BG 101 – How To Have A Relationship
This is an article for the unsuspecting or suspecting farang who is looking to form a relationship with a BG in any Asian country. These rules, while not definitive, will, if followed, ensure that there is a long and fruitful relationship, with or without children, with the filly of ones choice.
Sex is a secondary consideration in any BG relationship. Her experience and skill in the arts of bedding a farang should certainly be a factor (i.e. avoid starfish), but it should be weighted suitably so as not to become the dominant factor. If you are looking for a “significant other”, then obviously sex is a handy bi product. If you use sex as the predominant reason to marry or have a long term relationship with your BG of choice, you will almost certainly fail. You can be a chocolate lover and live in a chocolate factory, and sooner or later, you’ll be looking for a bag of chips. (See Common Interests)
Make sure that you are prepared to do your duty. BGs (any woman really) are typically quite sexual beings. If you cannot get it up, are a quick blow and sleeper, then you may find your BG is looking elsewhere to fix her desires. And despite what you read, they have desires. Typically there is going to be an age difference of 10 years ++, and you’re not going to be the Adonis you used to be. But with some effort you can fulfill both your needs. BGs have typically had a lot more experience than they will ever say and will know exactly what they like. Don’t be selfish, experiment and ask what she likes. Now this will produce funny results as they typically don’t like talking specifics. But work at it, you may very well learn a thing or two.
Don’t dream in a million years that your BG is going to think you’re not out bedding the latest “18 year old” you meet when you go out three nights a week. If you’re going to be in a sexual long term relationship with a BG, then you will have to have a long hard look at your lifestyle. If you are going to continue a bar life, then you will fail. No woman in their right mind will accept this, and if they do, then there are other agendas in play. Also remember that it’s quite likely that you’ve already been married, had kids, had a messy divorce and that you’ve been jumping around the bars bedding everything in sight to assuage the damage to your ego, pocket and heart. You may even be running a few BGs at the same time as being married. She will know this. She knows (as does any prostitute) that 99% of her clientele are married or involved with another and therefore lives under no illusions. (See Honesty)
Some men are looking for a handbag. That is, they want a beautiful woman in their lives. Now although I am in agreement with this, there are a few traps within this methodology. If you go for the front runner in the looks stakes, then she will be targeted for the rest of her days by your friends, casual acquaintances and outsiders. When you are having difficulties in your relationship, your significant other can easily seek solace in the many willing arms that would await her.
Handbags are high maintenance. They want nice things, they want jewels, they want a BMW, they want a house in the country and a condo in Bangkok. They want want want. This is not always the case, but if you pick on a looker, with great taste in clothes etc., then be prepared to cater for that. Some men like this and are fully aligned with the needs of the handbag. But don’t pander (more on this later) to the handbag. This will end up messily.
Don’t get upset when other men are admiring your handbag. This is the ultimate compliment. The handbag enjoys the attention, and if you’re following the rules, she’s only remembering what you did to her last night, not wondering what Joe Bloe would do to her if she let him.
You will have more luck with your handbag if you are prepared to step into the fashion stakes with her. If you’re basically a bum to look at, avoid the handbag, not only do you look ridiculous, but she will lose face every time someone comments on it.
Pandering is the number one no no with your BG (or any woman). By setting unrealistic precedents your set yourself up for a major fall in the future. This is especially true with the handbag. Be up front about your financial position. If you’re not loaded with Condos, Rollers and a beach resort in Spain, then don’t say you are. We’ll get to the honesty bit later.
Set buying patterns that you can keep up. If you’re on a holiday, you’ll be spending more than usual. Try to make sure you behave as you intend to continue.
Say “no” now and then when your BG wants something. Make it clear that while it seems you have “ATM” tattooed on your forehead (explain that this is the Thai equivalent of rose colored glasses), this is not the case and that you are not here to fund a lifestyle.
Don’t let your BG include her friends in all of your activities. This is a sure fire way to disrespect you, milk you of your cash and to inflate the ego of your BG. Handbags love this, and they can cause a costly excursion. Feel free to “invite” her friends, but do it when it suits you. It is NOT cultural to have a hundred hangers on every where you go. Even family, be tough on having them along for the ride (apart from family events, then you’ll have cars, vans, Song Teows full of them).
If you are going to pay an allowance, then cap it.
Make it clear that you are not going to pay for any family catastrophes. You are happy to talk about them, counsel them, but you are NOT there to pay. You will kick in, of course, for funerals, birthdays etc as would be the norm in any society. But if the brother crashes his car and is stuck for the 200,000 baht, well he has to fix it. (of course this is not a hard and fast rule, you may be visiting a relative in hospital, who’s been hot by a car or a bad disease and volunteer to offer some fiscal assistance for example).
Don’t pay BGs ANY money if they are not living with you. They are already a BG, so any stigma from “living with a man before marriage’ has been dashed on the rocks repeatedly already and it might actually be a step up. This is under pandering as many idiots do fund women while living overseas, or living with their wives.
- Teach her the concept of a budget. There have been some amusing Stick articles on this. But despite what they might say, or what you might thing, BGs are aware of budgets and money. Their mama sans knock it into them nightly, weekly and monthly as they strive to meet targets set for them. They have to put money in the kitty for the rent, electricity etc etc.
In Summary: Start how you intend to continue. It may take a few BG experiences to knock this into thick, engorged penises (err I mean brains) before it gets through.
This is where it all falls in a heap. One of the golden rules here is to make sure you are honest with your girl and that you make sure she is honest with you. If you live in a web of lies and deceit, in any relationship (woman, business etc), then you’re heading for a fall. If you hang around in bars, expect them to be unhappy. But you must make sure they are being completely honest with you. This is a double edged sword. You must live with the consequences of this. Thais, in particular, seem to have this “eye for an eye” mentality. So if you do something to them, they seem honor bound to reciprocate. And we know how that can spiral out of control.
If you’re some sort of control freak who thinks that you’re the bread winner, the “man” the “Alpha male”, the “owner” then you’ll likely have stopped reading already. Take it as read, boys, you’re in the position of strength in this relationship fiscally, but you will fall into the same issues with any women if you’re not prepared to be flexible and adjust some of what you do. You cannot expect your BG to just adapt and be your dog. Believe me, she won’t be. On the surface she may smile at you, underneath she’ll be fuming and scheming.
Visit the family. If she doesn’t want you too, then there’s a lie somewhere. Not to you perhaps, but to someone. Introduce your family, even if it’s on line or on the phone.
Ask to see her ID and any passports she has. Do this early. Show her yours. Show her where you’ve been visiting.
Ask her directly if she has any other men in her life. Ask her to be honest early. If she has, then you have options. You may be happy for her to drop these other relationships. But you need to know. Expect this to be an interesting conversation. You may have to assure her first that you have no other men or women on the go.
Don’t expect this to be quick. Thais’ don’t like to be confrontational, so you need to discuss these things in softer moments. Don’t do it like a German train conductor “tickets please!, schnell schnell”. Use some subtlety.
Do what you say you will do. You integrity will be mirrored by hers. If you lie, she will. “tit for tat’.
- Make sure your situation is known. If you’re married, have kids, you’re a homicidal maniac. No surprises. If you set the precedent, then you’ve the moral high ground. Get caught in one lie, and you’ve not a leg to stand on for the rest of your life (this is out of women 101, not BG 101)
This is a life you are building. Give it a foundation. You should have the lessons by now.
Don’t put up with it. If you’re not banging someone else, then you’re not. Nip this behavior in the bud. Stupid screaming BGs can be embarrassing. If they do it once, it will only get worse. This is exacerbated by pandering. I’ve
seen so many poor schmucks with their BGs (or younger SA’s) carrying on a treat over some apparent misdemeanor. Jealousy starts out small and then escalates to your family, friends and anyone you know. Don’t put up with it! Don’t! It’s the beginning of the end.
Make the effort. It helps with the family. It helps you understand the culture. Also, make sure she gets all the help she needs. Volunteer this, don’t push it. If you’re making an effort, then typically she will. If your BG doesn’t
really speak English or your language, you’ve done the wrong thing. You’re probably in it for the sex/handbag aspects. Failure looms.
It might just be me. But you need common interests. Soi Cowboy, Nana, Patong are not a common interest. This perpetuates the BG syndrome. Show her some respect and get her out of there. She will typically gravitate back to her friends there. You cannot stop this, but you can create an environment that will get her out of that loop. The influences on her from that scene are huge. She may get coerced into making a few extra bucks for some “stud” that really likes her. She gets introduced to someone nicer than you (read: Bigger ATM tattoo). So find things you like to do together. I personally love the temples. I like to drive around and photograph things. I like an excellent Thai massage. I like movies. I like concerts. If my “significant other” (not a BG by the way, my previous life is a book, not a Stick submission) wasn’t at all interested, we’d not still be together after 6 years. If you don’t like to do stuff together, then you’ll get bored. The sex always
Learn from your mistakes
If you’re going to be the same beer swilling pig that stays out four nights a week, comes home pissed most of the time, then you’re in for a similar result you had back home with the first wife or two.
If you hit your woman, beware. A Thai male might get away with it, but you’re in for a good kicking should this occur. Wife beaters and abusers, go home please.
If you’ve been married before, it failed. Why? Most people tend to chose wrong and then wrong again. Have a good long hard look at yourself.
Don’t do this on the rebound. Tendency to fall in love with the first bit off moistened bint is epidemic. If on the rebound, set a target of about 1 year before committing again. Even make a target of trying to meet, greet and sleep with a few different ladies (BGs, whatever) and have a long hard look at yourself.
It takes two to tango. It takes two to break up and have a messy, ugly horrible divorce. It’s not all the woman’s fault. Take a 50/50 view of this. Bringing this kind of baggage into the next relationship is fatal. Take a good long hard look at yourself.
- If you’ve been married / divorced / long term relationship more than once, there is a common denominator. You! Getting into the BG scene and getting serious means you are still in it.
Just some thoughts sitting here (when I should be working), wiling the day away as the builder complete there stuff. I’ve met quite a few expatriates in Bangkok who are living here with their spouses (Thai) happily. Where they are in unhappy relationships, I always see the same patterns.
It all boils down to being like a grove of bamboo. Be flexible, learn new things. Enjoy the culture. There’s probably another 100 pages I could write on this with anecdotes, real life examples and pictures. But that’d be part 2.. if there was to be one.
It’s great to be in Thailand. I love reading others experiences. I wonder what they are going to cook me for dinner…
It’s a tough life.
Some VERY GOOD advice here.