Readers' Submissions

We Go Shopping

  • Written by Anonymous
  • July 22nd, 2006
  • 4 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

I went ahead with a condo purchase. I put down 500K baht cash deposit. I have a week to pay the rest. There just isn't enough time to figure out how to do a company purchase. Besides the time issue is the fact that anything even slightly out of the normal method is full of unknown dangers. I put the order in to my bank to do the wire transfer on Monday. The money did not come in on Tuesday. It is now Wednesday, so I am hopeful that it will come in today. This all makes me a bit nervous.

I took your advice and went out with a real girl last week. I think that you met her. She was the hair cutter in Royal. It is kind of unusual when you seek out a hairdresser in anticipation that she will be better educated, higher class and more sophisticated than most other girls.

Her day off was Friday, so I called her that afternoon with the thought that we could spend some time together, get to know each other. She wanted to meet at Royal, at her work. I set the time for 4:00 PM. When I arrived she was working on a customer and asked me to wait until she finished. At 5:00 she finished. I told her I had a meeting at 6:00 but we could hang out until then. Actually there was a party at the condo at 6:00. I told her it was a meeting because I was not sure that I wanted to invite her. I could always do that later.

I asked her what she wanted to do for an hour. Since she was in Royal she said that she liked to go shopping on her day off to buy clothes for her work. I remember what you said that with a real girl you have to do the things they like to do. So I figured for an hour we could do that. We went from shop to shop as she tried on various outfits. I did my best to act interested. Amazingly the act of going shopping with a girl immediately makes me want to go to sleep.

It got to be around 6:00 and I started to say my good byes. She wanted to meet later for dinner. Her idea was to cook dinner for me in her home where I could meet her friends. I was thinking that would be a real treat for me. Imagine being surrounded by high school dropouts, none of whom can speak English as we all discussed such important issues as nail polish, the progress of the most recent episode on the soap operas and of course the proper techniques for shopping. With any luck they will all be smoking as we shared some good Thai whiskey and coke. But of course I remembered that this was a real girl and that I should be willing to compromise.

It turned out that all of this girl's shopping was not in vain as she had managed to pick out 3 items at this last store. Good for her. I started to leave but she grabbed my arm the way the katoeys do when you are walking past their bar. I thought, well this is very cute that she will miss me that much. After all, I had only known her for an hour. But OK. I smiled at her and told her I would call her later that night.

Then I realized that we were all positioned around the check out counter. An uncomfortable silence passed, followed by yet another uncomfortable silence. I stared with intense concentration on the ceiling, the wall, anywhere but the cash register. The girl behind the counter informed me that the total was 3,600 baht. That's interesting information I thought, but why was she telling me this? I responded with my very best forced smile, which I shared with my new girlfriend.

The girl behind the counter thought for a few, uncomfortable, silent moments by letting me know that she accepted credit cards. I regretted to tell her that I do not have a credit card. No problem, she will also take cash. But I do not have that much cash I responded. I decided to redouble my efforts at a forced smile.

Meanwhile my girlfriend's smiling eyes were no longer smiling. They were more like two daggers pointed right at my head. Given the choice those the business end of those two daggers would be aimed quite a bit lower.

I finally said my good byes and made my way towards the door. Later at the party I got a telephone call from the two sisters from Superbaby so invited them over. I was so very pleased to see them and happy to go back to my old style.

The worst part of all this is that I have now lost a perfectly good hairdresser. I cannot image sitting in a chair while she has a razor to the back of my neck.

Stickman's thoughts:

That's one reason I never go shopping with women. But oh, what a cheek!

By the way, the "you" the writer refers to in this submission is not me, but one of his friends.