Readers' Submissions

Pom Ruk Thai #1

  • Written by Anonymous
  • August 1st, 2006
  • 6 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

By Lao Wei

I read your site often, but sometimes the negative posts about Thailand really start to piss me off. Usually, I get pissed off and promise to write some positive posts, then instead close your webpage and go do something fun like go to my gym or walk around the local mall or have coffee, or try to decipher the local menu's Mandarin characters and actually end up with something that resembles food on my plate.

But today is different. Today I will not merely enjoy my life as the only "lao wei" (farang) here, usually spoken in such a loud voice that it seems to me that the speakers are yelling at each other. I will not amble down to the subway station, and try to flirt with the prostitutes. How do I know they are prostitutes you might ask, since they certainly won't be dressed nice, or smile at me or let their gaze hold my eyes for that extra flirtatious second, or say "hello" or "where you go", or any of the niceties you would get in any farang part of Thailand? Simple: they are standing there alone. That is the only clue you will get in China, because the niceties you are used to and complaining about in Thailand simply don't exist here. But of course you will need to speak mandarin to talk to them, and I can't comment on price or satisfaction, as I have never been even remotely tempted to partake; my girlfriend here being much more attractive and interesting then the lot of them.

So, on to what I shall call "Pom rak Thai #1"

Recently I read a post where someone was complaining about the conversation of Thai bargirls. How they ask "where are you from", "how long you stay in Thailand", "What you do", etc, and how it was all inane banter and they didn't really care etc.

YOU STUPID TWIT! That is actually pretty good small talk, especially considering you are conversing with a rural girl from a developing country with probably a 9th grade education in a language she has only a nodding acquaintance with!

And what brilliant observations were you making to her? "Oh Udon Thani? I've heard Isaan's really nice!" As if she doesn't know you don't give a twat about her homeland, and that if you actually did, you could have flown there or rented a car and driven there for less then you will waste in bars on a good weekend?

But stop, lets take a timeout, and place you in that same conversation with a similar aged girl in my homeland, the good old USA.

you: "hello"

her: rolling her eyes as she turns to her equally chubby and drunk friend, "Oh gross, the old guy is going to hit on me."

Ok, maybe that is being harsh. Let's assume for the sake of argument that you, like me, though at least 40 years old, are in great shape, have all your hair, are 6 foot tall and look something like George Clooney, dress fashionably, own a nice home a stylish imported car (Mercedes convertible for me) wear a Rolex, and have the panache to start an honest ,not pay for play relationship, with some girls half your age.

NEWS FLASH: the conversation will still be grossly inferior to the aforementioned Thai bargirl. "this place sucks, I am so fxxxing wasted" being about as good as you can hope for… And, if the conversation continues, you will get to hear her bitch and moan about her family, school, job, and ex boyfriend with the nose ring and tattoos who threw up in her car before it got impounded by the police due to his driving it drunk into a lamppost. I hate bars in the USA, I rather enjoy them in Thailand. (Apologies to the Europeans reading this, 10 years ago when I lived in Spain, it did seem to me that most European young women could handle small talk and social settings thousands of times better than any American tourist, at least once they realized I speak Spanish and Portuguese, so I can't be lumped in with the rest of the gringos)

Then we get the asinine idiots, complaining how the relationships are all shallow and about money. WAKE UP!: Unless you have utterly no sense, the ongoing cost of the relationship with a Thai women will cost you FAR LESS in Thailand, then anything similar if you could even find it in the USA or Europe. The kind of girl in her 20's who dates a man in his 40's is the kind of girl who wants to drink good champagne and eat in fine restaurants, having gotten irritated with the last 20 young guys who have had a go with her before sleeping with one of her friends or whatever other nonsense finally drove her to date someone her friends constantly remind her is "as old as her father".

Any suitable dinner date at home will cost more than barfining an extremely hot go-go girl at the most expensive clubs in Bangkok. And you will probably have to take the little tramp out 4 or 5 times before you get on her playcard, not to mention that she may still very well be giving it away for free to the base player in whater shit band that can't make enough money to pay the rent, she thinks is cool. Hell, at least with the Thai girl, your competition is strictly business, and she may well stay with you if she perceives it in her long-term benefit.

Last time I was in Thailand, I went to Pattaya. First time for me, because I always pictured it as such a dirty "sex tourist" place I wouldn't like it; But, my friends insisted. Well, actually the beach is quite pleasant. You can sit under an umbrella and eat till your stuffed on lovely Thai food for basically no money at all. The surf, while an unattractive brown had big enough waves to bodysurf a bit. Later, though I am being faithful to my Shanghai girlfriend, I went to walking street, and a couple of go-gos. What the hell, even when you're on a diet, you can read the menu, right? Holy bikinis, temptations all over the place! No industry girl in China has even made me open an eye wide, but goodness give Thailand its due, the girls are second to none, slim, long hair, pretty eyes that fix on yours, and a breathless "kaaa" to follow each sawadee… Maybe everything will end up in the proverbial "happily ever after" for me and my niu peng you (teeruk in mandarin), and we will raise a passle of blue eyed half Chinese kids together. But hell if life kicks me in the face again as it has so many times before, it makes me feel good to know that Pattaya, cowboy, Sukhumvit, Patong and Patpong and the rest are there, with pretty Thai girls asking me "where you from", "how long you stay in Thailand" even if they don't really care…

Peace to all, and my next post will be about non bar girls, an overlooked gold mine in my opinion…

Stickman's thoughts:

Maybe you need to concentrate one what point, or on event, a bit more in your next submission. Your point was lost on me…