Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 144

  • Written by Dana
  • August 19th, 2006
  • 10 min read


Greetings Stickmanites and lesser Earthlings: Here is a true story (what else?) followed by a stunning announcement. Enjoy.

YOU CAN'T GO BACK

The first Thai woman I met was named Esther Goldberg. Actually that was her American name. Her Thai first name was Pakpao. Her mom was Thai and her father was an American from Manhattan, a borough of New York City. I met her in 1968 in some kind of Art History class at the University of Michigan that had a lot of slides of Buddha. Anyway I was drawn to her like iron filings to a magnet and sat down next to her. We started passing notes. At the end of class she asked me if I would like to come to her place and have some tomato soup and a sandwich. I moved in the next day and we lived together for five months.

Pakpao had the young dick hardening girl / woman sweet Thai face of an 18 year old and long beautiful black hair. That would have been enough but God had gifted her with 50% Caucasian biology that manifested itself in a body of such voluptuousness that she looked like something you would see in a Japanese comic book. Small hands and small feet and small face and small waist and huge breasts and huge hips. The effect was startling. And if you were an 18 year old green-as-grass inexperienced male like me you couldn't help but slap yourself in the forehead with the palm of your hand. Holy boomsing what a body. Every juvenile immature impossible young boy's dream come to life. The first night we spent together I waited by the bed while she was in the bathroom. Then the door opened and she walked out naked. She smiled at me and opened her arms and said, "What do you think?"

That was exactly forty years ago and I can remember it like it was yesterday. Made an impression on me for life. Only later did I learn on the ground in Thailand that the average Thai woman's body does not look like an hourglass or some kind of Mayan fertility rite sculpture.

The summer previous to the start of our freshman year she had been in Israel working on some kind of peach tree kibbutz. Because she was so short the peach bag dragged on the ground and made the job hard. That is the only conversation I can remember in five months of us living together. At the age of eighteen and with this woman within ten feet of me I was only interested in one thing and I think you all know what that was. We bonked like rabbits on speed. She was socially and sexually way ahead of me. Because of her face and her hair and her figure she had started saying "Yes" to men or "No" to men starting at age fourteen. When I was fourteen I couldn't find my feet with a flashlight. So we were not equals.

But I did have one compensating feature as a man / boy. I had something wrong or goofy or abnormal or developmentally retarded in the bonking equipment department and I could not cum. This meant I could pound and drill for hours and never stop. Hopped up on candy bars and Cokes (college diet) and youth and hormones and horniness and her body (or any other woman's body) I could boomsing literally for hours. I could bonk them until they went dry or in Pakpao's case lost her patience and got up and pulled the mattress off the box springs and ordered me to sleep the rest of the night on the box springs. She had the standard student bed on the floor arrangement and I can still remember seeing her lit up by the streetlight from outside bent over double with her huge ponderous breasts swinging forward as she pulled the mattress off the bedsprings. Anyway, she was socially and sexually way ahead of me but I was a pneumatic perpetual motion machine that couldn't cum. You go with what you got.

A week after we split up both her parents were killed in an automobile accident and she inherited parking lots and liquor stores in Manhattan. Talk about bad timing. She immediately had a travel agent book her on a five month tour of Asia according to world famous restaurants. All she saw was menus and all she did was eat. I should have seen the future coming.

Fourteen years later I was in Bangkok and I had her name and her phone number on a little piece of paper. I had never forgotten her. Fourteen years is a long time but some people leave an imprint. And it was not her face or her hair or her figure that I remembered the most. It was her love. She had been filled to bursting with love. All she wanted was to love and be loved. She was so open and so generous and so sweet and so loving that I had never forgotten her. Maybe that was the Thai part of her. I had hired a private detective and he had found out that she was richer than God and she spent half of the year in Manhattan and half of the year in Bangkok. I was in Bangkok. I got a hooker in the Nana Hotel lobby to make the call for me. Fourteen years! What, was I nuts? Too many years. She won't remember me. She won't care. I was just an ignorant boy then. I'm an idiot for calling.

I call and she answers. Before I can get through my nervous rehearsed introduction she cuts me off. She remembers me and we should get together right away. Tonight. She tells me where to go and where to stand and when to go there and a black car will pull up in front of me. We will go to a wonderful Japanese restaurant. I do as instructed. A big black car with a driver and smoked windows pulls up in front of me. The back door opens and I can see her face and her hair and her smile. Then something completely unexpected and horrible happens. The rest of her gets out. She is now an elephant. She is huge. Fat. Formless. Gargantuan. Humongous. Her fertility rite hourglass Caucasian inherited body has turned against her and she is now a beautiful mature rich Thai woman wearing a sack dress to cover up her unappealing figure. I am stunned. Standing there on the curb as she is getting out of the car I have a momentary impulse to just cut and run. But I don't. We go to a Japanese restaurant. We talk. I smile. I have no idea what she said or what we talked about. All I could think of is that if I poked a stick at her I probably couldn't find her breasts. They were probably down around her knees. Fourteen years is long time.

At the end of our meal we go to an ice cream vendor and buy some of those wonderful Italian sherbets – I think they are called gelatos. She takes out her cellphone and tells me that she has an apartment nearby and would I like her to summon the car and we can go over to her place. I say something. I don't know what it was. I made up some kind of stupid story. Mr. eunuch perpetual motion bonking machine from the past was suddenly too busy to go to an apartment with a rich Thai woman and have sex. Yeah, right–who is going to believe that? She didn't believe it either. I could see her face fall. I felt sick.

So that's my story. The first Thai woman I met in my life was a woman named Pakpao that I met at college. What we did was sex but what I remembered years later was the love. Then I did something right in my life and called her fourteen years later. No change in her – she was still all about love. No change in me–I still was just a boy. Couldn't say "yes" when I should have said "yes". Still thinking of her. I hope she is not thinking of me. I don't deserve it.

You can't go back.
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AND NOW A STUNNING ANNOUNCEMENT:

Attn: Stickman readers, worldwide fans, and members of the Church of Dana.

A film entitled: DANA: THE MOVIE is now in the 'My People Will Have Lunch With Your People' pre-production stage and should be hitting the big screens worldwide in about forty months. It is not too late to get involved. If you have any ideas regarding casting, plots, characters, set design, location shooting, etc. please send them into this website–Attn: Stick. He will do the final preliminary filtering and collating and then send me the three ring binders with your ideas.

No investors needed at this stage. I solicited a small donation from each of my former teeruks and so raising the 180 million dollars was pretty easy. Most of my former Na's and Fa's and Pa's and Da's and La's and Wa's and Ra's and Num's and Dum's and Um's and Lum's and Sum's and Noi's and Doi's and Loi's and Boi's and Woi's and Foi's and Bang's were able to kick in about 10,000 baht each. I'll leave you to do the math. In return for their investment they all get a one line note in the rolling film credits at the end in the FOD (Friend Of Dana) section that will help them advertise their businesses. For example:

Hello from Nit–Pattaya boardwalk Soi 7–8 am–no condoms.
Have big feet–you know what that means–Nana car park–bling lube.
My name Lik Suk–have pictures of Dana with big frightened chicken.
Name is Ow Ow–car park steps to Nana restaurant–bling kneepads.
Me Supee–Soi Diamond Superbabies top girl–I wear handcuffs.
Nok from Carousel bar–fat but go like kwazy wabbit on yaa baa.
Num from Rajah car park Ball-in-Hand: I love pool stick–you take pictures.

Of course there are going to be thousands of these one line teeruk investor advertisements but you get the idea. Rolling film credits that will show where the investor money came from. We believe in full access and full disclosure. We are modern people.

In addition we are practicing knife to the bone economies–for example: I am not allowing or paying for any spice in the catered food, and we are going to reuse street vendor chicken breast bamboo skewers to hold up cue cards. Like I said–economies. We are modern people.

Anyway, the 180 million dollars will be matched by the United Nations as part of their campaign to help Thailand get respect and join the global community. So that ups the ante to 360 million dollars for production and post production and believe me when I say all the money will be on the screen. For example: right now I have private parties, investigators, retired mongers, and Siamese super sleuths combing the country village by village, bar by bar, and alley by alley looking for the ever elusive very short very beautiful big package tranny. They're out there but boy oh boy do you have to look. But hey, that's what this movie is going to be all about. A gift to the world.

So get involved. DANA: THE MOVIE will soon be on the big screen. Film production headquarters will be the Mothership (aka Nana Hotel) and I will of course be in charge of everything. This screen extravaganza will bring together all of my skill sets and allow me to show the world what my life is like. I expect it to clock in around two and half hours and for that entire time all you will hear in the theatres from Bombay to Kartoom to Vancouver to Rio to Minsk to Wellington to the Emporium is gasping as normal human beings are taken into my life and just amazed. So get involved and send in your ideas to the Stickman for DANA: THE MOVIE.

Chok dee
Dana

P.S. And what of the after-the-movie incoming tsunami of respect and adulation and attention and love? Well, I plan to run for Prime Minister of Thailand. But you knew that.


Stickman's thoughts:

Entertaining as always. As far as the main story goes, I doubt I'm the only one who has noticed that there are more and more "well-rounded" Thai women these days.