Farang Must Go Home, Lady Must Stay

That’s the words she used even before she hit the shower on our first night. I had picked her up in a bar and we had spent the night dancing and listening to music, then a quick meal and off to the hotel. She was a cute girl, and told me that she
had been working bar for a year.

Before this she worked in an electronics factory testing components along with two of her sisters, after making the trek in from somewhere in Isaan. She hated the factory, but she had a 3 year old at home to worry about. Still she did not last long in
the factory. And her next job was as a maid in a hotel. The money was not as good as in the factory, but she did her job well, and the she was quite a stunner, so the farangs tipped her well. Every morning she waited for the farangs to finish
off their morning “boom sing”, and head for breakfast so she could clean the room, pick up the used condoms and supply new towels for the farangs and their bargirls.

Money was always short. She sent what she could home to her mama and papa who took care of her baby. Some of the maids at the hotel told her there was an easy way to get hold of fast cash. Just pick up a farang short time now and then…she was tempted
but did not give in.

Then the catastrophe happened. She had picked up her salary, and went to eat with her friends. She had to go to the toilet and left her purse with most of her salary on the table. When she came back the purse was there, but the money was gone. She spent
that night crying in her bed…and the next afternoon she found her self outside a bar observing how the girls picked up their customers. But she did not have the courage to approach a farang herself.

So the next day, she was desperate. Her family in Isaan were waiting for money, and she did not have it. So she borrowed some money from a friend, bought some beers and when sufficiently drunk, she headed out to find her first farang. She did a lot of
walking that early evening. But it was not that long before an old farang that lived in the hotel came walking towards her with a big smile. She smiled back and little did she know what was going to happen over the weeks and months to follow.

She went with him that night and steadily for several weeks. He was there to settle down and enjoy retirement. He was partying a lot, and he was very kind to her. But he was also a butterfly. And after a while, he had now rented a condo, he lost interest
in her. But he was nice and he gave her an offer she could not resist. He would pay her 20000 baht a month for being his maid. And for a year she was. Now and then he would require sex from her, but she was okay with that, as he was very kind.
But it all ended when his money was gone and he returned to England.

It was a hard blow for her. But now she had friends among the bargirls, and they soon fixed her up with a job in a bar. And during the next year she worked bar, and since she was a good looking, easy going girl with a good sense of humour she got a lot
of customers that wanted long time with her. Some claimed they liked her too much, some claimed they loved her, but they all went home and she never saw them again. Well for the first few weeks some of them would call, and she would SMS them.
But it never lasted. Some of them offered to send her money. And some did…but never more than once or twice, and then she never heard from them again, and her SMS messages went unanswered. She liked some of them too much, but her heart was getting
harder and harder.

Early one evening, she came to work and the bar was empty, except for one guest sitting in the bar chatting with mamasan. She was waved over and introduced to Will. He was kind of shy, but offered her a drink…

…and she was stunning. She had a big smile, and she spoke enough English to keep a decent conversation going. Even if I mostly stuttered and was lost for words. She was simply so beautiful and cute. But a few drinks later my courage slowly manifested
itself. We left the bar and headed for a disco. We danced and got more drunk. But I was tired after the red-eye trip to LOS, so around midnight I asked her if she wanted to go to my hotel. She suggested eating something first and we had a quick
meal then headed for the hotel.

I woke up the next morning and it was no dream. There she was cuddled up to me and looking cute in her sleep. I was just looking at her until she woke up. She reached for me and gave me another round, then stated that she was hungry. So we showered, and
she took me out for breakfast, then we said farewell. I was determined that this trip was going to be about butterflying as much as possible…but my head was spinning and I spent the day thinking about her.

So in the evening I found myself in her bar again. And it was a repeat of the night before. Except now my head was screaming “do not fall in love! Do not fall in love!” And she could feel it. And after proceedings in bed she told me: “you
think too much, but you know…farang must go home, lady must stay…”, and she had a very distant look in her eyes for a second or two after uttering those words. Then the smile came back on and I was ordered into the shower, before we
went back to bed. That night we talked a lot.

She basically told me a lot about herself. I appreciated the honesty, but she also revealed things about her past that I expected, but did not like. About farang boyfriends, which she assured me she had never asked for money, about one that she liked
so much that had been with her six months ago. In fact he called her while we were talking, and she had to rush to the balcony to talk to him.

I lay in bed listening to her. Yes she liked him too much, yes she missed him, and yes she was staying in her room. I smiled at that. Everything I had read about these girls was playing out right in front of me. It was incredible, and I actually chuckled
a bit. She came back into the room wrapped in her towel, jumped into the bed, gave me a hug and told me the whole story about this guy who lived in England, was married but was thinking about getting a divorce and coming to stay with her in Thailand.
He was actually coming in January for a few weeks to stay with her, but he had only been in Thailand once and that was six months ago .Then she fell silent, crept into my arms and there came the tears.

Him leaving his wife for her was no good. He had two small children. And she had no wish to break up his family. The children would need a papa. He tried saying some comforting words, and she told me he never sent any money for her, and that she had never
asked. She made good money working bar. I found that hard to believe, but nodded my agreements and gave her a few soft kisses, and finally we fell asleep.

The next day we spent together. In the evening we went to her bar and I paid her barfine and out we went. I had started developing feelings for her, but I knew a deep relationship with her would be an emotional catastrophe for me. It could only end one
way…

So the next morning I said goodbye to her. It did not go down well. She was furious, but accepted it, and marched out of my room. At first I was pleased that I managed to do it. I switched on the TV and found a movie channel, adjusted the air-con to deep
freeze and settled down to watch. But my thoughts started to wander, and soon I was thinking about her. No good!

I had another shower, went out for breakfast and determined to forget her I went and had my first ever soapy massage. It helped a bit, and by the time I came out of there I believed it was all over. It was also getting dark, and being spring clean I headed
for the gogos…time to explore!

I was not too impressed being accustomed to a lot better practitioners of the chrome pole in similar establishments in Europe, with girls with bigger tits. But I had never taken one home. And that’s what I did. She was not so good looking as my
girl for the last three days, but she passed muster. Bed action was satisfactory but something was lacking. So the next morning she found her tip on top of her clothes as she came out of the shower. She took the hint and left. I was still in bed
when an SMS ticked in…”Please call me”. It was my girl. I did not even think about it. And 2 minutes later we had agreed to meet for breakfast at our usual place.

She looked great, and she was joking about me being a no good butterfly. She asked if she had been beautiful like her. And I said she was not so beautiful. Anyway, we talked, and ended up spending a good day together and I paid bar for her that night
and the next.

On the second day I told her for the first time that I loved her “nit noy”. She looked at me straight in the eyes and asked me why? And I tried to relate it. She sat there with a half smile on her lips, waiting for me to
finish…and said…”I am no good for you. I work bar, I have a baby…” I broke her off…and told her that I know you work bar. And I do not care if you have a baby. In my country many girls have babies, and for me it is not a
problem. And I continued with telling her more about myself. And that I was aware about what her work was, but that right now I just wanted to be with her. I think she may have been quite stunned. But in the end I was told that “you think
too much…” and she flung herself into my arms…

She was right…I was thinking too much. But we had a good time for a couple of days. I had a perfect girlfriend experience. Small presents were given both ways. I was introduced to some of her friends. One day one of her sisters who still worked at the
factory came for a visit, and the three of us went to see a show. The sister was giggling a lot and used the words “farang” and “ting tong” a lot, then giggled some more. I think she had a good time
but did not understand a word of English. One of my teeruk’s friends had a car, so I paid her to take the sister back to the factory dorm before it got too late. She said goodbye to the sister, used the “farang” word again
giggled, gave me a kiss on the cheek, then jumped into the car and off she went.

Yup, I was definitely thinking too much, and I was actually well on the way to panic mode. The end of my trip was only days away, and I knew I was going to take a hard fall if I let myself fall deeper for this girl. And having gathered courage I dumped
her. The next day was hell on earth. I could not stop thinking about her. I was walking around in the streets. I tried to buy a beer somewhere thinking I would go on an all time drunk to try and get her out of my head. But the beer was left mostly
untouched, and the bargirls left me alone. I guess they had their experiences with unhappy farangs.

I managed to drag myself out of it. For the next few days I barfined a new girl every night. But none of them were her. My beautiful, funny, cute, lovely, sexy teeruk. The one that I could talk with, laugh with, share a tear with, and make love with.
These girls I just slept with, and paid in the morning. I just wanted to forget about her. And they where the means to do it. Oh how wrong I was.

One early afternoon I dragged myself out of bed, had a shower, and went for a walk. This would be my last night before I had to fly back to work. I was feeling miserable. I ended up in some park. I just sat there and looked at people. Old farangs hand
in hand with very young girls. Fat farang ladies with cowed husbands in tow, playing children…and in the end I ended up crying. I managed to pull myself together…and found myself with my mobile phone in my hand. Fuck it!

I called her. Her voice was ice, but she agreed to meet me at our breakfast place. She arrived on time and she was not smiling. We both had a Coke. I was lost for words, and there were a lot of people around, so I suggested we go somewhere more private.
She suggested the beach.

Well on the beach we found a place out of ear-shot. And I told her how I felt. Why I had dumped her twice, and that I hoped we could be friends. On her side she was still pissed, she did not believe that I liked or loved her at all. After all I had dumped
her two times. But then she told me that one of her friends was waiting for her, and asked if I wanted to come along. I wanted that too much so along I came.

On the way there she asked if I wanted to stay with her that night?

Affirmative. No “boom sing” ok…if you want boom sing, you can take lady short time, I will wait for you…”

I told her that I could not do that. It would be too much right now. I offered to change hotel, and that I only wanted to be friends with her. And that the “no boom sing” part was okay. My heart was broken…

We went out with her friend in tow. But she soon disappeared, and we went to my new hotel. It was a big suite. So we just sat in the living room and talked with the TV on in the background. We talked all night, and went to bed, continued talking. There
was no “boom sing” but I woke up with her wrapped around me the way she had usually slept back in our good days. Slowly she woke up. But did not let go of me. Until I broke the spell by telling her how beautiful she looked. She literally
jumped out of bed, and headed for the shower. I sighed, got out of bed, and started to pack.

I did not have to go to the airport until late afternoon. And we stayed and talked. Jokes happened. She smiled at me. She laughed at my antics to get her to smile when taking a few pictures of her.

I was walking the room, checking that I had packed everything, with one hour to go before the taxi would pick me up when she tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and she throws herself into my arms and plants her lips on mine and gives me a kiss
I am still dreaming about. She drags me to the sofa and she is talking a lot and fast paced, mixed with a lot of incomprehensible Thai. She knows I have plans to return to Thailand in a couple of months. She asks if I want to see her again? Yes
I do, very much.

She tells me if I come back she can try to like me. Right now she reckons me as a friend. And she needs time to think things over. I accepted this. I needed time to think myself. We hug a lot. No more kisses. We are friends now. Time to check out. Taxi
arrives on time. I am whisked off to the airport. I send an SMS when I arrive. She answers and wishes me good luck. She is back at work in the bar.

On the plane I can’t sleep, the book I bought at the airport remains unopened. I think too much. I arrive to get hassled by immigration in the hellhole I work in at the moment for 1 hour before they finally understand that I am a resident and give
me the stamp. I find a taxi, and settle down for the one hour drive to my apartment. I start up my mobile and immediately I receive an SMS. “Please call me now”. It’s teeruk. I press the buttons in warp speed. She answers
and she misses me. Can I come back tomorrow? I explain that I can’t. She cries… We are on the phone the whole way. The taxi driver gives me some puzzled looks, smiles and shakes his head. When we arrive and I finally hang up he asks if
it was my wife…I say girlfriend. He smiles and congratulates me, she must be beautiful…and that she is.

I lock myself in, a quick trip to the bathroom, and call her again. We talk all night. And we have continued to talk once or twice on the phone every day. The first thing I do in the morning and the last thing I do are sending her an SMS. She has no clue
about using computers so e-mailing and MSN is no option.

We have agreed that I will come back in the end of September for 3 weeks. I will basically pick her up and take her out of Pattaya for the duration. She has told me about a few places she wants to see and I would very much like to see more of her country.

Okay…the end of this story is drawing near. We have been talking now for two weeks every day. And the beginning of this story is her history. Things are moving rapidly but I am controlling my fears now. Coming to terms with what I am about to move into.

She continued to work bar…for a week or so. Then she called me and told me she had quit working bar (verified), and was on her way home. She has saved up quite a fund for herself during the year (or is it years) of working bar and being a maid for that
old Englishman. She is building a house for herself and her kid in her village in Isaan. I never asked her to quit, it was her own idea. But she mentioned while I was with her that she may do that soon.

She has not quit Pattaya. She will return there, and try to get a job in a 7 Eleven or a Family Mart she says. Well…I really think she is trying to keep her options open. She does not trust me at all really. That I must confess goes both ways. We know
where we have each other.

She claims she has no friends in her village. Her kid…well she is quite shy around her mother. And that breaks her heart. But she still needs to finish that house, and support her parents.

All in all, right now I believe she means what she says. But I also believe that her resolve will crumble pretty fast when reality stares her in the face upon her return to Pattaya. I accept that right now. Can I do that for the future?

I have all the odds pitted against me. She is a bargirl. I am a kind hearted farang who fell for her. She is going back to Pattaya in a few days. She does not know it yet but she will not have to worry about paying rent for September. And at the end of
that month I will be with her again.

I will take this in small steps, and try to get to know her more. I am working in Asia, and Thailand is a few hours flight from here. Hell I can skip over for an extended weekend if I need to. And that will be my status for the next year so. Then I don’t
know. Off to another war or catastrophe I think.

What I do know (thanks Stickman), is that I will have to convince her to leave Pattaya. I have to be hard on that one. I have never been hard with any female person in my life, so that’s going to require a lot of courage. The kind how courage I
could not face up to when I dumped her during my stay with her.

My head is making all sorts of wild plans. I know I will need some time to gather them into something remotely realistic. The first thing is to get back to her. That will happen. I will convince her to leave Pattaya. This will require that I do something
insane. I will have to become her sponsor. And it will take more than just paying her rent which is about half of what I spent on a day out in Pattaya. She will need to have enough to have some fun now and then, take care of her daily expenses
and send some back to her parents.

She will have to become a mother to her kid again. I think, but more hope that this is something that may end up saving her. It’s a goal and a carrot. Something more than just money. Is she capable? I have no clue.

I will have to spend as much time as I can with her. I can manage 3 months total over the next year. I am level headed enough to think that this will not be enough. But I can do those visits and save up about a million or even million and a half baht
in that time. My employer is basically paying all my expenses except food and phone calls out of the country, and the money is good and is about to get better. That sum I can manage even with visits to LOS every two months.

When the year is up…well I usually take a few months break, and then spend a month or two securing the next gig, while living on whatever I saved while working. That is usually a conservative existence. Living in a cheap rented flat, not spending much
and just existing really. I can stretch that much further in LOS before I have to get another job. Even while supporting her. Well I have a year to make a budget.

Taking her to Norway? The people at the embassy will have a field day with that visa application with my financial and work history. So that thought is out of the question. Besides I live way north of the polar circle. There are a few Thais around, but
she will think she has landed in hell. And eventually I would have to leave her alone while going to work in some hellhole in Africa, Middle East or Asia for months at a time.

Will she accept this? I have no idea. It may work for a while. It may break down on my next trip. Our relationship is extremely fragile. I have hope. She want to try, but she does not love me, and I have what is probably no more than an intense crush
on her. Not much to build on. In fact I think the whole thing is totally unrealistic and that I am setting myself up for a whole world of hurt. And in the background lurks that other farang, and probably a few more she has not told me about. Well
she claims she has finished him. I actually bought her a new SIM card on her own request before our second break up of my trip. That was after he had not called or answered her SMS messages for a week. And she did not want to hear from him again.

But I am 36. I do not wish to live the rest of my life alone. Something I am getting more and more scared of. And should it all crumble. Well, I have been working for six months in Asia now. And I love it. I have no wish whatsoever to go home to the most
expensive, politically correct country in the world to simply exist, instead of living.

I have never craved the house in the suburbs, the Volvo and the boat on the fjord. What I want to do now is to dare. To have someone to share my life with, to snuggle up to at night, something I have not had for a long time.

So I am taking the plunge. I know the chances of things actually working out with my teeruk are slim to none. When it goes sour…well I will have a broken heart, and I will have spent some money. But no more than I would have spent just existing at home.

And who knows…maybe Miss Right actually is somewhere here in Asia. Maybe it’s this one or the next one…I have hope in my life again. If there is also love…well that is a bonus.

Stickman's thoughts:

I wish you all the very best in this one. It will be difficult. Amongst the many challenges you face are successfully getting her out of Pattaya, getting her settled somewhere and doing something worthwhile, be it language training, some sort of workplace training, or even raising her child. And then, sooner or later, she is going to ask you how serous you are about her….and that will result in you choosing one of (or in an ideal world to her ALL) of a bunch of options, which range from paying ff her house, to sending her a lot of money, to making an honest woman of her. Good luck.