rhyme. I had many pretty and even some average looking ladies. They satisfied me in a physical, lusty sort of way, but something was missing.

In a couple of days, I met Jang back at her bar. She seemed in a good mood when she saw me. I was ecstatic to see her. I hugged her and we went out to eat. I bar fined her long time for the rest of my week in Thailand. Jang came with me when I took the taxi back to the airport in Bangkok. She held my hand almost the whole time we were in the cab. The last thing I did when I arrived at the airport was hug and kiss her, tell her I loved her, and gave her an extra B5,000. I had earlier gotten her phone number and email address and I agreed to stay in contact with her until my trip back to Thailand next year. Yes! I was coming back next year. Wild horses couldn't keep me away. On the airplane trip back to the States, I felt so empty that I didn't know what to do with myself. When I got back home, it was life back to usual, except it wasn't usual. I had this longing for this girl half way around the world. I just meant to go to Thailand to have a fun economical trip and get shagged a good number of times. This love infatuation thing has got me in a tizzy. Every time I hear Bob Seger's 'Against the Wind' I get a tear in my eye because that is a song we both knew and it therefore became our song. I didn't laugh at other people's sappy romances like I had in the past. I changed in a fundamental way, and I still don't know if it is for the negative, positive, or other.

Stickman's thoughts:

Wow, that first trip sure made an impression on you. It's always novel to read about the mistakes others made – which makes us look at ourselves and remind us that we made much the same mistakes!