Anyone For Bacarra

I first discovered Stickman when the site included his "Guide to the Naughty Nightlife" (this was taken down in about 2003 and never replaced). That guide got me started and I found it to be uncannily accurate in almost every detail. Since then, I have read almost every submission on the site. The submissions (and weeklies) that I find most useful are those that give up-to-date information on the bars, as I usually use these to make a "bar-hop list" before each trip. With that in mind, I offer below some recent information on bars I visited in Bangkok, Phuket and Pattaya on my last trip.

My all-time favourite gogo bars in Bangkok are Baccara and Dollhouse in Soi Cowboy. I have had "girlfriends" from both bars, but as I try to "play by the rules" (i.e., not be a blatant butterfly), it was a year since I had visited either of them. A year is a long time in the bar scene, so I reasoned that my teeraks would have moved on, and such proved to be the case. My first stop was Baccara, and I have to say it was even better than I remembered it. It was about 9.00 PM on a Sunday evening in late August (low season), but was positively humming. The downstairs stage was packed with girls – I counted 18 in one shift – dressed in pink floral-patterned bikinis, and up above was that famous glass ceiling on which the girls dance, knickerless, in schoolgirl outfits. They dance for about four numbers with their blouses on, and then take them off for the next four. There are many gogos with glass ceilings in Thailand, but none to match this, either for its size or the quality of the girls. And that's what makes Baccara really stand out – the quality of the girls. Whoever chooses them knows what he (or she) is doing. They go for the "schoolgirl" look so the girls have to be smallish and cute (though of course they are all of legal age and many are well into their twenties). In fact, there were so many lovely girls there that I found it really difficult to make a choice. Just when I had decided to call one over for a drink, I spotted another one who was even cuter. Mind you, there is a price to pay. When I finally got chatting to a girl (she was 25), she told me she wanted 4,000 for long time. The most I have ever paid for long time in Soi Cowboy is 2,500 (with 2,000 being the norm) and I thought she was trying it on. She had only been there for four months and had little English, so we communicated mostly in Thai. My Thai is very basic, but at least it signals that I am not a newbie to be ripped off. Her response to my gently chiding "pang maak", was "this Baccara!". We eventually settled on 2,500 for a compromise which I have used before and which could be described either as "long short time" or "short long time". The idea is that I take a girl out, entertain and feed her, take her back to my hotel for a relaxed sex session (just like long time), and then, when we would normally turn over to go to sleep, that's when she goes home. More experienced punters or expats may tell me I got ripped off, and maybe I did, but Baccara *is* special.

On the following evening, I went to my other hot favourite, the Dollhouse. I had some unfinished business there because about six months ago I met a really sweet girl, but was unable to barfine her because I was with somebody else. I had been in the Dollhouse for about 10 minutes when I thought I spotted her and signalled her to come over – it was the wrong girl – but this one was really sweet too, so I ended up barfining her. The result was that I didn't get much of a chance to look around. However, my general impression was that the Dollhouse is still one of the best bars in Bangkok specialising in the cute, demure types that I like, and this time with the added bonus that they were dancing naked. My barfine proved to be the best girl of the trip, so much so, that I saw her again on my last few days in Thailand about two weeks later.

Other bars visited in Soi Cowboy include: Pam's beer bar where I was entertained by very friendly but not overly-attractive waitresses, Long Gun, Rawhide and Midnite. I love Long Gun for the music. As a 50-something year old guy the classic rhythm and blues is just up my street. The girls are pretty too, but a bit on the tall side for my taste (or is it just an optical illusion created by the low ceiling?) The shows are good too. This bar must be doing something right because it's always hard to get a seat.

Rawhide next door seems rougher and raunchier. The bar itself looks as though it could do with a good makeover, and I didn't find many of the girls attractive. Having said that, I met the most beautiful girl of the trip in this bar. In Rawhide, the girls come and sit next to you. Sometimes I like this, sometimes not, it depends what kind of mood I'm in. In Dollhouse and Baccara they generally leave it to the customer to make the first move, but here (as in Midnite) they're on top of you before you've had time to order a drink. My girl had the most beautiful face and body I have ever seen – and I could see most of it as many of the girls mingle with the customers topless. She looked even more beautiful in her street clothes. Of course, nobody is perfect, and if she had a fault it was that she was aaii (shy) in bed.

Like most of the girls I met on this trip she had little English and that's why it pays dividends to learn a bit of basic Thai. I am hopeless at languages having failed to learn French at school and Cantonese when I worked in the Hong Kong several years ago. However, a little bit of Thai goes a long way in the gogo bars. Learn about 10 phrases, 20 words, and numbers 1 – 100 (+ the word for 1,000) and it's amazing how the scene opens up.

Midnite seemed glitzier than I remember it (I read on Stickman recently that it is under new management), but less raunchy. This is another bar where girls will hit on you as soon as you sit down, and the last time I was here I was chatted up by a girl I liked and eventually barfined (she now works in G-Spot, Nana Plaza, so the coast was clear). This time I got chatting to a girl from Chiang Mai. She was a typical Chiang Mai beauty – paler skin and rounder features – but not warm enough in her interaction, so I left Midnite empty handed. Midnite also has a glass ceiling of sorts. The problem is that it is very small and if you are not sat directly underneath it, it is hard to see what is going on. While I was there, two girls were performing a simulated lesbian show but I was seated too far away to see properly. I got the best chance to see them when I went upstairs to the toilet.

I read on a recent Stickman Weekly: "Soi Cowboy is Nana, Nana is Soi Cowboy" or words to that effect, and to my surprise, this turned out to be true. I was on my way to AngelWitch to see the shows (again), when a cute hello girl outside one of the smaller bars (sorry, can't remember the name), grabbed my arm. I don't usually bother with the smaller bars because a) the girls are not usually the most attractive, and b) it is impossible to escape their attentions (not a good combination). However, I liked this hello girl, so took her inside with me and bought her a drink. The chemistry between us was good. When I asked how much for long time, she said: "I don't want much tonight – 1,500 baht". Well, for a Yorkshireman, that clinched it. She was 29, and there is no doubt in my mind that the older girls give the best value. Also, anything over 25 is "old" for a bargirl, so that puts them on my side of the fence so to speak. OK it may just be wishful thinking, but I do feel that there is more affinity between a 25+ bargirl and a 50+ punter than with the younger girls. That was one of the best nights of the trip, and if I'd had more time I would have seen her again (I may indeed see her again next time I visit). It's a long time since I lived in Yorkshire, so I gave her 2,000.

I visited Rainbow 2 and Rainbow 4 and both bars were doing very well, but couldn't find a girl to my taste on this occasion (though I have barfined from both on previous visits) – plenty of pretty girls in both bars though. And I did manage to get to the AngelWitch show in the end. I love the link music, and that cute girl in the skimpy French maid costume that cleans the floor and the poles between the acts. Above all, I love the soapy show done to the music of "Angie". This time the girls were topless under the soap (last time it was bikinis only). An added bonus is that, since the renovations, this bar has the swishest toilets of any gogo bar in Thailand!

After Bangkok I had three nights in Phuket – and guess what! Though I had money in my pocket and was all fired up and ready to go, I drew a blank. Maybe I was tired after Bangkok, or maybe my mindset was all wrong – or perhaps it was Phuket after all. The first stop was my favourite gogo bar in Phuket – Dragon Entertainment – which is in the middle of Bangla Road. They have a fantastic line up of girls who appear in different costumes with shows in between. The first time I went I thought it was a show bar only, but later found out that you can barfine the girls. On my second visit I spotted a girl I liked and bought her a drink. She spoke little English so the negotiations were not easy, but they went something like this (in a mixture of English and Thai):

Is long time OK? Yes. How much? 4,000 baht. That's a lot! But short time only 2,000. How long is short time? 1 hour. What! I'll take long time then. Can't come till 11. Have to do shows. OK, 11. Must leave in morning at 6. Go see mother.

All this was a bit like a cold shower. It's not so much the money, but wanting to leave early is a sign of a bad attitude. However, she was cute and I fancied her something chronic, so I agreed – and guess what – at about 11, she disappeared, and sent a message via her friend that she didn't want to come! OK, I'm not Tom Cruise, but I'm not Frankenstein either. I guess she makes so much money from being a showgirl and doing the one hour short times that long time seems too much trouble.

I had a similar experience with a beer bar girl at Sharky's Bar. After beating me hollow at Connect 4, and the nail game we started to talk business. The long and short of it was that she didn't want to do long time either. As I said, I take this as a sign of a bad attitude. I don't mind short time if it is my choice, but when a girl refuses long time it usually means that she wants to take the money and get away as quickly as possible. If that's what I want, I can get to Amsterdam or Prague on a low-cost airline. At another beer bar I saw something which could explain her attitude. It was an advertisement for a beer bar girl. The wage was 11,000 baht per month plus 70 baht for every lady drink. That's good money. More, as I understand it, than many Pattaya gogo girls are paid.

I also visited Rock Hard and Suzie Wong. Rock Hard has a huge mirror behind the stage which makes it look as though there are twice as many girls than there actually are. They needed it, as once I had sussed out the optical illusion, I counted only 8 girls – and I didn't fancy any of them. This bar gets a good write up on some web sites, so perhaps I came on the wrong night.

The story was similar in Suzie Wong – the girls just didn't appeal. However, the cashier was a stunner. I bought her a drink and tried to chat to her – but once again, she had almost no English. She said she finished at three after cashing up, but when I offered to come back for her, she said she would be tired and would want to go home to sleep. One good thing about this bar is that there are lots of latex tubes around with which the bargirls whack the customers (and get whacked in return). This is a lot of fun and a great ice-breaker.

The high spots in Phuket were flirting with the cashier in Suzie Wong and with another 'good girl' who I met when I went to get a new pair of glasses

– – she was the optician. She was typical of many young educated women in Thailand. She was stunningly beautiful, wore her uniform which poise, and gave first class personal service (including resting her hand on my thigh during the fitting). If I were in the market for a Thai wife, it's girls like this I would go for, but as I am married, I'm safer around bargirls.

Pattaya was a relief after Phuket. Following a recent Stickman recommendation, I went to Heaven Above. There were some fantastic girls in there and I soon found myself buying a drink for a pretty 20-year old. Unfortunately she just sat there like a zombie – she was not just shy, but painfully shy. Minutes later, another, older (29), girl appeared on the other side of me, and explained that the shy girl was her friend and that she would be OK if they were together. Would I like to barfine them both? I did, and it was great. The next night, the older girl suggested that one more of her friends come along. Excited as I was by the prospect of a 4-in-a-bed session, I was a bit worried about the logistics. The beds at the Dynasty Inn (Soi 13) just about sleep 3 (though it was HOT in the middle). Where would the fourth go? On the floor? Who would the fourth be? Would I end up sleeping on the floor alone while three gorgeous girls shared my bed? Oh well, go with the flow. During the course of the evening I collected another girl who was the older sister of the shy one (a "good girl" who worked in a shop and who was only coming for the meal). We went to one of the seafood restaurants by the sea, then The Blues Factory, then Tony's Disco. At some point during the evening, the shy girl and her big sister had gone home, so I was left with two girls again and the problem about fitting us all into one bed was solved.

I realised later that the comings and goings of the various girls were not accidental. They had been managed by the older girl. She was, in effect, acting as my mamasan, and I'm sure that if I'd had longer, she would have organised an endless stream of mind-blowing experiences – the only condition being that she was a part of it – a good deal.

Other bars visited in Pattaya include AngelWitch, SuperBaby and Happy. I went to AngelWitch for the shows. They're almost the same as the shows in Bangkok, but benefit from a bigger and better multi-level stage, and more nudity. The four main showgirls looked almost identical to the ones in Bangkok and were clearly chosen by someone looking for the same physical characteristics. 'Willowy' is the word I would use: very slim, almost no breasts, very supple. They usually wear a kind of oriental / Egyptian headdress and their bodies are oiled – very sexy. Among the shows was my favourite – the soapy show – though this time the girls were completely naked under the soap. I love the shows at AngelWitch so much that I have decided to resist the temptation to barfine any of the girls so that I can go there as often as I like with no complications. I wonder – do other customers think like this, and does it affect the girls' earnings?

SuperBaby has the best collection of the kind of girls I like (see above). The problem is that – according to some web sites – they have a reputation for being "short time queens". In other words, boom boom as quickly as possible, take the money and run. I'd been here before and had just that experience, but I'm a slow learner and the girls were just too cute for me to resist. I saw a girl I liked on stage, but lost sight of her before I could attract her attention. I saw her again a few minutes after her set had finished sitting with some friends in a corner and signalled her to join me – ooops, wrong girl again! (sometimes I wish there was more light in some of these bars so I can see what I'm doing). However, she was pretty and sweet, so I bought her a drink anyway. Being sweet didn't stop her from going straight for the throat: "You pay bar?" She asked. This usually puts me off as it is another sign of a bad attitude, but I did like everything else about her. The long and short of it is that I paid 2,000 for short time (which was OK though not great – I sensed she was in a hurry). This is my all-time record for Pattaya as 2,000 is usually the long time rate.

Happy is another of my favourite bars, though, in common with several other bars in Pattaya, the management seem determined to deafen their customers. When this happens, I usually stick tissue paper in my ears, and after a few minutes getting used to it, find that I can hear well enough to talk – at least it preserves my hearing. I fear that some of these girls will be stone deaf by the time they're my age. On previous visits I've seen some very attractive girls in this bar, but this time I couldn't find anything to suit me. I bought a drink for one girl, but her heart didn't seem to be in it, so I let her go.

After Pattaya I returned to Bangkok again. If you don't like the 1,500+ taxi fare, it's worth knowing that you can get a FREE transfer from the Dynasty Inn, Bangkok to the Dynasty Inn, Pattaya, as long as you are staying at the Bangkok Dynasty and pay in advance for two nights in Pattaya. There is a charge for the return trip, but it's only 500 baht.

I had two more nights in Bangkok before the flight back to Blighty so I decided to look up my Dollhouse sweetie again. She was wonderful – even better than the first time I saw her – just like a girlfriend in every respect. On the last evening I also barfined her best friend (with whom she shares a room). I soon realised that both were uncomfortable with the idea of a three-in-a-bed session, but I was still quite happy to bring her friend along for a night out. This turned out to be a good move as it gave my girl someone to chat to and made it an especially enjoyable evening for her (she showed her gratitude by a command performance later). Next day, she wanted to come with me to the airport, but with an aching heart, I put her off. I knew that there was nowhere this relationship could go. I won't be able to get back to Thailand again for at least six months – a long time for me and an eternity for a 19 year old. Also, she speaks hardly any English and I can't write in Thai script, so how would we communicate? Above all, I mustn't forget that I am married (and wish to remain so). So I try to be philosophical about it. It's a sort of Zen thing – it's all about the moment. I try hard to appreciate the moments I spend with these girls and then let them go. For others it may work differently, but for me, being married and living 8,028 miles away, it's the only way it can work.

And when all's said and done, there's nothing I like better than being fancy-free and spending an evening in Baccara, gazing up through that glass ceiling.

Stickman's thoughts:

There we are, that should keep the mongers happy, given that I do not write about this sort of stuff much.